I had tried for the past hour to fall asleep to no avail. Part of me wanted to get up shower and go home. The other part was too lazy to move. Reaching out on the nightstand I grabbed my pack of cigarettes pulling one out. Lighting my cigarette I watched the lighting Striking outside of the window, it only served as more proof that I needed to stay put.
Stretching out I stuck my legs out from underneath the thin white sheet. The girl laying beside me moved, the sheet slipping down just enough to expose her breast. As I took a drag of my cigarette I thought about covering her up but didn’t. The truth was she was probably as hot as I was.
What had possessed me to come home with her tonight I’d never know. Rosalyn tended to get a little too clingy after nights like this and I didn’t do clingy. She knew the rules to our little hookups but she still had some fantasy of us that would never happen.
At 21 my life could only be described as chaotic. From the outside looking in one would think I came from an ordinary family but that was so far from the truth. I didn’t have a bad childhood. I came from a loving, caring, and supportive parents but I still rebelled against them.
My mom always says I act just like my dad and I guess I do. I sure as hell took over his status of black sheep of the family and that was no easy task. I had grown up with parents that had been brutally honest about their past. They didn’t want us to grow up in secrets and sure as hell didn’t want us to find out from anyone else.
I guess because of their honesty, the fact that my mom grew up knowing my dad as her uncle, made it not as shocking as it could have been. It still fucked with my head. My dad might not be blood-related to my mom but she had thought he was for the longest.
My two sisters didn't seem phased by it at all but I saw it differently. It didn't change the love or respect I had for either of my parents but it made me believe that someway, somehow it would come back to haunt us. Presley, my twin sister, was the only one who knew how I really felt about the whole situation and she flat out told me I was stupid. I however just didn't see how karma wasn't going to come back at us. It messed with my head more than I'd ever really admitted.
Harper, my little sister saw mom and dad's relationship as some kind of star crossed lover's fairytale romance. She didn't care about their past, didn't care that they hadn't found out the truth until mom was already pregnant with me and Presley. Harper was quite possibly the most innocent person I knew and always found a way to look on the brighter side of things. Sometimes I wished I could be more like her.
As soon as I had graduated high school I had left for mechanic school just as my dad had before me. Ever since I was old enough to remember I had lived in the shop with him. I had a love of cars. Taking them apart and putting them back together better than they had ever been before was like an adrenaline rush to me. It made me happy.
Just like my dad I had sworn to never come back home after I had left but I just couldn't do it. They had never actually done anything to me and I couldn't hurt my mom. My dad would probably have killed me. As soon as I had all my certificates in hand I ended right back up in my dad's shop. It was where I was always meant to be. It was no secret dad was planning on leaving the shop to me so I decided to embrace it. It was my destiny.
By day I worked side by side with my dad and his crew. At night, well I did the only other thing that made me happy. I raced, illegally of course because where is the fun in going around in a circle for hours. Nothing pumped me up faster than the adrenaline that coursed through my body during a race.
Perhaps the one thing I had on my dad was being a smartass. People could never tell when I was joking or when I was being serious. Unfortunately for them most times I was being dead serious. My attitude and smart ass mouth had gotten me into a lot of fights and had helped grown my reputation in our town.
Presley had a smart ass mouth too but she knew when to shut up and when to stay silent. That skill had skipped me completely. My mouth and my readiness to fight at a drop of a hat made most people somewhat afraid of me. I found it pretty amusing. Most people avoided me. Girls however seemed to be attracted to me like a damn magnet. Being a "bad boy" had its perks and all but it was also a pain in the ass.
Taking another long drag of my cigarette I let out a cloud of smoke looking over at my current pain in the ass. I knew I really needed to get up and leave but the storm outside seemed to be growing stronger. Rosalyn was completely unaware of my inability to sleep. I wished she could have put me to sleep as I had her.
The cover pulled almost entirely off of me as Rosalyn turned in her sleep. I sighed, if I knew where her damn thermostat was I'd get up and hit the air. She had it hot in here. The ceiling fan above us was on the lowest setting possible making it useless.
Putting out my cigarette I pulled the cover adjusting it over my naked body. Leaning back I closed my eyes. I was tired, my eyes were starting to burn but my mind wasn't ready to settle down.
Tonight's race had been a good one. I had won but barely. The race had ended with the cops being called and everyone scattering in different directions. The money I had won had already been wired to my bank account so I hadn't minded. Rosalyn had managed to jump in my car before I took off.
I hadn't been too worried about her as I headed to the shop to switch out cars. After a race we all would meet back up at Conner's. His place was always good for a party. I had drunk way too much and instead of ditching Rosalyn I had taken her home and never left. I guess it could have been worse, at least I knew her and how to handle her. My last random hookup had ended horribly.
Rubbing my face in my hands I thought back to what my dad had told me. Apparently he had been somewhat of a playboy before he met my mom. Well before she had come to live with him. He had even been married once before her although he said that was nothing but a mistake. He had married his first wife because everyone had expected him to settle down and start a family.
I felt that pressure sometimes, not from my parents, but from society. I was only 21 and settling down was not on my agenda now nor no time in the foreseeable future. Kids were not something I wanted. Funny enough my mom had said my dad had never wanted kids and yet he ended up with the three of us.
Laughing to myself I figured I had one up on him. Neither of my sisters had any kids and I sure as hell would never date one of them. Looking up at the ceiling I let out a long breath. I knew my mom would be upset if she ever knew how I felt and I didn't want that.
Closing my eyes I tried to envision what it would be like to actually settle down. To have someone home when I arrived each and every day. It didn't appeal to me in the least. I liked my life now. I liked being able to do what I wanted to do with no one to question me.
Don't get me wrong my dad still kept me in line somewhat but even he didn't know everything I did. He guided me the best he could and tried to teach me from his mistakes. I however was too stubborn to listen to him and had managed to do most of what he had told me not too.
Reaching over I hit the light on the nightstand beside me. Still I didn't sleep but sat up thinking of my life, of how things were and of how things should have been. Would my life have been different if my parents had kept their little secret to themselves? Was that truly the reason I rebelled or was it a gene that my dad had passed to me?
Tomorrow would come faster than I liked and my dad liked to be at the shop bright and early. He never said anything when I came dragging in late but he always gave me that look. You know the one of disappointment. The one that tells you they expect more from you than what you are giving them.
Sometimes I wanted to throw his own past up in his face. Not just mom but his ex-wife and all the other girls he had admitted to me. Dad had been wild before mom so why couldn't I have my fun now. He had settled down and I would too. One day. One day someone would come and calm my storm. It just wouldn't be any time soon. I thrived of chaos and without it I wasn't sure I could make it.