Is This Love Book 1: Questioning Yourself

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Chapter 25: The Valentine

‘Happy Valentines Day Love!’ Samantha’s text stirs me awake at 7 AM.

‘Thanks, Happy Valentine’s Day to you too! I love you.’

‘Don’t forget our plans today. After class, you will come over and then we will go out to eat.’

‘I won’t forget. I’ll see you tonight.’ I don’t think I could ever forget to spend time with her. I may as well get ready as long as I’m up.

I get ready and open the door to head to class. In the hallways is a big bouquet of red roses and a card that says ‘I can’t wait for our night together, My Pet. -S’. Butterflies fill my stomach as I finish reading.

My first Valentine’s Day that I’m able to spend with a partner. This actually feels like a special day. Every other Valentine’s Day I would ignore and couldn’t wait until it was over. Now I can actually spend quality time with someone.

I put the roses on the counter and go to class. The school day could not have gone by fast enough. Every class seemed to drag on. It’s a good thing that there wasn’t anything too important going on today because I daydreamed through most of it. As soon as we are excused from my last class, I book it to my room and get ready to leave.

Samantha show’s up in a white horse drawn carriage to take me to her house. “You’ve got to be kidding me! I’m not getting in that!” This is so embarrassing, I can’t be seen in this. Everyone will be watching us.

“You will get in it, My Pet.” Samantha Commands.

“I’m not going to like it.” I say.

“I think you will. It is actually quite fun. And It’s Valentine’s Day so we will be traveling like this all evening.”

I get in the carriage and sit next to Samantha. “If it was anyone but you, I wouldn’t do this.” I say to her.

“I know.” She smiles.

The horses take off and I sway into Samantha. She puts her arm around me and I relax closer into her. Watching the city slowly pass around me is soothing. I have never been going so slow in a city that moves so fast. The world is buzzing and rushing around us while we lazily travel at our own pace.

“This is better than I thought it would be.” I say after taking in the experience.

“I told you that you would like it.” Samantha points out.

“Yes, you did.” I lean up and kiss her. She kisses me back with more passion than I expected. I kissed back harder and for a couple minutes I forgot where we were. An inconsiderate car honking steals my attention and brings me back to reality.

I sit up straight again. “Is something wrong?” Samantha asks.

“No, I’m not a fan of PDA and I’m sure other people don’t want to see it.”

“The hell with other people. You should learn to let loose a little and not hold back from what you want. Kissing has nothing to do with anyone but us. They can either choose to watch or not.”

“Well, I hope no one chooses to watch then.” I chuckle to myself.

“I’d say two hot women making out will definitely draw stares from a lot of guys.”

“Eww. Maybe we shouldn’t then.”

“I wouldn’t let that stop me.” She says.

“You wouldn’t let anything stop you.” I say jokingly.

“Since you put it that way…” She draws out the last word and climbs on top of me.


“Shhh.” She interrupts my forming thought and kisses me again. I lose track of how long we kiss for, however, I did have to stop Samantha’s wandering hands a few times. The carriage slows and Samantha is forced away from me. She uses the momentum to stand and sit back in her place.

“Are you done already?” I ask.

“I don’t want to drive you too crazy, just enough to make you long for me all night.” She smiles.

“Oh, I’m sure that would have already happened without the encouragement.”

We arrive at the casino without further kissing scenes and head up to the penthouse to get ready for dinner. “I think this is the first time you haven’t had an outfit picked out for me on a formal occasion.”

“Who says I don’t have anything picked out?” Samantha smoothly replies.

“I was assuming because you didn’t have Bev send one for me to be ready in.”

“I wanted more time with you this evening. We have an hour to get ready. My Pet, you will find your outfit in the spare bedroom closet.” Samantha says as she retreats into her room to change.

I make my way to the closet and open it. The closet is full of clothes, but there is a note on one zipped black garment bag. I grab the bag, lay it on the bed and unzip it. This is the first time she isn’t having me wear a dress.

I pull out the white pant suit. Everything she is having me wear tonight is white. I wonder what she is wearing. I look at myself in the vanity mirror. I look pretty damn sharp!

I walk in the kitchen, grab a glass of water, and wait. Samantha walks out of her room in an all black pantsuit. The water in my mouth drips down my chin and onto the floor. “Wow. You look stunning.”

“So do you, My Pet. I think it’s time we go down and ride to dinner.”

“After you, My Queen.” I smile thinking about our opposite clothing complimenting each other excellently.

We walk down to the lobby arm in arm smiling together. Samantha’s phone rings. “I need to take this.” She steps off to the side and takes the call.

“I have to leave, I may make us late for dinner.”

“I suppose, I will allow it.”

“Will you now? I’m glad.” She jokes and gives me a kiss before leaving.

I wait in the lobby for a few minutes before becoming bored and going for a walk outside. The air sends an ominous chill down my back with each gust of wind. I start walking down the street towards the cafe where Sam and I often grabbed lunch together. We have only ever spent a maximum of twenty minutes in there, but it was always quality time. We always sat at the corner booth. The waitress was always happy to see us when we came in, we were regulars.

I can’t believe how close I’ve gotten to Samantha. I never imagined I would let my walls down, go against what I’ve been taught, and fall in love.

I walk closer to the Cafe and realize Samantha is sitting in our booth. I duck down so I can’t be seen. A man approaches the table and sits down next to her. I can’t believe this is happening. She is having dinner with a guy at our spot. Maybe it’s nothing. Maybe it’s just a quick business meeting.

I watch closely trying to understand what is happening. Samantha is laughing and touching his hand. She looks so happy, I don’t think I have ever seen her smile like that. What did I do wrong? Why is this happening?

Each moment that passes makes my heart ache a little bit more. God, I’m so foolish. Like she could ever love me. If she’s with him, I bet she’s still with Victoria then also. Lord knows she will swoop in like nothing happened.

Samantha adjusts herself and stands up. She grabs his hand and goes in to kiss him. I can’t watch anymore. This is insane. I have to get back to the dorms and think. Why would she kiss him? I can’t believe I let myself fall in love. This is what I get, a broken heart. Maybe it was to teach me that I was wrong. I’m not supposed to be with a girl.

I can’t handle thinking anymore.

I flag a taxi and head back to my dorm room. During the drive, Samantha calls me five times. I send each one to voicemail. I cannot talk with her right now. I should probably send a text though, so she knows I didn’t die. Well, I feel like I did die. I might prefer to be dead right now. I thought what we had was real…

I rewrite the text many times while walking to my room. ‘Sorry, I can’t do this with you anymore. I’m back home, safe in the dorms. Please don’t talk to me, it will make things worse. Goodbye, Samantha.’

I hit send, crash on the bed, and cry myself to sleep.


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