Chapter 1- Mistakes & Apologies
Been waiting on that sunshine
Boy, I think I need that back
Can’t do it like that
No one else gonna get it like that
So I argue, you yell, had to take me back
Who cares when it feels like crack?
Boy, you know that you always do it right
Man, fuck your pride, just take it on back, boy
Take it on back boy, take it back all night
Just take it on back, take it on back
Mmm, do what you gotta do, keep me up all night
Hurting bad man, and it hurts inside when I look you in your eye
What are you willing to do?
Oh, tell me what you’re willing to do?
Kiss it, kiss it better, baby
The wedding was perfect. Miranda was gorgeous, and the way Vincent looked at her with adoring eyes, the moment was so beautiful. I was so happy for them. It was everything I’d imagine that Javion and I would have when it was our turn to walk down the aisle together.
If we could ever get there.
I just wished the reception was just as perfect. That little stunt Lyric pulled in the lobby of the Reception Hall had me all in a tizzy. He knew I was with Javion, why would he do that shit to me?!
Why is he stirring up shit.........emotions that I don’t want.........need to deal with right now. I’m trying to be happy! Why the hell won’t he let me be happy dammit?!
So now here I was stuck with a fuming Javion. Apparently, he’d seen everything and gave Lyric a warning shot to the jaw. My face cringed staring at the black and purple hues of his knuckles.
Javion and I had been riding in silence the whole drive back from the reception hall. He wouldn’t even look in my direction.
“Jay, are you going to say something or are you just gonna let your emotions stay bottled up inside of you?”
I watched him as he gripped the steering wheel even tighter.
"Babe,” I spoke softly reaching over to touch his shoulder.
It wasn’t a surprise when he pushed my hand away. He would do this when he was pissed, just shut down and let it fester until he would explode. So most of the time it was me trying to keep the peace between us.
“OK Jay, if you don’t wanna talk its cool.”
We finally made our way back to his condo. My apartment was still halfway boxed up in my efforts to completely move in with him. I couldn’t think fast enough of wanting to escape to it right at the moment. But sleeping either on a fleet of boxes or next to a silent Javion in a plush bed, I think the bed would win every time.
I was done trying to talk to him. If he wanted to have his little pity party, he was going to have to do it alone.
I reached over to open the door when he finally opens his mouth to speak.
“Why the fuck did you let him kiss you?” His words were saturated with anger.
“In the fucking lobby of the hall, for everybody to fucking see........why the fuck didn’t you stop him?!"
So, this is what he’s upset about, the fact that people could see us....and I thought Lyric had the ego problem.
“First of all, Jay I didn’t let him do anything for anybody to see, he kissed me! It’s not like I wanted him to do that!”
“I don’t know, did you want him to? I mean I didn’t see too much resistance happening when he was sticking his fucking tongue down your throat Dereon!”
“Are you seriously asking me that?”
“Yea the hell I am!” He grabbed my arm squeezing on it tightly. “Are you still in love with him or some shit? Cause if you are you need to tell me if I’m wasting my time!”
I winced in pain a little, snatching my arm away from him. I think he was too consumed with his anger he didn’t even realize what he was doing.
“I fucking gave up everything for you Javion! I gave up my job and my friendship to him and you question my loyalty to you!? You question my love for you! I left him for you and you still have the nerve to ask me that!”
“Any man would want to know if he’s making a mistake!”
The diabolical laugh that left my mouth scared even me. I couldn’t believe he was really saying this shit to me right now.
“I don’t see why you think this bullshit is so fuckin’ funny right now?”
“Cause you’re a fucking joke! You ask me to marry you, we start to plan then you tell me Oh Princess I wanna make a new album. So, I wait for you. Six months I wait for you Javion. You tell me to start planning again, then Oh no wait Princess I gotta promote the album. I get pushed to the back burner letting you do what you love. Then another 3 months roll by I start planning again then it’s Sorry Princess let’s plan for next year I wanna go on tour! But you’re the one wondering if you’re making the mistake?”
"Fuck you Javion! Let me help you sleep better tonight since you don’t know if you’re making the right choice about marrying me!” I twisted the engagement ring off my finger and threw it at him.
“Don’t fuckin’ walk away from me when I’m talking to you girl!”
