Then You Look At Me

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Am I A Bad Person?

~Remember once the things you told me and how the tears ran from my eyes. They didn’t fall because it hurt me, I just hate to see you cry. Sometimes I wish we could be strangers so I didn’t have to know your pain. But if I kept myself from danger this emptiness would feel the same. I ain’t no angel, I never was. But I never hurt you, it’s not my fault. You see those eggshells, they’re broken now. A million pieces strewn out across the ground~Birdy.

Chapter Theme Song: ‘No Angel’ by Birdy.

°°

Rainey

“Kendra and I used to be friends. We were not close, but we were acquaintances. Riley and I would hang out with her and her friends from time to time. We first met her at the orientation of seventh grade. We were complaining about the vice principal’s speech being boring and she chimed in saying she heard that he was a widower with four dogs and that his hair was a wig. We laughed at that; you know how silly high school kids are, and I guess that’s where we became friends, or whatever you call it.” I begin.

Ansel sits across from me on the bed, attentively listening. He nods his head, encouraging me to go on.

I lick my lips and sigh. “Then we started hanging out quite often. She appeared so loyal; you know. She would curse anyone who she felt violated me. She seemed so cool at the start, but then she gradually began to change into this…evil person.”

°°Flashback Begins°°

°10th grade. Last term.°

“Last night was fucking epic, right Monica?” Kendra propped her feet onto her desk, chewing a piece of gum in her mouth while she grinned ecstatically.

We were at the back of our homeroom classroom, waiting for our teacher’s appearance so we could be dismissed. We all would sit next to each other and Kendra would normally throw a fit if anyone took our seats.

Monica chuckled. “Yeah, we got so high I swore I caught a glimpse of god.”

“Where’d you guys go?” Riley asked as she stole a chip from my bag of Lays. I took a sip of my boxed milk while I waited to hear as well. These girls partied a lot, even on a school night.

“My Uncle’s club. Crypto.” Kendra smiled, twirling the gum on her index finger. “Lots of sexy guys were there and I am not talking about teenagers.”

“I’d never date a guy way older than me.” Riley made a face, and Monica laughed, shaking her head. “Teenage guys are lame, if you want someone who isn’t always in their feelings and know how to let the cash off willingly, you need a man at least twice your age.”

I slightly cringed at her ideology. “Isn’t that illegal? You guys are still sixteen.”

Kendra chuckled. “You wouldn’t understand, Rain. You are rich. We have to hustle that money.” She giggled along with Monica while Riley and I exchanged glances. The more we hung out with them, the more we realized how completely different we were from them.

Selena, a girl in our homeroom who wore glasses and consistently topped straight A’s in all her classes passed by my seat. She had a bit of weight so her hip bounced against my desk and the carton of milk knocked onto the floor, splashing all over my jeans.

“Oh, I am so sorry!” Selena gasped, as she chased around to my side. She looked genuinely remorseful as she used her hand to wipe the liquid from my clothes.

“It’s okay.” I smile a little. “You don’t have to—”

“It’s not fucking okay, bitch!” Kendra jolted up, slapping Selena so hard across the cheek that she fell against the tiles.

I gaped, looking at her in awe as Riley narrowed her eyes. “What the hell, Kendra?”

There was no need for her reaction. It was obscene and uncalled for.

Monica laughed while her best friend squatted down, gripping a handful of Selena’s black hair and tilting her head back. “Bitch. This is our side of the fucking classroom; don’t you know that? You knocked over my friend’s milk, you fat fool!”

“Kendra! Stop that!” I yelled.

She ignored my statement as she proceeded to shove the girl’s head toward the spilled milk on the floor. “There are people around the damn world with nothing to eat, so drink it! Drink it, you fool. You love to eat, don’t you? Look how fat and ugly you are, drink it!”

Selena was crying while Kendra tried to press her face-way into the dirty liquid. No-one in the classroom dared to object, they all feared Kendra. But I did not.

“I said stop it!” I stood up and pushed her away. She fell back onto her palms as I helped Selena to stand. She was whimpering as she kept her head down, and my face softened as I sighed heavily.

“I am sorry,” I told her. “I accept your apology. It was not your fault, okay? I should not have been drinking now anyway. Lunch already ended three hours ago.”

