Talk To Me
It’s been 2 days since I last spoke to Josie and I’ve never felt so alone in my own home. She still hasn’t stopped calling and texting me, and of course I haven’t been replying to her. I know I should talk to her and communicate but I really just can’t, something about when she admitted how she still loved Tyler made my brain explode. It’s like the second those words came out of her mouth made me lose it. I want to talk to her but I can’t bring myself to do it, I have no idea what the hell is going to happen to us.
I’ve been staying inside my place for the past 2 days barley even doing anything. I just wake up, eat, clean, sit around and go to sleep. I feel like I’m going to go insane if I stay one more day in here alone. Forcing myself to get up I decide to go down to my apartment gym room. Putting on some gym clothes I head out and jog down to the gym room.
Once I arrive I begin to do some warm ups before really getting into it. As I’m stretching I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket, already knowing who it is I slowly pull my phone out and stare at my phone ringing. Pushing my stubbornness aside I press lightly on the green button and hold my phone to my ear.
“Oh God, you finally answered. Cyrus I know that you most likely despise me now, you don’t want to see me or talk to me but please I beg of you to let me explain. If you don’t want me to come over I won’t, we can meet somewhere. But please, I miss you so much and I need to explain myself.” Josie says with a hint of hope
I stand there quietly as all these thoughts rush through my head. I take a breath and finally speak up.
“Fine. Coffee shop that you always go to, in 2 hours. I’ll see you there.” I say dryly
“Wait really? You’ll let me explain?” She says with relief
“Yes Josette. At the gym, gotta go.” I say and hang up
I sigh putting my phone in my pocket and begin working out. I keep going at it trying to get everything off my mind but it sinks deeper in my mind the more I try to force it out. An hour later I finish up my work out with some more stretches then head back up to my apartment. Once I get home I take a quick hot shower and get ready to see Josie. Throwing on a pair of grey sweats with a matching grey hoodie I slip on some shoes and walk out my place grabbing my wallet, phone and keys.
Pulling out my phone I open the texts with Josie and quickly text her letting her know I’m on the way. Luckily the coffee shop isn’t too far from my apartment building. Once I get there I immediately see her through the window sitting at a corner table on her phone with two coffees. I can’t help but smile seeing her, fuck I miss her so much. She looks up at notices me outside staring at her causing her to smile lightly. I walk in and quietly sit across from her staying dead silent.
“Cyrus.. I’m so happy you agreed to see me. I’ve missed you, a lot.” She says sadly putting her hand on my arm
“Yeah, well I wanted to hear your explanation. So, explain.” I say pulling my arm away
“I.. I uh got you a coffee, just the way you like it. Black coffee, 2 sugars no cream.” She says pushing the cup to me
“Thank you, I appreciate it.” I say taking a sip
“Okay, so I know how you must be feeling right now Cyrus. I know I’ve already said this a million times, but I am so sorry. That argument got out of hand and I said something I never should have said it.” She says
“Are you really sorry? Or are you just sorry that now I know the truth and I haven’t spoken or seen you in 2 days?” I say
“Babe.. Cyrus. I am genuinely so sorry, yes I do miss you and miss talking to you but I am seriously so sorry. I love you so much, I love you more than I ever loved someone. Did I love Tyler? Yes I did, but notice how I said ‘did’. Cyrus I don’t love Tyler anymore, I know I said that I still loved him but it’s not true.” She says staring at me
“It’s not true? Then why in the hell would you say that if you claim it’s not true?” I say sitting up to get closer
“If I’m being honest, I don’t know. The argument we were having just got so out of hand and.. you,you were making me so mad so I just said that. I know it’s hard to believe me, but I mean it from the bottom of my heart I didn’t mean it. I stopped loving that bastard the day he put me in the hospital. Or at least that’s the day I finally admitted that to myself.” She says sighing
“What do you mean by that?” I say
“When someone is in a toxic relationship, their mental state leaves that relationship way before their physical state does. Without realizing it I stopped loving him and I was already done with that relationship before it actually ended. I’m not sure how long before, but it looks like it was a few months. When Tyler died, I didn’t feel sad at all. There wasn’t an ounce of sadness for his death in me. I was just sad and crying because I only felt bad for his mom.” She says
“You really think that’s what happened with you? Your mental state left before your physical state did?” I ask
“Yes, my mom and I talked about it and she believes that’s what happened too. She knows what that experience is like.” She says sighing
