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3 years •Finding Him•


Later on in the day the girls and I have just finished eating dinner and are currently cleaning up the kitchen now. And I’ve decided that I need to go tonight and find him. I wish I could say it was going to be easy but it won’t be, I wish I could just call up his parents or his cousins and ask if they know anything but I haven’t spoken to them in so long. I don’t even know if they like me anymore.

Once we finish cleaning up the kitchen I go to my bedroom and get dressed into something more comfortable and warm. Grabbing my bag I swing it on my shoulder and grab my keys along with my phone. Walking out to the front door I slip on my shoes, looking over to Toni and Angelina giving them a small smile.

“Good luck. It’s going to okay, you’ll find him!” Toni says smiling

“Keep us updated!” Angelina says

“I will, see you guys in a few.” I say and walk out the door locking it behind me

I walk down to the elevator and press the button waiting for it to open up. A few seconds later it opens up and 2 people walk out on that floor as I walk in by myself and press the button to the parking garage. I lean against the elevator and wait for it to go down starting to feel very anxious and overwhelmed. What if it’s too late? What if he has a girlfriend? I can’t bare the thought of him moving on and being with someone else, I know I got into another relationship but still.

The elevator hits the garage floor and I walk out once it opens up, the silence in the garage is broken by the sound of my boot heels clicking against the ground as I walk to my car. Once I get in I immediately turn on my car, waiting for my car to heat up I pull out my phone and give it one more shot. I look on each social media site I have to see if Cyrus got on social media again but once again it was no use because there’s nothing there. Sighing to myself I turn on my music and pull out of the parking space and drive off out of the garage onto the dark night streets of Chicago. I can’t believe I waited 3 years to try and find Cyrus again, I should have never even let him go in the first place.

Pulling up to the first place, the coffee shop Cyrus always used to go to I park in front of it and get out quickly running inside earning a few weird looks. I roll my eyes and ignore them walking slowly looking around for Cyrus when all of a sudden the young boy at the cashier gets my attention.

“Miss, can I help with anything?” He says

“Uhm, I’m just trying to find someone.. but it looks like he’s not here. Might as well order something.” I say sighing and walking up to the cashier

“Alright what can I get for you?” He says smiling at me

“Can I just get a hot chocolate to go please?” I say looking at the menu behind him

“Okay, and would you like whipped cream or not?” He asks punching the order into the computer

“Yes please, I’d love some.” I say pulling out my wallet

“Okay so one hot chocolate with whipped cream to go.. your total is $3.75.” He says looking back up at me

I nod and hand him a 5 dollar bill telling him to keep the change. I step out to the waiting area and get my drink seconds later. Thanking them I grab my hot chocolate and walk out of the shop feeling the coldness hit my face making me shiver. I take a big sip of the hot chocolate and get back in my car turning it on.

“Well that was a fail.” I say to myself as I begin to drive

I drive to the plaza Cyrus always used to go to and drive around it slowly looking around everywhere trying to see if he’s there. Pulling into a parking space I turn off my car and get out locking the car. I cross my arms together trying to keep myself as warm as possible as I walk around the whole plaza.

Once again there’s no luck here, feeling annoyed with myself and the situation I begin walking back to my car when I hear the sound of a women’s voice call my name. Quickly turning around I see Marilyn walking up to me.

“Oh Marilyn, hi.” I say awkwardly

“What are you doing over here Josie?” She asks slightly smiling

“Oh just uhm, walking around. I wanted to have some alone time.” I say clearing my throat

“Look I know you probably think I hate you because of you and Cyrus back then... but I got over it. I don’t have anything against you.” She says

“Are you sure?” I say leaning against my car door

“Yes. I don’t hate you.” She says smiling sweetly

“That’s a relief.. but uhm Mary have you heard from or seen Cyrus lately?” I say trying to sound casual

“The last time I’ve seen or even talked to him was 4 months ago. I saw him here actually, he was by himself and we just chatted for a few seconds and that was it.” She says

“Did he say anything.. about me?” I say

“Sort of, he looked like a mess. He didn’t look too good so I asked him what was going on and he just said it was about you. So I figured out that you two must have broken up and he said you did break up.” She says sighing

“What do you mean he didn’t look too good?” I say worried

“He was so sad.. his voice was so heavy. I don’t know how to describe it but I just knew he was not okay. I never saw him that way.” She says looking at me sympathetically

I sigh and close my eyes taking a deep breath in trying not to cry. Mary comes up to me and hugs me tightly rubbing my back for comfort.

“You know Josie.. Cyrus really loved you. Even though I hated to admit it back then I always knew deep down that he could have never loved me the way he loved you. And when I saw him 4 months ago and he talked about you for that brief second I could just tell he still loved you and missed you so much.” She says pulling away from the hug

“Really?” I say with tears in my eyes

“Yes really.” She says before a man walks up to her wrapping his arms around her shoulder kissing the side of her face

“Ready to go sweetheart?” He says smiling at her

She nods and smiles.

“Don’t stop trying to find him Josie. He’s worth it, you two are meant for each other.” She says smiling then walks away with the man holding her close

I sigh and get back in my car turning it on, sitting there for a few seconds I feel the tears fall from my eyes as I shiver. I take a deep breath in and look in the mirror wiping the tears then I pull out of the parking space and start driving down to the apartment building he lived at hoping he still does.

