Is This Love Book 1: Questioning Yourself

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Chapter 11: The Dorms

“Bye mom. I love you and I’ll miss you like crazy. Tell dad I love and miss him too.” I say as I load myself up with as many bags as I can carry.

“You can’t leave here without another hug.” My mom sniffles and maneuvers herself past the luggage in my arms and squeezes me tight.

“I’ll be back on Thanksgiving break. It’s only a couple months.” I unsuccessfully try to step back without dropping anything and wind up tripping over a bag and am now empty handed on the deck.

“Look at you. You’re all grown up now, and you still can’t even stay up. I remember when you were just a toddler, tripping over everything on the floor. I can’t believe how old you’ve gotten!” My mom starts a laugh and ends up bawling again.

“I am grown, mom. I have to go now. I don’t want to miss the plane.” I say standing up and trying to get away faster. Like that will happen. I doubt Samantha has ever missed her own plane. Mom doesn’t know I’m not flying commercially. I wonder what she would think if she knew.

“We wouldn’t want that. Oh, I just love you so much!” She says and gives me another hug before I load myself up again and take my bags next to the car.

“I love you too. I’ll let you know when I’m there.”

Samantha’s driver opens the door for me and then loads my luggage in the trunk.

“Bye, Ileana. You better call me when you get there! Be safe. I love you!” My mom yells after me.

“Jeez, that was harder than I thought it would be.” I say to Samantha as I wave a final goodbye to my mother who is now standing alone on the porch.

“It did look quite painful.” She jokes.

“I can’t believe it. I’m actually leaving home and going to college!”

“It is a pretty big step indeed. Are you positive that you don’t want to stay in my hotel? I’m sure it would be more comfortable than the dorm room.” She asks.

“Yes, I want the full college experience.”

“The safe experiences.” Sam corrects.

“Yes, safe experiences.” I reply.


“This is insane!” I say when we pull up to the college entrance. “I’m really doing this! I’m going to college!”

“Yes, you are dear.” Samantha says with a smile. She leans over and kisses me. “I’m proud of you.”

I smile. Why am I going to college? Is it to learn and get my degree to become an archaeologist? Or is it to be closer to Sam? I don’t even know what Sam and I are yet.

This is the first time I’ve seen her since that amazing day. I should ask her. Ask her what? Ask her out? No, I couldn’t do that. Maybe I should, it would be nice to have her as my girlfriend since I came all this way to be close to her. I could have gone to any college if I wanted. But I’m going here because she is here. If nothing else happens between us...I can’t think like that. It will work out.

“You look deep in thought. What are you thinking?” Samantha asks.

“Just that I came all this way to be closer to you. I don’t know how I feel about it since we aren’t even dating.” I say. Why do I always tell her the truth of what is on my mind? Can’t I lie and make it easier? I feel like an open book and that I can’t control what I say. My mind has to be honest to her.

“Is that what you really would want?”

“I don’t know. Yes...maybe?”

“There is much of me that you do not know. I have a dark side that needs attention. You wouldn’t want to date me if you knew the true me.” Samantha says believing every word she said to be true.

“Then show me your dark side and then we can decide where to go from there.” I suggest. I want to know all of her sides. I’m sure my feelings for her won’t change.

“We will see. I don’t want to lose you just yet.” She says. “Here we are. You’re in 233. I apologize that I couldn’t get you a first floor room. They were already taken when we got you registered.”

“It’s okay. I’m sure it will be great either way.” I follow her to my room.

What did she mean about her dark side? How bad could it be? I’m sure she isn’t a murderer...maybe she is? I don’t know that much about her. Why does she think that she will lose me? Will she lose me?cShe can’t. For some reason I am drawn to her. I can’t help it. I like her too much to let her silly “dark side” scare me away. I don’t care what it is. I would like to be with her.

Wow...that’s scary. I care about her...why do I not care what her dark side is? It could be terrible. We all have things that we need to work on to better ourselves. Maybe she just needs someone to comfort her and then the dark stuff will be worked out and disappear.

“Welcome to your new home.” A young emo man in a Hollywood Undead ripped t-shirt and basketball shorts says as he hands me the key to my dorm room. Who is this guy? He must be a dorm advisor. I have to stop zoning out while I think. I think I’ll always have a problem with daydreaming.


