Left alone in my thoughts

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I hate valentine's day

So it's valentine's day. It's been a couple days since I kissed Finn. I decided not to tell Sam cause that would end badly. But I always catch Finn staring at me which is really sweet.

In glee club everyone started getting at Santana for always being mean to people. Lauren started in on her by calling her a bitch. But Santana said that Lauren had eyes for her man, meaning Puck, but then Puck said that he wasn't her man which made me shocked because I knew things they had done together and things Puck said to Santana because she had told me.

But it's totally obvious Puck likes Lauren, it's pretty disgusting. He even sang to her which he does to every girl he likes. He sang “Fat Bottomed Girls.” I would be offended if he sang it to me but since he wasn't I enjoyed it. He even put his butt in my face. He always made me laugh.

Santana looked pissed during Puck’s song though.

Finn started a kissing booth today to raise money for glee club. But I knew it was because I won't kiss him. I told him that I wasn't going to his kissing booth and he asked me what I was afraid of and I told him I was afraid of leading him on and hurting Sam.

In the library Sam came up to me and said he saw me and Finn that we were close to each other, kissing distance. I rolled my eyes. I was kind of mad that he didn't trust me. Well he obviously shouldn't since I already cheated.

I told him he is the only guy I’m ever in kissing distance from. Then he asked why I wasn't at Finn’s booth ready to kiss him. What did he want from me? First he didn't want me to kiss him but now he wants me too?

He said he knew me that I liked being queen be and that being with the star quarterback will put me there weather I'm wearing a Cheerios uniform or not. He was right… so to show him I didn't like Finn I told him after glee rehearsal I’ll kiss Finn at his stupid booth.

I over heard some people talking about how Santana got her ass served to her by Lauren. They of course where fighting over Puck. He probably loved it.

So I kissed Finn. Sam watched just to see if there was anything fishy going on. And when I kissed him there was fireworks! It was truly meant to be!

I just feels sorry for Sam I don't want to hurt him. I've hurt so many. Maybe this is why me and Puck never got together I never felt it back because I was still in love with Finn.

After I kissed Finn I told Sam I forgot my purse so I ran back and secretly told Finn to meet me in the auditorium after school. Okay I felt bad for doing that so I went to church. I prayed for the strength to not go to the auditorium but that didn't help...

When I got to the auditorium I felt sick. I was a cheater. I did the one thing that made Finn breakup with me and Rachel. So why did he want me to cheat? If he was a decent guy he would have laid off. But we made out anyway because he is in my system now.

I don't love Sam. I know that now well I knew that the whole time because if I did I wouldn't have cheated. I love Finn that is true. But I also feel for Puck, like the other day I saw Puck and Lauren walking in the hallway together. He looked at her as if nobody else was around. He did even look my way. I’m not going to lie I got a little jealous, like what did Lauren have that I didn't!?

At the end of the day I felt gross. My throat was itchy and I had a fever. Finn also felt like this. That's when Sanatana said it's probably mono the kissing disease. Which caused suspicion between Finn and I because Sam said “I saw them kiss there was no tongue.” But he didn't know about after that.

It's like a curse. I've cheated twice in my life the first time I got pregnant and the second time I get mono. God hates me and I don't blame Him. Sanatana obviously had something to do with this. I don't know how but she definitely did. I told Finn we had to stop doing whatever we were doing because I needed to figure out what was going on with Sam and I and he needed to figure out what was going on with Rachel and him because when he is not staring at me he is staring at her.

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