11A: Swimming Lessons
After the semi-successful night picnic that ended with a dog escaping from its owner and eating our food, we continued on spending time together. I found myself spending more and more time with him and his friends too, including the occasional appearance from Blondie. I became fast friends with Kie’s sister Kaylen and Emily’s sister Melanie--whom as I found out may or may not have been involved in Blue’s lesbian experience. As it turned out, Melanie was in love with Kaylen who was very straight according to everyone but Kaylen.
When I first found out Melanie’s feelings I had just come out and asked, in front of everyone. When I realized what I’d done I apologized for not having any tact. Thankfully, Kaylen hadn’t been present for that confessional and Melanie laughed it off, but eventually admitted to it. Surprising Jaq and Jensen, but Blue and Kie gave each other knowing looks. A conversation I decided to address at a later date.
After that, everyone started getting used to me. I even go as far to say I was growing on them. We shared stories with each other over campfires, we bickered... I tried to bully Jaq into letting me read one of his stories. He agreed, but that was two weeks ago. Jensen insisted I go sky diving with them again. Apparently they’d gone a few weeks earlier, but I’d been working.
As far as my interactions with Blue, outside of the wonderful sexual extracurricular activities we indulged in, I’d told him things I’d never told anyone. More than I cared to tell him about my father and how hurt I was, still am, that he didn’t want me and Jack. We’d spoken about my worry for my mother’s alcoholic problem. For awhile I thought it was just me opening up, which was incredibly odd because that just wasn’t me, but after a couple of weeks of me noticing certain things about Blue I started to drop hints.
One day, a few weeks after that first memorable morning after, he’d finally made true to his promise and brought me, alone, to his gaming man cave where I wiped the floor with him. When we finished, we stayed in his gaming chairs, rocking and talking. I asked him what he wanted to do with his life. He shrugged, said he had to take over his family business.
The way he looked at me still made me shiver when I said ‘okay, but what do you want to do?’
“I want to start a band. Tour the world, maybe get famous...”
I threw my head back and laughed.
“It’s not that ridiculous,” he mumbled.
“Oh no! I don’t think it’s ridiculous. It’s so you! I creamed my panties that day when I caught you singing Pony. I’m gonna want an autograph before you graduate and start touring. That way I can say ‘hey, I knew this guy first!’ to all those girls that are going to worship you! Even more than they do now! You’ll be so amazing, Blue!” I said, turning my eyes to him, catching him looking at me with surprise and awe.
His jaw clenched and cleared his throat, scratching the back of his neck. He turned his head away a little, but not before I saw the wetness gathering in his eyes.
I bit my lip and stood up from the black gaming chair. Walking over to him, he rubbed his hands over his eyes and smiled up at me. His eyes were rimmed red as I sat on him, straddling his legs and pulling him close.
“You know Blue, you can be whatever you want. I know, whatever it is you end up doing, you’re going to be great at it. Maybe not even great, amazing is the right word.”
He wrapped his arms tight around me and dropped his head to my chest to trying to hide his face from me. I pushed his face up, feeling the wetness gathering on my hands. I leaned forward kissing his tear streaked cheek with an open mouth, licking his tears away.
That was the first night I tried to get him to take my virginity. I was ready. What Blue and I had was beyond anything I’d ever imagined. He was funny. He was sexy. Incredibility talented. Best of all? He thought the same about me. I understood why he said he wanted to wait that night, but two nights later, when he denied me again, I started to really worry.
Was he still playing that game? That game that I knew about but never told him I knew about? I’d heard down the chain that the big end of the year get together for the junior and senior classes happened at one of the fours family resorts. I had it on good authority that Blue and Jaq the two who had duked it out Junior year for the winning de-virginizing title both had their potentially winning girls with them until that said party. Maybe I should’ve asked Melanie, but the fifth time Blue denied me, it was Blondie who’d been there when I came down from that extra hot petting session with Blue.
“He’s waiting,” Blondie said with a chuckle, knocking back her beer.
I swallowed, afraid to ask, but I had to because it had been bothering me for the past three months that we’d been together, technically only one of those months had I been serious about the two of us. This last month. Rejected five times. It was taking it’s toll. I was starting to look at myself in the mirror, wondering if I looked funny, or if I wasn’t pretty enough anymore. We’d done a good amount of stuff, yet he still wouldn’t let me go down on him. He said he was still getting too excited too fast with me and he didn’t want to hurt me.
“What do you mean?” I whispered, afraid of the answer.
“I know Mel has told you a little bit, but that love sick puppy look in your eyes speaks volumes and she stopped talking about it, didn’t she? She likes you. Doesn’t want you to get hurt and since you’re happy now, she’s okay with it.”
