Chapter 1: How It All Began
….around this time, I decided to move to Northwest Indiana with my four children Antoine, Shante, Carter and my youngest, Jackson. Nowhere fancy, just a small little town with a low population rate. We’ve been living here for over a year now. I’ve managed to get a 2 bedroom townhouse on a somewhat decent side of town. During this time, I’m busy with raising children, working to pay bills and rent, so there really wasn’t any room for dating. Being a single mother though, you get lonely at times and seek adult conversation. So there was the occasional online chatting, partylines, a few connections, but none that was serious enough to invest my time in. One day while on one of the sites that I frequented, I came to notice some of the users started bragging about a better and more popular site. So my retarded ass decided to make a profile and check it out. Why Liyah, just, why? My first mistake right there (lol) and that is how it all began!
Everybody and their mama that I DID NOT want to communicate with, was on that damn website. Don’t get me wrong, I found some really good friends I haven’t spoken to in years, distant family members, etc., but you know what, there were just those certain humans, I really would have cared less to run across. I don’t know, moving to Indiana in a variation of ways, was me running away from problems back home and trying to start anew (keyword: trying). This site just brought back events, memories, people, I mean everything from my childhood that I really wanted to forget. Maybe I should explain, give you guys a little bit of background.
Let’s rewind back to mid to late 90s. You see, back home, I was not your typical black girl. Growing up, I was the unpopular neighborhood kid with little to no friends, the nerd throughout grade school, the “lame”. I was polite and considerate, received good grades, teachers pet type of student, definitely got more than my fair share of being bullied for it. Let’s not forget to mention that I was overweight for my age and had a severe speech impediment. I was far from the coke bottle, small waist, Miss Big Booty Judy having, hair with the edges that slayed, sexy fit and name brand shoe wearing black girl, even got every man chasing that ass, black girl. I was just your average chick, with a struggling family and it showed.
I had a very low self esteem, no confidence at all. I mean, how was supposed to when I was constantly being torn down to my core daily, being told how fat and ugly you are by the majority of the boys in my class. I had even been slapped a few times and was told, “now cry.” What I do, ha, fucking cried and ran off like a little ass bitch You could say I was definitely a pushover. Kids are cruel man. I thought I was a little cute, 5 foot 4, big brown eyes, dimples, big boobs(genetic), smoothest brown skin to die for, even still some 20 years later. But I still wasn’t what my peers considered to be a beautiful girl. Don’t get me wrong, I’m in no way trying to down myself by any means, but one thing I have always tried to be, is honest.
As I got older, come High School, I started to crave the attention that the other girls around me were getting and unfortunately for me it had become what one would call, my devil. At the time, all I saw was the money and the gifts that these girls around me were receiving, just for being blessed with the right physical assets and/or was popular among the right crowds. After so long, you could say that I got a little rebellious, getting beside myself and I basically was just showing my natural black ass (lol) oh the memories. Anyways, I had lost some weight, speech therapy was doing wonders and I learned how to coordinate what clothes I did have. I found this magic called make-up and it was over. You..couldn’t..tell..me..shit..okay!! Let’s just say, I allowed it to get to my head and I just knew I was a badass. I started smoking weed, drinking, became sexually active and skipping classes, which turned into skipping whole days. It got so bad y’all, come my sophomore year, I missed my whole first week of classes. What? No I didn’t! Yea, okay. I turned into a little hottail. So much to the point where random boys would falsely claim I did something with them sexually. Yes, I was definitely fucking, but not just random ass boys, come on now. At the same time, me being sexually active made it hard for people to believe that I wasn’t out there doing all that extra shit. Needless to say, it gave me a really bad reputation and of course now, I’m considered one of the many neighborhood sluts. My life basically traveled all the way down the river from there.
I had a few select friends that knew the difference between the truths and the lies, so they continued to stay my friends, while others fled not wanting to be associated with me. Along with that, quite a few of my fabulous male peers believed said rumors, and just knew that I was out there dropping to my knees and giving free blowjobs just for the hell of it. So they definitely came at me wrong most days and shined a light on me that I definitely didn’t deserve. The saddest part of all that though and what truly hurt the most, my own family believing those same rumors and my words meaning nothing to them. Then for the hell of it, why don’t we just throw in there me being pregnant by 16 and giving birth at 17 to my first child, my oldest son Antoine, another scenario that didn’t help my case at all.
So now that we’re a bit caught up let’s get back to this lovely story of mine. See there you go, people I’ll tell you. Don’t worry about where the other three children came from. Just pay attention and keep up with me, maybe another book.
Where was I, hmmm oh yea, that new site I regretfully tried out. As I mentioned earlier, relocating was my way of moving forward with my life and finally being happy. By joining this site, I had people that never liked me, people who talked about me like a dog, old neighborhood boys looking for a quick fuck or suck (smdh) or people who never actually spoke to me, all requesting to be friends with me on this site. I literally just ignored their requests or deleted them because at the end of the day, in my eyes, they were just being nosey posies and wanted to know what I was up to, to go back and report to everyone else. So at this point, I had already come to the conclusion that I would just delete the account, but then something crazy and exciting happened. A guy that I had been crushing on since grade school sent me a private message. So of course I’m absolutely hyped about it and jumped at the opportunity. I reached back out to him and got a conversation going, mistake number two.