Selena said nothing, she just nodded her head and turned away. Riley glared at Kendra while Jessica kept her head down, not daring to look the bully in the eyes. She knew what it was like being called ‘fat’ by her. Because of Jessica’s broad hips and thighs, she often had to undergo the same harsh words. Guys loved her weight, but Kendra found it ludicrous.

“You should have seen her face.” Monica laughed, and two other girls who also hung out with them pitched in their shares of cackles.

I did not find it hilarious and Kendra noticed the disapproval on my face as she smirked deviously, lounging back in her chair. “You’re too soft Rain, people will walk over you if you continue being that nice.”

“You didn’t have to do that to her. That was mean.” I said.

“How was it? The milk got spilled and instead of it going to waste, I advised her to drink it. It’s only fair, she’s the one who spilled it anyway.”

I glared at her and she casually shrugged. “Look, I am very loyal. And I hate when people mess with my friends. I consider you as my friend Rainey, so best believe I will fuck up anyone who messes with you. I have your back.”

Monica grinned. “And when Kendra says she has your back, she has it.”

They smiled at each other before Kendra looks back at me, smirking while snapping the gum in her mouth.

°°Flashback Ends°°

“She was always bluffing about being loyal and stuff like that, she didn’t appear like someone who’d betray me. I mean, she would bully other people, but when it came to me, she seemed respectful.” I shake my head, tittering bitterly. “Or maybe she wasn’t. I was just too blind to see her true colors. I was not prepared for her betrayal; I did not see it coming. I thought she thought of me as a friend. She would tell me how much she’s happy that we were all friends.” I stare at the bedsheet while Ansel sighs.

“I guess the whole time she was just trying to disguise her true thoughts about you. Did she show signs?”

I scoff. “So many. I have no idea why I did not see them. She’d always make remarks about my money and my appearance…”

°°Flashback Continues°°

“Malcolm says he likes you,” Stacie said to me, plopping down at her usual spot in the cafeteria. She was one of Kendra’s friends. She pointed her head to her left and I followed her gaze to see Malcolm James, a guy in my Chemistry class, smiling while nodding to me.

I was not interested so I just shook my head at Stacie. “I don’t need a boyfriend.”

Kendra scoffed, and everyone pulled their gazes to her. She raised her head, her usual smirk on her lips. “Malcolm likes everyone, he even asked me out on a date once.”

Monica wrinkled her forehead. “He did? How come you haven’t told me?”

“Because…” She looked at me then, crossing her arms smugly. “It’s nothing to feel special about…I am not stupid to feel elated because he asked me out. Malcolm likes everyone. If a frog hops by in a skirt, he would like it just the same. So, I would not feel special if he said he liked me, Rainey.”

Riley frowned. “But Rain is really pretty, so I can see why he’d like her.” She smiled at me and Kendra laughed; it was a bit exaggerated.

“That’s because she has money. People are automatically pretty when they got cash.”

°°Flashback Ends°°

“She was jealous of you…” Ansel states. “It’s quite obvious.”

I nod. “I was so stupid not to realize that back then.”

He shifts a little closer to me, and I lift my eyes to meet his.

“What did she do to you? Why did you have to leave?”

I sigh, averting my gaze to the floor. “She set me up…in one of the worst ways possible.”

°°Flashback Continues°°

“My mom said I have to be there. She literally forced me to iron Bailey’s dress shirt earlier. I hate family reunions so much!” Riley groaned on the phone, while I chuckled a little, laying onto my back as I stared up at the ceiling.

“Would you like to come?” She asked, and I quickly shook my head.

“No way, you know I hate family reunions and formal gatherings.” I frowned.

She chuckled. “Yeah, I know. So, what are you going to do tonight?”

“Mm. I am just going to stay in and probably watch Netflix.”

“Damn…The Walking Dead?”

“Yeah, I haven’t seen Rick in a while.” I tittered, referring to the main character of the series.

“Ugh, I wish I could watch it too, damn this stupid reunion. But anyway, Rick is too old, Carl is my guy.”

I deadpanned. “Riley, you do know you’re older than him, right?”

“No, we are still at season 2 and he gets a lot older in the upcoming seasons so please don’t take me as a pedophile!”

