The American

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It’s been a few days since that beautiful encounter between Ethan and me. I did not know what to do after what happened that night. I still can’t believe the way my body responded to the kiss. Every part of me wanted to kiss Ethan back, but something in my head kept reminding me how wrong it would be if I did. Ya Allah I am so frustrated, I can’t believe I like Ethan and would be thinking of doing such things with him. This life throws you something that you never expect to feel. I have not been able to face Ethan since I discovered I liked him, and since we kissed. I have been feeling shy and awkward to be around him. I also think with the way my body behaved last time. I can’t be too sure if been around Ethan is safe. What if he wants to kiss me again, and I lose all my senses and kiss him back. I would want to do that, but I know I can’t do that. Ya Allah, I am going to lose my mind because of Ethan. I have not been picking his calls or answering him when he comes to the house to look for me. I don’t think I can ever face him.

I am getting ready to go to the mall to get some things before New Year that is in a few days. I can’t believe 2019 would be over in a few days, and I would be graduating from the university in a few months. It’ feels so amazing to be almost done with school.

I step out of the house and walk towards my car. I am about to enter into my car when I spot a good looking guy, dressed in black from head to toe—standing beside a matt black Audi R8, which I must say is a beautiful car. He lifts his head from his phone, and I feel all the blood in my body drain away. His deep grey eyes stare at my dark brown ones. I quickly avert my eyes; I don’t want to stare at those beautiful eyes of his. Seeing Ethan after a few days makes me realise how much I miss him. Oh my God, how is this happening to me? I can’t believe I just said I miss Ethan, but I should not be surprised because once you feel one thing for someone, you start to feel a thousand things you never thought you could feel. I start taking a few steps back to the house. I don’t think I can’t be around Ethan with all these feelings I am going through right now. I don’t even know how to handle them.

“Adina, we need to talk. Please stop running away” Ethan says, taking quick steps towards me.

“I don’t have anything to say to you, bye,” I say increasing my pace.

“But I do, and you won’t run away from me again,” Ethan says and the next thing I know, I feel my ears placed beside someone’s heart.

Ethan lifted me off the ground and is carrying me in bridal style. His heart is beating loudly in my ears, and just like last time, it is beating in the same rhythm as mine. How is that happening? Does it mean he feels the same way as I? I can’t believe I just thought because his heart and mine are beating in the same rhythm, means he likes me too. Something is really wrong with me today.

“Ethan, please put me down,” I say shocked and surprised with the fact that he lifted me off the ground and is holding me like I weight nothing.

“No can do because I need to speak to you whether you want too or not,” Ethan says, walking towards his car.

“Ethan, I promise you I won’t run away. Please put me down” I say feeling so embarrassed with the fact that he is carrying me, and people that are walking by are seeing us. I feel like the ground should swallow me whole to save me from embarrassment, and it’s not even right Islamically.

“Do you promise?” Ethan says and tightens his hold around me, making me feel warm all around me.

“Yes, I do.”

He gently places me down on the ground, but still has his arms around my waist in a tight grip. Ethan really does not want to take his chances with me today; I can really see it. He opens the door of his car and asks me to get in. I seat in the passenger’s seat while Ethan locks the car and walk over to the driver seat. He opens the car, quickly gets in and locks it again. If I did not know better, I would have assumed he is trying to kidnap me right now.

Ethan drives for a few minutes before stopping at a nice restaurant we like to eat together. He parks his car but does not get out yet or unlock the doors.

“Adina, please promise me you will listen to what I have to say, and not run away from me,” Ethan says, turning around to face me.

“Yes, I promise I won’t run away again,” I say because it’s not like I can hide away from him forever. I was scared to face him after discovering my feelings for him that I never knew I could have towards him.

“Thank you,” Ethan says, smiling, showing off those beautiful dimples that I love. They make him look so handsome.

We step out of the car and walk into the restaurant. We take a seat at the first free table we come across.

“Adina I know you are running away from me because of what happened on Christmas Day, and I am sorry, but I am also not sorry,” Ethan says and I feel so shy and awkward to be discussing it.

