My Bestfriend Is My Lover

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Chapter 8: Wrapped Around His Little Finger

December 24th, 2009

6:17 pm

Dear Diary,

What is up? Hope everything is good with you! Me? Same shit all over again as usual. Shit always up and down. Right now I’m sitting in the basement chillin’ by myself. Something that has been long overdue. Some much needed me time, even if it’s just for a few minutes. God knows I love my baby. I want to carry his last name Kamaliyah Tiana Bailey, it has a nice ring right?. I just wish he would freaking do right, get his shit together. I love to have my future children with him. I see him in my life for a long time to come. The sex life is pretty much the same. Its good sex, but for the most part I still feel cheap, used, depressed and greatly disappointed. I feel like he’s after a nut. It is not that often I can actually climax. He’ll start off eating the pussy, soon as it gets good and I’m at my peak, what does he do? He stops, shoves his dick in me and gets to poundin’. It literally never fucking fails. I’m really getting tired of the sex altogether. Especially if it’ll be like this all the time. Every blue moon or so, the sex can be really intense, but he’ll ruin it by cumming entirely to fast. As soon as I’m getting into the much needed poundin, he cums. He’ll nut, lay down, I’ll get up to clean myself and he’ll have the nerve to say he wasn’t finished. **hahaha** I honestly give myself more pleasure masturbating, which the shower and I have become really good friends. He claims he cum quick because we don’t have enough sex. Yea okay, I’m cool boo, I don’t need to feel less of a woman because of your lack of and I’m so over the arguing. I don’t care what it is, this man just refuses to take responsibility for anything. It’s getting hot in this basement. Trust me tho, there is more to this, a lot more, but I need to start on dinner, help the children with the gingerbread house and I would really like to fit doing my hair and nails in tonight as well. It’s Christmas Eve and I’m in a really pissy mood. This day has already gone terribly wrong in so many ways. I’m tired of feeling down about the shit, so time to get my ass up and do something productive. I may just cut the babies hair, shower and then start on dinner while everyone else is getting ready for the evening. Yea, that sounds like a plan. Until next time, peace, love and a can of afro sheen!


Angels’ Child

The following year, which places us sometime in October of 2010. I had just recently given birth to my youngest son, Dashaun. I told Darnell about the pregnancy after his sentencing and he seemed to be genuinely happy about it. Things were going great and I had so much hope. It felt like this pregnancy brought joy, an opportunity for change and new beginnings. I mean Darnell was going to his anger management classes, they had appeared to be working and he was learning from them. He was doing good on probation, he followed the rules, even went and got a job to keep up with his fines. Things were finally looking up and for once in a very long time, I was happy.

But what do you know, let’s just drop a big fat bomb on Liyah’s life and fuck it all up, lol! I guess things were going so good that it didn’t take very long for everything under the sun to go wrong. It started with Darnell getting fired from his job due to his attendance, which led to us being evicted from the house we were renting. Luckily I had a job, so I was able to afford another place before a shelter came into the picture. We got settled into the new house, which I loved because it was way more spacious than the previous house and it was a little cheaper.

We’ve been in this house a few months now and Darnell still isn’t working and due to my condition, I was no longer able to work. So we started having to access different programs that would help with rent and bills. Towards the end of my pregnancy, I had a friend who was a general manager at a fast food restaurant and was looking for help. She stated she needed another manager on her team and wanted to know if I wouldn’t mind working for her after the baby was born. I ended up with a better job, it was further out, a twenty minute drive, but the money was good. Since it was in a food court, I was able to get Darnell a job at the restaurant next to me.

Naturally he started work before me, but because he didn’t have a driver’s license, that meant I was stuck driving him to work and picking him up on a regular. I had our son Dashaun, I stayed home for maybe two weeks and then immediately got to working. The job was going well, there was training involved so I did start off as an hourly employee and worked my way to being an assistant manager. Meanwhile, Darnell is at his shenanigans again and management was getting frustrated with his behavior.

Eventually it became apparent that Darnell was going to lose his job because he couldn’t just get his shit together for longer than a couple months at a time. It was so bad that he started to flirt with the assistant manager at the restaurant he was working at. He literally has this chick wrapped around his little finger, she was sloppy big, so she was just happy that he was paying her some attention and she allowed this man to do whatever he wanted. When working with food, there’s just some things you can’t do. Darnell would be back and forth between his phone, food orders and hanging out at the front counter. How much hand washing do you think he participated in, in the middle of all that? He would have his music loud as hell, with so much profanity it wasn’t even funny. He just talked loud in general to where customers in the lobby could hear him clearly. Customers would complain about the things he was saying and Darnell basically told them he didn’t care.

One day while working, the regional manager came and did a surprise pop up visit. Boy, if that wasn’t an eventful day, I don’t know what is. Not only did Darnell get terminated on the spot, but the regional manager also terminated the assistant manager, Shellie, that Darnell had been chatting up. The shit was fucking hilarious at the time, but guess what? Now Darnell is yet again, out of a damn job.

Due to some cut backs and people quitting, work was becoming super stressful. I was working multiple double shifts. The district manager also fired my boss, which was the friend who got me that job. I was training this one new hire, who had come in as a shift manager, and from what I gathered, she lied about her experience, she...didn’t...know...shit. I was also training the guy who would inevitably replace my boss and become my new boss. After working a double one day, I came home to a really quiet house and I was grateful for it. With so many kiddos tho, the house was always loud and full, so of course I was a little curious. I walked throughout the house and found Darnell in the living room asleep on the sofa. He must’ve felt me sitting on the couch because Darnell woke up and said to me, “Hey beautiful, I didn’t hear you come in.”

“I just walked in, you didn’t miss much,” was my reply.

Darnell looked super uncomfortable and for a talker, he was really quiet for some reason. I moved a little closer next to him and asked him, “What’s the matter Darnell, you seem a little off?” He sits up straight and says, “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure bud, ask away.”

Ya’ll, this man gets up and gets on one knee. Now I’m looking at him like, what the hell is wrong with you, lol! In my mind, I’m cracking up laughing, is he serious right now? I know he is not about to ask, what I think he is about to ask.

“Kamaliyah, I know I haven’t been doing my best, but with you by my side, I know I’ll be able to achieve anything. I know you’re the one for me, the one I want to grow old with. Will you marry me Liyah?”

You know what? All I have ever wanted throughout that relationship was for him to love me and do right by me. There were many points where if he had asked me, I would have jumped at it and said yes, but now, I honestly don’t know what I want anymore.

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