Is This Love Book 1: Questioning Yourself

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Chapter 16: The Lesson

Ugh. What time is it? I feel like shit. Wait, where am I? What happened last night? I feel around the bed and notice I don’t have any clothes on. Why the hell am I naked? Oh man I have to get up and figure this out. Where is Sam?

I look around and recognize the style of furniture and decorating. This must be Sam’s room. What the hell happened last night! What did I say? Oh no..I hope I didn’t say any stupid shit.

I sit up and look around. I don’t see my clothes anywhere. I notice a note on the nightstand. ’Your presence was a pleasure last night. I hope we can have more sober nights together. There is a hangover shake in the fridge. Check on you soon. -S”

At least I went with the right person last night. Let’s see if I can find my clothes.

I wrap myself in the sheet and wander around the bedroom. There is a giant window with blackout grey curtains. I look for the draw string to open the shades so I can see better. I can’t find anything that looks like it would open the window. I try pulling it open and the shade won’t budge. I finally decided to move the curtain behind the chair to let the light shine in through the crack.

Hmm, where would my clothes be? Maybe the bathroom? I open the door on the left of the bed. Nope, this is the closet. There are rows and rows of shoes against the back wall and thirty or so outfits hanging on each side. Well, if I don’t find them, I will certainly find something in here.

I continue my search through the other door. Now this is a bathroom. Holy, could you have a more expensive bathroom? There is a multi-head shower pointed in a step-down area. It looks as though it could be a small kids pool. It is decorated with shiny blue stones in the corners of the tiles. My clothes aren’t in here.

Oh man, does my head hurt. I should get that shake.

I walk through the living room and into the kitchen. I pull open the fridge door and see that it is stocked with mostly vegetables and this awful green colored shake. That must be for me. I plug my nose and take a sip. That’s actually not too bad. I sit up on the barstool and sip the shake and stare at the different paintings around the rooms.

The sound of the door closing scares me upright and I almost drop the sheet that’s around me. Thank gods it’s only Sam.

“Good morning. How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay. Did you make this?” I gesture to the shake.

“Technically yes. I had Bev put the ingredients in the cup and store it in the fridge, so all I did was blend it up this morning for you.”

“That’s smart. What happened last night? I don’t remember much and I can’t find my clothes anywhere.”

“Your clothes are getting cleaned, you puked all over them and everything else in your path last night. You can find something to wear in my closet if you’d like.”

“Oh man, that’s embarrassing. And I have to ask since I woke up naked, did we do stuff like sexually? I really can’t remember.”

“You don’t have to worry about that, I would never take advantage of someone that is under the influence. I helped you shower and clean up and you refused to put on clothes. You were trying to seduce me though.” She laughed, “However, you were unsuccessful and fell asleep as soon as your head hit the pillow.”

“Well that’s good. Thank you for caring for me.”

“Always, My Pet.” She said quietly. “I didn’t take you for a regular drinker.”

“I’m not usually. Other than these few times I’ve been around you, I’ve only drank a handful of times.”

“Why are you drinking so much now then?” She asks, concerned.

“I’m just so nervous and intimidated around you. The alcohol helps me relax. And I get angry easier with you than anyone I have known.”

“Do you know why you are so nervous and have heightened feelings around me?”

“Ha.” I burst out, “It’s just how you portray yourself, you are so confident and I am not. And I like you, so that makes it hard to ignore you. And you’re so sexy. And you’re like a really popular person. And all of this is new to me. And I don’t know how to act or if I’ll be good. And I don’t know what you see in me so I’m insecure. I don’t have experience or confidence like you.” I ramble on and take another sip of the shake to shut myself up.

“That was a lot of reasons. I will help you portray yourself like me, but in your own way. I will teach you to be a submissive, I will guide you with what is expected and how you should act. The nerves will calm with time. If you don’t face them and run, you won’t get past them.” She explains.

“Please teach me.” I say.

“That’s a start. Please teach me...what?”

“Please teach me, My Queen.”

“Very well, My Pet. The first thing we will tackle is appearance and demeanor for the public. I can’t be having my girl appear weak and frail. Come.”

My girl, she really called me that! That’s what I am, her girl. I set the remainder of the shake on the counter before following Sam to her enormous closet, “Hmm...what is your color?” She holds a bunch of different colored clothes against me, “That’s it.” She pulls a black dress with emerald green accents from the rack, “Let’s get you into this.”

“I don’t have any undergarments on!” I say as she grabbed for the sheet.

“You really don’t need any with this dress.”

“I do indeed need them.”

Sam tosses me a black thong, “Better?”

“Can I have a bra too?”

“It’s a sleeveless dress. It has a built-in one.”

“Okay.” I put on the thong and slide into the dress. Samantha zips up the back for me.

“How do you look?” Samantha says after she turns me to the mirror.

“Wow. I don’t know. Good. Desirable.” I check myself over again. I’ve never looked this hot. I didn’t even know clothing could fit me this well.

