Later that day I get home to my thankfully empty apartment. I look around making sure that chick didn’t steal anything, or maybe placed a hidden camera somewhere. That’s my biggest fear.
Luckily for me, everything seems to be just as I left it, the only difference is a small piece of paper by my bedside. I pick it up and read it.
[MY GOODNESS, YOU WERE INCREDIBLE LAST NIGHT! Seriously that was the best thing I have ever seen. The way that kitty jumped out, made me flinch. Haha Thanks for inviting me over. Here is my number! - Molly.]
I look down at the note in horror! What did she mean the kitty jumped out? What kind of freaky shit was I getting into last night?! I’m not even lesbian! I think.
I need answers now. I text the phone number that was written down messy.
Nala: [Hey Molly, I got your note, and I just wanted to ask you since I can’t remember a thing. What exactly happened between us last night?]
She types fast.
Molly: [OMG how can you forget? After my shift ended, I got drunk with you and your friend. Your friend went home with some hot guy, and you suggested to take me home with you.]
Nala: [Then what happened?]
Molly: [Then once you took me to your place, you started to give me relationship advice, after repeatedly telling you I was single. It was hilarious. Then I suggested we watch a movie, and you picked out some weird cat movie, that ended up being funnier then I expected, and we just had a great time.“]
Nala: [So that’s it? We didn’t fuck or anything?]
Molly: [Pss, no. I already knew you were straight after you kept talking about some dude you work for who is incredibly sexy, but an ass. I’m pretty sure you got the hots for whoever he is.“]
Nala: [Oh, no, no, I don’t have the hots for him. He’s my boss, that would be weird. But anyhow, it was nice meeting you Molly.“]
Even though I barely remember it.
Molly: [You too Nala! If you want discounts for your drinks next time, you know where to find me!]
I pocket my phone and let out a relieved sigh, before texting Wanda to make sure she’s all good.
Afterward, I make myself some dinner, and as I’m eating a crab salad, it hits me.
“I’m a wing woman?” How did I get to this point in my life?
Oh well. I guess I better start doing some woman hunting for Lorenzo. Luckily for him, I know what he wants, but I also know what he needs. I’ve worked for him long enough to understand him.
I pull out my laptop and I build Lorenzo a profile on a dating website. Yes, I know I said the dating websites were a bad idea, but not the way I use it. I made sure to not mention that he is a billionaire, and all the pictures that I chose were respectable, headshots, and full-body shots of him playing with a puppy dressed casually.” I grabbed the pictures from his Facebook, and last but not least I gave him a fake middle name. That way it would make it a little harder for women to dig information on him.
“Boom! Now I wait.” I talk to myself as I push the laptop away and plop onto my sofa.
I end up falling asleep, and the sounds of notifications from the computer wakes me up.
I walk up to It rubbing my eyes, and I gasp.
“Holy Smokes!” 50 women wanna get to know him in just one hour. I mean... I get it, he is a beautiful creature.
I look through the list of women, and deleting, one by one the women who I knew wouldn’t be a match.
“Marla banks... hum....” She is pretty, but it says in her bio that she wants sugar daddy... *DELETE.*
“Rasha pike?” This woman looks old enough to be my grandmother, and that’s saying a lot, given that she’s dead and all. RIP. *DELETE.*
By this point, I have already deleted 20 women, but then a beautiful blonde one catches my attention. Her name is Karmin, She is an artist so she must be a passionate person. She is also a very successful artist, so she won’t need to depend on any man. She has no kids and is family-oriented. She has never been married, but she wants to eventually.
I send her a message trying to finesse her the way Lorenzo would with smoothness and a hint of humor. While being respectful.
She responds 10 minutes later.
Karmin: [I would love to meet you, Lorenzo. I’m new to New York City, maybe you could show me around?]
I give Lorenzo a call.
Lorenzo: ( “Well if it isn’t my favorite Latina. Do you have some news for me Nala?”
Nala: ( “You bet your sexy gringo ass I do.“)
Lorenzo: (“lay it on me.“)
Nala: ( “Well I made a dating profile for you, and it seems that I found a woman who you might like. She’s an artist, and really pretty.” )
Lorenzo: (“Damn that was fast. What’s her name?“)
Nala: ( “Karmin, and you’re taking her on an NYC tour since she’s new to the city, this Saturday.“)
Lorenzo: (She doesn’t know that I’m a...)
Nala: (billionaire? Of course not, also your middle name is William.“)
Lorenzo: (“William? What the hell? William was my butler’s name. You know the one who robbed me last year?” )
Nala: (“Well now it’s your middle name, so don’t forget it.“)
Lorenzo: (” I will assume there is a method to your madness, and I’ll trust you...“)
Lorenzo: ( “But if this woman ends up being a 50-year-old dude, I’m setting you up on a date with him.“)
Nala: (Very funny, but it really is a woman.“)
Lorenzo: (“How do you know?“)
Nala: (“You’ll just have to find out.“)
Lorenzo: (“Ooo! Fun game! I can’t wait.“)
He says sarcastically and I sigh.
Nala: (“How about we make a deal? If it ends up being the woman she says she is then you have to give her an honest chance.“)
Lorenzo: ( “And if it’s a catfish, you have to bake me cookies, dressed as Pillsbury doughboy.“)
Nala: ( “What? no. How did you even come up with that so quick?“)
Lorenzo: (Well I’ve actually been thinking about cookies recently, and if you say no, there’s no deal.“)
Nala: (“Okay fine, you weirdo. Later Boss.“)
Lorenzo: (“Good night Nala. I’ll make sure to get a doughboy costume by Saturday, I’ll even have it fitted to you if you want.“)
Nala: (“Won’t need it boss. Too busy being a badass wing woman, to bake cookies.“)
I hang up and I feel pretty confident in this.