I woke up changed into pajamas that I don’t remember getting into. Most of the night is a blur. I have a horrible headache, and I feel sick.
“Happy New Year!” Riley screams as she walks in with pills in her hand and a cup of water in the other.
She is in a pair of my pajamas, Riley is very much not having the same hangover that I am. I know she was watching what she was drinking and how much, it was either because she wanted to be present with Grant or it was because she was a little worried about me.
“Please be quieter. Sound is currently making me very nauseous.” I was taking deep breaths just to make sure I wasn’t going to throw up. I wasn’t a huge fan of being sick. I actually had a fear of it, my therapist when I was younger mentioned that it might because I saw my dad overdose and he was covered in it.
“Take these, it’ll help with the nasty hangover you have.” I take the pills from her hand and see that it’s pain reliever pills. I take them and chug the water. “What do you remember?” She asks as I set the remainder of the water on my dresser.
For a moment I’m confused as to what she was referring to, then all the memories from last night hit me like a damn train. The one big event sticking out in my brain, Ollie and Weston fighting on the beach. I want to die from embarrassment. Last night couldn’t have been real.
“I remember everything.” I groan and cover my face with a pillow. I cried for so long last night. I don’t even remember falling asleep. I could feel how swollen my eyes were, my face was probably splotchy as well.
“I had to turn off your phone because both boys were blowing up your phone to apologize to you. I don’t know if you want to give them a call back...” I groan into the pillow again.
“I don’t want to talk to either of them.” It was the truth. Oliver for showing up to my apartment completely drunk and then trying to kiss me. Weston for fighting with Oliver for no reason. I don’t know why he thought that it was fine to do that.
“I wouldn’t want to talk to them either.” Riley says. I take the pillow off of my face and look at her.
“Where’s Grant?” I ask her. I felt terrible for ruining their night. They were hardly together right now, and Riley stayed with me.
“He actually just left to drive back to San Diego. He helped clean up after you fell asleep, and slept on the couch.” I felt like a terrible friend.
“You have a good man, Riley. I’m sorry if I ruined your plans with him.” She shakes her head.
“Don’t be.” Riley pauses. “Can I ask you a serious question?”
“Of course.” I grab the water and keep sipping on it. It was helping my stomach a little bit.
“Have you thought about going back to therapy?” I was taken aback by what Riley was saying. Why was she bringing that up? It’s been years since I’ve been to therapy, I didn’t feel the need to go back.
“Not really.” I set the water back down on my dresser.
“How long have the nightmares been back?” I put the water back down.
“I haven’t been having nightmares.” I lie. Riley shakes her head.
“Hanna, I had to wake you up three times because you were screaming and crying in your dream. I’ve seen you have those nightmares before, but not since we were kids.” I didn’t even remember dreaming anything last night.
Riley was very concerned. “I don’t remember that.” My grandma used to have to wake me up constantly because of my nightmares, I didn’t realize it had gotten back to that extent.
“How long have the nightmares been back?” She asks again. I feel tears in my eyes but I do my best to blink them away.
“They came back a month after the miscarriage. Sometimes they’re not that bad.” I try to downplay it. Riley was having none of it.
“I know you’re not telling me the truth, Hanna. But you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but you should really go talk to someone that can help you.” I shake my head.
“Its not like before, Riley. I’m not some traumatized ten year old anymore, it’s not even that bad.” She sighs at me.
“One, that trauma lives inside of you, it doesn’t ever go away. Two, it’s not that bad, yet. It could get worse and you know that. I’m only saying this because I love you. I don’t wanna see you like that ever again.”
“It won’t ever get that bad again.” I say sternly.
“You don’t know that, Hanna.” I grab my phone and turn it on.
“And you do?”
“I don’t, but why would you even want to risk it getting that bad?” I took a deep breath because I didn’t want to blow up on Riley.
“Riley, I’m sorry I scared you. I promise if it gets worse, I will get some help. Right now I have it under control, so there is no need to worry.” Riley was stubborn, but so was I.
“Fine.” And that was the end of it for now, but I knew that it wouldn’t be the last time I hear of it. “I made breakfast for us, we should probably eat before it gets cold.” I nod and get out of bed.