Heart Burn #3
Andrew Rogers POV
Sounds of a ticking clock surround the air. I am sitting on a sofa fiddling with a phone in my hand. I forgot to give Mary her phone back as soon as she asked for it yesterday in sheer panic. At first, I was happy to see her for I haven't seen her in an entire year and a half. I missed her.
But, after hearing about her having a child and seeing him for myself had me in all sorts of emotions.
Pissed because she kept it from me and told me that the father is my old friend Mathew Greene's?
I shake my head, annoyed at the thought. "Is something on your mind that you would like to talk about?" I hear my therapist ask across from me sitting on a chair. I have been coming in for sessions after the house fire I got Hailee out of. I look up to meet with his aging eyes and frown.
"No..." I flatly reply. Why do I bother coming to him again?
He tilts his head and folds his arms over his chest, "Look, Mr. Rogers, we can't keep having these sessions if you don't open up. We basically sit here in silence for a whole hour saying nothing. Maybe you should start somewhere? Maybe say, what's on your mind right now?".
I sigh harshly leaning back on the sofa while pinching the bridge of my nose, "A lot is on my mind..."
"Okay, maybe you should talk about what is mostly on your mind?" He coaxes me.
I stay silent.
My therapist sighs in defeat looking down on his wristwatch, "Well time is up..." He says, sounding actually disappointed. Sometimes I question his P.H.D? Aren't therapists supposed to be patient and understanding? This is just a waste of my time, maybe I should stop trying to give reasons why I should come here.
I look down at the phone in my hand, hearing the therapist leave the room. I swipe my finger up on the screen to unlock it. I know snooping on her phone is wrong of me...But, I do it anyway. As I started clicking the photo gallery app I can see a couple of albums. I click on one. Once it opened my eyes soften clicking on one particular picture.
It's Mary on a hospital bed holding onto her baby. Her smile brightens staring down at the newborn. I find myself smiling at how the look of adoration is shown for the child. Something that I wish my mother shown for me.
I click the phone off, putting it back in my pocket. All my thoughts coming back in mind thinking about if Mathew is in Mary's life? Is he? And if so...
Does she love him?
'You deserve nothing!' the whispers shout.
'You left her.'
'Somebody is watching you!'
'She doesn't want you!'
I slap the side of my head, "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" I shout out. My chest constricts and eyes close tightly, "Fucking shut up!".
I kick the side of the sofa making it screech against the floor and flip the table in the middle of the room to its side. My breathing picks up and eyes alert, "I didn't leave her! I came back for her! She was gone!" I roar out, taking the glass vase of flowers from the side table and throw it forcibly against the wall; having glass shatter and flowers scatter the floor along with water. "Aaargh!" I grunt out walking towards the door and open it. I abruptly stop once seeing the therapist stand at the other side of the door with wide horrid eyes. I grit out, "Sorry for the mess, I'll pay for the vase," With that, I leave passing by him.
Clarksville Fire Department
"Hey man, you missed this morning's meeting. Captain Turner says that we need to start that career orientation post up at the front of the station for the University today," Antonio, my firefighter friend informs me. He was the one who helped Hailee and me out of that building a year ago. He was the one who talked me into joining the Station.
I'm not in the mood for some college students coming over here and taking a tour around the place for hours asking questions. Nope.
I start rounding out the water hoes and making sure they are uniformed correctly before speaking up, "Is it mandatory? If not I have other places to be." I wanted to go back and talk to Mary. I can't stop thinking about how I left things and said things out of anger yesterday. I regret it deeply. I would never in any shape or form want to hurt her. I have over time and time again left her and the people who I know care about me. I simply don't trust myself around people, how at times I lose control. That's why this job is good for me. It keeps me focused and the routines help me manage my health.
I really need to see her. I want to know if there was any way that we could at least be friends.
Antonio chuckles, "Bro, when is it not mandatory?".
I guess I will have to try late tonight once I get off work?
After hours of preparing and cleaning the station, college students start to flood in the garage talking to the whole crew. I aimlessly stare at the crowd. My mind somewhere else until someone calls my name, "Andrew?".
I turn over to see who it was. My body tenses up to the sight of him coming near me. I clench my fist trying to control what little control I have already just the mere smirk he has placed upon his lips, "I didn't know you work here? Long time no see," he chuckles patting his hand on the side of my shoulder.
