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Chapter 4: What if's


"Her name's Meredith Price. She was best friends with your mother." Grant explained the moment we were back in his car.

"As in the brand Princeton?" He continued as though there was something else I was supposed to know.

I knew the brand Princeton, hell, everybody did. They made the most ridiculously expensive dresses I had ever head of. And it wasn't just their dresses.


Everything, you name it.

Something else clicked. My brain felt foggy all of a sudden and it felt like there's something else I wasn't considering but I was too exhausted to think about anything else.

"I found out about three months ago and I wrote a letter to her but it wasn't until a week that I got a reply." He paused. "She does know,Light. She does know everything. She knew your parents and she's willing to give you all the answers you need." He paused and then sighed.

I stared at him wide eyed, afraid that if I allowed myself to blink, I would open my eyes and realize it was all a dream. So I starred at him, giving myself a minute to take his words in.

He had found the woman from my picture.

Her name was Meredith Price and she was best friends with my mother.

She wanted to meet with me.

She wanted to tell me the truth about everything that happened.

I suddenly felt panic rise to my chest, color draining from my cheeks.

What if she confirmed everything? What if she told me that my suspicions were right? That my father left because I was born? Because he didn't want me?

What if my mother went into depression because she missed him too much? Because she realized she had made the wrong decision? Because holding on to me had cost her the one thing in her life worth living for?

The air around me suddenly thinned and my breathing ragged. I couldn't think straight,hell,I couldn't even see straight.

What had I been thinking all this time? Wanting to find out the truth? What if the truth didn't fix things?

"Light?"Grant called as I tugged the collar of my shirt,gasping for air. Tears clouded my vision and as much as I wanted to calm myself down,I couldn't. I couldn't calm down.

What if I wasn't worth it?

What if Meredith hated me?

What if...... what if.....

"Light!" Grant called again, his voice laced with worry. "Fuck!" He cursed. "Jordan!" He raised his voice a bit, causing me to look at him and I felt a sense of safely envelope me the moment my eyes met his concerned ones. "Jordan, breathe." He told me, his hands on each side of my face. "Breathe Light. Breathe." He repeated.

I did.

I closed my eyes, drew in a deep breath and then exhaled.

I had to be strong. Only the strong survived.

I had to be strong. Only the strong survived.

I had to be strong. Only the strong survived.

After a few seconds, I opened my eyes,feeling Grant's thumbs quickly wipe my tears away.

"Dammit,Light. Are you okay?" He was staring at me with worry filled eyes before his hands immediately went around me,pulling me to him. It wasn't the most comfortable hug we'd shared but there was peace within me when he hugged me so I stayed.

"I am. I'm sorry I freaked out." I said slowly, finally pulling away.

"You don't have to go if you don't want to." He breathed, running his fingers through his hair. "Crap, I'm so sorry Jordan. I don't know what I was thinking. I thought I was doing something good. I thought you wanted it. I thought-"

"Grant,you gave it to me." I cut him off and he froze,his eyebrows narrowed in confusion. "The best birthday present. You gave it to me and I'm sorry I freaked out. I want it." I assured him. He starred at me for a second, his eyes searching mine,looking for tell tales to a lie and when he didn't find any,he nodded slowly.

"You are such a drama queen." He joked after a few seconds in what I guessed was an attempt to to lighten the mood but I smiled anyway.

Silence filled the car for a few seconds before I spoke.

"You're one of the best things that ever happened to me,Grant." I broke the silence. "I wouldn't trade that for anything. I wouldn't trade you for anything." I glanced at him for a second. "You know that, right?" I raised an eyebrow. His jaw tensed and for a moment he said nothing, starring off into space before he sighed.

"And I you, Light." He muttered and then turned the key in the ignition. "Let's get you home Princess." He reversed the car. The first seconds of the ride was filled with utmost silence before he broke it.

"You look like a monkey when you cry."

And just like that,we were back. Jordan and Grant,Grant and Jordan,Light and Grant.

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