“I don’t understand.”

“I am sorry because your religion does not accept what happened, but I am not sorry because even right now, I want to kiss you till you are breathless,” Ethan says with a smirk on his face.

I don’t say anything but look at Ethan like he has two heads right now. I can’t believe he just said that. Oh my God, what could that mean? Does it mean he enjoyed kissing me last time? Does he want to kiss me again? Please, he shouldn’t because I might have been able to stop it last time, but I can’t trust myself to do the same today.

“Ethan, I don’t know what to say,” I say honestly because a lot is going through my head right now. I am still trying to understand my feelings towards him, and now knowing he wants to kiss me again is only making me wonder more.

“You don’t have to say anything, bella,” Ethan says, smiling.

“Ethan, but what happened can’t repeat itself. It was very wrong of you to kiss me.”

“I know, and I will keep my hands off you as much as possible.”

“Thank you,” I say feeling happy he is willing to try to respect my decisions. I am also a bit confused because he just apologised about kissing me, but did not say why he did. He kissing me could be for a million reasons, some good and some bad. I don’t know if I should ask him or not. I decide not to ask him because it might make me seem a bit too forward.

“You are welcome,” Ethan says, and after a few seconds, we order food and have lunch together.

After lunch, Ethan drives me back home. He even walks me to my door.

“Adina” Ethan says while I am opening the door.

“Yes, Ethan,” I say, turning around to face him.

“I want to ask you something,” Ethan says, sounding nervous. What could Ethan possibly be worried about to ask me?

“I am all ears.”

“Will you be available tomorrow?” Ethan says, and I am surprised that was the question he was nervous about. I thought it would be something else.

“Yes, I will. Why do you ask?”

“There is somewhere I want to take you too. Be ready by 2; I will come and pick you up” Ethan says, smiling.

“Alright, I will, and I wonder where you want to take me.”

“It’s a surprise and......” Ethan says, rubbing the back of his neck in a shy way. I wonder why he is so shy today. “It’s a date, bye,” Ethan says and quickly walks away before I can say anything.

I can’t believe what just happened. Did Ethan just ask me out on a date? Ahh, I am mentally screaming right now. How did this happen? Does Ethan like me too? Could that be possible? I don’t even know what to do. This could really change the relationship Ethan, and I have. I know dating is not allowed in Islam, but I can’t still wrap my head around the fact that Ethan wants to go out on a date with me. It feels so unreal to me, but I can’t go out on a date with him because I won’t be able to date him. I feel so happy because Ethan asked me out, but I also feel so sad because I won’t be able to date him. I would have to tell him tomorrow. Right now I just feel like crying because I can’t be with the one I have feelings for.

The next day came; I just finished observing Dhuhr prayers. I have not been able to bring myself to call Ethan to cancel our date. I can’t bear to hear his voice hurt because of me. I hope I will be able to tell him when he comes by without backing down.

I hear a little knock by the door, and I know its Ethan because the time is 2 p.m. I walk over to the door and open it for him. Once I stare at him, it pains my heart that I have to hurt him by cancelling our date.

“Adina, why are you not dressed,” Ethan says, shocked.

“That is because I am not going.”

“Why, did I do something wrong?” Ethan says sounding worried

“You did nothing wrong, Ethan, but I can’t go on a date with you.”

“Why,” Ethan says, looking a bit hurt and confused.

“I can’t go on a date with you.”


“Because we can’t do the things people who go on dates do.”

“Like what.”

“Like holding hands and all that, you know it’s not allowed in my religion.”

“And what if we don’t have to do that,” Ethan says, confusing me.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean the whole point why we can’t go on this date is because I can’t touch you.”

“Yes,” I say wondering what Ethan is getting at

“Then, I won’t.”

“What do you mean you won’t?”

“I mean I would go out on dates with you and I won’t touch you,” Ethan says shocking me to the bone that he would do such. I can’t also pretend like I did not just hear him say dates. Does it mean he really wants to date me? He has not said if he likes me or not, but I don’t think he needs to with what he just said, but I also can’t be too sure.

