My thoughts that week were totally random, making up all sorts of explanations that I should give for having an expired visa. I practiced my begging and realized how pathetic one sounded while trying to beg yet you are guilty.
Something told me that he would forgive me and spare me if I told him the reason as to why I did not renew my Visa on time but another part of me told me that he wouldn’t spare me because I had seen him ruthlessly kill a man who had just begged him not to.
I tried to concentrate on my tasks that week but I couldn’t it was hard. I was sinking into deep thoughts that I even felt sick. I missed my classes from Tuesday and it was now Thursday.
I was already having a hard time at school because my part-time job was so hectic. I had to work from 8 pm after my 7 pm class all the way to midnight. The job took most of my night time and I still had to create extra time for my studies. I couldn’t complain much because that job made me afford my apartment and my daily needs.
My performance at school was not really good as I could tell from the results of my continuous assessment that I was doing a pathetic job treading on a thin line where if I ridiculously failed one test my overall score would go below half and I would have to retake the unit meaning more money had to be paid.
Life was really hard for me and though I wore a smile outside my house, I was continuously stressed. I thank heavens that I was able to pay for my studies, pay for my apartment, afford food and other daily needs but I was at a point where if I decided to oversleep or decide not to work I would lose everything from my fee, to my apartment to my daily food.
Most people lived like me. I would share with my friend Joanne about the financial status stress but she was lucky to receive some money from her boyfriend she didn’t struggle a lot like me. At times I refrained from sharing with her about my financial problems because she wasn’t all that stable, she got her money from her boyfriend and I didn’t trust her completely. I always felt she was hiding something.
My goal was to land a decent job and I had to study a 3-year course on accounting full time to try get a better job and a better life as soon as possible. My family was miles away and I had escaped our country in search of a better life.
My visa expired and I had no money to renew it. I had paid my fee for the semester and the only money I had, had been for my rent and food. I honestly had no huge amount of cash stashed somewhere for me to give it away at once for renewing my visa. I was trying to save my money slowly but at this rate, it would take me 4 more months to renew it and that was a lot of time, increasing the chance of me getting caught (which had already happened) and getting deported
At 4 pm on Thursday I decided it was time to stop overthinking, it was 4 days since the Chief said he will be seeing me but he hasn’t come knocking to question me about it. Maybe he had seen this situation a lot considering he was chief (he knew his city well) and was ready to give me a chance to rectify my mistakes.
I decided to calm down and do some exercises in the house. As I did my workout I promised myself to buy myself ice-cream on Friday to reward myself for all my efforts. It is always good to appreciate you and to be less hard on yourself.
After my work out, I headed to the shower, I needed to get ready for my 8 pm job. I felt so relaxed and as I headed to my workplace I felt calm and ready to work. After work I took a cab to my apartment, along the road I saw some homeless people sleeping outside some closed shops, others were sharing a meal happily.
A tear rolled down my cheek......... I was doing a great job I just needed 4 more months to renew my visa. The officer will understand........he will have to.
That night I got to sleep knowing I was not safe but I had to try and move on with life I had to get things together. Until the officer decides to see me, report me and get me deported I was safe and lucky. I had to appreciate I had that mercy up to that minute from the officer because I had no one to blame for my situation.
I cried and let out the tears that I didn’t know I had been holding back since Monday. A good cry was all I needed, within a few minutes I was asleep. I had the most uncomfortable sleep and a couple of nightmares that night.