Loving Lilith

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As I'm in this god forsaken airplane I cant help but think of whats waiting for me back home.

My best friend Kelly. She moved to Colorado a couple of months ago when she had a bad break up with her ex Carter. They dated a couple of years but she always felt like there was just something more that she was missing out on.

My family. Well whats left of it. My family is all gone, by their choice and I wasn't fighting them on it. They didn't agree to my choice of deploying with a kid at home and my ex who had just been killed by a car bomb in Kuwait. They said I move to rashly and that I need to take time to grieve. Well people who take the time to do that have time and I don't. I asked my mother-in-law if she could take care of Jax until I got back from deployment. She agreed but that was when I was supposed to be home six months ago. I've gotten letters and they understood but it still hurts leaving my son for that long.

My Son. He's ten now and smart as a fucking whip. He mails me every test he takes and I always mail him back a picture of where ever I am. He tells me that he cant wait for me to come home, how much he misses his dad and that Lisa, my mother-in-law, is doing fine. She has her youngest to keep her company and although he started out as a shitstorm he straightened out just fine. Logan, her youngest, went from fighting in school and failing classes to becoming a marine, and a damn fine one at that. She had another son that went missing five years ago, Trey, no one knows what happened to him and there was never a body so we all try to look at the bright side and say he’s out there somewhere happy.

The plain shuffles and when I look to my sides I see the two people that have had my back since our boots hit the ground. Cal and Tyler. They are my two very best friends and I trust them with everything. They know about my ex and my son and that I don't have much to go home to. They have helped me through this deployment and I don't know what I would do without them.

Cal, short for Callen is a little bit older than me, only like 8 years and he is hot! Yes we've hooked up on occasion since my ex. Hey everyone needs to get off somehow. And with his wife leaving him just before deployment we were both on the same page. No feelings, just sex. It worked and kept us sane in a whole lot of insanity.

Tyler, who is a few years younger than me has been a friend of mine ever since he came to the unit. He and I get along so great that we sometimes don't even have to talk to have a conversation. He is also single. Well for now what he says. He's been into my best friend Aubrey for years now.

Aubrey hasn't really given him the time of day and I understand. She has a daughter and she is super protective since her ex tried to steal her. They're fine now and she now has sole custody. I was her character witness and the judge granted her custody as soon as I was done testifying. Yea in a small town like we lived in when a dual military couple with a kid loses the dad and fiance you get pitied. At least I could use it for good though.

"Hey Lil, you going home first?" Tyler looks over at me as I'm snapped from my thoughts.

"Yea probably. I know I gotta call Lisa and figure out where they are. Last I heard Logan joined the marines and is stationed at Ft Carson just outside of Denver. So I think I'm going to make it out that way first. Plus Kelly said she moved their too. So might as well. Aubrey said her and little Emy are ready for a change since the judge just granted her the right to refuse visitation." I think about what I just said for a second and realize that my entire life is moving to Denver. Oh well, I'm kinda used to it.

Ive relocated several times in my life and this shouldn’t be any different. I moved out of my families reach so I couldn’t be controlled when I was fourteen. And I’ve moved out of the eyes of people who thought that me not grieving enough when my ex passed.

He was.a good father and a decent fiancé. Never once cheated, or did anything to hurt me physically or mentally. We just were good together. We knew each other’s strengths and weaknesses but there was hardly ever a flame anymore. We lasted 10 years on a spark. And while I will always love him for giving me a perfect son, I always felt there was something that was waiting for me out there.

I look out the window and realize that were landing and I mentally prepare myself for the next 12 hours. Debriefing and customs here we come. Although it was a tedious and boring process we made it. I am asked to report to my commander and take a deep breath as I enter his office.

“Walker, please take a seat” He says to me as I enter. Yea my name is Lilith Walker, so original but my parents weren’t known for that.

“What’s up sir?”

“As I’m sure your aware you have reached the end of your enlistment and I am asking you for the last time if you would like to re-enlist.”

I look at him and go soft for a second. He notices and adds “I know you’ve been through hell and back this year and you’ve taken it in stride. What with loosing your husband and being asked to deploy the next month. You are one strong woman and we would be honored to serve with you.”

I take a deep breath and look up at him. “Sir I am sorry but no, Ive given the army 12 years and that’s enough for me. I think its time to slow down a bit. I was to see some family I haven’t seen in a while and I really need to spend some time with friends who aren’t in the military at the moment” I laugh at the end of that knowing that Tyler and Cal will insist on helping me move to Colorado anyway. And I’’m not quite convinced that Tyler is coming back either. His enlistment ended with mine and he’s had my back for a year. I don’t see him letting me alone now since I haven’t cried since my ex’s death. I know he want to be there when I break and I silently thank him for it.

“Well I understand,” My commanders voice snaps me out of my thoughts.”I just want to let you know that if you ever change your mind we will be glad to have you.”

“Thank you sir, you’ll be the first to know if I change it” I stand up shake his hand and then turn out the door and almost skip outside knowing that its just another 4 hour flight until I get to see my little boy.

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