“And how do you feel?”

“Awkward, but good. And, I need to do something with my hair.”

Samantha leaves and returns with a brush and some other things. She sets a small wooden stool in front of her. “Sit.”

I sit down and Samantha begins brushing my hair. Once it’s smooth she puts it in a ponytail, twists it up, and finishes with a claw clip. “Now, does that make you feel any better?”

“I certainly look better. But, I barely dress up and I don’t feel that confident or comfortable like this.”

Samantha stands next to me in the body length mirror. “How do you feel next to me?”

I look at us together, she is in a tight black dress with spaghetti straps that leaves everything to be desired and I look really good next to her. We look like we are going to some high end event. “I feel great next to you.”

“I want you to walk as if I am always standing right next to you. Let’s practice. walk across the bedroom and back.”

I walk trying to be confident but I have no idea what to do with my arms or face. I attempt to be graceful as I stride back to her.

“That will not do. Watch.”

Samantha glides away with her arms slightly moving at her side with assurance and confidence radiating off of her.


I walk again, this time keeping my head up and trying to be confident.


I continue to walk without improvement. I don’t know what to change.

“Walk as if you were me.”

I walk seriously a few steps and then I skip and flail my arms laughing with no care in the world and pretend to be the opposite of Samantha.

“Oh is that how I look?” She says while laughing. “Well this is how you look!” She walks around like a stiff robot.

“That’s not nice!” I say trying to hide my smile by pouting.

“Walk with me. Keep the energy and happiness, just contain it.”

We walk around the room together. “Good, remember how you’re feeling and portraying yourself now. It’s great.”

“It’s only because you’re next to me.”

“No, I am not the reason. You are walking like that on your own. Be confident in who you are. No one else matters when you walk. Walk as though you are getting from point A to point B and do not want interruptions.”

I walk the room again.

“Good. Now with these.” Sam tosses me a pair of 2-inch heels.

“You’re trying to kill me aren’t you?” Do I really have to wear heels also? I mean, they add height, and people find it attractive. Maybe I should wear them more often.

“Oh, quite the contrary my dear. This will also help. Just picture us both arriving on scene anywhere, all will be jealous.”

I put on heels and attempt to walk confidently. “I usually don’t wear heels, I don’t know if I’ll be able to do this well. Can’t I just wear flats?”

“No. You will wear heels. And you will wear them more often now to get used to them. Walk again.”

I walk uncomfortably through the room as Sam gawks at me. “You look quite exquisite. I think we should show ourselves off. Would you like to go to an art gala with me next Friday?”

“I don’t think so.” I say. I don’t think I’ll be ready to be confident in public by then. It’s quite a big change for me.

“Well then if you won’t go if asked, you will go with me per our agreement. I will have your outfit sent to your dorm in the next few days.”

“I guess I have to go now.”

Samantha walks behind me and slaps my butt. “You guess?” She questions.


“No. You will go. You will answer me saying ‘yes, My Queen’ when I give an order. Do you understand?”

“Yes, My Queen.”

“You will practice wearing heels an hour a day until the gala. You also seem to be needing a lesson in submission.”

“I agree, My Queen.” I say remembering that I should address her this way.

“Remembering to use proper names is a must. In private, you also must keep your head tilted down. This is to show me that you know I’m in command.”

I lower my head. “Yes, My Queen.”

“Take off the shoes and dress then rest on the stool.”

I follow the directions and wait. It seems like she is gone for at least 15 minutes. I hear her walk in the room and look up.

“You need to concentrate on the task given. Even if you are tempted to disobey, you must fight the urge. At this, you just failed. You are supposed to keep your head down when resting. Let us try again. Rest.”

“Yes, My Queen. I will try to obey.” I lower my head back down.

Samantha walks around the room moving and picking up different things. I can feel her watching me to make sure I resist the urge to look up.

“Another thing that you must learn is to express your desires and needs. What is it that you desire, My Pet?”

“You, My Queen.” I say honestly.

“Think deeper, what is something deep down and dark that you want to try?”

I close my eyes and ponder her question. What is my dark desire? What is a dark desire? I mean I did like being spanked. The crop was nice. The pain sensation was an experience I’d like to continue. I would also like being bound and cuffed. That seems kind of normal-bad level. Not dark. What about candles? I mean I’ve stuck my fingers in them and the cooling wax on my fingers feel nice. What would that feel like elsewhere? That sounds like an experience I would like to try.

“My Queen, I would like to try a candle wax thing.” I say quietly.

“Speak up, My Pet.”

“I would like you to play with hot wax on me, My Queen.” I say with confidence.

“Good job, My Pet. We can do that.”

Samantha continues to walk around the room and gather things. When she returns she places a blindfold on me. “You will try to sense and focus on the wax when it hits your skin.”

“Yes, My Queen.”