We giggled, then I heard her mother’s voice in the background before she sighed into the phone, whining like a five-year-old. “My mom said I should help Bailey with putting his pants on, so I gotta go.”

“Okay, tell me how it goes,” I told her. She promised she would before she ended the call. I returned to the home screen of my phone and a text immediately popped up.

Hey! It’s Jessica. We are heading to Club Crypto tonight. Wanna come along?

-Jessica.

I shook my head as I threw my cell down, reaching for my remote from my nightstand. I watched about two episodes of The Walking Dead before my Mom knocked at my door. She said she was leaving, and that Jeff would be staying with me. I hated being alone with her common-law husband, so I decided to go to the reunion with Riley. I quickly reached for my phone and texted her, hoping she had not left yet. I was disappointed to learn that she had already arrived at the venue.

As much as I did not want to hang out with Kendra and the girls that night, I decided to, just to avoid being alone under the same roof as Jeff. So, I got dressed and left home through the window of my room.

The girls met me outside the club and Kendra pulled me into a tight hug.

“Glad you came, Rain.” She grinned.

“Where’s Riley?” Monica questioned.

“At her family’s reunion.”

After my response, Monica and Kendra exchanged strange looks, but I did not read into it as Jessica sent me a beam. “You look nice.”

I smiled. “Thanks.”

Kendra linked her arm with mine then, grinning widely. “So, let’s go have some fun!”

We strolled into Club Crypto. I had a fake ID on me, but it was not needed since the bouncers did not even glance at us. Kendra stated that it was her uncle’s club and that she was free to bring whoever she wanted without them undergoing security checks.

The club was crazy, bright neon lights adorned the room and the music was so loud that the ground shook with each beat. Sweaty bodies congregated all around while half-naked girls danced on poles. Kendra led us to a table at the far back where two guys were already seated; they seemed way older than us. Monica sat on one of the guy’s lap while Kendra pushed a reluctant Jessica into the other’s arms. She seemed uncomfortable as the guy wrapped his arm around her and began kissing her neck.

“Pete!” Kendra beckoned to the bartender behind the counter. “Could we get two bottles of vodka here?!”

He nodded and immediately fetched the drinks. He took them out to us, and Kendra told him that she would pay for them later. She poured a glass to me, which I really needed. I was not in the best of moods, mainly because it was so hard forcing myself to be somewhere just to avoid being around someone.

Soon, we were all drinking while Kendra told the table jokes. I was not hearing clearly after a while since I was getting tipsy. I was not a lightweight, but I had drunk a lot that night.

The waiter guy waved a hand to remind her about the outstanding payment for the drinks. After hissing and complaining about the club belonging to her uncle and that she would be sure to get him fired for his impatience, she opened her purse to find it empty. She then smiled wryly at me.

“Rainey, I’m out of cash, could you loan me 200?”

I nodded my head as I pulled my purse from my pocket. I handed it to her, immediately being bombarded with a wave of vertigo. I buried my face in my hands for a while, hoping it would stop the dizziness. I lifted my head as Kendra returned my purse; the hazy feeling had lessened then but I flashed my head to keep focused as she got up to pay the bartender.

Some minutes passed and my eyes drifted to Jessica who was wincing slightly as the guy she was sitting next to, tried to put his hand under her dress. I wanted to object to his onslaught since she did not seem to like it much, but my tongue felt heavy and I suddenly lacked the energy for all of this. Soon the guy stood up, and Monica waggled her brows as he pulled Jessica with him. As they began to leave the table, Jess glanced at me in the process. She did not seem happy about leaving with him, but she did not resist either.

“Someone’s about to get laid!” Monica chuckled.

Bile rose in my throat and I began to feel sick. I decided that it was time for me to leave. My mom had probably returned home by then. I cleared my throat. “Where’s Kendra?”

Monica shrugged, as the guy she was with traced his hand on her thigh. “Got no idea. She’s probably with some hottie.”

“I am leaving, so when you see her tell her I’ll see her at school tomorrow, alright?”

Monica frowned at that, while her partner began biting her earlobe. “Why do you have to leave so early? Stay a little longer, what’s the rush, Rainey?”

