Then You Look At Me

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Heal Me

~I just wanna see how beautiful you are. You know that I see it; I know you’re a star. Where you go I’ll follow, no matter how far. If life is a movie, oh you’re the best part.~ Daniel Caesar ft. H.E.R.

Chapter Theme Song: ‘Best Part’ by Daniel Caesar ft. H.E.R.

Warning: Chapter may contain mature sexual content.



Lea has finally left, and Ansel and I are sitting on his bed. A small silence flows between us, tons of unanswered questions hanging thickly in the air.

“What did you do to Jeff?” I begin, gazing at my hands in my lap.

He sighs deeply as he stares at a poster in front of us, his response delaying. “I don’t think you want to know that, Rain.”

“I do.” I look at him, seeing the strong gleam of uncertainty in his eyes. “I do wanna know, Ansel.”

“You may look at me differently. I’d like to save you the alarm.”

I shift to face him, attempting to persuade him. “You’re looking at someone who slammed a girl’s head open. I don’t think it could be worse than that. I won’t judge you...I promise.”

He exhales sharply, pushing his hair back. It lands back against his forehead messily as he looks at me again, his eyes softening. “Okay. I beat him up…”

I nod.

“And shot him…three times.”

I swallow hard. Not because of what he did, but the possible consequences that he can face as a result. I don’t want him to get into trouble because of me.

“Where did you shoot him?” I seek for any piece of information that will hopefully make me feel better about this all.

“His knee, shoulder, and stomach. I also broke his hand and beat him to a messy pulp. His face was unidentifiable when I left him.”

A soft breath leaves my lips as I lower my eyes to the dark blue sheets on his bed.

Oh, God.

“But that’s not the only thing I did, Rain. I also gave Greg his fair share as well.”

Awestruck, I lift my eyes to his, locating an unempathetic glint in them. They appear darker and inhumane.

“You knew about Greg too?”

He nods. “Yeah…I just didn’t want to talk about it until I was sure you’re ready.”

All moisture has left my throat as my brain struggles to organize the heavy information.

“Okay…but where did you get a gun?” My brown eyes swirl with confusion as Ansel taps his finger against his knee, biting down on the inner flesh of his lower lip. He seems reluctant to respond.


“I own a gun, Rain.” He breathes, scratching his forehead.

He owns a gun. How on earth does he even—

I shake my head. “I don’t believe you…”

“Why not?” His brows furrow.

Yeah, Rain? Why not? You saw him pull a knife from his shoe to slice a man’s abdomen. And past occurrences have also shown you that he very well knows how to shoot a gun.

But perhaps I am just searching for a small notion to hold onto. One that can fuel the hope that maybe he was not the one who had hurt the two men and thus, would not have to potentially get imprisoned.

“I just don’t…”

Letting out a soft sigh, Ansel gets up from his spot and moves around to the side of his bed. I watch him as he squats down and pulls out a shoebox, which he places onto his bed to lift the cover off. My eyes immediately grace the gun sitting amongst some dollar bills and my breath catch in my throat.

He owns a gun. He does own a gun.

He reaches for the weapon and rests it on the bed, raising his eyes to lock my flabbergasted gaze.

“Do you believe me now, Rain?”

How can I not? It is right in front of me.

I am still in a state of disbelief as I nod my head slowly, my eyes settling on the gun lying on his bed. He puts it back inside and pushes it under his bed before joining me again, a skeptical look on his face.

“Rain…I am not necessarily a good guy—”

“I don’t care what you did to those men. To me…you’re still an amazing person.” I cut in.

Ansel looks slightly confused as he tilts his head to the side.

“And I appreciate the fact that you defended me. I just don’t want you to get into trouble because of me.” My gaze saddens and he draws closer to me, reaching for my hand.

“I won’t. I’d be stupid not to have thought it all through before I executed it. I know what I’m doing, Rain. Trust me.”

I do trust him. He’s a smart guy and I know he doesn’t have it within him to be reckless.

I nod my head, and he smiles, bringing my hand to his lips for a kiss. Instantly, a windy sneeze erupts from me and Ansel regards me with utmost concern as I offer an apology.


“Damn, I should have given you some dry clothes as soon as you came up. It totally slipped me.” He gets off the bed quickly and plods over to his closet. My throat feels slightly itchy and my entire body is quivering. But what do I expect? I walked here in the pouring rain as if I am shooting a dramatic love scene.

Twilight has now fallen but light showers are still hitting the rooftops as the moon struggles to peek out from dark, musty clouds. Outside is covered by a thick fog, and cold air travels through Ansel’s window as lights from neighboring houses fight to pour through the mist.

I wrap an arm around myself. The evening is cold, and the night is drawing down rapidly. His room is now a little dim since he has not switched the lights on yet.

“You can wear these.”

I pull my eyes from his window and to him as he extends to me a suit of clothes.

