I Fucking Need You
K A I
Shit, I fucked up. Badly.
She's been through a lot, and it makes her doubt everything else, doubt me, and I don't blame her. She can't be naive like she was with Axel, and so she has to be careful.
But she has to believe I was only being protective of her. I want Trevor to understand that she is my girl, and will always be because I love her. And she loves me. But what is love without trust?
My last fight of the night went on longer than expected, I was deflated from my fight with Alex, and had less strength than I had before. The guy got in a few good punches before I took him down.
I am in the finals in a few days, against a guy named 'the tank'. But I can't win without her. My heart is aching when she is angry with me, even though she just said to give her some space. But I don't know what 'space' means. She said give her the night, so bright and early in the morning, knowing she'd be up, I visit her house.
Seven in the morning on a Saturday has the maid sighing in frustration when she opens the door. I spot Alex in the hall, reading something as she's going into the kitchen and I call her name which makes her stop dead in her tracks. She turns around with a frown on her face and sad eyes.
As she comes closer to me, dismissing the maid, I see red trails down her cheeks, and I immediately know she's been crying. I subconsciously move my hands to cup her cheeks, rubbing them with my thumbs.
"It wasn't because of you?" she mutters, and I furrow my eyebrows, confused. "The tears." But it was, partially. I made her cry, so much that it left marks on her beautiful face. I made her think of the past, of what Axel had done to her.
I had never witnessed it all truly sinking in. I hadn't watched her let out all the sadness she felt because of what happened to her. I wanted to hold her in my arms and rock her while whispering sweet nothings in her ears. She never deserved any of this.
I close the door behind me and proceed to peck her lips. She pulls away after a few seconds and says, "we need to talk."
Whenever someone says that, it is rarely ever good, but I agree we need to talk. To my surprise, Caroline and Scott are already up and in the kitchen when we enter. Their eyes widen and then narrow at me.
"What are you doing here?" Scott questions in a grumpy tone.
The guy likes his stepsister, but he can never have her. Everyone wants Alex, and that's why I couldn't help but feel possessive when fighting Trevor. It was as if I was fighting for her, only winning would secure me being with her.
"I'm visiting my girlfriend," I reply nonchalantly to him, focusing on Alex as she leads me outside into the garden for a private place to talk. We sit on the bench there and take a few moments in silence. "Alex, you know I love you, right?"
"Yes, I do. And I love you. But you used me to win that fight, and it wasn't okay, it's not okay," she yells, standing up to face me. I stand up too and look at her. I felt other presences in the garden listening to us, but I don't care.
We both look back as we see Caroline and Scott come into the garden, along with Jackson and Lisa but we just ignore them. I pause for a minute.
"What about you, Alex? You get a free pass on using people? I don't mind that you use me as an excuse to hate your mom and punish her for leaving you but you can't be angry when I used you."
She begins to open her mouth, but closes it.
"Maybe you were right, maybe I was saying those things to win, but I wasn't just fighting to win the fight. It was stupid but it was a fight to see who was stronger, who was worthier of you, and I wanted to win. I got into his head using you to throw him off and then I won. I admit that. But I love you, Alex and sometimes possessiveness isn't a bad thing.
"I was jealous he got to spend his time with you while I barely saw you. I know what Axel did, I can't understand what you went through, but I know that's why you doubt us. I will never do to you what he did. Yeah, I'll be protective and possessive and jealous when another guy wants you, but those aren't bad qualities. He made them into bad qualities for you, he was too much. And he hurt you. But I am not like that, and will never hurt you."
I grab her cheeks again.
"I love you."
For the longest time, we stand there in our own time, looking deep into each other's eye. I watch her shuffling through everything in her mind, her inner demons fighting among themselves. Everything then clears.
She slams her lips on mine in a passionate kiss that sends shocks through my body. Her legs come up to wrap around my waist and I place my hands under her thighs to hold her there. Her arms snake around my neck, pulling me closer.
I missed the taste of her so much, and I don't ever want to leave her again. After many minutes of kissing, we hear a loud cough that snaps us out of it. I let her down and she smiles at me.
She whispers, "I love you too. You're right, I'm sorry for using you like that. And I need to start realizing you could never be like Axel, you are everything I could ever want. I'm yours."
I peck her lips one last time before turning to her family. They all stand there with open mouths, not really knowing what else to say. I think they expected a fight, after hearing her yell at me and seeing her stained cheeks, and then thought we would break up. But our love survived it. Our first real fight. Sure, we had some squabbles but it was nothing too serious.
"We're having a family breakfast," Caroline announces, breaking the tension in the air. "Kai, you're invited."