Scott took a deep breath and plopped onto the sofa. He tilted his head back and closed his eyes for what felt like a second, but ended up being a thirty-minute nap. When he woke up he sat up rubbing his neck, “tomorrow it’s over....” his words trailed off his tongue, like he couldn’t believe what he just said. He pondered for a moment if tomorrow was going to make him feel any different because today he felt the same. Scott’s big day is coming around in almost twenty-four hours. He was getting married to his girlfriend of three years. Sharon was a fun-loving party girl, she was the type of girl every guy wanted. Every time they’d go out, it was a miracle if a bar fight didn’t break out. She was an exceptional girl, she was bright, and smart, beautiful. Did I mention beautiful? She had short blonde hair, with a bright smile and a fiery personality. She was a spitfire with a matching attitude when she didn’t get her way, and man was she not having it. And the wedding didn’t make it any better, she had become a full-fledged bridezilla. Scott’s thoughts stopped midway though when the sound of the door opening broke the silence.
Scott’s dog Jack didn’t even budge, only one eyelid lifted as if just to peak. “Scott?” a soft voice whispered. The door opened a little wider as Scott approached, a short brunette stood in the doorway. Scott’s long time friend of many years stood in the doorway, he felt his breath almost stop for a moment before he swallowed hard trying to speak. “Hey Mace,” he spoke softly barely able to spit it out. She gave a soft smile, “is it late? I can-” he opened the door wider and ushered her inside. Jack perked up and pranced over to Macy licking her hand dancing around her feet as she stepped in. “What’s going on Jack-Jack?” Macy called as she got down to his level before standing up to turn to Scott. “Where were you when someone just opened the door dude? I’m glad I have you to watch over the house buddy!” They both laughed, Macy opened her arms and wrapping her arms around Scott’s waist and gave him a tight squeeze. He enjoyed her hugs as she was always there whenever he seemed to need her the most. He eased into her hug and wrapped his arms around in her in a warm embrace. “How do you feel?” she asked muffled inside his chest, he laid his head on top of hers and spoke into her hair, “I don’t know... I just wish it was over already.” They hugged for what only felt like moments before she pulled away. “I brought you a parting gift before tomorrow.” He hadn’t even let her pull fully away locking his hand behind her back. “A gift?” he asked looking puzzled, “When have you ever been into gift-giving?” She smiled and broke out of his arms, she handed him an old notebook. “Just read it and I will see you tomorrow dude.” She smiled and slapped his arm, and headed for the door. Just as she was headed out she looked back up at him, her soft green eyes a bit watered this time. “It was really nice seeing you today.....” he words fell off a bit broken as if she was really about to start to cry. The notebook still in hand he raced to the door to grab her before she left, but with a great gust of wind the door was closed and she turned to leave. By the time he opened the door she was already turned away and her back to the door and at the end of the driveway, “Will I see you tomorrow?” Scott called out. He was beginning to get a lump in his throat as if he was going to cry now. “Maybe,” Macy called out one last time before she slipped into her car and was gone. Turning back inside and closing the door behind him Scott rested back down on the sofa. He held the notebook in his hands, turning it from front to back, it seemed so old already. He opened the cover and began to read.
“September 17th, 2003.
Today I met Scott, It’s my second week of freshman year and I think I have a best friend already. He’s so stupid and funny and he’s not bad looking, to begin with. His blue eyes shine when he laughs, and his long brown hair looks so soft and beautiful. I love the way he hugs me, I can’t wait to see him tomorrow in homeroom.” Scott read through more entries of himself until he landed on another interesting date December 19th, 2003.
“December 19th, 2003.
Today Toby and I broke up. All I want to do is cry, I feel so alone and broken, the winter formal is tomorrow and I already have a dress and I don’t want to go alone. I don’t know what I did, or if I could even fix it, thank God I don’t have school tomorrow because I don’t know how I could even face Toby in the halls.” Scott’s lips turn into a frown and his heart sank for a moment, he remembered receiving Macy before he even knew of the news. She burst through his bedroom door, at this point, his parents would hardly even look up when the door just flung open and the dogs didn’t bark, they knew it was just Macy again. She burst through his bedroom door, ripped jeans, a cut off shirt with a loose oversized hoodie around her arms covering her hands with her face while letting out giant sobs. That was probably the biggest breakup he had ever had to deal with. He remembered wrapping his arms around her like he did tonight and resting his head on top of hers and just shushing her. “Mace what’s wrong?” He would whisper in-between long bursts of crying. After long minutes of outbursts and sobs, she would look up at him and he wiped away streaking lines of makeup and tears. “Why Scott? Why would he do this before the dance?” He remembered the pained look in her eyes, similar to the look she gave him tonight. Scott's heart sank even more after he remembered that look again.
“December 21st, 2003.
Scott took me to the dance, yesterday. We spent hours and hours just dancing, even during the awkward slow dance when he stepped on my toes 100's of times. I was surprised when he asked me, even though I know it was just a pity ask. He was probably just scared because I wouldn’t stop crying. I’m still sad, but less sad now. Scott looked as handsome as ever, I sometimes wonder what it would be like if I met Toby first and Scott second and if things would have been different if I dated Scott instead. I don’t think he would have broken my heart the same way Toby did.” Scott closed the notebook for a minute and rubbed his temples. His head in his lap at this point, why didn’t Macy tell him all this back then? He went to the kitchen and grabbed a beer and sat at the kitchen table reading through the entries. Some mundane about high school flings, friends, and some memories that brought up fits of laughter. There were entries that were weeks apart, and some were backed up every single day for months on end. Scott got to the last entry.
“May 17th, 2007.
It’s the last week of school and Scott and I are going to different colleges. I can’t even begin to describe how I’m feeling. How happy I am to start a new chapter without Scott, without the constant reminder of someone I love not loving me back in the same way. How every time I die a little more inside whenever I see him pay attention to another girl even though I know I shouldn’t because we were never anything. I literally have come so close this whole week, to grabbing his face in my hands and just kissing him for the first time. I don’t because I know what I will feel, and I know what I will want because it’s all I’ve ever wanted from him. I don’t want to hold him back, or ruin anything, so I don’t do anything more than hug him and whisper I love you under my breath. Or maybe I just say it inside my head hoping the harder I hug him he will be able to just feel the message I’m putting out. Maybe if I am free of Scott I will find someone who will love me the same way I love Scott. But I know that if I ever do see Scott after college, I probably won’t feel any different than I do now.” For the first time since this whole ordeal, Scott actually shed a tear, he had never thought that Macy was actually in love with him. What did this mean now? Why would she give this to him now, why not when they first reconnected after College? Why not give this to him before he decided to marry Sharon? There has to be an answer inside the notebook, he flipped and reflipped through pages looking for an answer to just jump out at him. After finishing a six-pack he slammed the book down on the kitchen table, and stood up from his seat and turning to the fridge for another beer.