To see Julian’s younger siblings was definitely something different and of course, a good different. Grace was so please, so beautiful and happy to see me just as Sebastian was but he was quieter and less touchy compared to Grace like usual.
Into the night, they left for bed and I was alone in the lounge, laying on one of the black leather couches while I heard the clacking of utensils touching as Julian made us hot drinks.
His father had been here for a few minutes to see me before he had to leave for a meeting.
As I brushed my fingers through my hair lightly, I closed my eyes and thought about what I was going to say to Julian.
I didn’t realise it would be so hard. I’ve been holding it in for a few days, I’ve had enough time to think about it and he needs- deserves- to know. I just don’t want him to hurt anymore then he has to. Which shouldn’t be anything because he shouldn’t have to hurt. Unfortunately, he does and that too hurts me.
“You haven’t moved,” I heard him say as he walked in. I put on a small smile as I glanced to him while he put the mugs down, stream rising from each in a dancing flame of visible air.
“What movie did you choose?” He asked, looking to me with a raised brow because he knew I never got up to choose one. That was our plan, he got us drinks and I picked the movie. But I got caught up in my thoughts and time flew by.
I bit my bottom lip softly as I glanced towards the television screen which was blank still. I seemed to stare for too long because he noticed something was up and I didn’t really want to watch anything.
“I’m just not in the mood,” I murmured as he curled his arms around me to pull me into him, “for a movie.”
His legs opened on either side of me so I could lean back on his chest. I shifted slightly to lay on my side, my hand and head resting on his chest where I could hear his steady heart beating.
“Okay,” he breathed softly, reaching out his arm for my drink. I watched him curiously until I realised he was just getting it for me.
“Thanks,” I sat up more when I took it and sipped it, moaned softly at the peach tea, so warm and perfect. I felt it drop down to my stomach, which felt amazing and made me feel warmer immediately.
He took and sipped his coffee after but only slurped it like usual. I couldn’t help but smirk to him, his eyes down on his drink before he looked up and stopped.
“Nothing,” I shrugged softly with a small smile before I put my drink down. I took his too, which he let me and put it next to mine before I turned to face him, my hands unconsciously slipping into his warm hands.
His eyes were his normal green but wide with some confusion but curiosity too.
I closed my eyes for a moment because I had no idea how to start it. Or even how to tell him. Do I tell him, can I even tell him? Or will I cry and give him hand gestures to try to figure it out?
“There’s something I need to tell you,” I said slowly and quietly. I felt his thumb brush against mine so I looked down, raised our hands and kissed his knuckles softly.
“You remember something?” He guessed, excitement clashing with desperation in his voice. His chest seemed to move up and down faster for that moment before I shook my head softly.
I don’t remember much. Only a darkness taking my sight, a coldness consuming me like I was buried in snow, and this thick metallic taste in my throat, choking me in my dreams.
“I,” I breathed, trying to keep control as I felt tears clog my throat and cloud my eyes. Why was it so hard? It was three words. But they meant so much. “Oh Julian,” I whimpered, moving forward to bury my head into the crook of his neck as he let go of my hands to wrap his arms around me.
“Tell me what’s wrong, please,” he whispered, one hand brushing back my hair so I could look at him. I breathed, deep breaths, it was all I could do to calm down enough to get it out.
“I was pregnant, Jules,” I said and then was surprised with how I didn’t sob or cry, surprised how I had suddenly taken control of my tears.
I brushed my hands in his shirt when I felt his whole body tense but freeze as he stayed silent. Some part of me was afraid to look up at him, afraid to see what he’d do, but the other part of me wanted to know, wanted to see and wanted to help him through it.
I’ve had time to accept it. It still upsets me of course, how couldn’t it?
As I opened my mouth to say something, he spoke first.
I looked up at him, stunned. “You know? How?” I asked softly when I noticed his eyes were dark and narrow.
“Your dad told me when we were having our conversation the afternoon you woke up. He was angry and he wasn’t thinking. It slipped out and he took off.” He said, his fingers brushing against my arm. “Um, who told you?” He frowned a little, his voice angered a little.
“The doctor,” I answered, whispered as I kept my eyes down. “Wait, what do you mean 'who told me'? Did you not want anyone to tell me?” I looked to his eyes, which he averted from me while he lowered his hand from my shoulder.
“You’ve already been through so much-Rosie,” he said sympathetically when I got up from the couch. “Your mum and I made the choice together. She told doc not to tell you either. We didn’t want it to burden you more.”
“I had, have a right to know,” I replied, turning to him as he stood close to me, his hands touching to my elbows gently. “I can’t believe you’d keep that from me,” I whispered, more tears breaching as I pulled away from him. “I had the choice to tell you or not. I wanted to tell you. You wouldn’t have told me though if I hadn’t already known, correct?” I looked back at him and his head was hung down, his hands in fists while he truly looked awful about it.
“You never deserved this,” I heard him whisper so softly that I only just caught it. I bit the inside of my cheek gently as I held my cries back. “You never did anything to anyone!” He yelled while turning.
My hands automatically moved over my mouth when he punched the wall so hard, his fist crashed through the plaster. I felt teardrops run down my cheeks, the sounds of his cries low as he put his head against the wall, his hand tightening at the hole in the wall.