I stare at the hand that's still on my fucking shoulder, I shrug having him release my shoulder, "Yeah, been a while," I flatly reply, not interested by his presence. Of all people? It had to be him.
I may not believe in coincidences...But this about has me second guess myself.
Mathew grins, "I think the last time we hung out was at that party? Right? And weren't you with that girl-uh what's her name?" He asks, the look in his eyes flashed amusement just the mention of her.
Wait? How does he not know her name if they have a child together? Unless...
"When was the last time you seen her?" I pry.
He chuckles, running his fingers through his blonde locks of hair, "At that party. Boi, she was a beggar. Nice ass too. But, I barely remember how the night ended? All I can remember last is her asking somebody outside of the hall if she could get a ride."
I furrow my brows in utter confusion, "I went back to that party after I left. She was with you?" I say, more in fact. "Has Mary ever spoken to you after that night?" I had to ask.
He raises a brow my way, "So that's her name...No, that was the last time I saw her. Why?" He asks curiously. So he doesn't know about the baby. Why would Mary not tell him about-
I speak without thinking of consequences as anger laces each word when I tell him, "So that's what you do? Fuck girls and ditch them leaving them with responsibilities..." Fuck.
Why didn't I keep my mouth shut!?
I stare at Mathew watching as his facial expressions twist in many emotions. His eyes widen a bit and lip parts. Fucking shit, I screwed up. "What are you talking about?".
I shake my head, "Forget what I said. Just go over there and ask stupid questions like the rest of the college students," I gruff out.
Mathew finally leaves waving his hand dismissively not bothering to say another word, which I appreciated. So he doesn't know at all about the baby. That I know for sure. This gives me more than a reason to go over there tonight and talk to her. Something isn't sitting well with this newfound information. I have a gut feeling something is missing?
After this long day shift, finally, I'm off duty. The night is still young while I get into my car and drive towards Ben's house.
Mary Johnson POV
I place Colton into the crib once he finally fell asleep. I start to take off my clothes and change into my shorts and baggy t-shirt. I lay myself on my bed, tired from school, and washing a lot of baby clothes after feeding him. Laying my head onto my pillow I close my eyes feeling slumber almost take me. Until I hear a slight knock from my bedroom window. Quickly sitting up, my eyes widen wondering if its an intruder trying to break in.
Sliding off my bed I cautiously walk toward the window opening the blinds up to see what that noise is from.
My eyes widen in surprise-shock seeing Andrew from the other side of the window. He signals for me to open up. I do as he says and slide the window up letting the cool night air whip in, "What are you doing?" I whisper.
Andrew ignores my question and lifts himself on the windowpane to crawl inside. I kept shushing him because he might wake up Colton. Once he is in and closes the window quietly he turns to me. His blue eyes bore into my brown ones, "I want to know..." He whispers, noticing that there is a sleeping baby next to the bed.
"Know what?" I ask lowly.
Andrew walks over to my bed and takes a seat, his eyes soften and hand gesturing for me to sit beside him. "I want to know what happened that night. I want to fully understand this all. Like why haven't you told Mathew about the baby?" He questions.
My heart drops at the mention of that night. I find myself slowly walking over and taking a seat next to him. I stare blankly head-on, not wanting to see his face. All the memories flash before my eyes before I finally have spoken up, "Promise me. Promise me you won't get angry?" I plead him.
He was silent for a short moment, "I promise," he finally speaks. I inhale deeply fiddling with my fingers atop my lap.
I began with, "When Jessica dropped me off at that party...I realized I forgot my phone in her car-"
I climb out of Jessica's car, "Hey, do you need me to come back later and pick you up?" She asks me.
I shake my head no, "No, I'll get a ride with Andrew.".
She nods as I close the passenger side door and make my way towards the house party. This is my first high school party. Jessica said she would have joined but she said she had to babysit tonight, so it's just me. I knew Andrew would be here because that's all the seniors at school were talking about. I may have eavesdropped in the hallway hearing that Andrew would be here with his friend Mathew. It is Mathew's house after all.
Making my way towards the big house; I can hear the music from out here. A group of people is standing in the yard drinking out of red solo cups and laughing out loud. The smell of weed potent in the air as a couple of girls are strip teasing on the porch. Suddenly I feel nervous walking up the stairs on the porch entering the door.
