The first cracks
Another rainy day, but she doesn’t care, she likes the rain and the grey skies. She enjoys the cold days when the streets are empty, when it feels like she is the only one existing. Maybe it would have been better if she was though, or the other way around, everybody without her.. Mom says that she needs friends, but what are friends for? Nowadays they just use you to get their social status up and suddenly they get too popular for you and they drop you as if you’re nothing but a piece of garbage. Anyway, school is just a few blocks away, she should focus on her entry. She always does that, it goes like: inner voice: ’just walk, no don’t look at them, look at the floor you stupid bitch! They already think you’re weird so don’t act like it!’ Always the same 20 steps to her locker, always the same 50 steps to the restroom, always the same fifteen minutes on the toilet before the bell rings and she quietly gets to class.
She just walks there, without even seeing the things happening around her, it’s as if she created her own world where it’s just her, all alone in an empty world. I bet she’s never even seen me, and that’s unusual, not to brag or anything but I’m the captain of the football team, every girl looks at me. So why doesn’t she? She never says anything in class, but I don’t blame her. I bet she would easily outsmart the stupid guys in our classes, yes our classes, I know exactly in which classes she is. Everybody thinks she’s weird, but I don’t. there’s something special about her. She fascinates me and I hate it, I hate the way my eyes search for her the moment I walk into school, I hate what she does to my head.
There he is again, Aaron Flemming, captain of the football team. How to describe him in a few words? Easy, a massive flirt. Every girl follows him around like a puppy, so annoying! But there’s one girl who doesn’t, his sister Amber, my only real kinda friend I guess? Aaron lives across the street, and no, I don’t just know that because I see him walking shirtless on the hot summer days, okay maybe I peeked once, but nah he’s way to full of himself. Like just look at him, walking as if he owns the place, oh shit he’s walking towards me, stupid me, why did I even stop, I never do that!
And there she goes, she runs off again. I've never had the chance to talk to her, she avoids me, it’s as if she’s scared of me, scared of people. I look at her when she grabs her bag and quietly continues her way to the restrooms. She usually never stands that long at her locker, not that I’m like a stalker or something.
Biology, my favourite subject, except for the group assignments, I hate that shit. Today is one of those fun days, I sigh loudly when Miss Brooks says that we have to pair up, I’m always the last remaining because nobody wants to work with me, I get them, I wouldn’t either. But today is different, I feel it in my body, and my body never lies.
I see a tall person coming towards me, It’s probably Peter, the nerd who likes to make his assignments with me because I actually do something, and I don’t talk to him. I actually even enjoy his company, so I guess it’s my lucky day today. When I read the subject, I even get more exited we have to do resource about dogs, and why they wag their tails. My heart fills with warmth when I think about my dog, he is my everything, I turn around with a big smile on my face, which immediately disappears when I see Him.
Aaron freaking Flemming! What on earth does he want? he inspects me curiously and says in a deep teasing voice ‘wow that facial expression chanced fast, how do you even do that?’ and all I can say is ‘oh just by looking at you, it’s not that hard.’ To which he responds, ‘I get it, I tend to have that effect on girls.’ I roll my eyes at him and turn back around hoping he will leave, but he doesn’t. He sits down next to me and writes our names on the worksheet. I look at him, surprised and say ‘I’m sorry but did you ask to be my partner for this assignment?’ ‘no’ he says ‘but you have to because we’re the only two left’ I look around and he’s right everyone is already paired up and working. How did I get myself in this situation? I don’t even want to work with this guy, I look at him, his dark brown hair, at his golden eyes, perfect tanned skin and strong jawline. I can’t deny it, he’s attractive but probably as stupid as the rest of the football players. Suddenly he looks at me, he smiles an gives me a wink, I feel my cheeks burning so I crawl deeper into my sweater. Girl don’t act so stupid! What is wrong with you!?
Just look at her sitting there, does she even know how cute she is, hid in her sweater, which is obviously way too big. My sweaters would look so good on her, woahh why am I thinking this! But I can’t help it, she is so freaking adorable, with her deep blue eyes and the little messy bun on her head. I want to touch her, feel her soft skin under my fingers, I want to get to know her body. Oh please stop this bullshit! I’ve never thought such things about a girl after Rose. I don’t even want this, I promised myself never to fall in love again.
I don’t know what it is but I see him struggle, then suddenly his face hardens and without saying another word he starts working. Why is he so confusing, he really doesn’t know what he wants, right? I don’t know but something about him confuses me, it’s like I can feel his pain deep in my chest, it makes me sad, I sense his pain and its so intense it makes me dizzy. I feel my heartbeat going faster and faster, it’s racing in my chest, I have to get some air! Suddenly I hear his voice next to my ear ‘hey are you okay? Hey stay with me!’ I try to talk but I can’t, finally I get my voice back ‘I’m okay, I-I need I j-just need air.’ I feel his hand on my back as I walk out of the classroom, he leads me to an empty room, I sit down on the ground and try to get my breath to slow down, I feel like I’m gonna have a heart attack. I’m hyperventilating and can’t stop, it feels like I’m suffocating. But then there he is, there is his voice again, ‘just breathe, you’re gonna be okay, I’ll stay right here okay?’ I nod, Something in his voice calms me, I’m out of breath listening to his voice, but it’s okay, were okay, I’m okay.