“Thanks.” I stand to my feet as I accept them, noticing that it is a white T-shirt and a pair of shorts.

“The shorts will probably be a bit large for you since you have small waists.” He rubs his neck.

“It’s okay, it’ll work.” I beam gratefully and make my way to the bathroom. I quickly strip out of my wet attire to pull on the ones I was given. I smile a little when I notice that the waists of the shorts keep sliding down.

He was right. It is large.

Luckily, his T-shirt is big enough to hide that fault. With my short hair and Ansel’s clothing, I can probably pass for a very unattractive boy right now. But that’s okay, right? He has seen me at my worst so many times; a day ago, heading the list.

I exit the space and he is just putting on a fresh, dry shirt of his own while a candle is now burning on the nightstand.

“No electricity?” I ask.

“Nope.” He shifts his gaze to me. “Remember last time I told you that there is always a power outage whenever the rain falls…” He trails off as he cast his eyes over me, an intense expression surfacing his face.

I shift insecurely. “What?”

His eyes are shimmering under the yellow glow of the candlelight. “Nothing...It’s just…that T-shirt is a tad thin.”

I drop my eyes to my chest, realizing that he is indeed correct. Since my mind had somehow stopped functioning earlier and I ran from my house without even putting a bra on, the uneased globes on my chest are fiercely protruding against the material. Though the room does not have much lighting, they are not hard to miss.

“Oh…” My cheeks become rosy as I bring my arms up to cover them. Ansel just smiles at this as he pulls out the top section of his drawers.

“Maybe this one will do?” He grabs a black T-shirt and hands it to me and I utter a ‘thanks’ as I turn my back to quickly switch shirts.

I am unaware of the fact that his eyes are fixed on the tattoo in my back as I push my arms through the garment, dragging it over my head. As I fix it over the large shorts, a warm breath fans my neck suddenly, causing me to slightly shiver as attractive arms embrace me.

My breath hitch in my throat as I wonder how I hadn’t heard him coming up behind me. His lips begin to shower soft kisses along my neck, his palm slipping beneath my shirt and stroking my bare stomach.

Though he is now my boyfriend, I cannot shake off the nervousness I am faced with whenever we are this close. I am dissolving against him and all it takes is a mere touch of my skin.

He does not utter a word, his actions speaking all there is to know. And as he begins to trail higher up my bust, my heart fiercely beats in my chest; so loud that I can hear its irregular rhythm in my eardrums.

Ansel gropes one of the buttons on my chest, his thumb stroking the nub until it hardens noticeably. I am aroused instantly and press my thighs together as he uses the other hand to grant the opposite globe equal attention. A fire builds up in the pit of my stomach as I bite down onto my lower lip, and Ansel pulls his palms from my shirt and takes my hand in his. Taking a few steps backward, he closes the notch on his door, and my face reddens even more at the action as he meets my gaze, an intense glint in his orbs.

He sits onto his bed and pulls me toward him, his blue eyes peering up into my nervous pair.

“Sit on me…” He whispers. His eyes are drunk on desire, his cheeks strawberry colored as he positions his palms on my waists.

Doing as he says, I straddle his groin and his hands go around to grope my bottom instantly. A soft breath leaves my lips as he gently holds my neck, guiding my head down to connect our lips.

His tongue softly invades my mouth as his palms go to work, sliding me against his hard bulge so that my body is grinding against his. I can feel him entirely through the thin material of his shorts as his lips move rapidly against mine. As the kiss intensifies, his hands slip inside the shorts to grasp my bare cheeks. I slightly jerk in response, and he quickly breaks the kiss, sheer concern whirling within his eyes.

“I won’t touch you if it’s uncomfortable, okay?” His words are a little above a whisper, and I shake my head. I did not jerk away because I hated his touch. I want him to touch me, but my body seems to be accustomed to jolting away upon such contacts.

I climb off his lap, and he watches me steadily as I lay onto my back. The love in his eyes glows above the yellow light as he gazes at me in slight confusion.

“I want you to touch me,” I mutter, watching as his face becomes even more scarlet. His flushed expression is the most beautiful sight I have ever seen as he reaches a hand up to scratch his forehead.

“I…I don’t want you to relive that horrible memory again or—”

“If I don’t conquer it, it’ll stay with me for a lifetime and I just want to move past it. I can’t live in the past forever, it’s already gone, and I need to focus on the present so I can move forward with my life. Please help me to do that…” My eyes sting with tears and his gaze softens as he comes up to hover over my body.

As he speaks, his voice is as soothing as the light sprinkles of rain hitting his window.

“I’ll help you to forget about it all, okay?”

Smiling a little, I nod as he brings a hand up to wipe the tears from my eyes. He lowers his head to kiss me again and our lips molds together, desire and passion flowing between us. He keeps our mouths connected as he shifts a little to the side, gently caressing my thigh as he kisses me passionately.