Loud music surrounds the house and the smell of cigarettes causes me to cough. I straighten up to scan the area to see where Andrew is from this very crowded house. I should text him and let him know I am here. Maybe I should have told him I was coming here in the first place, however, that hasn't crossed my mind.
Once I reach into my pocket where my phone was supposed to be, panic embeds my mind realizing that I do not have my phone. Oh crap! It must have fallen out of my pocket in Jessica's car!
"Mary?" I hear a familiar voice say from behind me. I turn around seeing that it is Andrew standing in front of me with a look of disbelief, "What are you doing here?" He asks me, sounding aghast. I sheepishly smile in return.
"I-I came to hang out..." I reply back. When the real reason why I am here is that because he is here. And I want to spend most of my time with him once he leaves after graduation.
Andrew looks around the crowded room then back down to me, he offers me his hand, "Come with me." I nod with a smile and take his hand in mine. I follow him up the stairs as we made it at the end of the hall. Andrew knocks on a door before entering the room. I furrow my brows wondering what we're doing in someone's bedroom? I walk in the empty room looking around until my eyes land on Andrew as he closes the door, locks it, and switches off the lights.
He then faces me, eyes never once leaving mine. The street lights from outside floods in through the window with open curtains. Giving me a good visual of his facial features. He slowly walks over to me, which causes a flutter inside my chest. I look up at him as he stares down and lifts his hand close to my cheek. He softly caresses with the pad of his thumb across my bottom lip. He leans down so close filling his breaths hit the side my heated neck. I can smell a hint of beer as he hotly whispers, "I'm going to kiss you now.".
I swallow hard once he leans back and stares at my lips.
The anticipation is killing me. I couldn't wait any longer so I tiptoe up and smash my lips on to his plush ones, placing my hands around the back of his neck. The sudden action seems to take him by surprise feeling his body still. I lick the bottom seam of his lip asking for entrance. The taste of beer evident.
Andrew groans deeply in approval snaking his arms around my waist to pull me closer to him. He opens his mouth inviting me in, letting me taste what he is offering. I moan out loud feeling one of his hands slide down and grab one of my ass cheeks with a firm squeeze, "We should stop," I hear him mumble against my lips. I shake my head pulling the kiss apart and lock eyes with his blues.
I place my palm on his chest feeling his chest heave in and out deeply, "I don't want to stop," I whispered shyly, looking up through my dark lashes.
Andrew bites the top of his lip then groans, "Fuck your so sexy," He grabs a head full of my hair from behind and kisses me feverishly. We both moan into the kiss stealing each other's sighs as he guides me backwards until the back of my legs hit the edge of the bed. I pull away and lay myself on the sheets watching him stand in front of me with hooded eyes. "Take your pants off," He demands, voice husky and deep.
I do as he says and lift my hips up to take my pants off along with my panties as well. Cool air whips my skin once I toss them over to the side. I watch as Andrew swiftly takes his jeans and trousers off falling down to the floor hearing his belt buckle clank against the hard surface. His cock springs out as it slaps against his stomach. I lick my lips unconsciously seeing the tip of his cock glistening with his arousal. Andrew must have seen that sudden action having him smirk devishly. I blush and turn my head away feeling slightly embarrassed that he has caught my reaction.
Suddenly, I gasp feeling Andrew slowly climb atop of me supporting himself with his hands on each side of me. His head mere inches away from mine, "Are you sure?" He asks me.
I grab hold of the back of his head and force him down connecting our lips. I moan in delight then shiver in excitement feeling his cock sliding up and down my wet slick folds. I wanted him.
I wanted him to be the one to lose my virginity too. I simply want all of him. I pray after this, maybe we could be more then just friends? I know he asked me out before, but, I declined only because those were difficult times. I knew Hailee didn't like him at first. But, now, things have changed.
I want to be more then just friends with him.
"AAH GOD!" I mewl out loud feeling the tip of his cock slowly penetrate inside my pussy lips.
Andrew stops and looks down at me, he frowns, "Shit, baby your so tight..." He sends out a guttural moan.
I whimper in pain, "Please-just-um get it over with?" I ask him, not fully aware of how smart that would be. I was thinking that it would be like ripping off a bandaid?
Andrew leans the side of his head down atop of my heaving chest. We are both still wearing shirts. I feel like Andrew knew that it would make me feel comfortable. Which he would be right. I feel so exposed right now as is.
