Broken Heart Weight

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Her childhood


Hope’s childhood.

2007

Hope’s classmates;

Elmen, Alexa, Felarie, Epzie, Marina, Crisha, Anthony, Max, Thierry, Eafiz, Hilsan, Alfred, Crisha and Freddy.

Year-End Exam

“Hey! You all ready for the exam?”

“No...”

“Yup!”

“Not Yet!”

“50-50,”

“I just want to relax...”

Exam Ended

“Exam’s over! Party tonight, my place at 7 o’clock!”

“Ya! Ya! Ya! Holiday I’m coming!”

“I can’t wait!”

2008

Hope is more active in sports this year.

“Hey! What’re you gonna play this time?”

“I want to be you!”

“How is it feel to be there? Tell us!”

Exam

‘Oh, no! Exam, I’m not prepared yet. I’m damned!’

Exam Ended

Hope received her results after one week.

Sem 1; Number 5.

Sem2; Number 8.

‘What?! This is all I’ve got? I’m damned, indeed!’

Sighing.

‘It’s okay. I’ll try harder,’

2009

Rebecca’s first time in school.

“Hi, can I get your name?”

“Go away!”

Yeah! You got it! She’s harsh.

“Wow! She’s fast!”

“Like her sister!”

Exam Ended

‘What’s my result?’

Gulping, she opened her result.

‘Again??’

Rain pours down the earth. Like Hope’s heart. Disappointed with her results.

‘I’ve done my best. Why is this still happening?’

Home

“Hope! You’re home! Your results...” Hope’s mom stands up from the sofa upon seeing her enter the door.

Hope blocked out her mother’s voice and walked straight to her room.

***

Sem 1; Number 7.

Sem 2; Number 8.

Hope felt like she’s losing hope. She felt hurt.

‘I’m ashamed of myself...’

The pain felt like it has no end. It felt so hard to cure her heart. Hope tries to ignore it. But how can she ignore it?

Growing up, she only saw the expectations in her parent’s eyes. Expecting her to make them proud and to show off to their friends. Like some trophies they achieved.

She can’t bear another disappointed look or worse, rejections. It made her flinch, and her heart broke every time they gave her that look.

***

She spends her time in her room, curling herself on the bed, sulking.

***

“Hope! It’s time for dinner. I made your favourite,” Her mother failed to get her out of the room.

***

“You useless bitch! Where are you?!”

But, upon hearing her drunken father cursing at her mother, Hope finally went out of her room and stand on the staircase watching them.

“Don’t you know how to raise a child?! Look at your daughter! What will become of her?!” Her father yelled at her mom.

Her mother flinched on the sofa with her head down. Her shoulder’s shaking in soft sobs.

“You know I’ve tried my best,” Her mother said, crying on her palms.

“Huh! Such a crybaby!” Her father scoffed.

‘All because of that damned girl!’

Hope’s flinched seeing the accusation on her mother’s eyes. Her mother looked at her as if she’s made a big mistake.

’You are bad luck!”

Her mother’s piercing glare across the room broke Hope’s heart. Again.

Her mind had conjured up thoughts she couldn't even fathom. As if she can understand or read the person's thought just by looking at them.

Hope immediately went back into her room and cried her hearts out. Muffled by her pillow.

‘Why me? This isn’t fair. No one loves me. Not fair. I’ve tried my best. But I can’t. Why can’t they understand?! I hate my life!’

***

Hardships come looking for her, knocking at her door. Unrelentingly.

“Mom?”

“...”

“Mom,”

“Stay away from me! I can’t stand you!”

***

From that day on, her family started ignoring her. She felt isolated.

‘Why me?’

She was always left alone at home.

***

“I should’ve never sent you to school at all. You can’t even answer that easy as pie exam,” Hope’s mother had suddenly approached her in the kitchen and immediately throw those words to her.

“Rebecca, Aurora! Come on, we’re going shopping!” She walks to the door waiting for her cherished daughters.

But, Hope...

“And you, I want the house to be cleaned before I came back!”

Either her mother or her father, they would punish her for not doing what they asked her to do.

“What have you been doing? Why is my room not cleaned? You dare to slack off now?! huh?!”

“Mom, it hurts! Please, stop! I’m sorry!”

Beating her with a hanger or locking her out of the house. Their neighbours minded their own business, and she was too ashamed to even knock on one of her friends’ door.

***

One day, Hope is unaware that she was crying in her sleep. Aurora had sneaked into her sister’s room and noticed her crying. She bit her tongue and lay down beside her sister quietly.

Her own tears streamed down her cheeks, listening to her sister’s pained cry. She doesn’t have the heart to wake her sister up from her nightmare. She’s much three times younger than her sister. How would she know how to help her?

‘My poor sister. God, please keep her strong,’ Is all she could do. Praying for her sister.

The Next Day

“Sister, wake up! Wake up!” Aurora shakes Hope’s awake.

“Mmh... I’m up,” Hope said, her eyes still closed as she lay on the bed.

“Hope!” Aurora shouted on her sister’s ears.

“Yes?!” Hope open her eyes as she sat up, abruptly.

Silence.

She glares at Aurora who’s grinning like a rotten clam.

Aurora ignores her as she stretched her body and yawn.

“What did you dream yesterday?” Aurora asked.

“I dreamed of a princess named Aurora falls into the backyard fish pond,” Hope answered, innocently.

Aurora looked pissed.

“I’m serious!” She crossed her arms.

“Okay, fine! Why are you asking?” Hope rolled her eyes.

Aurora bit her lip, hesitating.

“You cried in your sleep,” She said in a small voice, scared of Hope’s reaction.

Hope stilled. She stood up and ruffled Aurora’s hair, turning it into a messy birds nest before she sprints out of the room, laughing.

“It’s not a joke!” Aurora screamed, aggravated.

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