Losing My Mind

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Chapter 7

Next day ready to get picked up and have a one-to-one with Marcus, Ester gave her a hand on what to wear, also, told her to “go all out or go home” and told her to wear her black shorts with black tights. Ryleigh laughs because she used to do that when she was 16 years old. She saw she had a white lace bodysuit and a skull kimono overlay.

‘I think this is a bit much.’ Ryleigh stated.

‘Shut up and let me curl your hair.’ Ester joked to her.

It took her longer to get ready, she barely had any food, she makes her way downstairs and all eyes are on her in the kitchen, including Rory. He did look her up and down and nibbled onto his lips, she only gazed at him and fiddled with her hands.

Ester came down walking past her and noticed Ryleigh being stared at.

‘Take a picture it’ll last longer.’ She asserts to them. From her speaking, Ryleigh made her way into the kitchen.

‘Morning.’ She said to Rory.

‘Morning.’ He smiles, ‘What are you up to today?’

‘I’m going to have my one-to-one with Marcus.’ She travels past him to the cupboard full of cereal.

‘Hey, what are you doing?’ Ester calls out.

‘Getting some food, I’m hungry.’

‘No, you spill stuff on you and you’ve not got time to change.’

‘She has a point.’ Rory pitched in, frowning from their marks and shuts the cupboard door.

‘Fine.’

She got picked up and saw Kelsie in the car.

‘Oh my god, you look amazing!’ Kelsie screeched. ‘I never thought about the shorts with that top, good thinking.’

‘It was more Esters’ idea.′ Ryleigh told her.

‘Oh, she’s a good girl.’ Kelsie spirit eternally lifted hers and enjoying Esters company with helping to choose her clothes for her.

At the studio all dressed up for TV, she sees Marcus and someone with a guitar ready to play her track. With the bold brick walls and the logo of the show plastered on the background. He greets her in with a hug and she smiles from ear to ear.

‘Hey Ryleigh, before we get started, tell me why you’re here?’

‘I just think that something was missing from my life and music is my way of escaping. All I want to do is to show and share it to the world.’

‘From the way that you performed when we first saw you, I noticed you were nervous. I think it’s time to show me what you got.’ She nodded and made her way to the microphone stand, the nerves started to run in her and ordered herself not to do that and took a deep breath and nodded to the musician. He strummed the first few cords and she held onto the microphone tight.

Instead of being in the audience, she switched roles with the singer on stage that she has been watching for many years and she sung hiding all the fears from the people that don’t believe in her, screw them all she don’t need them.

Once she finished Marcus started clapping.

‘That’s not bad, I’m looking forward for you to finish it. Have you thought about the rest yet?’ She nodded but wanted to hear what he said and the advice he gave her was most helpful and her mind started to buzz with ideas with desperation to get into the studio to record.

Kelsie was watching on the side-lines by the producer, when Ryleigh finished she complimented on her performance and made their way back to the car.

‘Have you spoken to Josh lately?’ Ryleigh asked.

‘No, he’s quite stressed at the minute with Rory.’ Kelsie answered and it took her by surprise.

‘Why’s that?’

‘It turns out that someone sold a story to him about his past with drugs and he didn’t tell Josh about it.’

‘How bad is it?’ Kelsie shrugged.

‘Apparently, he’ll have to make a statement.’ Ryleigh was curious to know however, she didn’t search for it online as the media can twist information.


When she arrived back, her next task was her gym routine, she told them pilates were her go-to, but she was only doing it twice a week for only ten minutes. Ryleigh dreaded it and saw the personal trainer, she told him the truth and glad that the camera was not here. Luckily the trainer was understandable and gradually set her into it, she’ll be sore tomorrow and can feel it.

When she sweated out all the booze and fatty food absorbed in her system for 10 years, she saw Ester and the girls sunbathing by the pool and some of the guys too and went to go get dressed into her bikini and cover-up.

Ester was the first person who saw her.

‘Ryleigh, you’re back. How did it go?’ She sat on the sun lounger Ester lied on.

‘Yeah, it went pretty well. Have you done yours with Bruce?’

‘Yep, left not long after you, it went really well.’ She smiled and looked around quickly to see who was here and saw the boys playing water polo in the pool.

‘He’s not here.’ Ester whispered.

‘I don’t know who you are talking about.’ Ryleigh made it too obvious with the cameras are rolling but attempted not to make a scene, it’s true she was looking for Rory. Ester stood up straight and went closer to her.

‘He’s gone to the one-to-one too, he’ll be back soon.’

‘Ester! Stop.’ Ryleigh quietly pleaded.

‘Stop worrying.’ She told her.