He slides both his hands under my back from both sides and grasps my shirt tightly. He then thrusts his cock inside me at full force having him fully inside me. The air was sucked out of me as I try to bear the pain of how lengthy he is. "Fuck!" I shout out, writhing beneath him.
Andrew stills inside me and looks up with a worried expression, "Do you want me to stop? ".
No, and yes. But, I want this, I want this to be special. "K-keep going, don't stop," I say, breathlessly.
With that, he starts quickening his pace, thrusting in and out of me; ripping and tearing down my virgin barriers. I whimper feeling every inch of him. I clench tightly my hold on the bedsheet on each side of me closing my eyes, "Look at me," he orders, voice hoarse.
My eyes snap open meeting with his, he starts to slow down his pace in a sweet loving way. The twinge of pain slowly fading away at this point as I stare up at him. He leans in kissing me fervidly, mumbling sweet nothings.
I moan into the kiss feeling his hand slide down the side of my body towards my heat. His thumb starts to make circular motions causing my body to jolt up from how sensitive my bundle of nerves is. Something was wrong? I furrow my brows and pull back from the kiss. What is that?
My stomach starts to tighten and thighs began to tremble, "What is that?" I ask aloud, feeling an unfamiliar muscle clenching as my pussy lips start to tingle. Andrew smirks and starts to pinch his thumb and finger around my clit. Causing me to shake and stiff up around his cock, clenching my walls around him, he moans out loud.
"Fuck, that's it, baby. Cum for me.".
As if on command, my body jerks and toes start to curl in feeling an overwhelming wave take over. My mouth drops open releasing a prolonged deafening moan. Was this what an orgasm feels like?
Andrew starts to thrust into me, milking my first mindblowing orgasm as I come apart beneath him relishing every wave that hit.
I notice how Andrew starts to shake his head and whisper weird things at this point. "Shut up, no." I heard him say. After moments, he stops and stills inside me. I watch as his face expresses what looks to be confliction...Then I realize-
"Shh, Andrew. It's'okay. Don't listen just be here with me-"
He cuts me off giving me a sharp look. "Dammit!" He suddenly shouts out. I flinch from the sudden change in mood.
I whimper feeling him pull himself out of me and getting up off the bed. He rubs the back of his neck and then quickly puts on his trousers and pants; buckling his belt. Now I feel more exposed as he just stands there with his head between his arms mumbling words. I take this chance to quickly grab my pants and panties. I put them on and stand up walking near Andrew as he is battling himself. I frown, "Andrew?".
"I can't do this. We can't do this.".
I shake my head placing my hand on his shoulder, that sudden action causes him to pull away from me. "What do you mean? Why can't we? Andrew, please let me in...Tell me what it is?" I ask, voice cracking at the end.
Moments pass, he finally looks over his shoulder and says, "I need you to leave.". Leave?
"I don't have a ride...And I won't leave. I want to know why you don't think this would work? You and me-"
"BECAUSE OF WHO I AM MARY! THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT? AN INCEST FUCKED UP FREAK OF NATURE WHO HEARS THINGS AND HURTS PEOPLE?" He roars out. I take a step back in surprise panic only to regret that I did when he noticed my reaction. The hurt expression on his face had my heart drop and eyes gloss over.
I take a step forward but he raises a hand to stop me from getting any closer to him, "I can't be with you! I'm sorry Mary...It would be hard to be with someone who is like me. At first, all I ever wanted was you to be mine. But, I realize that we can't. It's best for you to leave this party now."
"You really think that part of you would bother me or change my mind-"
He takes a menacing step forward, pointing a finger sternly my way, "It will! Fuck Mary! Go home!" He glares, now pointing his finger at the direction of the door.
I fume, feeling enraged that he thinks he could tell me what to do and treat me like I'm someone he doesn't care about, "You go!" I shout out.
His last words rendered me broken. I couldn't believe at this point where we were making love to now fighting over nonsense. I find myself blaming him. Blaming him for breaking and tearing my heart open. An insensitive bastard he is!
"Fine! Don't call or come to me when you don't have a way home!"
He turns around and unlocks the door before swinging it open and barging out of the room. Leaving me here.
"I won't..." I whisper under my breath knowing he isn't coming back. That's what he does best. Leaves.
Tears start to stream down my face. I try to wipe them away but the waterworks just keep coming. I make my way out of the bedroom and into the hallway hearing the downstairs music still blaring out loud. I walk down the hall only to accidentally bump into someone while I wasn't paying attention, "Oh, excuse me. I'm sorry." I apologize, looking to my right at the person.
