I'm smiling

I was happy. I was smiling. I wanted to dance. My heart was fluttering. It literally felt like I could be happy. Like I could smile. Like I could laugh. But I couldn't.

For when I laughed, a tear rolled down my cheek. For when I smiled, a gust of reality shook me. What was I thinking? Happiness is not for me anymore.

I was smiling because in that fleeting moment, I remembered your touch. Then the tempest of trance broke. I was crying again. My arms tightened around my shivering figure. Pathetic! Cried my heart.

It was right. I was pathetic. I was miserable. My hands yanked my cheeks up, trying to form that illusion of a smile.

I pulled on my hair. Smile, you bitch! You're looking again. Your're watching me. And I'm trying to die.

My knees gave way. I collapsed on the sharp grass of the winter night. I wanted to speak but the lump in my throat won't let the voice out. My head shook frivolously. Smile. Smile. I chanted and chanted.

I put down the flower. My vision was blurry but I could see your grin.

I shivered and trembled. I lay down beside you.

I closed my eyes. The soil sucked my tears.

I'm smiling for you.

"I'm smiling for you," I whispered my secret. And I knew you were listening.

For a breeze kissed my cheek. And I knew you were happy.

Myra Elysium: For those who didn't get it: He is dead. She is visiting his grave and reminiscing.