“Andy. The RA.” He points to his name tag. “If you have any problems or concerns, feel free to contact me.” He says acting chipper and hands me a card with his information on it.

“It was a pleasure to meet you, Andy.” Samantha dismisses him with a nod.

I take a look around the room. There is a desk and study space in one corner and the bed in the other. The bathroom is shared with the room next door. “Aren’t I supposed to have a roommate?”

“I was able to get you an upper class dorm so you won’t be bothered by others.”

“What if I wanted to be? It is my first time leaving home. I think I should be social.”

“They have 2 and 3 occupancy rooms. I can switch you to one of them.” She says as if it wouldn’t be difficult to do.

“It’s fine. It just bothers me a little that you are making all of these decisions about my life and not including me.” I express my ill feelings towards her actions.

“I see. I can try to discuss matters with you beforehand, I really only wanted to give you the best room experience.”

“Thank you.”

“Would you like to go to dinner? I can have Bev unpack your things to make it easier.”

“That does sound nice. It was a pain packing everything. It would take me forever to undo all of that.” I say.


“Oh, that was good.” I say as I take the last bite of my steak.

“I relished mine as well. Were you thinking about ordering dessert?” She asks while studying the small dessert menu.

“Sure. Do you know what is the best one?”

“It depends on how you’re feeling. If you want something rich, I would say the chocolate cake. If you want to indulge yourself in something a little lighter then I suggest the apple tart.”

“I’ll definitely take the chocolate cake!”

“Waiter, one chocolate cake.” Samantha says as the waiter walks by.

“Yes, Ma’am.” He says and trots away.

“So...can you tell me about your dark side? I doubt it can be that bad.” I ask and take a sip of water, relaxing in my chair.

“I don’t know if dark was the right word. A lot of people might think of it as wrong and others would be intrigued. It’s more of a lifestyle.”

“Okay, so what is your lifestyle?” I ask curiously.

“BDSM. I am a dominatrix. Do you know what that is?”

“Like chains, whips, and pain types of stuff?” That seems like a weird lifestyle.

“It depends, that could be part of it. Every BDSM relationship is different. However, the constant in them is trust and communication. You need the highest level of trust in your partner and you need to be able to communicate clearly to avoid harm.”

“, chains and whips then?” I joke trying to ease my nervousness.

“If that’s what you want it to be.” She winks at me.

Chills run throughout my body and a desire starts to build within me. Why would thinking of chains and whips excite me? Dominatrix...I totally see that now. What would a BDSM relationship look like? How bad does it get? It does seem interesting. I think I would like her to take control of me. Gosh, what am I thinking? I don’t even have relationship experience or anything. How could I partake in something this different?

“BDSM isn’t always a sex thing. It’s an agreement between two people and what they want to include. The roles can be used in and out of the bedroom. For some people it’s easier to have someone make all the decisions for you, they would be a submissive. For others, they want to be in control and dictate how things happen; they are the dominant. Some relationships have the role playing without any painful acts. Others include some pain. It really is up to the participating individuals.” She says explaining further when I didn’t respond. She gestures to the desert,“This is a big topic to dive in over the desert though.”

“I suppose it is. It seems way more complicated than I thought it would be.” I say and take a huge bite of cake, distracting my mind with the delicious smoothness of the dessert.

“Is it something you would consider participating in? If so, we will need to sit down and talk things over in depth.” She looks a little anxious waiting for my response.

“I don’t have much experience with anything. I wouldn’t mind learning more about it. I’m sure there will be some things I would like to try.” I blush thinking of the experiences Samantha will be able to show me.

“I will send a car to pick you up at 2 PM tomorrow.” Sam smiles at me.


Samantha drops me off to a fully unpacked dorm room that happens to be stocked with snacks, food, and beverages as well.

Man, she is amazing. I can’t believe she would fill my room with food also. Now I won’t have to worry when I get hungry. I really can’t wait to hear what she has to say tomorrow. Maybe we will become something more and have a relationship. I fall asleep while thinking of Samantha and the possibilities of our future.


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