Losing My Mind

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Chapter 20

Ryleigh enjoyed this week too much and didn’t grasp if this could be any better, she may be lucky this time but it’s going to get tougher, eventually obtaining, Blake was a bit upset.

‘Damn it, going to miss my fuck buddy. Ester, Ryleigh you in?’ Both presented him the middle finger, she’s chuffed Ester remained on the same side as her. ‘Oh come on, you’re the only girls left.’

‘And we’re not interested.’ Ester tells him, Rory became annoyed with Blake speaking to the girls like that particularly to Ryleigh, he started to become protective of her than he wanted to be.

Ready for another challenge, the judges assign a new task where they want to start opening up further and want it to be something personal,

‘We know that we’ve all gone down a slippery slope but we also found a way of making us a different person once we get out of it. Tell us what has made you change as a person. Good luck.’ Aimee directs them.

As they all locate their space to write, Ryleigh knew what she needed to do, being here has changed her life and unlocked new possibilities to things she never imagined she could do. It also made her see what it could be like for someone to accept her for who she is, this is for appreciating for the people who she only just met, starting to make her believe in herself.

I’m an honest person, I swear,

But my true colours have come back,

To someone I didn’t think I was before,

I’m not scared anymore.


The voices in my head, acting like I’m dead,

Thinking I’ve got nothing,

When actually I’ve got something,

And you didn’t believe me right from the start,

I just speaking what’s coming from the heart.


Fighting the dark days,

Making them go away,

The mask that I portray is the only one I display,

Take all my fears away,

It’s going to be a brighter day.


Knocking all the four walls that blocked out the light,

Finally seeing the cracks broken my mind,

Praying that the demons will go away,

Telling them not to come back knocking on my door.


Ryleigh decided to end her day with her writing and make her way to the pool, as she came downstairs it was completely silent that she can hear the fainting melodious sound from the studio. As far as she was aware, Rory and Ester can play the piano but she passed Ester in the hallway as she works her electric keyboard on the top of the stairs, so the only person is Rory.

Gently opening the door, noticing his broad shoulders and arms moving across the piano playing a beautiful symphony with him singing softly.

Please brother call me when you’re free,

I haven’t heard from you in days,

You told me once I sat behind bars,

No matter where you are you won’t be far,

But I’ve been waiting for you to come home.


I got the news yesterday,

That you decided to go away,

A big brother I was supposed to be,

The leader of the family,

I’m sorry, I’ve let you down.


Brother, I wish I can tell you that I’m sorry,

The influence that I became,

Wasn’t in the right way and I should of known better,

Mother cries for you every night,

Knowing you won’t be home tonight.


Brother, I miss you the most,

You shouldn’t take that overdose,

You did call me that night,

If I answered I would of made it right,

But I was blind and put you on hold.


As he played the last note, Ryleigh shut the door softly, he detected it and peered over his shoulder.

‘You never told me you had a brother?’ She quizzes him in a gently.

‘I don’t like to talk about it, that’s why.’ His response appeared grief and faces back to the piano, while he replied she sits alongside him on the seat.

‘It’s beautiful, he’ll be proud of you, you know.’ She wraps her arms around him and leans her head on his shoulder, he moves his arms to be comfortable in her embrace holding on for a little while, ‘I don’t know if you’re going to add other parts into it, but I don’t think you should. You and the piano is enough for this one.’ Ryleigh states as she releases herself to look at him.

‘You think so?’ He answers quietly and she nods back, looking into his eyes that portrays of guilt and sadness, Ryleigh takes his hand and holds on tight.

‘Tell me more, tell me what happened?’ Rory exhales deeply preparing the words.

‘I was a shit big brother. My dad left us as a young age and all I done was become a reckless nightmare. The bad stuff I was getting myself into, my brother, Brendon would follow because he thought that’s all he knew. But all I’ve done is lead him into a drug addict that found it harder to withdraw himself. When I went to prison, he promised me he would stop, knowing the trouble it got me in and I believed him. He wasn’t the same person when I came out and I didn’t know him anymore, we fell out. One night I got a call out of the blue from him and being so mad a him I ignored it, then the next day I was told he was found dead. It gives me nightmares thinking about what if I answered that call? Would I be able to give him the chance to live? I hate myself for it.’ She strokes her thumbs across his knuckles and settling into his trauma of what he’s been through.

‘What you couldn’t do for your brother is horrible, I’m sorry. But you being here and being a better dad has given you the chance to be something greater and a better person than you ever thought you can be. I admire that and so will everyone.’ He kisses the back of her hand, thankful for her viewpoint on him and he scans her noticing her cover-up showing through a bright blue bikini.

