My mind was racing a million miles a second as our lips moved together. I knew that I should pull back, both of us were emotional, we’d both had a rough day, and were seeking support from each other. It wasn’t right, and yet it felt so good. Her sweet perfume was surrounding me, and the way that her lips moved with mine caused every fibre of my body to sing with delight. I deepened the kiss without even thinking, my tongue invading her mouth and savouring her taste, whilst I held her impossibly close, feeling the warmth of her toned body. I pressed her against the wall, feeling her hands reaching under my shirt. As if woken from a dream, the sensation of her soft fingertips against my heated skin, caused me to pull back, breathing heavily and gazing at her, noticing the need and hunger in those silvery eyes.
“I’m sorry.” I panted, bracing one arm on the wall as I continued to calm myself, breathing in the chilled night air, watching her chest rise and fall.
“No, please, I’m the one who’s sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.” She explained hurriedly, diverting her eyes to the ground, and lifting a hand to her forehead, shielding herself from my gaze.
I took hold of her wrist, pulling it away from her beautiful face, then lifted a hand to tip her chin upwards, managing to get her to look me in the eye.
“Don’t be sorry, it wasn’t just you.”
She stared back at me, I felt as though I was falling into those magical eyes, rooted to the spot, the air crackling with electricity around us, whilst I fought to resist the urge to kiss her again. She let out a small laugh, breaking the tension and shaking her head.
“We’re a bit of a wreck tonight huh?” She sighed.
I nodded, resting my forehead against hers and feeling her raise a hand to rest it on my chest.
“I think we can excuse it this time.” I muttered gently.
I had no idea how long we stayed there like that. It could have been seconds, or minutes, I was unable to focus on anything other than how good it felt to be so close to her. When I finally placed a kiss to the top of her head, and pushed away from her, I felt cold and incomplete, like my body had tasted something so wonderful, that it now needed it to feel whole. I hated that I felt that way, especially when I had to remind myself that I needed to remain in control of this out of bounds desire.
“Let’s get you into a cab and off home.” I said, turning towards the road, and casting a searching glance up and down. There were several cabs parked up nearby, as usual for this area, given that the bars often had people trickling out of them at all hours, drunk and needing rides home. I walked with her, getting her settled into one of them and closing the door as she gave the driver her address.
“Do you want to share?” She asked through the open window.
“No, it’s cool, I’ll walk, it’s not too far, and I could use the air.”
She gave me a small, half smile, and nodded in acceptance of my decision.
I took a step back as the driver began to pull away.
The mood was still sombre at the station the next day. The morning was spent much quieter than usual, something that was common following a death on a shout. By afternoon, there still hadn’t been a single call out, and we’d all found different things to do to keep ourselves occupied. I’d just finished cleaning out the appliance, and fancied some fresh air, so began walking upstairs to the rooftop garden.
Stepping through the doors, I saw that I wasn’t the only one who’d decided to retreat out here.
“Mind if I join you?” I called out, casting an eye up ahead to where Dodger stood, leaning against the wall, overlooking the town below.
He shook his head slightly, and I continued forwards, coming to a stop at his side, and leaning on the wall myself.
“I can never decide if I find it helpful or not.” He said, still staring down at the path below. “The way that the world carries on after death. People remain completely oblivious to the fact that someone else has lost a person from their life, that they are feeling that much pain and will never see them again.”
I turned to face him, his grey eyes rising to look at me, a grim smile pulling at his lips.
“It’s a hard thing to accept, knowing that everything doesn’t stop to acknowledge the end of a life.” I agreed.
It had always seemed unnatural to me, that the grand design of the world could be so cold in this way. But at the same time, I knew that it was completely unreasonable to expect there to be acknowledgement on such a huge scale.
“It always feels so wrong. Especially when there’s kids involved.” He continued, “But at the same time, the knowledge that life can still move forward, it gives a sense of hope. I can’t choose which way to view it today.”
I reached out an arm, wrapping it, comfortingly, around his shoulder as we went back to looking down at the group of people walking along the path. I was sure that he was extra sensitive today given the fact that he was becoming a father, the loss of a child on the job making his emotions even more raw than they would have been in any other circumstances.
“Let’s see it as a good thing today Bro. With something that sad, we need to know that life goes on. It helps us to get on with our job, and hopefully stop that from happening again.”
“Yeah.” He sighed.
“How’s Em?” I asked, trying to lift his mood a little.
He gave a weak chuckle, bumping his shoulder into me as he answered:
“She’s craving tuna and banana sandwiches.”
I stared in disbelief, my stomach groaning with revulsion at the very thought.
“Wow, that sounds… lovely.” I replied, breaking into a laugh.
He shoved me playfully, laughing with me as he shook his head to the side.
“What’s so funny out here?” A voice called behind us.
Turning around, we saw Rosie leaning against the door and watching us closely, with a curious expression on her beautiful face.
“Nothing much,” I choked out, “Only Dodger living with Em’s strange cravings.”
She took a few steps forwards, then dropped down onto the wall around the flower bed, crossing one leg over the other and looking to Dodger.
“What’s the delicious indulgence?” She asked playfully, a renewed sparkle in her eyes that I hadn’t seen since before the horror of yesterday.
“Tuna and banana sandwiches.” He repeated, wincing and leaning back against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Oh yikes, that sounds vile.” She laughed.
We continued to discuss the many other gross food cravings that come with pregnancy, Rosie bringing up some truly stomach churning ones that she’d known through friends of hers. It was nice to have a light hearted conversation, given the heavy feeling that hung in the air. When Will called Dodger away, I was about to leave too, when Rosie reached out and grabbed my arm.
“Can I talk to you for a moment?”
“Sure.” I shrugged.
She rose to her feet, and shuffled awkwardly, and I instantly knew what this was about.
“I just wanted to explain about last night, now that the alcohol is safely out of my sys-”
“Really, there’s no need, I get it.” I interrupted.
“I just don’t want things to get awkward between us.” She explained.
I could pick up the nervousness in her tone, it was unusual for her. She was always so confident.
“I promise, it won’t.” I assured her.
Her face lit up as she beamed at me, I couldn’t help but smile back at her. I pulled her into my arms, hugging her tightly and playfully swinging side to side, happy that we were both on the same page as far as last night, and enjoying having her back in my arms again.