As I stepped forward, his cries became heavier and I felt my soul crack at each sob.
When I was close enough, he pulled from the wall fast and consumed me in his arms, so tightly, like he was never going to let go. His head buried in my neck, his tears fresh, cool and wet on my skin and soaking into my shirt.
I couldn’t hold myself either. I sobbed out into his chest as I circled my arms around his waist.
The sounds of our sobs took over the silence of the house just before small but fast thumps sounded on the stairs. I closed my eyes tight to take a few deep breaths to calm down while Julian seemed to go silent immediately.
“Why are you crying?” Grace asked from the doorway while Julian brushed his thumbed over my cheeks to wipe my tears. I took his wrists gently as I looked to him, his eyes red and teary still.
“Go back to bed,” he replied, glancing to Grace for a moment, who’d been accompanied by Seb while my eyes moved down to Julian’s hand where it was covered in which plaster crumbs, his knuckles bleeding also.
“What’s wrong?” Grace asked, walking towards us instead. I smiled softly towards her before she gaped at the wall. “Jules, you’re in big trouble,” she shook her head with a cute pout, her arms folding over her shoulder.
“So will you if you don’t get to bed,” he snapped back, brushing his other hand over to whack her head softly.
“Sebby, let’s go,” she said after she blew a kiss. She ran out, dragging Seb with her before Julian turned back to me for another hug, his hand brushing against the back of my head.
I breathed in, deep before out to calm down again.
“Please don’t hurt yourself,” I whispered and kissed his hand gently, my head against his chest. “We’ve both been through too much. No more, okay? Let’s just move-.”
“Move on? Not until that prick’s in jail or Hell,” he said, moving back while looking at his hand. I knew he meant whoever shot me but no one knew anything and there were no leads.
“That could be too long,” I replied, following him out slowly. “I just want to forget about it all-.”
“I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” he cut me off quickly before we were in the bathroom and he had his hands underwater.
I watched him wince and hiss as he cleaned the cuts. I moved towards the cupboards for the first aid basket and found a bandage for his knuckles.
“I’ll be okay without that. They’re not too deep,” he said, drying his hands as I moved back to him. I continued and took his hands, his eyes looking in mine softly. I felt the resistance before he held his hand for me to wrap the bandage around. “Thank you,” he whispered, kissed my forehead as I tired it off and brushed my hands up his arms and to his shoulders.
“No more wall punching,” I said, catching a quirk of his lips before it was gone. I leaned up on my toes and brushed my lips with his before he had his against mine more, kissing me softly but hard enough that it was perfect.
“I hate how scared I am,” he whispered. His hand closed in the back of my shirt as my eyes closed again and he kissed me again. I touched my fingertips along his jaw, my other hand touching at his arm.
“You mean everything to me,” he murmured, his lips brushing against my forehead before he kissed it. I felt a drop from one of his tears on my head so I leaned forward and kissed his chest before I curled against his body in a way so he could hold me as close as he wanted to.
“You’re everything to me too. And I don’t want you to be scared. Or hurt. Or sad. Not anymore. I love you so much and I hate what you’ve had to go through.” I bunched my hands in his shirt. “You didn’t deserve it either. Not what happened to Max. To me,” his body tensed against me and it was silent for a moment. He kept his arms tight around me, his chin on my head while my head tucked under it, against his chest.
“Come on. We both need to sleep and I want to be holding you while you do sleep,” he murmured against my hair. I nodded gently, took his hand and walked out with him and towards his room.
“There’s something else I need to tell you,” I said after we were in bed, my much smaller body now in his arms. “I haven’t been able to sleep well.”
“I know,” he murmured, his eyes deep in mine. I wondered for a moment how he knew. He was with me all night, every night at the hospital since I woke up. He slept with me in the tiny bed and I knew he was asleep because I was awake for most of the night.
“You don’t know,” I whispered, looking at the small smirk that shined on his face. “I watched you sleep-.”
“Not all night,” he said, closing his eyes. “A few hours I would wake up, watch you turn and cry from your dreams.”
“H-How’d you know?”
“No one turns and cries without having dreams, baba,” he murmured, his hand brushing softly up and down my side in a way it tickled a little but not enough to make me twitch or laugh. “I tried waking you up a few times but you never woke up so I just had to watch and hold you until you were out of it.”
“Jules,” I whispered, shaking my head softly. “How is that fair on you? I can go home.”
“Don’t say such nonsense,” he replied bitterly but jokingly in a way that brought a smile as I leaned into him more. “I learned of a trick. I hold you tight enough and you seem to realise where you are and calm down. To be honest, it makes me happy.”
“That I’m living in nightmares? You’re too kind.” I whispered and he smiled and kissed my cheek gently.
“It makes me happy when I can help you out. I can take you back to a better place, away from your dreams,” he replied, brushing his hand down to clasp my leg and pull it over him. I smiled a little when he touched his lips to mine before a little bit harder, pushing me to kiss him back.
I laughed softly when he tightened his arms around me to hold me closer and tighter. He kissed me once more and whispered, “anything for you.”
Finally wrote up another chapter. Was in the mood for Rosie and Julian so got something written after a long time of nothing.
Thank you all for your patience and sorry for the long wait but I do believe that I am drawn to this story enough to continue on with it now.
Please comview for me so I know what you think :) It's much appreciated.