Once I get there I pull into the parking garage and get out going to the elevator and frantically pressing the button. As soon as the doors open I rush inside and press the button to the floor he lived on. The elevator arrives to the floor and the doors open causing me to run out fast. I run down the hall turning the corner looking for the correct apartment number. Finally reaching it I take a deep breath and knock slightly anxiously waiting. Feeling my hands sweat and my breathing speed pick up the door opens and an older women is there looking concerned.

“Hello honey. Can I help you?” She says sweetly

“Oh uh, I came here looking for someone who lived here 3 years ago, and I wanted to know if they still lived here but I guess not. I’m sorry to disrupt your night.” I say turning away to leave

“Are you talking about the young man who lived here by himself 3 years ago? I believe his name was Jones.. something with Jones in it.” She says trying to remember

“Yes! Yes! That’s who I’m looking for, do you know where he went?” I say feeling my heart beat quickly

“I’m so sorry sweetheart but no, my husband and I used to live on the 1st floor and we wanted to switch to a high floor, we heard that this apartment was going to be empty so we rented it. All we know is that he moved from this building. That was 11 months ago.” She says sighing

The small shred of hope I had left inside just disappeared. Feeling hopeless and empty I nod to her slowly and smile weakly.

“Thank you anyway. Have a good night Ma’am.” I say and walk away trying not to cry

Getting to the elevator I press the button and the doors open almost immediately. Once the elevator arrives to the garage and the doors open I walk to my car silently feeling nothing but sadness. I unlock my car and get in turning it on and sitting there silently. My feelings start to take over and I begin feeling overwhelmed, breaking down I cover my face as I cry. Crying in anger and sadness I let out a loud scream trying to make myself feel better but it’s no use. Sighing, I sit up and wipe my tears, I pull out and start to drive out of the garage pulling onto the street going to one last place. His favorite restaurant.

I get there quickly, parking and getting out fast I lock my doors and walk up to the front door but only to find out it’s closed for the rest of the night. I groan loudly and run my hand through my hair beginning to feel stressed. Not even wanting to drive anymore I start walking around as the coldness hits my face and hands, I pull out my phone and dial in Toni’s number putting the phone to my ear.

“Hey girl! Any luck?” She says as soon as she answers the phone

“No.. he’s gone. He doesn’t live in that apartment building anymore, he wasn’t at any of his favorite places. I have no idea where to go or look anymore.” I say sniffling

“Josie I’m sorry.. have you tried that one restaurant you two always went to? You said it was his favorite.” She asks sighing

“I just got there and it’s closed for the rest of the night so no he wasn’t there. Toni I don’t know what I’m going to do, I feel like - I feel like I lost him forever. I miss him.. I miss him so much and I just want to, I need to see him again.” I say as tears roll down my face

“I know, I wish I could help you. I wish I could find him for you. I’m so sorry Josie.” She says

“I don’t know what to do anymore Toni. I feel so.. empty and so lost.” I say looking up at the sky crying

“Honey that’ll pass I promise I-” She begins to say but I cut her off

“No Toni! It will not pass, it’s been 3 years and it still hurts every single day! I still think about him and miss him every single day! It’s never passed, I’ve never stopped feeling like this since the day we broke up!” I snap at her

“Oh my... I’m so sorry. I know that and I’m sorry.” She says sighing

“I feel like there’s nothing left for me here Toni, I feel so pointless living here. I lost my scholarship at the university, I lost Cyrus, I lost everything.” I say turning the corner on the sidewalk

“What can I do to help?” She says

“Can you bring him back to me? Can you help me find him?” I say with my voice breaking

She sighs and stays quiet. The silence of the conversation fills the air as I walk alone on the streets on Chicago.

“I need to think, I need to figure out what to do Toni. I’ll be home in a few more hours. Don’t wait up.” I say and hang up continuing to walk

It feels like I’ve been walking for years when it’s really only been 10 minutes. I shove my hands in the pockets of my jacket and continue to walk as tears continue to fill my eyes making me blink them away. The sky gets darker and darker as time passes, pulling out my phone I check the time and it reads 11:00 pm. Damn has it really been that long since I left the home? I left at 8.

As I’m walking I hear the footsteps of someone not too far behind me, not even bothering to look back I continue to stay focused on the sidewalk ahead of me and walk. Seconds later I hear the person behind me clear their throat and speak up making me stop dead in my tracks.

“I thought I’d never see you again.” Cyrus says with his voice breaking behind me

Quickly turning around I lay my eyes on the love of my life, the man I have been looking for. The man I let walk out of my life 3 years ago.

“Cyrus...” I say with my voice cracking as well

He stands there with tears filled in his eyes and breathing heavily as he stares at me in happiness and sadness. I step closer to him and he does the same, slowly he opens his arms to me and speaks up again.

“Come here..” He says trying not to cry

Not even giving it another second I run and jump in his arms immediately wrapping my arms around his neck earning a hug back. I bury my face in the crook of his neck starting to cry feeling him shake as he cries. I pull my head up to look at him, I place my hand on his cheek and rub my thumb on it.

“Don’t you ever leave me again.” I say and he kisses me passionately

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