Samantha gives me a quick back and arm massage and rubs oil all over me. I calm myself and clear my mind. The lighter going off startles me and I wait in anticipation. I hear music start in the background. It sounds like some sort of ancient music with a long drawn out first sound that changes notes.

I flinch as I feel the first drop hit my shoulder and runs a few inches down my back at the sound of the drum. The drip was intense at first and quickly cooled.

“How was that? Was it too hot or not hot enough? I can change the initial temperature by holding at a different height.”

“It can be hotter, My Queen. What is this music? And can we try the maximum heat?” I ask.

“Yes, the heat feels different depending where it hits your body. Different candle types burn at a variety of temperatures also. Stick out your left arm with your forearm up. And this is a Nordic song composed by Peter Gundy called ‘Lady of the dawn’.”

I move my arm up. A few seconds later I felt a slight burn on my wrist as the drum started in the song.

“This is about as hot as it gets. Is that okay, My Pet?”

“Yes, My Queen.”

“Rest your arm again.”

I comply as the music transports my mind to another place in time. The soft female voice and contradicting male chant. Another drop hits the base of my neck. The warm sensation travels through my body and small goosebumps form. A line of wax goes from shoulder to shoulder as a long note is wavering. I take a deep breath and I feel some wax crack on my back. Ooh, that’s kind of fun.

The song ends and I just sit half tranced by the journey I was just on. My mind drifted with the music but my body was grounded by the wax. Samantha shuffles behind me and starts cracking the wax on me. The background music is now a stringed instrument song without words.

“Oh shit!” I say when Samantha runs an ice cube over the wax on my back.

“Speaking out of turn, My Pet.”

“Sorry, My Queen. That shocked me.”

“I didn’t ask you for an explanation. I can gather intel from observation.” She says coldly.

Why is she so angry? Now feeling this cold on my back is dampening my mood. We shared such a sensual moment before; now her touch is almost unbearable. Is it her touch or the temperature change that’s throwing me off? It’s neither. It’s her mood change.

“What is it, My Pet?” She asks.

I stay silent. Nothing. Nothing at all. How can I say this? What am I even feeling? I’m all hot and bothered but my mind has swayed from the light. I just mess up. I talk out of turn. I make her angry. Can’t I just follow and please her?

“What is it?” Samantha repeats herself. This time she is in front of me and tilts my head to look at her. I see the care and sincerity in her cool grey eyes. She kind of looks hurt. Why would she be hurt? I’m the one who messed up. I can’t do what she wants. Maybe she only likes me because I am her new sub. I’m not good enough for her.

I start to tear up. Sam pulls me into a hug. “Shh. It’s okay.” She says while stroking my ponytail.

“No, it’s not.” I sniffle. “It’s not okay. I can’t please you and I angered you. I’m not good enough.”

“Is that what you’re thinking?” She asks with a somber tone.

I nod and she tilts my head up and kisses me passionately. “Oh honey, you did nothing wrong. What made you feel that way?” She hugs me tighter.

“Your mood went so cold when I messed up.” I blubber out. “I can’t do what you ask without messing up.”

“My Pet, you do more than enough. You did very well. This was a training session. It wasn’t meant to be perfect.”

I nod not knowing what to say.

Samantha continues, “In this playroom, we are acting. I may have acted cold or upset, but I truly was not. It was the opposite. I liked hearing you speak out of turn because then the role playing can go on longer. This room is a safe place. What is brought up here is for play, the heated emotions whether it be anger or defiance, will be used in the act. I may punish you for something that you may think you did correctly, please don’t be hurt or offended. I may exaggerate little things into seeming like they are the end of the world, but since it happens in this room, it should be thought of as play material. Do you understand that?”

“Yes, My Queen.” I say quietly trying to comprehend all she has said.

Sam smiles, “This is a conversation between us as people. Not as dom/sub. You don’t have to use ‘My Queen’ if you don’t want to. I want you to understand that what happens in this room is for pleasure. If you feel hurt or harmed by anything, you must promise to bring it up. I won’t always be able to see your face and know something is wrong. I need to trust that you will stop me. What are your safe words again?”

“Red means stop, and yellow means something needs to be addressed.”

“Why didn’t you use it?”

“I don’t know, at first it was a small thought and then it grew and I felt like I was being petty. But now that you’ve explained everything, I should have said it because it wasn’t pleasant. I will say it when I need to from now on, My Queen.”

Samantha kisses me again. “I like when you call me that, Ileana.”

“I like it also, My Queen.”

“How can we turn your mood around?” She asks.

“I don’t know, I am feeling better though.”

“I’m pleased to hear that. However, I do require an answer.”

“I guess...maybe we could do stuff as us. Not as dom and sub, but as like people in a relationship since I don’t have much experience. And I still have zero experience in touching another woman. Like I have no clue what to do.”

“Follow my lead.” Samantha says as she stands me up and kisses me until I fall over onto the bed with her on top of me.


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