“Alright, give me ten minutes so I could change,” I say feeling very happy. Ethan is willing to hold himself while at a date with me. Ethan never seizes to amaze me.

I change my dressing gown into a pair of faded grey patched ripped jeans, a black top, a grey coat, a black handbag, a black hijab and black ankle boots. I step outside my room to join Ethan so we can be on our way.

Ethan drives for a few minutes before finally stopping at an amusement park. He did not tell me where he was taking me, and I would have never guessed here. I just hope we have fun today. I can’t believe today is our first date. Ahh, I am mentally screaming, so many firsts are happening with Ethan lately. We step out of the car and walk inside the park.

“So what will you like to do first,” Ethan says, looking around.

“There are so many rides and games, but I would like to do the scariest rides first.”

“What?” Ethan says, looking confused?

“I want to do the most daring and scariest rides they have,” I say smiling.

“Really, why would you want that?”

“I don’t know, but I like challenging myself to do the most daring rides anytime I find myself in an amusement park,” I say excited while looking at all the scary rides they have. I am so going to have a great time today.

“Wow, that is not something you hear every day, and I like it. You are special in your own way and that what makes you amazing” Ethan says, smiling while I can feel myself blushing due to his comment.

“Thank you,” I say, smiling.

“You are welcome, and which one do you want to go on first.”

“This one, it looks terrifying,” I say walking towards the line to get tickets with Ethan behind me.

Ethan and I have been on so many rides, and so far, I am having the most fabulous time of my life. They were a few terrifying rides, but Ethan was there to comfort me and make the fear go away. We are on the queue for our last ride before we start playing a few games and eat.

“Are you sure you want to go on this one?” Ethan says

“Yes, I am.”

“Hmmm, are you sure because I heard it’s terrifying and I know you are really acquainted with the word fear. My arms can speak for themselves” Ethan says chuckling while showing me the nail marks I made while holding his arms in fear while we were on a few rides.

“I am really sorry, I did that, I did not know I was going to be so scared,” I say playing with my fingers, feeling very sad and embarrassed I caused him such harm.

“It’s fine and if anything I love them,” Ethan says smirking, shocking me to the bone.

“You like it,” I say with confusion all over my face.

“Yes, because mio caro Bellezza Nero (my dear black beauty). It tells me how amazing you can be in so many ways” Ethan says dangerously close to my ear, causing a shiver to run down my spine. What could he possibly mean by that? The smirk and lust in his eyes are enough to tell me what Ethan meant by that. I can’t believe he is thinking of me in such ways.

“Ethan!” I say shocked

“I am only stating the facts, my dear,” Ethan says, winking at me, making me blush because I can’t believe he would think of me in such a way.

After Ethan and I finished the ride, we decide to get a little something to eat before we continue the day. Ethan is eating hotdogs with French fries and coke. I am having a burger with French fries and a vanilla milkshake.

“So what do you want to do after we finish eating,” Ethan says with a mouth full of food. He has a little ketchup on his lips.

“Anything fun, and there is ketchup on your lips.”

“Oh, where,” Ethan says cleaning his lips, but does not get the spot where the ketchup is

“The left side of your lips.”

“Have I gotten it off?” He says and still does not clean it off.

“Let me do it,” I say gently using my finger to clean the ketchup while doing so, I get a feel of how soft his lips are. I remember how the same soft lips kissed me last time. How I would do anything to have them against mine again, but we all know that is not possible.



“Do you love my lips that much?”

“What?” I say shocked to hear him ask me that

“Your hands have not left my lips since they touched them,” Ethan says, smiling.

“Oh, sorry,” I say quickly removing my hands away from his lips. I can’t believe I left my hands on his lips. I feel so embarrassed right now. I can’t imagine what Ethan thinks of me. I am really losing my head around Ethan.

We finished eating a few minutes ago. We are walking past a few stalls when I see one that catches my interest.

“Ethan, I want to do this one,” I say, walking towards the stall with Ethan closely behind me.

