"Lani, I heard about what happened last week" my therapist says with a sympathetic look in her face. I hate that look. I hate the pity I see in her eyes
I had appointment once a week, twice when I feel really down which hasn't happened in a while.
"yeah it was really bad unlike the former ones, I thought they finally decided to leave me alone, ughh"
"Kehlani, the attack came because you've been locking them up for a long time and they just needed a trigger to come out and play. Really you need to stop playing it like you've got it under control and let someone help you. Or love you or at least try to."
"Rhoda, I try I really do. sometimes you just don't really know who is there and who isn't. People are mean and they wait till you're vulnerable so they can strike!"
"You mean to say that you don't trust people after three years of therapy?" Rhoda asks. I don't see her as a therapist anymore. She's more like a friend to me except I pay her.
"well not exactly Rhoda. I just feel there's a certain space you give people that even when they try to hurt you, you don't feel too much of an impact because there's no attachment." I say and rest my back on the couch in her office "I'm tired to be very honest, I just want it all to end. when does it stop?"
"It doesn't actually stop, K. You just handle it better." "When last did you go on a date?"
"I don't know, since Jace. Which was also the last time you told me to date and it didn't turn out well."
"At least it distracted you for what? 2 months or 3?"
"nahh 4 months"
"omg I think you need to get distracted again at least for a while...you can strike out the sex part, I know how you feel about that. Speaking of sex, how are the toys I got you"
"uggghhhhh I already told I wouldn't use it so....I don't even feel the urge to have sex, instead I feel disgusted just thinking about it. No matter how many books I read or movies I watch. it feels good reading about it but its a big no when it comes to me"
"Don't make me quit this job lani"
"What? How would you do that"
"Because you're making me feel like I've not done anything for there years!" I really don't know why she's being so dramatic right now because it's just a fucking date ugh
"What's this about exactly. The date or the sex part?" I ask
"Everything Lani! Don't you see?!"
"No i don't" I answer
My phone rang and it was millz calling to pick me up.
"Bitch" I say over the phone
"We're outside waiting for you. It's been 30 minutes. Wtf are you in labour or something?"
"I'll be right down" I laugh lightly "uhn, hold up, WE? Who's we?"
"Erm cam and killian...they claim they want to treat us today. I feel like it's a trap tho"
"Cameroon is there? Really. Errh I'll be down in a sec" ignoring every thing she said.
"Who's Cameroon?" Rhoda asks noticing my excitement
"He's just my brother's friend. He was there when I had the attack" I say as i hurriedly pick up my bag and rush to the door
"Thanks for today Rhoda, see you next week!"
"Go on that date!!!" Have a good time, live a little. See you next week,K"
I wanna f** f** f**k
But I'm broken hearted
Cry cry cry but I like to party
Touch touch touch
But I gat nobody
Here on my own!!!
Singing along to "Solo" by demi lovato in the car. And of course Camilla was with the aux so nobody dares tell her to change the song playing especially when her playlist is not halfway.
" Hey killian, why did you come with Camilla? Don't you have something better to do?"
"I know how you get after therapies so I decided to take out just In case you needed company. And I also wanted to hang with Milla a little" he says
"Hmm makes sense. Twin of the year! And what about you Cam?"
"Well when killian and Camilla wander off, who would keep you company" he looked at me and smiled. Oh God this is bad. Why did he smile at me. Am I thinking things. Why is my heart beating fast. COMPOSE YOURSELF GRACE!!!
"Oh alright then. Thanks, I guess?"
We get to the restaurant they picked and God knows I'm not hungry for anything other than my usual but killian and Cameron said I have to eat really food. So we settled for Apple pie, hamburgers and barbeque.
After eating they decided to go to the mall and I hate the mall. Ugh
I'm so tired can we go home now?" I whine
"Just one more thing K, hold up." Milla said quickly grabbing a headset into her cart!
After paying for her stuffs we head out to the car where the boys where waiting.
When we get to the car, Camilla picks the headset and throws it at me, I catch it instantly and smile "thanks bitch"
"No problem" she says.
"We're playing never have i ever tonight and it's not up for argument" she says as soon as she enters the car.
Next chapter we're skipping the whole basis