“But you don’t care, so tell me Blondie, what’s my truth?”
“I wish you wouldn’t call me Blondie. That’s not my name.”
I shrugged. “Okay, Blondie. So what is he waiting for?”
“You tell me.”
“No, you tell me.”
“What do you think? Come on Sugar, tell me what I want to know,” Blondie practically purred at me, scooting her chair right up to me so that one of her legs pushed between mine. She hunkered down closer, her beer tinted breathing fanning my face. “How many times has he stopped you from going all the way? From popping that sweet little cherry? Tell me, Gracie. Tell me what I want to know.”
I tried to pull away, suddenly getting very angry. Because I knew. I knew what she was talking about. I wasn’t stupid, I just tried so hard not to see it. “Five times.”
“Notice that girl Jaq’s been hanging out with? She’s been around for awhile too. You don’t really think it takes them this long to pop a girls cherry. They’re pros. Kaylen even told me they took some type of class for it. That girl is nosy as fuck, but her info is never wrong. It’s why she wants to be an investigative reporter. They’re waiting until the end of the year party. One month left and then he’ll be done with you.”
“Or not. I mean we--”
“He tells you everything, right? The foreplay is amazing. He cried in front of you. It’s a fucking game, Gracie. You aren’t stupid. Emily warned you about it. Melanie flat out told you about it. Why do you think you’re different? You know, Kaylen told Melanie and Melanie told this other girl--lucky for me I overheard it over a year ago--that all the plans of the game are here. In Kie’s house...I was pissed. I wanted to find out, so I looked. Because last year, it was a freshman girl for Kie. She was the only one who’d been truly nice to me for a long time, but she wasn’t good enough to be had at the end of the year, not like you. You know she tried to kill herself after he dropped her like a bad habit.”
“Why are you telling me this?” I asked. Kie couldn’t be like that. He was so kind to me, I just couldn’t see it, even though I knew about the game. Would they all really treat me like trash when it was finished?
“Because we need to come together as women and make them realize we aren’t just notches on a belt. This is ritualistic to them. It’s sadistic. Do you notice they aren’t here right now? They’re in their secret room planning every detail of how you and the other girl will lose your virginities. It just so happens I know exactly where they are and once they all leave that room, they’re going to do a beer run. Why do they all go? Because it’s a ritual man slapping, congratulatory game. Watch.”
I wanted to believe different. That the people who’d been so nice to me weren’t lying to me. That Blondie, the girl who abhorred me and treated me like crap every chance she got wasn’t telling me the truth. I almost even got up until I saw them. Blue. Kie. Jensen. Jacques. All walking down the stairs.
“And it begins,” Blondie mumbled.
“Al, you’re a little close to my girl. What’s going on?”
Blondie shrugged. “I’m feeling all experimental. I wanted to see if ya’ll were game to share.”
She said that right when I’d started taking a drink of my water. Blue ended up pounding me on my back as I hacked up a lung.
Blondie pouted so successfully well that I thought perhaps she hadn’t been kidding. “I’ll take that as a no. Catch ya later, Sugar,” she said to me and eyed me before slipping off her chair to leave us.
“Was she serious?” he asked.
There were no words right now.
“Well, um, Gracie, I gotta go with the guys for a beer run. Do you need anything?”
I shook my head. “I can go with you though,” I said, starting to get up.
He gently stopped me by rubbing my shoulders and applying a little pressure to keep in my chair. “Um, no it’s kind of a guy thing. We do it all the time.”
“This is the first time I’ve seen it at a party.”
Blue frowned. “Is it not okay?” he asked, starting to look none to pleased. “I didn’t realize I had to ask your permission.”
I inhaled sharply. Out of all our time together he had never spoken to me that way. I don’t recall ever even making him angry. He’d always liked my curiosity. So what happened in that room to all of sudden not like it.
“Did you just get mad at me? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you mad. All the same, it was just a simple statement. Stop being so touchy. If you want to go, then go. Don’t be a little bitch about it because I was curious. You can remove your hands from me now.”
His eyes widened and when he didn’t take his hands off me, I jerked away. “You don’t want me touch you?”
I could hear the surprise. I was almost surprised too. From day one all I wanted was for Blue to touch me. Was what Blondie said getting to me so bad? I was above this nonsense. Wasn’t I?
“Blue, just because you’re doing some shady bullshit and I commented on it, doesn’t mean you talk to me that way.”
“Shady bullshit? What the fuck are you talking about?”