His hand ventures higher and as he gets closer to the place between my legs, my heart rate speedily increases. Slowly, his hand slides inside the waist of my shorts, tentatively slipping into my panties. His fingers encounter my sex, and I shut my eyes tightly, my body already shaking from fear.

“Rain…” He presses his forehead against mine. “Open your eyes and look at me.”

I do as he says to find him gazing at me with nothing short of endearment.

“Keep your eyes on me, okay? That way you won’t have to see those bastards.” His tone is soft and caring and I nod my head, swallowing sharply as I grip his bicep.

He kisses me on the forehead, and then slowly, his hand starts moving. It feels as if he is merely rubbing me up and down in a steady motion, yet it feels undeniably good. Should it feel this good?

The anxiety is still prominent, but I keep Ansel’s words in mind.

“Keep your eyes on me.”

I do just that, and he ensures not to take his off, as if a simple break of eye-contact may trigger the dark memories.

“You’re doing so well, Rainey…” He whispers as I feel him press his thumb at the top of my sex, causing me to gasp softly. I grip his shirt tightly in my palms, my pink lips parting as he rotates his finger in a clockwise motion. I am not sure what he’s doing but it feels unearthly and I don’t want him to stop.

Now all the painful flashbacks are non-existent, replaced with this strange and new feeling that Ansel is giving me. He senses I am coping well and so he kisses me while his finger maintains its slow pace.

“Do you like it?” He asks into my mouth and I nod my head, feeling a tight feeling building up inside me. I feel his middle finger glides along my vulva and with a gentle nudge, it slips inside me. I gasp, biting down onto his lower lip reflexively. He groans a little but does not stop as he eases his digit inside. There is a slight discomfort and I wince a little.

“You alright?” He checks as he begins to stroke me slowly. The small sting subsides as my breathing grows. I manage to nod my head, as he sucks on his lower lip where I had bitten him. His thumb is moving against the pert bud at the top of my sex while his middle finger thrusts inside me at an equal pace.

What on earth is he doing to me?

My breath gets stuck in my throat as I gaze into his eyes, the sensation heightening at every passing second.

I can hear my arousal as his finger enters and leaves me repeatedly, and he showers kisses along my neckline, cooing against my skin.

“You’re so wet, Rain…so responsive.”

His tone is so erotic that I feel my body rushing toward its peak. A soft moan leaves my lips as his finger curls inside me, touching a place that I did not know existed.

“Ansel.” I am panting for air.

“Mm? Cum for me, Rain.” He lifts my shirt, his lips pulling one of my aroused nipples into his mouth. My back arches off the bed and my chest is rising and falling in crazy short breaths as his hand gets more demanding.

“You feel so good…” He utters, and everything is becoming a blur as my body comes closer to a mind-blowing orgasm. I squeeze my eyes tightly, my body trembling.

“Look at me, Rainey.”

I open my eyes to meet his, and the desire in them is breathtakingly strong.

“I want you to keep your eyes on me while you cum…and I want you to replace this moment with all the bad memories. Can you do that for me?”

I manage a nod, biting down onto my lip to stifle a moan. He keeps our gazes connected while his fingers speed up, his opposite hand coming up to kneed one of the circles on my chest. That is all it takes for a strong wave of climax to wash over me. My body quivers uncontrollably and Ansel keeps stroking me as I ride on the wave of pleasure. I find myself uttering his name repeatedly and he blushes at this, latching his lips onto mine for a deep kiss as my legs shake beneath him.

The moment is pure bliss, a heavenly experience that leaves me heaving and gasping for breath.

He pulls his hand from my shorts and wraps his arms around me as I breathe heavily against him, my body quaking as beads of sweat trickle down my forehead.

As I return to earth, my eyes feel heavy and my body is weak from exhaustion. Ansel sweeps wet hair from my face as he smiles down at my weary form.

“You did so well, Rain… I am so proud of you.”

He plants a kiss on my forehead, and I close my eyes, my lips barely stretching into a tired smile.

If I were to die right now, I would die a happy person. My soul is at peace as if a huge load has been lifted off my shoulders.

I grew up thinking being touched was an evil act, that it was a scheme used to control and manipulate someone.

But Ansel showed me just now that it can be beautiful, that not all touches are bad and that I can finally move past the memories that kept weighing me down.

He healed me.


~You don’t know babe, when you hold me and kiss me slowly; it’s the sweetest thing.~ H.E.R❤

Many many thanks for reading🙂❤. If you like my story even a tiny bit, don’t forget to hit the heart/like at the bottom, and follow me (if you’d like to lol) to get instant notifications of when I post updates and everything concerning Ansel and Rainey❤❤. Thanks so much for your support!!

Also if you’d like to, you can check out my short texting/dialogue story called ‘Friendzoned’ in the meantime. It’s a quick and light read, nothing too serious.

Much love and stay tuned for more!!


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