“Yeah, what’s the rush, princess?” The guy echoed, smirking at me.

I got up with a tired sigh. “I have school in the morning.”

“But Ian would drive you home later, wouldn’t you, Ian?”

“Yep.” He popped the ‘P’ dramatically, then grinned at me. His smile was somewhat mischievous and creepy.

“No thanks, I’ll take the bus,” I stated. Monica respired heavily while she quickly pulled her phone out. She tapped a few times then lifted her face and smiled, sliding the cell back into her bra. “I just texted her that you’re leaving.”

“Yeah, thanks. See you at school tomorrow.” I began leaving the table when my phone dinged in my pocket. Monica giggled as Ian tickled her side, and I pulled out my cell to discover a text from Kendra.

Rain, I need your help!I am in the VIP room upstairs. Please come now, I think he raped me!!

-Kendra.

My brows furrowed and Monica tilted her head, attempting to catch sight of my expression. “What’s up?”

“It’s Kendra…” I muttered, gawking at the words on my screen. “It seems she’s in trouble or something…”

Monica raised a brow. “What kind of trouble? Does she need like a tampon or something?”

“No…she said I should come now and that she thinks she got raped.”

Monica raised both her brows now, while Ian, who appeared to not have cared even the slightest, gazed at her cleavage hungrily.

“I’ll just go see what happened,” I told her. “It seems she needs help.” I hurried off while Monica and Ian exchanged strange glances.

I found the VIP room on the second floor and thrust the door open. The room was dark; however, as I slowly strolled inside.

“Kendra?”

The door slammed loudly behind me and I spun around as the light in the room switched on. I glanced around before my eyes settled on two men, both were muscular, wearing black dress shirts and trousers.

I blinked my eyes as confusion surfaced my face. “Where’s Kendra?”

The men laughed hysterically, and I squinted my eyes as I looked between them both.

“There is no Kendra here, baby.” One said, his tone hoarse and threatening.

I immediately had a weird feeling about the situation and began hurrying toward the door. A strong hand firmly grabbed my arm and yanked me onto a huge couch in the room. I began to get up, but a rough palm collided with my cheek, sending me flying onto the hard floor. I clutched my cheek as one of the men hovered over me, his hand gripping my legs apart.

“Stay quiet!” He yelled. “Or we’ll just cut your throat right after we’re done with you!” He ripped my shirt open and I gasped as the buttons hit the floor.

“W-what are you doing, get off me!”

He attempted to kiss me, but I shifted my face away, wriggling beneath him. “Get off me!” I screamed. I tried to shove his face away, but he did not budge, so I dug my nails in his eyes and he bawled out in pain. It was not enough to cease his assaults; however, and instead, he threw a hard punch to my face. I saw black dots as my head spun in circles. My eyes rolled to the back of my head, but I fought to keep my head on straight. I could not faint in that situation; I would have been done for.

“Get the hell away from me!” I yelped, kicking my feet around and squirming under his chest.

“Why the hell are you just standing there, hold her down!” The man clutching his eyes barked at his partner, who hastened over and began pressing my feet onto the carpet. The man sat up over me, and bile rose in my throat as he began undoing his belt.

“You little bitch, don’t let me have to choke you, do you hear me?!” He spat. “Be a good fucking girl, alright?”

I gagged, and my head became dizzy once again as I felt his hand on the button of my jeans. I stared at the lights in the ceiling, they became hazy, then clear, then hazy again. I blinked my eyes as I could hear my heavy breathing, my chest rising and falling.

My unsteady heartbeat thumped through my eardrums and my body stiffened when I heard the terrifying vibration of my zipper as it jerked down. I could not find the strength within me to fight anymore as the man hooked his fingers in the waist of my jeans, attempting to pull them down.

Suddenly, the door to the room plunged open. A man in full black stepped inside and two girls, dressed in skimpy attires, stood on either side of him. The men shot their gazes in his direction, and he looked from them to me.

“Is this what you both take my VIP room for?” The man calmly asked, but his tone was dominant. The two men looked a bit fearful as the one holding my feet released me. “Boss, we were just—”

I shoved the man off me and scrambled to my feet quickly. I chased past the people at the door in a flash, not daring to waste a second more inside that room. I sprinted down the stairs, and I could see people scrutinizing me from head to toe since my hair was a bird’s nest and my shirt was torn open. I swallow hard and clasped the one button that was remaining then zipped my jeans up with shaky hands.