I just ignored him as I made my way up the elevator. I was furious! Don’t question my love for you when I’ve given you so much.
I had given that man all of me!
A lot of my venting was pinned up anger. Anger brewing from him being absent throughout our relationship. Always at the studio, always on the road, always not here and even when he was around his mood swings were unpredictable. I was tired of being in love by myself. I’m surprised he made the time to go to Miranda and Vincent’s wedding with me.
I found myself storming out of the car slamming the door so hard I thought I shattered the window. Right now, sleeping on top of boxes didn’t seem so bad after all. The last thing I wanted to do was to be around Jay and his freaking ridiculous accusations.
Running into the house I went straight for the shower. I just wanted to wash this day away along with the tears that started to trickle down my cheeks.
As I let the warm water drench my body, I couldn’t help but think how Javion felt like being married to me would be a potential mistake for him. I’m sure he’s been feeling this way for a while now. I guess maybe him always wanting to push back our wedding and the way he’s been acting was for deeper reasons than his career.
But if he felt that way, why string me along all this time. Why even be with me if he felt deep down, what we have wasn’t right for him?
I didn’t want to think about it anymore. It was just too hurtful to deal with. All I wanted was to sleep now. But I couldn’t seem to pull myself out the shower to deal with reality. Until I heard a knock at the door.
After a few knocks, I mustered up the strength to speak.
“What?” The bathroom door creaks open and I hear Javion speak in a low raspy voice.
“Look De, I gotta go to the studio for a bit. Just thought I’d let you know,” he finished before shutting the door back.
I guess I’ll be sleeping alone again tonight. You’d think he would want to talk to me about everything right now. But like always making music was more important.......more important than potentially losing your fiancée, I guess.
Lying down in his bed finally, I think this might be the last time I’ll be sleeping here. Did I love Javion....yes, I did. Was I truly happy right now........I finally had to be honest with myself.
No, I wasn’t.
I didn’t want to think anymore. I closed my eyes eventually letting the exhaustion of the day drift me off into a deep sleep.
The feel of two strong hands pulling me close to a warm body startled me out of my sleep. I was wide awake now, feeling his lips grazing the outskirts of my earlobe.
“I’m sorry Princess.”
I didn’t respond to him.
“Princess, I know you’re awake.”
“Glad you’re observant, now can I go back to sleep please,” turning away from him.
He starts to rub my arm while placing small pecks on my shoulder. “Can Daddy show his Princess how sorry he is and how much he loves her.”
“Tell Daddy that Princess is straight on that, she doesn’t need for him to show her shit. He’s enlightened her on enough tonight.” My words were cold and callous as I pushed his arm away from me.
He inhaled deeply moving away from me and exiting the bedroom. Which was fine by me. If he thought a little pillow talk would make me forgive him, he didn’t know me as well as I thought he did.
I didn’t realize I had fallen back to sleep until I was startled once again, this time he was on top of me pinning my arms back kissing on my spot behind my ears.
“Javion what are you doing?” I spoke softly trying to pry my arms back from him.
“I know you’re upset with me.” He kissed my lips and I turned my head away. He hesitated, then ran his lips across my spot again. I swallowed back the moan that tried to escape me.
“It’s hard for me to deal with certain emotions I’m feeling sometimes but do know that I love you.”
“Fine, now can you get off of me.” I have to be honest Javion had my body internally screaming with his erection pressed against my thigh. With the warmth from his body increasing my arousal, my pussy became a pool for him and I was fighting the urge to tell him to dive in it.
His body was propped between my legs, his hard cock pressed against my pussy now. That tongue of his drug across my collarbone. My body betraying me as my back arched up pressing my pussy right up into him.
I sucked in my breath again trying to force that moan away. He was testing my willpower and I was adamant about not giving into him.
“Are you sure that’s what you want Princess,” he said with a raised eyebrow and a stupid smirk on his face.
“Yes, now move!”
“So, if I do this,” he quickly reached over to a cup on my nightstand putting it to his mouth.
“What are you doing?”
He just gave me that devilish smile of his. Then dragging his finger down the middle of my button-up nightgown. Exposing my body to him with every pop of each button.
Finally realizing my hands were free I went to push him off. But that slick muthafucka’........
“You tied me up to the headboard Javion! I can’t believe........Ooooh shit.......mmmmm!"
