© Aliyah Ezinma 2017. All Rights Reserved.
Looking back, I don't think I've ever been truly happy. I've had fleeting moments of joy from certain experiences, but it never really stayed. My life is a cycle of me swinging between dysthymia and severe depression, paranoia and anxiety, all feeding from and off of each other, and it doesn't seem to be getting any better. I sometimes worry that I'll end up like my mother, slicing open my skin and hoping that no one sees the bloody tissue or razor blades in the bathroom bin. I hope it doesn't get to that stage, though.
I've learned to isolate myself, but I do fear that one day, it will come to an end, that I will let someone in, only to hurt them, and for them to break me in return.