I hurried to the back of the club where Monica was now laughing and chatting with Ian while he groped her chest.

“M-Monica…” I salivate my lips, swallowing since my throat felt dry.

She looked up, gawking at me from head to toe, her expression shifting to a strange one while she chuckled nervously. “Woah, what happened to you?”

“Where is Kendra?” I asked, out of breath.

“Oh, didn’t she tell you? She left earlier, saying she was tired.”

I narrowed my eyes. “What?”

“She left.” Monica shrugged. “What? Did something happen—”

I stormed away, refusing to listen to anything else.

“Rain!” She called after me. “Don’t you want a ride home? Ian would take you!”

I left the club and walked to the bus stop. My head hurt a great deal, so I did not have time to think about the fact that Kendra must have set me up. I pulled out my purse and discovered it empty. My money and my credit card were both missing. I sighed and cursed under my breath before I decided to walk home.

The next day I went to school, my head was still throbbing from the blow I got to my face the night before. The feeling of almost being raped was not foreign but it still hurt like a fresh wound. Jessica approached me while I was at my locker, she seemed edgy and jittery.

“Rain, I—I need to show you something.” She said.

I turned to her and my brows furrowed in curiosity as she retrieved her cell from her pocket. She tapped a few times before shifting her screen to me. A video began to play of Kendra speaking with the two men who attempted to rape me at the club. She was standing outside the VIP room, notifying them that she was going to send me a text to come up soon and that they should do as she says and not mess things up, or else she would have her uncle fire them. She told them to rape me as much as they like and that if I resisted, they had the permission to beat me senseless.

I clenched my teeth as the video ended and Jessica sent me a pleading gaze. “Please don’t tell her I told you.”

I shut my eyes for a few seconds, in efforts of calming the aggression within me. “How did you get this video?”

“I was on my way from one of the rooms upstairs with that guy last night and I heard her talking with the men, she mentioned your name, so I stood behind the wall and I videoed the scene. I found it so cruel. I am sorry, I should have told you sooner. Did anything happen to you?”

I stared at the floor. I was not surprised. After she sent me that text and I went up to see those two men, I knew she was behind it. I was just not prepared for the betrayal.

“What are you going to do?” Jessica asked, and I shook my head.

“Nothing…” I decided to change the topic, the anger in me was boiling to a higher degree. “What happened with that guy yesterday, did you sleep with him?”

She nodded sadly. “Y-yeah…” Her eyes fell to the floor and she seemed a bit embarrassed. “I had to…”

I narrowed my eyes. “You didn’t have to. I thought you wanted to save your virginity for someone special.”

“Kendra would have been mad if I didn’t…plus there’s nothing special about being a virgin anyway…”

I stared at her, knowing she did not mean those words. She pushed her hair back. “Just please do not tell her that I told you, okay? Please.”

“Why do you fear Kendra so much?”

She sighed. “You wouldn’t understand, Rainey…It’s complicated. I have a class; I’ll see you later.” She walked away and infuriation rose within me as I quickly plodded to the last class I had for the day.

I ditched homeroom, shooting a text to Riley that I had left early. I called my Dad and asked him to block my card, then I went to the bank and told them that my card was stolen. I asked them to check its current location and I was appalled to learn that Kendra’s address was the one they found. She had stolen my money and my card.

Setting me up to be raped then causing me to walk on that dark lonely road home was just too much. I had never done anything to offend her, so I was confused as to why she would do me like that. I did not deserve it and I was not going to let it go.

So, the next day of school, I thrust the door of the classroom open with rage. It was seven-thirty and our homeroom teacher had not arrived yet. A few kids were sitting and chatting, and Kendra and the girls were at their usual spot at the back of the class.

Riley grinned as soon as she saw me, waving her hand excitedly. “Rain, I’ve been texting your phone non- stop!”

“Kendra! You little bitch!” I yelled, causing heads to snap to us instantly as everyone’s mouths flew open. Monica narrowed her eyes and Kendra tilted her head to the side, a look of amusement on her face.