He had latched on to my nipple and his mouth was cold as ice. Yes, ice he was using! The heat from my body reacting instantly to the sensation.
“So, you still want me to move Princess,” that stupid smirk still on his face. If my hands weren’t tied, I’d smack it right off his face!
“Yes, I want you to go. This little game you’re playing is not doing anything for me.”
Damn even I knew I was lying.
He laughed at me. I don’t believe he actually laughed at me!
“Still so stubborn,” he said latching on to my other nipple. I bit down on my lip if he knew of the drip fest gathering between my legs it would’ve been all over. I just needed him to give up before he discovered the truth.
He went for that cup again. And I held my breath in anticipation of what he was about to do to me. He dragged that ice cube with his lips slowly down the middle of my torso till he hit the edge of my pelvis.
"Oooooohhhh......fuck you Javion!”
“Ssshhh, Princess I will, but first things first.”
Next thing I knew he was spreading my pussy lips with his fingertips.
“Princess, you tell me no, you don’t want me, but you’re drenched.” He flicks his cool tongue slowly up my hot pussy and my body goes wild. Arching up my hips towards his mouth, my moans then escaping my lips.
"Mmmhhmm, so sweet,” he whispers pulling another slow drag of his tongue against my pussy.
"Oooooohhh,” whimpering.... yes, he had me whimpering.
His tongue was all over my sex. Making my body shiver and shake against his mouth. I found myself eventually grinding my pussy on his face as he was sucking the hell out of my clit.
"Fuck,” I cursed. I could feel the intense burn in my belly drop down to my aching core. I was about to cum. Cum hard....and he knew it.
“Squirt in my mouth Princess, I wanna drink you, let me drink you, baby,” he begged, sticking his tongue so deep in my hole, fucking me with it. I swear I was seeing stars. I wanted to touch him so badly, I thought as I pulled on my restraints. I just needed to push him further inside me.
"Jay......need......deeper,” my words were sporadic. But he knew just what I was saying.
He pressed his face so far in my pussy, his tongue was so deep......deeper than before, his nose nuzzling against my clit summoning my orgasm all over him.
Javion made sure to hold my legs apart as my orgasm ripped through my body. I felt the trickle of my cum leave my throbbing core until it erupted into more. And I watched him as he held his tongue out drinking me like a water fountain, licking me clean when I was done.
He kissed his way back up to my stomach to my chest and ending at my lips.
“You’re so fucking nasty,” I panted.
He smiled against my lips, and then stuck his tongue down my throat.
“Do you see how fucking good you taste. I’d drink from your sweet pussy till the end of time Princess. Believe that.”
And I wanted to, to believe he wanted me till the end of time. But his track record hadn’t been the best lately and our fight today definitely proved that.
“Make love to me Jay,” I whispered through our kisses.
He untied me, and I was finally able to wrap my arms around him. Pulling him closer to me as he kissed his soft lips along my neck.
“Mmmmmm,” I was moaning as I felt the pressure from his hard cock pressed at my entrance.
Before I knew it, he was inside of me grinding slowly in my wetness. Rolling his hips then pulling out of me and thrusting back deep in my core then grinding slow again.
I drug my nails across his back as he drove me crazy with his tempo.
"Baby...Oh god......Yes,” I whispered.
His strokes became faster and deeper as he thrust inside of me.
“Ahhh Princess........pussy so fucking good. Bout to cum baby.”
He pummeled into me mercilessly muffling my moans with his lips as he grunted against them, cumming long and hard inside of me.
He rolled off me spooning me into him interlocking our hands together.
“I love you De. We’ll work on everything. I want us, I want you.”
“Ok, Jay.......ok.” That was the last thing I said to him before falling asleep in his arms.
Why wasn’t I surprised when I didn’t wake up in them? Just an empty bed and a note on the pillow.
Sorry, Princess, I had to
make a run to the
studio to finish up some
tracks. I promise I
won’t be long and we’ll
spend the rest of the day together.
I balled that note up and threw it across the room. I’ve got these notes before. All they were now to me were empty promises on empty promises. And I was mad at myself for letting him have his way with me last night.
“Dammit, Javion you just don’t get it.”
Then I happened to look down on my hand. He’d put the ring back on my finger.
I wasn’t sure if I even wanted it anymore.