I was tempted to spill everything I knew in that moment, which wasn’t as much as I’d like it to be. I would know more once they left and Blondie took me on that tour. I wasn’t just falling in love with Blue. I was in love with him and I needed to see it for myself. It would hurt less now if I knew everything.
“You got defensive when I made that comment about you and the guys leaving,” I paused, watching his face, not sure if I should be worried or satisfied at the guilt that filled his features.
“I’m sorry. I don’t have to go. I didn’t mean to be defensive... please don’t be mad at me,” he whispered, searching my eyes for any sign of forgiveness.
“Why apologize? You clearly don’t care what I think. Didn’t I say don’t touch me?”
“Gracie, you always want me to touch you,” he said, pulling me against him and resting his forehead against mine.
“Yes. First time for everything.”
He swallowed looking down at me with worry, “I’m sorry I took what you said out of context. Of course, what we are going to do is shady, but I won’t go.”
He wasn’t going to admit his plans for me here, was he? “What do you mean?”
“You know,” he held his thumb and index finger together, inhaling, pretending he was smoking something.
“What the hell are you doing?” I asked.
“Smoke, maybe some snorting, pills, you know,” he whispered.
He glanced around while shushing me at the same time. Placing gentle kisses against my lips and the corners of my mouth. “Baby, shh. I won’t go. They’ll bring it back and share regardless.”
“Y-you do drugs? Since when? I’ve never seen--”
Blue shrugged. “I don’t do it often, usually just at the end of the year party, but we’re seniors. We’re gonna start early.”
“Hey man, are you coming or not?” Kie hollered, clomping over and shoulder bumping him.
“Why do you guys want to do hard drugs? Pot I understand, but the others... why?”
“Everybody’s doing it?” Kie supplied, glaring at Blue.
“That was a question. So you don’t really know why you’re doing it?”
“It feels good,” Blue said. “Takes away some of the worry.”
“Let me give you a blowjob. I’ve heard those feel good.”
Kie blinked and then burst out laughing, but Blue stared at me, swallowing. “A blowjob and the drugs?” he asked.
I shook my head. “No. You have to be of sound mind when you’re teaching me how to suck you off.”
Kie stopped laughing instantly. He looked like someone had thrown cold water on him. “Y-you haven’t let her give you a blowjob yet?” Kie looked like he wanted to say something else, but the look the two men shared stopped him. Kie recovered quickly and glanced at me. “I mean no offense, Gracie. I’m not indicating anything bad about you, you are just very open about a lot of things you do. I mean, it’s not every day someone says ‘Blue’s tongue is amazing,’ when we’re talking about tongue piercings.”
I remember that day. We’d decided to spend lunch inside the school cafeteria. That was the day, after I’d spoken those words a little too loud, that Blue laughed out loud with everyone who’d been within hearing range. He then threaded my fingers through his and inappropriately French kissed the top of my hand. That was also the day he told everyone we were together, making us official before I’d even decided.
I pursed my lips and eyed Kie, “I hear tongue piercings enhance oral sex. It was valid.”
“It won’t last long enough for me to teach you,” Blue mumbled.
Kie laughed, “Blue’s stamina used to be legendary.”
“Shut up,” Blue said to Kie, before turning his attention back to me, searching my face. “We’re just going to go pick it up. If you really don’t want me to, I won’t do any.”
“I don’t want any of you doing any.”
“Well, if you offer to blow me, I won’t do any tonight either,” Kie chuckled.
“Maybe I could practice on you instead.”
They were both silent, but it was Kie who spoke again. “Are you serious? Because I’m-I’m game if you are, Gracie. I’ve been having wet dreams about you two ever since that night in the hot tub.”
“We’re gonna go,” Blue stated, his voice hard. Kie raised a curious eyebrow at him. “I need to think about it. Alright. Is that okay with you?”
Kie held his hands up. “No harm man. Your girl is the one that suggested it, not me.”
“Were you joking?” Blue asked, ignoring Kie and staring at me.
I was thankful it wasn’t an angry stare. More of a curious, slightly intrigued stare. “No. I wasn’t, but if it’s not okay with you, then I’m fine with that too.”
“Don’t leave,” Blue said. “We’ll be back. We’re just picking them up.”
“In fact, you know where my room is, right? Wait for us there,” Kie said.
Blue remained silent, still watching me, probably waiting for me to say ‘just kidding.’ I wasn’t going to. Kie had always intrigued me. Not to the extent that Blue did, but it was there. And I’d heard about Kie and Blue being sexually adventurous with each other. To say the idea hadn’t crossed my mind would be a lie.
“Okay, but no drugs, right? That’s the agreement.”