WARNING! This chapter does contain a flashback that involves rape. Viewer discretion is advised.
I opened my eyes and let out a muffled scream. I looked up into the coldest eyes that I have ever seen in my entire life. The man reeked of alcohol, so much so, that I was about to gag. Or maybe that was just for the fact that I was being choked. My vision started to fade in and out. I needed to breathe. I clawed at his hand around my throat.
He released my neck slightly, but enough to allow oxygen to come through. The look he gave me sent out a wave of disgust throughout my body. He looked up and down my pajama-clad body. “It’s too bad Julie isn’t home to help you tonight. She owes me and my men a lot of money. She told us you’d be home though. And looky here, I guess she was right.” He smiled evilly at me with his crooked, yellow teeth.
Wait a minute. He said mom told them I was here? Why would she let a grown man in here? I’m only fourteen. She wouldn’t let some guy hurt me.
I wanted to move...to scream...to kick him... to do something other than sitting here helplessly. But I couldn’t move a muscle. I was scared. I’m just a kid, I shouldn’t have to deal with this.
I felt something wet touch my cheek. Was I bleeding? I didn’t feel him hurt me yet. He looked at me with fake pity and wiped my cheek. “Now, now sweetheart. Don’t cry. We haven’t even had any fun yet.”
I felt him reach down towards my shorts and underwear. I tried to kick him off. Do anything that I possibly could to get rid of him. But he was too strong, laughing at my feeble attempts to get away. He pulled away the thin fabric and held his body weight on top of me.
“Don’t worry sweetheart. I’ll take real good care of you.” By this point, tears were flowing freely down my cheeks. I couldn’t contain the sobs and screams that were spilling out of my throat. These in return earned me a slap across my face. I had never felt more betrayed, scared, or helpless in my entire life than in that moment.
He held both of my arms down with one hand while using his other hand to unbutton his jeans. I knew at that moment, that I would never be the same again. I would never be the naive Katarina anymore. I wouldn’t allow myself to be weak or scared ever again after this day. I would never let anyone ever take advantage of me again just because I’m a girl.
He forcibly pushed into my entrance which earned a high-pitched, piercing scream from me. I had never thought that my first time having sex wouldn’t even be my own decision to make. After that initial thrust, I lay completely still, numb to the world. It was as if I was watching from above rather than in my own body. I don’t remember how long I lay there, waiting for it to be over. I hear the door to the front of the house open and yet, I still didn’t move. I hear footsteps running down the hallway towards my bedroom. And still, I never moved. I don’t turn my head to look until I feel the man on top of me yanked and thrown across my bedroom.
I look over and see Milo, my older brother towering over the man on the ground. And still, I don’t move. Milo straddles the man and puts both his hands around the guy’s throat and applies pressure. I watch as the man’s face turns red then purple. And still, I don’t move. I watch as the man reaches into his back pocket of his jeans and pulls out a knife. And Still, I Don’t Move. I watch as he flips open the knife and slices it across my brother’s throat. AND STILL, I DON’T MOVE.
I feel myself fading in and out like a candle flame flickering. I can’t move, scream, or even breathe. I stay staring at my brother falling to the floor with blood pouring out of his throat. I feel myself being jerked all around. I can’t move.“Kaia!” I can’t scream. “Kaia!” I can’t breathe. “KAIA!”
I raised up in my bed lightning-fast and held a knife against the throat of the person standing in front of me. I blinked a few times to rid myself of sleep and looked into the eyes of a curly redhead. “Daisy. What the hell is wrong with you? Don’t you know not to wake people when they’re asleep.” I closed my knife and returned it to the waistband of my shorts.
“You were thrashing around in your sleep talking. I couldn’t hear what you were saying, but it didn’t look good. I’m sorry, I didn’t want you to continue having a nightmare.” I looked at her worried eyes which made me irritated. I hate when people feel sorry for me or pity me. I’m not the same little girl I used to be before ‘the incident’ and I refuse to admit what happened to anyone else.
“It’s okay Daisy. Just go back to bed and don’t tell Meredith about the knife, or I’ll have to kill you.” I looked at her with a serious expression.
She just shrugged and went back over to her side of the room and passed back out. I rolled over onto my back and looked up at the ceiling. I hated being reminded of everything that I’ve lost. Milo wasn’t supposed to be there at the house that night. I had called him earlier and told him about a fight me and mom had and asked if he’d come up to see me since I was home alone. I didn’t think he was ever going to come, so I fell asleep...I wish now that I had never called him. I wish that I hadn’t been frozen in time when he came into my room. I wish that I hadn’t been so weak and didn’t try to stop my rapist from killing my brother. But I can’t take any of it back. I am who I am now because of it, and I’ll be damned if I let another person try and ruin me.
As we get more into the book, you will begin to realize the reasoning for Kaia’s bitchy attitude and how it will affect the relationship she has with others around her.
Don’t worry, the next few chapters won’t be so heavy.