“So how are you doing this afternoon “
I think about it. Good. I could definitely say I'm doing good.
“Much better” I responded.
“What do you want to talk about, any new developments? "
Plenty actually. Where should I start exactly though? Should I tell her I'm working? Well that's a given, it's the only way I could afford this session. Should I tell her about the guy…… - er rather the situation I'm in? Maybe she could help me figure it out.
I know I wasn't supposed to get myself into situations I can't handle. Normally I'll run away, far, far away. That's the rational thing to do, but I skipped being rational. This situation was far beyond normal. Yes I'm miss perfect, I have to be. Even if it killed me. Which it did. But though I was perfect I felt tired of playing the good girl act. No I'm not bad, wouldn't say I'm naughty either…..well not exactly. But there were things that brought out either the best or worse in you…..especially the worse. Because though we know everyone's got skeletons we take the risk. That was just it. My risk was a precipe and I fell right off.
Would it count as being irrational and selfish if you were only trying to find yourself?
What really dictates irrational behavior?
How about misplaced affection?
“Yeah” I said looking out through the glass window at the trees dancing in the wind. “Problem is, I'm not sure it's worth it”
That it. I couldn't trust myself. That's where everything went wrong.
But there was somethings we couldn't escape even if we tried.
There's only one answer to my problem…..sounds simple enough right?
What was I willing to give up to be whole again. The answer everything…… the real answer nothing. In giving up nothing I would loose everything. But maybe what I loose was never mine to begin with. The one thing that seemed right within my grasp was a poisoned apple. The forbidden fruit. And I wasn't just tempted to touch it, I literally picked it.
Yes we all know the story of the garden but I wasn't the only one tempted above my strength. Who gives a starving person food and tell them not to eat? Ridiculous.
Especially if the fruit looked just like sin.