Time Heals All
After what felt like hours, Emma and Darren laid in her bed and she buried her face in his chest while he held her tight and rubbed her back. Emma couldn't remember the last time she had felt this safe.
Emma still couldn't even begin to process that her father was gone. He had had two more good days, before he had passed. The doctors tried to eased their minds by letting them know he hadn't felt pain, that it was a peaceful passing. He had fallen asleep with her hand and her mothers hand. When they woke, he didn't. More tears fell with each thought.
Emma hadn't realized she had fallen asleep until she had woke up. Darren was still awake, rubbing her back. She silently wondered how long she had been out while he consoled her. She slowly lifted her gaze to meet his eyes.
"I'm so sorry Em." He said as he placed a tender kiss on her forehead. More tears fell and Darren reached up and wiped them away.
"I can't believe he's gone. He wasn't supposed to be gone. I thought I had more time." The sobs broke threw her words and once again she buried her face in Darren's chest. Emma got her tears a little more under control as she lifted her gaze to his once more.
"I know Em. I know," Darren held her tight. "He will always be with you. He loved you so much. I know he was happy to spend his last days with you." With his words more tears fell. Emma never knew she had this many tears. She felt like she had been crying for days.
"I can't handle this Darren, I'm not strong enough, i can't deal with it. I can't." Emma sniffled and didn't want to feel anymore. She couldn't bear to feel this anymore.
"I'm right here Em, I'm here I got you. I'll be strong for you." Darren caressed her cheek and placed another kiss on her forehead.
"Take me to your house. I can't be here right now. Everything makes me think of him. It all hurts." Emma half said half cried. She bit her lip as she suddenly was scared he wouldn't want her in his house after their last conversation, but as she looked in his eyes, she knew. She saw the love in his eyes.
"Let's go." Darren stood and grabbed her hand as he pulled her to her feet. Everyone that seemed to never leave were finally gone. The house was empty. Emma's mother was asleep with her head on Darren's mothers shoulder, while his father slept in the chair across from them. As Emma held Darren's hand and followed him to her house, she couldn't stop thinking of her father. He was her best friend, now he was gone. She would never get to hear his voice again, hear him laugh, see him smile at her. Every thought brought her closer back to tears. She tried to push it all back.
As the entered Darren's home, Emma looked around at all the changes he had made and the ones he hadn't. Immediately, Emma walked straight to his kitchen in search of liquor.
"Are you hungry? I can make you something, name it I got you." Darren said as he followed her to the kitchen. She shook her head no. She really wasn't hungry, but couldn't remember the last she had ate.
"I need a drink, please." Darren nodded his head and disappeared. When he returned he had a bottle in each hand, one whiskey and one vodka. He grabbed two glasses from the cabinet and they both sat at the table. Emma reached for the whiskey taking off the top she took a big swig. Darren reached for the bottle and followed suit.
"To your dad," Darren said as he took another swig passing the bottle back to Emma. "he was a great man taken from us too soon." He finished as she took a bigger swig then the first.
"I don't want to be sad Darren." Emma sniffled as they kept passing the bottle back and forth.
"Then don't be, he wouldn't want you to be. You know what your dad would want from you right now?," Darren paused as he took a swig. "He would want you thinking of all the good things, every happy memory you have and smile on his memory." He held her free hand on the table as the sat in silence some more taking shots.
Emma knew she was feeling the alcohol when she did crack a smile. "I talked to him about you. He said you would sneak him cigars?" Emma couldn't repress the giggle as Darren looked down. As he met her eyes he smiled back.
"Yeah, guilty as charged. He would walk down here at least once a week and we would smoke a cigar, and talk about you. He was so proud of you." Darren gave her hand a squeeze. Emma sighed and smiled weakly.
"I know. He told me," It was more than likely the liquor, but Emma couldn't stop herself. "he also told me I need to give you a chance." Darren met her eyes and she knew he felt the liquor just as much as she did. He smiled and inched a little closer to her.
"Bet just like always you won't listen though, will you Em." Darren took another swig and passed it back. Emma laughed.
"I don't know, maybe, i miss you Darren, so much. You really hurt me that night." This was it, her closure she wanted, the talk she thought of having with him since that night.
"Em, I am so sorry. I just, I don't know." Darren slurred his words as he looked away from her face.
