I watch my best friend as she walks away with her new fiancée happy that she finally has everything she deserves. I also feel my heart sink at the thought I will probably never get that. The closest I have to it is a man who says he wants only me and doesn’t want me being with anyone else, but he won’t actually commit or put a label on anything. Anytime any sort of commitment is even mentioned he panics and distances himself from me for a week or two.
I’m the silly one for going along with it but having him keep me at arms length is better than not having him. I turn away from watching Bella and Bull and find my goddaughter and godson running their grandma in circles. Laughing I go over to them and start playing to let Emma have a break.
Four hours later Bull and Bella are back from celebrating and getting ready to take the twins back to the house for bed. Ana has already left with Grace and the slightly older kids are all getting taken home. That means one thing. The music is about to become less child friendly and louder, the drinks are about to get stronger and the party is definitely going to turn non-child friendly.
I’m sitting next to Rose on one of the chairs outside next to the bonfire pit that will get lit in a little while drinking a can of soda. “You staying for this tonight?” Rose asks
“Not sure yet. I’m pretty tired after running around after kids all day. You staying?”
“Not tonight. I’m working tomorrow” Rose says as she finishes off her own drink. “Don’t know if Razor is staying or not though. Could you give me a lift?”
“Yeah of course hold on I’ll go get my purse and we can go”
I head back in to the clubhouse to get my bag from the kitchen where I left it this morning. Before I can get back outside Deek has cornered me at the worktop with his arms around either side of my waist blocking my way.
“What do you want?” I ask coldly. He’s not even looked at me all day. I’ve not even had a hello and now he’s here like this.
“What do you mean what do I want? That’s pretty obvious” he bends down and kisses my neck.
“Deek stop. You can’t ignore me all day and then come find me when it suits you”
“Because that’s not fair on me!. You know how I feel, you can’t even acknowledge me in front of your club when it’s family but now it’s party time I’m good enough”
He drops his head and sighs. “Why are you doing this again? We’ve been over this. I’m not a commitment kind of guy. This is all just fun”
“Yeah well maybe I can’t do just fun anymore. I need to go I told Rose I would give her a lift home. I’m going home alone. I need to think”
I push him away and walk out to get Rose without looking back.