‘You going to the pool?’

‘Yes, you’re welcome to join me.’ She tells him.

‘Ok, I’ll just pack up, get changed and see you there.’

Through the patio doors, nobody was here everyone must be working longer on their songs, it makes Ryleigh question whether hers is good enough for the live show. She did start to get a headache towards the end and believed a dip in the pool would help. As she places her things down and takes her bikini cover off, she makes her way into the shallow end and dips her toes in. It’s always colder than she anticipates it, but fights through and walks in deeper just enough and kneels to get wet up to her shoulders.

In the pool was a Lilo she wanted to lean on and it was moving away, she tries to get closer but it’s creeping away into the deep end. Stretching out with her arm and on her tiptoes, slowly slipping away and determined to leap for it but misjudged her distance and the Lilo floated away and she went down into the water. Ryleigh managed to get her head back up but couldn’t feel the floor and started to panic flapping her arms around, her head went back down and couldn’t get back up and sees the blue waves over her finding it difficult to breathe and her eyesight started to blur.

She felt something grab her and rush her up to the surface, her body’s reaction instantly makes her breathe again and she coughs out from holding on for too long.

‘Ryleigh what are you doing?’ Rory says holding her up,

‘I was trying to get that Lilo….and I…’ She became hysterical from the aftermath of it all.

‘Shh, it’s ok. Don’t worry.’ He runs his fingers through her wet hair and swims her back to the shallow end.

‘Sorry and thank you.’ Ryleigh calmed down grasping her feet are on the floor. ‘It sucks that I can’t swim.’

‘I can teach you. It’s pretty easy.’ She gapes at him uncertain. ‘Come on.’ He takes her hand and moves beside her and tells her to lift her legs, she lays on her front while he grips on her waist. ‘Just gently kick, I got you.’ Clutching onto her naked skin is what he dreamt of doing and had to push it away to help her swim, the way he holds her made her shiver a little. Rory instructs her on how to do a breaststroke and she eventually got the opportunity to do it on her own, his encouragement got her through.

Feeling chuffed with herself she thanked him by hugging him and crossed her legs around his middle while they’re still in the water being a tad higher than him. Gazing into each other eyes she wants him too much then she should and remembers the camera’s are on and let’s go. Rory didn’t want her to move as he had other ideas. The sun started to disappear producing shade causing the water to be sharp. Ryleigh chose to end her day in the pool and went to get changed. As he views her, every inch of her body he wanted to kiss and touch so badly.


The girls constantly take too long for the lads for food and they start to get hangry and down their beers easily.

‘God I hate this.’ Blake whines. ‘I need to get a girl.’

‘Is that all you think about?’ Elliot mocked him.

‘No, but when I can’t have it, it furoates me. Wish the girls were on board.’ He starts chuckling to himself.

‘What’s so funny?’ Ashton asks.

‘You know, from Ryleigh not being interested, really turns me on to her.’ Blake returned. Rory glares at him furious he thinks of her like that. However, earlier he went back to his room and sealed his eyes thinking about her, how she looked at him when she held him and how he would’ve retained her there by kissing her passionately on the lips and then to her neck imagining she would love it thrusting up against him. ‘I think I might have to join the que….’ Blake continues, ‘…unless you want to join forces.’ And raises one eyebrow at Rory, he shakes his head disgusted from his remark and instead of snapping back he gulps his beer down. The boys changed the subject quickly and decided to order food.

‘Can we have word a sec?’ Rory whispers to Blake and he follows him outside. ‘Listen, I don’t want you to do anything to Ryleigh or Ester while you are still here. You understand me?’ Blake scoffs at his comment.

‘Whatever mate, you can’t tell me what to do. It’s not out of my control if they desperately want it and I can give it.’ Rory’s teeth clenched slightly. ‘Besides, I’m sure she’ll won’t resist once she gets a taste of me.’ He picks Blake up by the collar of his shirt and shoves him to the wall.

‘Don’t you dare touch her! I mean it!’ Rory gripped threw his teeth while Blake smirked at him.

‘Alright, geez. Calm down.’ He has his hands up like he surrenders, Rory puts him down while Blake fixes himself, he makes his way back into the house to see the girls finally here. Ryleigh wears black jeans and a white V-neck loose t-shirt and it gets his heart exploding, she can’t stop smiling at him when she sees him now with his black tank top showing off every tattoo and muscle she likes to see.

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