It's not about me
"What are you doing?"
I gingerly removed Sam's hand glancing, across my shoulder, remembering I'd left Halie behind. God I hoped she didn't see a thing. The last thing I needed was for her to think something was going on between us, then again I couldn't even predict what went on in Halie's mind. This imprint thing was not doing either of us favours and as much as I'm staying away physically, my mind is always with her.
Sam smirks before placing her hands against her hips. I've been avoiding her too. It's easier with Halie however, being Beta forces me to interact with the pack and with Sam being a warrior, it's all the more complicated.
I moved to walk around her before she grabbed my hand and I met her eyes.
"Not right now"
"Then when? Please I just want to talk. Please"
I huffed folding my hands across my chest, my eyes wandering around.
"I don't get why you're upset with me" She starts before running a hand through her dark curly hair. "Okay, I know you were upset about me leaving. But it was a unanimous decision"
"Unanimous? Sam when you decided to run away from the pack you made that decision on your own okay. You didn't ask for my input, what I thought didn't matter" I retorted. "You informed me that you were leaving. I didn't have a choice but to watch you leave"
"You know how hard it was for me. All my family had already transferred. You think I wanted to leave! We're sitting ducks here Rider! F***ing sitting ducks!" Sam shouts. " We protect everyone while they live happy lives. Has anyone from the other packs ever volunteered at helping us defend them? No! We risk out lives and families. We watch them die"
She moved closer before pacing back and forth.
"Leaving the pack was the hardest thing I've ever done. I didn't want to leave. But I'm ....I was tired of always having to watch everyone die. I wanted a shot of happiness too"
"We we're happy here" I respond calmly, though my brows have furrowed into a grown in my face. "You're right, we sacrifice alot but that what makes us stronger. We treasure what we have....who we had. And you knew this and still left. You left us weak and vulnerable".
"You think we all don't want to be happy? That we'd all rather stay here fighting for our lives and other packs than sipping pins coladas? " I ask gesturing to our surroundings. "But if we don't do it, who will?"
"That's why I came back Rider" Sam whispered her eyes glazed and glued to the ground as she kicked at the pebble at her feet. "No one cares about me when I transferred. It's like desertion when you transfer to another pack. You were all I had here. I came back for you Rider"
I shook my head. "Not for me"
"What do you mean? What other reason do I have here? You think I came back for some other reason? For someone else?" Sam asked her eyes filled with tears as pain traverse her face. "How could you think that? Everyone knows I love you, why else would I be here?"
"I don't know. We broke up over three months ago Sam. There's nothing between us"
"Tell me you don't have feeling for me Rider, tell me you don't care about us, about me" She says holding into my arms staring into my eyes. "I'm sorry I left. I'm sorry I left you behind. But you wouldn't come"
I couldn't answer her first statements but the last, the last was something entirely different. When Sam left things were fairly stable, and we were all adjusting to Jax becoming the new Alpha. There were more feuds among us than without and that alone called for constant vigilance. We've had years of war before with hunters, many of our community members had transferred to other packs because of the constant blood she'd and loss. But that's why it was imperative to keep us together.
"Had I left, I'd have left Jax handicapped and the people without support" I replied. "We're Silver moon pack Sam. We protect each other and others. We don't walk away from hard situations we solve them and we never abandon each other in a struggle"
"I know that!" Sam screamed. "I came back for you Rider. I regretted leaving you and everything I've known of Silver Moon. And all you've done is treated me awful. You won't talk to me and you treat me like a nuisance "
"Things aren't the Same Sam"
"Don't say that" She says placing her palms against my face, gazing into my eyes. "Tell me to stay Rider and I will"
I closed my eyes placing my hands against hers. Sam and grew up together, we fought in training, fought in duels, defended our home together. We thought we'd spend our lives with each other . Funny how thing takes a nose dive in split seconds. The way I've felt about Halie over the last few days, is more than I've felt with Sam over all our years together.
My feet moved back as I withdrew her hands from my face. Everything is too late. It's too late to fix everything. As much as Halie drives me crazy I desperately need to come up with a solution to get her to understand me, us...just freaking everything.