“Your mom experienced an abusive relationship too?” I say concerned
“Not physically abusive but mentally, emotionally, verbally yes. The guy she dated before my late father. She was with him for 4 years and 3 years of that relationship was toxic, abuse, and just complete trauma. And after I was released from the hospital she told me that story and she told me how after she broke up with him she realized that her mental state was already broken up with him months and months before.” She says
“Josie, I never really asked you this because I never wanted to bring it up after everything. But how was it really like in that relationship?” I say beginning to calm down and soften up
“That relationship was terrible. Tyler and I were best friends before we started dating. Then once we started dating, it felt like everything just fell into place. Within a few months we started to argue more than usual and I should have known from that moment things were going to get bad. But I was young, naive and I thought I was with my soulmate so I thought that it was okay. But then shit got so bad later on. It’s not like it started to slowly escalate, it’s just one day something in him just switched and it was instantly so terrible. I remember that day perfectly, we were arguing as usual because I went to hang out with friends and there were guys in the friend group. So when I got home, he came over and it was just us in my house. He started screaming bloody murder at me and I was so taken back and shocked I didn’t know what to do. The second I opened my mouth to talk he back handed me so hard I fell and my lip got busted.” She says avoiding eye contact
“What did you do?” I say softly
“I told him to leave and never come back. He refused and he forced me to stay with him. He apologized the next day and gave me flowers and told me how he would never do it again.” She says with tears forming in her eyes
“Your mom didn’t see your busted lip or suspect anything?” I say
“She did, but I told her that while I was hanging out with my friends we started to play dodge ball and the ball hit my face busting my lip. And since she loved Tyler so much then and trusted him with everything she never thought it was him. But I never blamed her, I never had the heart to tell her. That relationship was always so terrifying, I never felt so alone and miserable. Everyday I was just waiting for him to hurt me so bad that he’d put me in the hospital. Didn’t think it’d take him so long.” She says wiping her tears
“I shouldn’t have ignored you. I should have just talked to you. I was just hurt and upset, I was angry Josie.” I say taking her hands in mine
“No no, you had every single right to feel those things. What I said was wrong, and I’m so sorry Cyrus.” She says
“You said you and Tyler were best friends before you two started dating. Do you think you miss that best friend? The way he was before you started dating?” I ask
“I think so.. he never did anything bad to me when we were best friends. We never argued, he never disrespected me, he never laid a hand on me to hurt me. But that all changed when we became a couple.” She says with sadness
“I know what you mean, and I understand now. Josie, baby you don’t need to apologize anymore. I forgive you, it’s okay.” I say
“Cyrus, I don’t want you forgiving me and accepting my apology just because of my sob story. What I said was wrong and hurtful. I hurt you.” She says
“Josie I’m the one who asked you about the relationship, I wanted to hear that. I’m not accepting your apology because of your story. I honestly do forgive you baby, I love you so much and I miss you. Please come back.” I say squeezing her hands
She smiles widely and reaches over the table placing her lips on mine. I take her hand and we walk out of the coffee shop walking back to my apartment. Once we get there I rush inside pulling her in closing the door and wrapping my arms around her tightly.
“I love you Cyrus. Only you.” She says hugging back
“And I love you Josie. No one else, I promise you my family will adore and love you.” I say kissing her head
“Okay, good then. Soon you need to officially meet my mom. You never met her as my boyfriend, even though she knows we are dating.” She says laughing
“I will soon I promise. Now you wanna cook some dinner together? We can make whatever you want.” I say
“Mmm I am hungry. How about some chicken fajitas? I’ve been craving that.” She says rubbing her stomach
“Ohh yes, let’s get it started baby.” I say walking to the kitchen with her following
We started cooking our dinner and it finally feels normal again. We are finally okay again and I am so happy about it. While we are cooking I stare at her as she’s preparing the spices and I smile to myself just knowing how much I love her and want to spend my life with her. Before I know it, I speak up and say something I never thought I’d say.
“Move in with me.” I say
She lets out a small gasp and stops what she’s doing turning to me with wide eyes.