I find it weird that this person is at this party? He doesn't look like a senior student nor does he look like a teenager either. His hair is graying from the sides while wearing thick rim glasses. I look down noticing his tattoo on his forearm that has a bulldog with chains wrapped around its neck. "No worries I was just trying to find the restroom," With that, he leaves down the hall.
I try to find someone who could take me home or loan me a phone to call my friend. As I was about to step down the stair I hear someone shout my name from behind me. I turn around to see that it is Mathew, Andrews's friend. I smile, "Hey, do you have a phone on you? I need to get a hold of someone..." I trail off, noticing how he stumbles a bit getting close to me.
He reeked of alcohol. "Yeah, sure. I have a phone. Come with me I have it on my side table." He kindly explains. I giggle when he shot me a wink. That was how Mathew was, one of those guys who is low key a fun-loving guy. At least at school, he was...
I follow his stumbling body into a different room. Suddenly I hear the door close behind me bringing to my attention. I turn around raising a brow then widen my eyes as Mathew grabs a hold of my shoulders and pushes me causing my body to fall onto the bed. I scream, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?".
Mathew is now atop of me, I flail my arms and start kicking the side of his thighs, he chuckles, grabbing a hold of both my wrists and forcing them down against the bed. He presses all his body weight trapping me under him. He smiles, "Fiesty one, I like.".
His disgusting breath came close to my mouth, "GET OFF ME! MATHEW NO!" I shriek out loud hoping someone can hear me from the loud music downstairs. I hear a zipper being undone. NO!
I scream, "NO! NO! PLEASE NO!" I beg of him. The look in his hazel eyes darkened as he yanks my pants and panties down. "M-MATHEW PLEASE DON"T!"
And like that, my whole world came crashing down. My mind somewhere else. The feeling of drowning with no air. My body numb and eyes staring at the ceiling blankly. All I could ever think of to keep my sanity intact was Andrew. But he left me...How could this happen? Did I do something for him to think that this was okay? Did I deserve this?
I felt dirty and used at this point. Finally, Mathew grunts out and finishes inside me. He pulls out of me and moves to the side of the bed to lay down, "Mmm, that was great, " He comments.
I stay laying down here feeling tears fall my cheek.
Finally, I get up off the bed feeling nothing but pain between my legs. I struggle to pull up my pants and underwear with shaky hands. I straighten up and walk over to the door and open it. As soon as I opened the door I see that same guy walk out of the bathroom across from me. I numbly ask the stranger that I bumped into earlier, "Do you have a ride? Could you take me home?" At this point, I didn't care who my ride is.
I just wanted to forget tonight ever happened...
The man frowns, "Uh sure?".
*End of Flashback*
I look over at Andrew. I can see his jaw tick and Adam's apple bob up and down. I haven't noticed while telling him what happened at the party that he was holding my hand listening to every word. I sort of forgot he was here when I was telling word for word of what happened that night.
I swallow hard before finally speaking up, "Andrew?".
Andrew shakes his head, then looks over to me. My eyes widen seeing that his eyes are glossing over; fighting his own tears, "This was my fault?" He mumbles.
I instantly shake my head, "No, it's not. Andrew look at me," I order him once he broke eye contact.
After minutes, he finally faces me, "I shouldn't have left you at the party. I came back but I couldn't find you. I was too late.".
Andrew gets up off the bed letting go of my hand. He starts to pace back and forth in the room. Once he stops and looks over to me again, I was shocked to see how vulnerable he looks right now.
A hot tear falls down his cheek, "It's not okay. It's not okay because a man I know raped you, you!" He whisper shouts the last word. Both our heads snap towards Colton making cooing sounds in the crib. I smile at the sound of how cute it is. I turn my head back to Andrew.
"The reason I say it's okay now...its because that little bundle of cuteness over there is the reason I wake up every day and move on. I want to be strong for him.".
Andrew looks over to the crib then back at me, I noticed how his eyes soften, "I don't know how you don't see it, Mary..."
I raise a brow. "See what?" I ask curiously.
He smiles, "Not see how beautifully strong you are.".
Author note: please dont hurt me. I havent edited this chapter yet. I will later I promise. I just wanted to update what I have. Plus, I tried to make the losing virginity sex awkward as possible because that how it be. Haha. I hope you enjoyed!