"Don't stay for me Sam. Stay because of the pack, for everyone else. We've got humans here that need protecting"
"What?" Sam shouts dragging her hand from my grip completely taken aback by my statement before her face turned into a snarl. " have you lost your mind?! We're protecting humans now? I thought we had them under detention. There's no way I'm protecting snobby humans"
"Jax rules them innocent" I replied before taking a solid grip on her shoulder.
"I don't care. I'm not protecting those humans, I'd rather die first. Hugh was right. It's all this peace talks of protecting them that killing our packs" she spit back poking me in my chest. "I know not to expect anything less from Jaxon but I thought you knew better Rider"
My teeth grounded together hearing the venom spilling from Sam's mouth. How the f*** did I fall for her?
"Jax word stands as law" I snapped back. "And if you hurt them I'll tear you apart personally"
I pushed her back walking away doing my best to maintain the burning anger that was boiling within me. My statement might have seemed generally but in truth it was said with only one person in mind.
If Sam hurt Halie, I'd never forgive her or myself.
"If you don't want to help, stay away from me and then. It's the least you could do".
I've been standing in the line of trees watching Halie read a book at the window for the last half hour. It's all I can do since I've been avoiding her, that doesn't mean it hasn't been f***ing hard. I watch her from the shadows moving awkwardly throughout the day. Sulking most times. She isn't the same I noticed. No one excepts Moi argues with her and watching Quinn flirt with her is always infuriating.
His hands are too light, always touching her and his words are much too smooth. I'm sure all she thinks is that he's being nice but his words are geared to anything but. At least that's what I'm hoping. Jax was right though. I knew what I was dealing with once I said those words, I knew I'd have to watch someone attempt to claim Halie. Because that's all they'll ever be able to do. I'd never let them have her.
I wouldn't survive it.
But all in all, I missed her. I missed all our interactions.
I walked away, making it to Jax finding the door half open as usual. What I wasn't expecting however was finding the bratty teen and his brothers from Alpha Caleb's pack. Jax was busy talking with them, going over rules and regulations before they left in a file behind each other. By then I had lost interest in everything, residing myself to the windows once again watching Halie.
"How long are you gonna stare out the window?" Jax asks after a beat of a few minutes.
"Mind your own business" I shot back. "Why were they here? I thought we were sending them back"
"There's been a slight change of plans. They boys have requested to be transferred to our pack. They don't want to head home and risk an ambush with their mother and baby brother"
"I don't see this bounding over well with Alpha Caleb"
Jax sighed deeply scrubbing his face with his hands.
"It didn't. Personally I don't mind the insults but what they've asked is reasonable. Caleb has lost his pack. Sending them back on their own would be suicide and granting them an escort would spread out men too thin" Jax explains swinging the chair around as we both state into the silver moonlight.
"I've already requested support from the other Alpha's on my decision to make them stay. They want to help with patrol"
"The brat stays with his mother" I snap back automatically. "The others can helping with the fence"
"In other words you don't want them on patrol" Jax says laughing heavily and I buff folding my arms.
"I don't want people I can't trust working with. We need dependable people right now"
"How long are you gonna stare out the window watching her?" My bestfriend asks getting up to stand beside me. " Why don't you just go talk to her man"
"Will you mind your business?" I ask walking away from the window.
"You know she asked for a call today" says Jax taunting me. "She called some guy. Ah, And I I think she said his name was"
I paused walking, turning to look at Jax.
Jax shrugged being an asshole and I groan.
"Fine, I'm listening" I grit out trusting my hands.
"She said she should have brought him along and he wanted her back"
"That could've meant anything"
Jax shrugged again. "Could it? Halie's a human, he's more than likely another human"
"Where's Oliver?" I ask steering the conversation away. I needed to process this on my own.
" Ally has him doing chores" Jaxon replied sitting in his chair again.
"So who's doing patrol with the other wolves?"
" Veron and Quinn "
Finally they have him something to do.
"I'm going out too" I replied to Jax moving towards the door. I had to figure out how to tell my mate I'm a wolf and not get slapped on the face.