Chapter 2: His Arrival
So you’re probably wondering why me making room for conversation with Darnell was a big mistake and regrettable come near future. Well let me tell you, once we go over the details of the WHOLE relationship, you’ll definitely more than understand! Halfway through you’ll probably curse me out, ask me what the hell my problem was, ahhhh bitch why didn’t you leave, maybe even tell me “Liyah, you could not have been that desperate.”
Darnell was a boy I had a major crush on in grade school, I mean HUGE crush. Problem was, he was one of the popular kids and sadly, one of my bullies. So for me there was no possibility of catching his attention, so I thought. One day he asked me to be his girlfriend and I was amped, I...freaked...out, I was the happiest girl in the world at that time. Until two weeks later, I woke up with a horrible feeling that morning, something bad was gonna happen that day. Welp, he decided to dump in front of the entire class, the teacher was even speechless. I had no idea a human could be so ruthless, but I already said kids are cruel creatures. My heart was shattered and that event in itself should’ve had me keep him at a distance like I did everyone else. I never could understand why I allowed him to be the exception. He treated me just as badly as the rest. I guess it was something about him that I couldn’t let go of.
Our conversations would last for hours. I mean we stayed on the phone all night, anywhere from 3 to 5 hours. We texted each other multiple times throughout the day. I woke up to good morning texts, hey beautiful afternoon texts and come evening, texts to let me know he was waiting for me to settle the children so we could talk on the phone. It got to the point where I was literally rushing through the day so we could talk on the phone. I was falling and falling hard. During a few conversations, the topic of him coming to visit came up. Now this is where I probably should’ve pumped the brakes on the whole deal and left him alone. The closer it came to his arrival, I found out he didn’t have his own mode of transportation, he was living with his grandmother, nor was he working. I later also came to find out that he had two children out in the world whose lives he was not involved in and of course it was the babymama fault. Over the duration of the relationship, there were so much light shed on the many lies he told, that I literally couldn’t make some of it up if I wanted to. The crazy part was though, all the signs were there in the door and I chose to ignore them because I wanted him.
After a few more conversations it was decided that if I wanted him to visit, then it was up to me to drive and pick him up, so I eventually decided to make the trip. Since it was such a long trip, I took my neighbor Janelle for the company. When Darnell walked out of his house, he already had my heart. I don’t know, it’s something about a juicy, dark skinned man with glasses. I was definitely hooked. The ride home was super quiet, at least on his end. Janelle kept our conversation going so I wouldn’t get sleepy and begin to nod. We pull up in front of my home, I watch my neighbor go in her house like the good friend I am, then Darnell and I enter my place. Since it was late, I offered him something to eat or drink, he denied and we decided to go to bed since I had work the next morning. The next day I got up and did my usual routine for work and left out the house. I was so antsy about Darnell being here and if my children were going to like him and accept him. The day just couldn’t go by fast enough for me.
I came home that day, talked to everyone about how their day had been, got dinner started while the kids did their chores. These daily activities have been going on for a couple weeks now. What role does Darnell play in all this you ask? Well, being a typical and useless male, sitting right there sitting in the recliner chair watching television. Don’t you see him (lol). I usually have a domineering personality, but I don’t mind being submissive. Problem is I was submissive to the wrong man, especially a man that didn’t give me anything to be submissive with him. Darnell was still in my home, still hadn’t found a job, let alone actually looking for one.
December. 7th, 2008
Eye was about to run me some bath water until an urge came over me to write my feelings down. So eyem no longer with Jacob, same shit as usual eye guess. The kids are great and are excelling well in their studies. Eye have so much going on in my head, eye don’t even know where to begin. Eyem no longer working both my jobs, eye don’t even have a job. Eye don’t have any money to pay current or future bills. Looks like the children won’t be getting anything for christmas except for christmas dinner. Everything that eye had going for myself is slowly falling apart. Eye really don’t know what’s going on anymore. There’s so many days where eye just wish that eye could start over fresh. I started dating an old friend that eye went to school with. Anyways, my main source of transportation broke down on me. Even if it was running, eye don’t have any money for petro and eye have been to the majority of places here that are in walking distance filling out applications. Darnell has been here maybe three weeks. He’s been more than great to me and my children. He’s everything eye asked for in a man. Eye mean the way he walks, how he speaks to me, the way he interacts with the children, his smell, man it’s wonderful. He is the one man eye would definitely want to cater to until we turn grey (cough). But for some reason today he hasn’t said much to me at all and to be honest, it’s about to piss me off because he hurting my feelings.Well eyema go and get ready for that much needed bath. TTYL
Look man, I already know what you are about to say. Looking back at the situation and reading this journal, I definitely had lost my mind, was tripping balls and maybe a little desperate, obviously. In the beginning, things were wonderful, perfect. He would stand behind me while I cook and kiss on my neck all tenderly and stuff. We slept downstairs in the family room for the most part because we both enjoyed the big screen, which gave the room a theater feel. The sex game, well thats a different story, lets just say, the size of boat doesnt matter, only the person who has the experience to row (lol). I later came to find out that Darnell was super insecure and very jealous because of it. My main job was doing security overnight. Now Darnell knew that I couldn’t have visitors while on the clock. His insecurity was so severe that one night he walked to my job, which was located on the other side of town, just to see if there was somebody there with me. Unfortunately for me, my supervisor decided to do a pop up that same night and caught Darnell on the property with. Supervisor fired me on the spot, took my credentials and everything that night and I was told I was not allowed back on the premises otherwise it would be considered trespassing. That’s pretty much when life started to kick my ass. My other job was housekeeping at a mall. I cleaned the bathrooms, scraped up gum that was stuck to the ground, cigarette butts, you name it, I cleaned it, but it didn’t take long for my bad luck to catch up with me.