I'VE BEEN CRUSHING on Ollie since I was thirteen.
When I say crushing, let me define it for you. He is all I think about, and I think a lot. He is also the only guy I've ever fancied like this- and it doesn't help that he is such a nice guy. I stalk him on social media at every opportunity, and I try to be at the same place I know he is going to be just to talk to him.
I speak to him when I see him, I'm not a complete pyscho- but he kind of looks through me and just smiles.
That smile though.
My best friend Vanessa thinks I'm incredibly sad, but she supports me regardless. Whatever is required, she does it, and I love her for it. Only now I'm seventeen, and its getting borderline depressing.
Never had a boyfriend.
Never spoke to Ollie properly other than the odd hello.
Something has to change, right? So of course when I hear that he is going to be at a party tonight, I decide to attend.
Tonight, I'm going to get his attention, and get my man.
"You won't speak to him. You never do, is there really any point in going?" Vanessa sighs, looking at me with a bored expression.
She doesn't have the same problems I do, because she has had a boyfriend since we started school- seriously- Adam. They have been little school sweethearts and its truly sickening. I'm not surprised though, Vanessa is just beautiful. She has gorgeous waist length chestnut hair, bronze skin and big brown eyes that you lose yourself in. Her entire family are stunning, and she has two brothers who also know it.
Zach and Lucas.
I've always envied Vanessa's relationship with her brothers, because it's amazing. There's hardly any difference in age, I think there's a couple of years between them. Zach is engaged now, again- to a girl he met in school.
It seems everyone has this shit down, but me.
"V, we have to go. It could be the golden-"
"Opportunity, I know. You say this every week. But you know, maybe we should just stay home and watch Vampire Diaries. You know Damon never let's you down," she smiles, flopping onto her bed.
It was true that Damon didn't ever let me down, but it was also true that he was entirely fictional, and also completely out of reach. Maybe Ollie could be some kind of super star. He was amazing at football, for a start. He had these super muscly legs that just-
"Damon or Ollie?" Vanessa's voice cut in to my daydream, and I flinched with annoyance. I sighed, logging onto social media to check the latest activity.
"Everyone is going," I pout, as she groans with irritation.
"Fine. We'll go. But you are buying me a massive tub of Ben & Jerry for this. Oh, and no way am I playing any party games, smoking any weed-"
"Whoa, who said anything about weed?!" I laughed nervously, hoping she didn't bring up the space cakes.
"Oh, like the time you said to eat those cakes-"
Of course she did. She wouldn't let me forget those damn cakes. But they were tasty, I remembered, before Vanessa rolled her eyes at me.
"I'm wearing jeans. I'll do my make up but thats your lot," she complained, as I hugged her gratefully.
"I'll invite you to our wedding."
She looked at me like I'd just said I would invite her to my funeral, and I tried not to take offence in her lack of belief in me.
I always had a stash of clothes at Vanessa's for events like these, and I dug out a black skater dress, golding it up against me as Vanessa grinned.
"Yes. I'll go and get the vodka."
"It stinks of sick."
I try not to agree, despite my feet sticking to the floor. We were tipsy though, and all we needed to do was find Ollie, let him see me, talk to me, and voila.
Carlie was born.
Yep, I'd given us a ship name.
My eyes were searching for him when I see Vanessa frown, peering across the crowded room as she hands me her drink.
"Adam is here," she says with surprise, and I wonder why she isn't happy.
"Oh, great," I echo, as she goes to make her way over to him.
"He said he was working," she mutters, as I make a face.
Adam was besotted with Vanessa, so I knew there would be a reasonable explanation, which left me alone whilst she had it out with her beau. I made my way to the drink station, pouring a hefty drink before knocking it back, determined to get some Dutch courage.
My mother was Spanish, and she was fierce when speaking about my crush on Ollie. Even my mother pitied me.
Aprovecha el día!
Seize the day. Yes, I should.
It was then that I caught a flash of blonde hair, and my heart began to pound in my chest, my heart rate increasing as I saw the features that filled my dreams.
Baby blue eyes and that tanned complexion, the messy blonde hair that looked like he had just got up with it that way. He was laughing at something, and I bit my lip.
Maybe I should go over...
But then, I saw that he had his arm around someone. A girl, I realised, my stomach dropping as I saw who it was. Lauren Harvey, head of the dance squad at school, a pretty much all round flawless specimen. They were surrounded with their friends, and I felt a pang of hopelessness within me.
"Aww he guessed I'd be here so he- Cara? You ok?"
Vanessa followed my gaze as I watched the scene unfold before me like a film., a beautifully romantic film that yet again, I wasn't part of. The alcohol was flowing through my veins now, because I felt my shoulders shrug, before turning away.
"Look, let's just go. I've got work tomorrow anyway," Vanessa says softly, linking her arm through mine. I don't trust myself to speak, despite knowing how pathetic my life was, it still made me upset. "Come on Car, it really does stink of sick in here."
She grimaces as she looks around us, and suddenly I feel bad for dragging her out with me.
"I'm sorry, I need to get over it."
I am now in the drunken state of anger, which, from my previous experience, is usually directed at myself.
"You need to come back to mine and get some sleep."
"Hey babe," Adam says as he comes over, lacing his hands around Vanessa waist as she smiles, still gazing at me. "Hey Cara. Ollie is over there somewhere-" he starts, but I see Vanessa elbow him as he clocks Ollie with Lauren.
"Its fine, let's go," I say, holding on to the wall as I sway slightly. Had I really drunk that much? I realise the exit is beside Ollie, who has now moved to the drink station. I wonder if I should say something, but as I get closer he looks up at me, his blue eyes crinkling as he smiles.
"Hey Cara, looking good."
He lifts a drink in my direction before turning back to his friends, and Lauren of course.
I'm standing there in shock, a wide smile on my face as I feel Vanessa jab my ribs.
Twenty minutes later we are sat around the table downstairs in Vanessa's house as we all get incredibly intoxicated on vodka. Well, when I say us, I mean me.
Vanessa is asleep on Adam who is nodding off too, and he wakes her up.
"Do you want me to sleep on the sofa and you sleep with Ness?" Adam offers, smiling kindly as I shake my head.
I'm having far too much fun with the vodka, thank you. Vodka doesn't leave me and go off with Lauren Harvey, vodka is quite happy in my company.
After reassuring Vanessa that her sofa was the most comfortable one ever invented, I continue drinking. Vanessa insists on putting the vodka away before she goes to bed, and I have to make do with what I've got left.
I curl up on the sofa as the front door opens, making me slosh my drink down my front.
"Sshh!" I say, as I get up to wipe my dress down. Its pointless, but I'm drunk, so it doesn't matter.
The shadow at the door actually shushes me back, and I frown as I peer at them.
It's Lucas. He is leaning against the door, tugging his boots off as he watches me wipe my chest with a sponge. He never really talks to me, but then I'm not usually the only one in a room with him.
"Clumsy are we?" he nods at me, as I scowl at him.
"No, you made me do it," I slur, before frowning. Why did I sound like that?
I decide to head back for the sofa, intent on falling asleep pretty soon, when Lucas slumps down on the bottom of it, inches away from my legs.
"I saw Ollie. He said I looked good."
Lucas peered at me curiously, and I began to yawn.
Maybe I just needed to get it off my chest.