“Welcome, how are you guys doing today,” The nice man by the stall says

“We are doing great, please I would like to play,” I say

“Alright, the game is simple all you have to do is shoot bullets into the holes on the wall while they move around.”

“Oh, I hope it’s not hard, Ethan are you going to play”

“No, I will just watch you and how much is it,” Ethan says to the man.

“2 dollars,” The man says. Ethan is about to hand him the money, but I stop him.

“Ethan, you promised me you were going to allow me to pay for the next game,” I say, pushing the money back to him. Throughout the whole day, Ethan has paid for everything we have done even though I have asked him to allow me to pay for a few. He has been so stubborn about allowing me to pay for anything. We fought at the last stall about paying, which ended in us not playing the game, but I made him promise to allow me to pay for the next one.

“Are you sure I promised you such” Ethan says pretending not to remember so he can pay again

“I know what you are trying to do. I am paying this time.”

“I am not trying to do anything. I only asked if I really made that promise” Ethan says with an evil smile.

“Yes, you did, and I won’t allow you to pay for this game,” I say and hand the man the money before Ethan says something and ends up paying again.

“I allowed you to pay this time, but I might not for the next game,” Ethan says while I just smile.

“You have 30 seconds to shoot as many holes as you can,” The man says and hands me the gun for the game.

“Good luck babe,” Ethan says, stepping away for me to play the game.

“Thank you,” I say and start the game.

I play for 30 seconds and fail badly. I was not able to shoot even one shot with how fast the walls were moving.

“Oh, sorry you lost,” Ethan says, coming up beside me after the game.

“It’s fine, but I really wish I won so that I could have gotten that big teddy bear.”

“Oh, you want that teddy bear. We could go back, and I would play the game and win it for you.”

“No, there won’t be any need for that.”

“If you want it, I will win it for you,” Ethan says with determination.

“It’s fine; I don’t need it.”

“That’s a lie; we are going back. You have not stopped staring at it since we passed the stall” Ethan says, turning back.

“Ethan, you don’t have to play the game,” I say following behind him.

“I know, but I will because I want to see that gorgeous smile of yours when I win it for you,” Ethan says, smiling while he winks at me. I blush due to his compliment about my smile. Ethan knows how to make me blush in ways no guy has ever done.

Ethan won the adorable teddy bear for me. He earned a lot of stuffed animals for me. I have five, and I don’t know how I have so many, but Ethan was really key on getting me anything I wanted today. If I failed any game, he made sure he won it for me. He made me very happy throughout the day. I think I blushed more than 100 times today from all the compliments Ethan showered me with. I have never felt cared for like the way Ethan made me feel today.

We are walking towards the beach after playing and riding almost every game at the amusement park. There is a beach close to the amusement park. Ethan and I got cotton candy for ourselves on our way to the beach.

“How does your flavour taste,” I say taking a bite of my cotton candy. Ethan and I both got different flavours.

“It does not taste bad; do you want to try it.”

“Yes, please,” I say, feeling curious to taste his flavour. I am about to grab his cotton candy when Ethan gives it to me by himself. I open my mouth to eat it, but it’s not the taste of the cotton candy that registers in my brain. It is the warmth in Ethan hands that send tingles all over my body that registers in my mind. I feel tingles all over me from the small contact my mouth had with his hand.

“So what do you think,” Ethan says, pulling his warm hands away from me.

“It’s nice,” I say even though it’s far from the cotton candy I am talking about

Ethan drops me back at home and helps me with my big stuffed animals to my room.

“Did you have a good time today?” Ethan says, dropping all the stuffed animals on my bed.

“I had a wonderful time today, Ethan,” I say smiling at all the beautiful memories Ethan and I made today.

“I am happy I was able to make our first date wonderful for you,” Ethan says, smiling.

“Me too, and I love all the stuffed animals you got for me today,” I say holding the biggest one close to me.

“I am happy I got them for you because they are going to be your Ethan for me.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Since we can’t touch each other, I want you to hold them whenever you feel the need to be close to me.”

“I will,” I say smiling while hugging the stuffed animal close to me. The same way I want to hug Ethan right now.

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