"If there is ever a time to talk about this, it's now Darren. I'm fucked up enough to care without caring." Emma raised the whiskey bottle that was now halfway gone and took a swig.
"Emma, that night was so long ago." He didn't want to talk about it, Emma could hear that in his words.
"You want to know how i felt? What ran threw my head?," Emma took another shot and sat the bottle down as she took a deep breath. "I felt like a moron. I felt like you had never loved me. How could you have?" Emma paused and when she tried to grab the bottle, Darren put his hand on hers to stop her. She shrugged it off and took another swig. Who was he to tell her she had enough.
"Darren, that night, I left work at my parents early, obviously, and I bought condoms. I bought them and was heading to your place. It didn't look like anybody was home, I knew last text I had got from you though, it said," Another swig. "You were, so i let myself in the back door. That one right there," Another swig as she nodded to the door. Darren knew the part of the story she was inching closer too. "and what did I find Darren? Tell me." Emma stopped talking and waited for him to speak. "Tell me Darren." Emma half demanded, half pleaded. Darren took three swigs before passing the bottle back to Emma.
"You saw us." Was all he said. Darren lowered his head and stared at the floor. Emma wanted him to look at her. Wanted him to see just how hard it had hit her. She gently reached down and lifted his chin.
"Yeah, I walked in the kitchen, giddy as hell beyond ready to loose our virginity together, finally," Two more swigs this time. Emma swore it was as if she had transported herself back to that night. It was all happening again right in front of her eyes. "I walked in and here you were, and you had that that, that nasty bitch right here on this table."Emma spat out and Darren cringed away.
"Em, please." Darren pleaded. What could he even want from her except her body. Emma had always thought he was different, they were together for five years and never once tried to pressure her, maybe it was because he fulfilled his needs elsewhere.
"Please what Darren? Please erase it, forget it? Because i can't. I cant unsee it." Another swig and Emma stood up, she wanted away from this table. As she turned and tried to leave she stumbled and Darren caught her. She leaned back against the wall.
"No, Emma i know you can't. It was so stupid. I don't know what the hell i was thinking. She just, showed up. Said she needed somewhere to sober up. My parents were gone so i let her in. That was my first mistake," Now Darren took his turn. Emma stumbled her way back to the table and sat on the surface. This is what she has wanted the last five years. "i let her in and at first it was fine she wasn't trying anything," This turn of words made Emma fear he was the one that initiated it all, just like she thought all these years. Emma sat silent as he took a shot and passed her the bottle. "Then she talked me into shots, i was nervous Em, I was so nervous that night because i knew i wasn't letting you slip out of my bed without finally being with you, she laughed and made fun of me and said she couldn't believe i was such a pussy. We took more shots and that's when she kissed me," Darren took another shot as he stumbled his way to in between her legs. "I don't know why i didn't stop her. She laid back on the table and spread her legs and i don't know why but i took it. I know you won't believe me, but the whole time she lay there, i saw you. I wanted you." Darren put his hands on either side of her and trapped her in her spot on the table.
"It doesn't matter what you saw. What matters is it wasn't me Darren. How could i ever trust you again?" Emma hitched her breath as Darren was only a few inches from hers.
"You know, the few women that did pass threw my life after you left, they were never good enough, they were never you. I would fuck them and close my eyes and picture you, think of you. Try to picture you there naked under me on top of me," Darren leaned back and took another shot. "I never stopped wanting you, loving you, craving you Em." Darren leaned forward and captured her lips in a searing kiss. Gently he laid Emma back on the cold wood table and Emma stared at the ceiling as he trailed drunken kisses down her neck to her collarbone. She allowed his hands to explore and undo her jeans. As their lips met again Darren maneuvered to slide her jeans off. Emma began to lose all her senses and swore she felt Darren all over her.
"God, Em, I want you so fucking bad." And as if he needed emphasis he rubbed his hard cock on her core. Emma couldn't form words as her head spun. She wanted him too. She needed him. Wanted him more than she ever wanted anything.
"Please, Em, let me have you, i want all of you, forever Em. Let me love you forever." Darren had freed himself and Emma couldn't make sense of when exactly she had lost her panties. Feeling Darren at her entrance, Emma waited, she waited to feel him fill her. When she tried to lean up and grab his shoulders, her nails dug in and her head spun violently. Emma shoved Darren away and right there on there pile of clothes threw her guts up.