Chapter 12: Why Do You Care Anyways
I could never understand why people play with other people’s lives and emotions. Some individuals don’t understand that when you play with a parents life, you playing with their children too! It kills me knowing that some people know this and just don’t give a damn.
A long trip is an understatement of what the children and I just went through traveling. I definitely did not ever want to do that shit again, lol! The never ending bathroom breaks, having to pull over on the side of the highway because you asked a kid, while at the gas station, if they had to use the bathroom. Of course they said no, so you proceed to pull off, hit the highway and BAM, “I gotta pee mommy!” The constant, “I’m hungry, I’m thirsty,” lol! And my personal favorite, “Are we there yet?!” However, thankfully, I made the trip all the way through, no stopping besides pit stops and boy was I tired.
We finally had arrived in Marlo, South Dakota and I must say, that sure was some beautiful country. We exited the highway and pulled into this gas station parking lot. We all got out, stretched out our limbs a bit and waited. While we were on the road, Robynn and I discussed meeting up somewhere since I wasn’t familiar with the area and I would follow her to Shannon’s house where we’ll be staying. The children and I living arrangements were discussed prior to us leaving Indiana. Hell, the arrangements were brought up before I even decided if South Dakota was a move I even wanted to make. I think we waited maybe ten minutes and Robynn pulled into the gas station, we hugged, made introductions because she has never met my children. We got into our vehicles and made our way to Shannon’s house.
By the time we get there, it’s well past eleven in the evening and I’m beyond exhausted. All I want to do is sleep at this point. So we didn’t even bother to unload and left the van packed up, went into the house, sat and spoke with Shannon a bit about the trip and all the beautiful views. She spoke with the children a little bit to get to know them. Soon after, we were shown the room we’d be staying in. I was given linens to make our bed and we passed the hell out.
During my stay with Shannon, we discussed rules for the house and a reasonable amount of time I would be given to look for work and find suitable housing. I would say it didn’t even take a week before things got from good to bad. It was almost like they expected me to have certain things done overnight. Shannon started complaining about what the children and I were eating. She literally told us to make ourselves at home and to eat whatever we wanted. I tried my best to not be greedy, but damn, I have five children and you knew this before we came here. You offered to watch over the children while I was looking for work and then you would all of a sudden become unavailable when I needed you. What took the cake was when Robynn came by one day and told me, “It may be better if you go to a shelter.” “They’ll help you get into your own place much faster.” Are you fucking kidding me right now bro? I literally couldn’t believe this shit was actually fucking happening to me AGAIN. I moved fifteen hours away from my home, to be right back in the same situation I just tried to get away from and you knew this.
After all this went down, my depression started to kick in instantly. As much as I loved Shannon and Robynn, I couldn’t help but feel betrayed. I felt lost, alone and afraid. I was in a new place by myself and I didn’t know anyone but them. All I had managed to do was let my babies down again. While all that was happening, Darnell hit me up, just to check on the children and I. I ended up confiding in him about what was happening and he eventually got around to asking me if I wanted him to come there. To be honest, I really didn’t want him there, BUT at the same time, I really didn’t want to leave South Dakota. There were an abundance of opportunities there that I wanted to take advantage of and I didn’t want to be there alone. That might have been selfish on my part, but I also saw him financially benefiting from that as well. I had talked myself into believing that would be a great opportunity for the both of us to really push through, so I told him to come on.
I intentionally stayed at Sharron’s house another two days to wait for Darnell to get there. When he does get there though, all hell breaks loose because he had come to be with me and the children. Granted I should have informed Shannon he was coming, but I’m already pissed and really didn’t give a fuck. Plus you’re putting me out, why do you care anyways. He literally was there overnight and not a minute longer. We got up early the next day, loaded up the van and dipped out. I still honestly believe until this very day, Shannon and Robynn were pissed with Darnell being there because they really believed they had me alone and would be able to treat me any which way they wanted and with how things ended, there was no amount of money you could have paid me to believe otherwise.
The shelter Robynn told me about wasn’t too far from Sharron house, a quick GPS search put us right there at the door. This was definitely a really huge and popular shelter, so it was quite intimidating. There were literally hundreds of people, families, couples and individuals alike, trying to get into this shelter. At this I’m literally praying because no way they have room for all these people. What we didn’t know, until we started to socialize with a few locals, the building we were standing at, was just the administrative building. The actual shelter was right across the road from where we were. Admittingly it was a really huge building, but it was still not big enough to house all the people there, plus who they currently have living there, that only made me worry more.
After a few hours of standing there and a few restless children, we finally made it to the front of the line. When you got to the front, that’s when you noticed that they were picking and choosing who to let into the shelter, so then I was really worried. On a positive note, whether you got in or not, they had food prepared for anyone who walked in through that door. Which was great because we didn’t even bother with breakfast before we left Shannon house.
It’s finally our turn to speak with the individual up front, the man who was directing people where to go. Now this may sound trippy, but I fucking kid you not, there was this little old white lady, maybe in her eighties, sitting up in her chair like she Jesus or some shit. Looking and eyeing you down, meanwhile whispering something in the guy’s ear, that was giving everyone instructions. The lady, whose name we would come to later find out was Cindy, was the owner of the shelter. Cindy handed the man some money, the man then turned to us, handed us the bills, which were like five bucks for each person in our family and directed us to the side of the cafeteria where everyone sat who was accepted into the shelter. Apparently I must’ve been holding my breath because as soon as we sat down, it was almost like I could breathe again.
Everyone finished their meals and we began our journey across the road to complete the check in process. We filled out so much damn paperwork, jeez man! You would’ve thought we were applying for a mortgage loan or something. After all the legalities were completed, we received the keys to our room. Which was interesting to me because the last shelter we resided in, locked and unlocked our doors for us as we came and went, so to have our own keys was very interesting. The only downside was that we were placed on the third floor and with being pregnant, becoming bigger by the day, that didn’t appeal to me not one bit. But hey, beggars can’t be choosers right?
With us being such a big family, the office staff had loaned us a few laundry carts to load our belongings in to make the move in process easier. We were forever grateful to them for that. Now that we had a room number, two laundry carts with the first load of our property, an elevator and room key in tow, we began the walk to what would become our new living quarters for the next few weeks.