“What did you just call me, Slate?”

“What the hell’s wrong with you, Rainey?” Monica questioned, staring at me as if I were crazy but they were the ones who were insane.

“Why did you do that to me? What the actual fuck have I ever done to you?” I asked as Stacie got up, gripping my arm.

“Chill, girl. Why the rage so early?”

I yanked my arm from her grasp and stepped closer to Kendra, who was lounging back with no sign of remorse on her face, just a sickening smirk that I was itching to slap off her features.

“What did you do to my friend?” Riley squinted her eyes at her, and she just laughed.

“What did I do that was so wrong, Slate? Come on, I was helping you to get laid, why should I be bashed for that?” She chuckled and my hand folded into a tight fist.

“You told those two men to rape me, then you stole my money. I want my fucking money.”

“What the hell?!” Riley jumped up. “How dare you mess with my friend; I will not sit and watch you do that!”

“I don’t have your money, Rainey,” Kendra smirked. “Did you see when I took it?”

“I gave you my purse at the club so you could pay for the damn drinks, you must have taken it then. I went to the bank yesterday, tracked my card and the address they found was yours!”

Riley looked at her in awe and Kendra just tittered. “I am not the only one who lives at that address, Slate. Your evidence is so weak.”

“Okay.” I shrugged. “Then let’s prove it, yeah?”

I grabbed her bag off the desk, and she attempted to reach for it, but I shifted away and emptied the contents onto the floor. My card fell out among other stuff, and she sat back in her chair while Riley gasped at her. “You’re a fucking thief, Kendra.”

I threw her bag down angrily and grabbed my card, lifting it. “Isn’t this my card?”

Kendra swallowed hard, then looked out the window, guilt riding her features as she crossed her arms.

“This is my card, and you stole my money too.” I sneered. “Why would you do that to me? Huh? What have I ever done to you?”

She squinted her eyes from the sun, twisting her lips with a bitchy expression.

“Tell me, I want to know Kendra. What have I ever done for you to do this to me? What have I ever done to warrant you ordering men to rape and physically assault me? Huh? Tell me! I want to know, tell me, Kendra!”

“Nothing!” She barked, jolting up from her chair. Her eyes were wide and red, the veins standing at attention in her neck. “Nothing! You did nothing to me, I just don’t fucking like you, bitch! There, I said it.” She laughed like a madwoman, opening her arms widely while everyone stared at her in awe.

“I hate you, Rainey Slate! I have never once liked you. I just pretended I did, but every time I looked at you, I felt like killing you. You always have money, guys always like you. I mean, it’s not fucking fair. We are all struggling to survive but you get everything at your pretty little feet. That is why I hate you. You are not even all that pretty, so why the hell are guys always looking at you and not me? What is so special about you? It makes me sick; you make me sick, you rich slut!”

I narrowed my eyes at her. “I am not a slut; don’t you dare call me that.”

She scoffed. “You aren’t? Who the hell are you fooling? Your Mom is a slut and you are one too, no wonder your Dad left you both, you both are two sad fucks!”

“Stop that, Kendra!” Riley yelled.

“No…” I nodded. “Let me hear what else she has to say.”

“Do you think the world revolves around you? You think you’re better than me, don’t you? Well, breaking news; you are not, Rainey! My life is so much better than yours. At least my parents are together, and I am not fucking my mother’s boyfriend!”

The statement made my heart flipped in my chest. She had no idea how painful those words were, she had no idea how deeply they hurt me.

“W-what?” I shifted my weight, and she laughed.

“Both you and your mother are taking turns at fucking her man! Two sad pathetic women who make me sick to my stomach! I am sure he has already broken your hymen, yet you are here acting like a little virgin. You make me sick to my—”

My fist collided with her face and everyone screamed as she fell hard against the tiles. Kendra wiped her nose and discovered blood as I hovered over and immediately threw another punch to her face.

“Oh, God. Rainey, stop!” Monica cried as she covered her mouth in shock. Kids began crowding around the scene as Kendra tried to grab my hair. I gripped her wrist and twisted it, causing her to cry out in pain as I slapped her across the cheek.

“What do you know about me? Nothing!” I yelled, my eyes burning with tears. “You don’t know me! You never did, you never will!”

She tried to grab my arms, but I lifted her head and slammed it against the tiles.

“Oh, fuck. Rain, stop.” Riley gripped my arm, but I unconsciously shrugged her hand off while I raised Kendra’s head and banged it against the floor again. “Don’t talk about me that way, don’t you dare speak about me like that, what the hell do you know?! You don’t know what I have to go through!”

Stacie gripped both my arms from behind, but I effortlessly shoved her away as I grabbed onto Kendra’s head again. Her hair curtained her face as she cried out, thumping my chest but it did not stop me from hitting her head against the floor repeatedly.

“You told them to beat me senseless! Do you know how it feels to be beaten senseless? This is how it feels!”

Echoes of screams came from her friends as I continued slamming her head against the floor. The rage in me did not bid me stop, and soon, her resistance ceased as her body became weak. I still did not stop; however, until Monica screamed out, tears spilling from her eyes. “She’s bleeding, Rainey! Shit…stop!”

Riley pressed her face into her hands as blood seeped from Kendra’s head. I looked at my palms, stained with her red fluid as she flumped against the floor, unconscious.

Riley grabbed my arm. “Oh shit…Rain, come. Let us go before—”

“What is going on here?!” The sound of the principal’s voice caused everyone to scatter to their respective seats. But I was still sitting on top of Kendra, staring at my bloody hands while Riley stood next to me, pushing her hair back in panic.

“Rainey Slate!” The principal bellowed in terror. “What on earth have you done?!”

I froze, my mind disoriented and my eyes hazy. Footsteps speedily approached me, but I did not run away. There was no use, that was it. And I did not regret it. I had too much built up anger, and although it did not make me feel better to split Kendra’s head open, I owed it to myself to fight back. I owed it to the ten-year-old me.

°°Flashback Ends°°

Ansel stares at me, taking a minute to absorb the story. I glance at him skeptically. I do not want him seeing me differently now; I would not able to live with that.

I keep this story from people because it hurts to speak about it and the judgmental words I received after it all happened, even from my own mother, made me lock the memory away in my mind. It hurts. It still hurts.

“I know, what I did was insane…” I shake my head and Ansel shifts closer to me, his face softening immensely.

“It isn’t. What she did to you was insane, Rain. I can’t believe she’d—” He sighs, shutting his eyes for a while. He reopens them and they appear glossy. “I can’t believe she’d do that to you. What she did was really messed up, and I am so sorry you had to go through that.”

I half-shrug, staring at my fingers. “Can you be honest with me? Do you see me as a bad person, Ansel?”

I feel weak asking such a question, but I care what he thinks about me. Everyone else can judge me and criticize me but Ansel? It will scar me deeply if he sees me the way most people do. I peek up beneath my lashes while he quickly shakes his head.

“No way, I don’t Rain. Why would you think that?”

“Because…” I press a palm over my face, sighing heavily. “I cracked a girl’s head open.” I remove my hand, blinking back tears as I glance heavenward. “Like who the hell does that?”

“No, no, she deserved that Rain, what she did to you was so cruel. It’s okay.”

I shake my head, putting my face in my hands. “It’s not. I am no different from a criminal. I am so messed up, Ansel.”

The bed dips as he moves closer to me. “Hey, you are not messed up, alright? Rain…look at me.” He gently takes my hand from my face, gripping my cheek in his palm. He lifts my head to meet his gaze, and his forehead puckers when he sights the tears in my eyes.

He draws a breath in, his brows pulling together. “It’s really okay…do not cry.”

A tear escapes and slaps his knuckle and I shut my eyes as I sob softly. The bed slumps as his presence come closer, then I stiffen as I feel his soft lips against my forehead. The crying instantly ceases as I slowly open my eyes; the feel of his lips against my skin is glorious.

He moves away, and I lift my gaze to meet his. The care in his orbs makes my heart swell with so much affection and before I can stop myself, I impulsively close the space between us and press my lips against his.


^A/N: Hi😊Thank you so much for reading!💜If you love my story don’t forget to hit that heart/like at the bottom and follow me (if you want lol) so that you can get instant notifications of when I post updates❤Lots of love, keep safe and stay tuned for more!💜

-Tiffanyluvss❤

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