After she calmed down and settled herself on the sun lounger with her headphones in, she continued to think from the advice by Marcus instructing her on what to do. With her brain overthinking, she had to take notes and get back onto the guitar to finish it off. Giving up with the sunbathing she wrapped the towel around herself like a sarong and walked through the patio doors into the kitchen and saw Rory with his head down and his hands in his hair looking distressed. She recollected what Kelsie said and wondered if it’s the reason he’s becoming distant, perhaps it’s best to leave him alone and walked past him.

Rory detected footsteps beating the marble and looked up to see Ryleigh’s back exposed, her curves precise and smooth with her golden locks hanging off her shoulder strutting up the stairs. His heart is pumping fast and desires to imagine the rest of her body, she’s just a friend and nothing more.

Rather going to the balcony in the boys room, she sat on the floor in hers and plucked while wearing a long t-shirt and scribbling, she heard two knocks on the door and looked to see it’s him.

‘You didn’t say hello to me.’ he says and she smirks.

‘Hello.’ And turns back to look at the window, he titters.

‘The balcony not a nice spot anymore?’ He comes over to sit next to her, she moves to have her knees bent and legs to one side. Seeing her bare legs made his palms tingle.

‘It’s not that, since my session, my minds has been buzzing with ideas and I got to get them out. How did yours go?’

‘It went ok, could’ve been better. But I played to the camera.’ Rory said unsatisfied.

‘Did he not like it?’

‘No, he loves it. It’s everything else that’s going on right now isn’t helping.’ He sits cross-legged and picks the skin of his fingernails.

‘Do you want to talk about it?’ Ryleigh queried gingerly.

‘I’m surprised you haven’t read it.’ He became defensive.

‘I don’t believe what the media posts half the time, they do some things on purpose to get a reaction. So I want to hear it from you.’ He gawks at the window considering if he should tell her.

‘I’ve fucked up big time and I fucked up bad. My ex-bandmate sold me out to the press and told them about the drugs I use to take and the amount of weird shit I would do that would get me arrested. He even told them about the girls I would’ve slept with while I was high. Fucking asshole.’ She listened to him and felt the pain of trusting his ex-bandmates deceiving him.

‘You’re right he is a fucking asshole. And you can prove them wrong.’ He glances at her perplexed.

‘Go out there on Saturday and show them it doesn’t bother you what those haters say about you. You want to make a name of yourself tell them how it is. I am me and you can’t stop me.’ She grabbed her guitar and beginning to strum his song,

Read a much as you like, I don’t give a shit,

You wished you had my life and envied the attention I can get,

There’s nothing to prove, I don’t even need to show you,

Welcome to the world of to all the fucks I give.

He beams at her daring troublesome language, the passive-aggressive and freeness of it. ‘It’s yours if you want it.’ He peers down for a second smiling.

‘You’re not supposed to help me.’

‘Take this as a one-off offer.’ She smirks.

‘Thank you. For not giving a shit on what I’ve done.’ Ryleigh shrugs.

‘Like I said, they’ll see who you are and what you can do.’ A new wave of affection passed over Rory of how much she doesn’t care including how much he should too, it makes him believe he could move forward.

‘Get out.’ Melody appeared demanding for them to leave with Blake trailing behind. ‘We need this room.’

‘It better be on your bed.’ Ryleigh remarked maliciously and picked jogging bottoms to put on with Rory following her. Melody glared at her, the way Blake acts was infuriating Ryleigh and is preparing to stay away from him as possible.


Her body clock didn’t sync right with her stomach grumbling all over the place, her uncertainty to get up and get a midnight snack to help her doze off again or even a hot chocolate wasn’t helping her mind rushing round.

She made her way to the studio and joined the band and producer she’ll be working with.

‘Hey Ryleigh, my name is Harry and I’ll be helping you. I’ve heard your track and I think we have something great to work with.’

Throughout the day the band help out where and when to make the verses and chorus with an intro and guitar solo, for half a day’s work it seemed to be halfway. She thanked the team for their help and charged to go back tomorrow.

Ryleigh had the free afternoon and thought it’ll be nice to go and have lunch with Kelsie and ordered her to have a break, they settled at a popular deli.

‘Geez, this is a huge sandwich.’ Ryleigh stated.

‘Is it? If you don’t finish yours off I’ll have it too.’ She takes a mouthful out of her steak and cheese crunchy baguette. ‘Thanks for doing this, you didn’t have to. I’m supposed to be looking after you.’

‘I know but without you here, I wouldn’t have a clue on what to do .’ Kelsie smiled apricated from her comment. They continued chatting of there shared interests and Kelsie revealed more regarding her job and remembered something.

‘Actually, Josh was telling me that things have been better for Rory….and I have a feeling it has something to do with you.’ Kelsie behaved suspiciously. Ryleigh pause mid-bite through her sandwich and withdrawn from it.

‘What makes you say that?’

‘I’ve seen the editing team with recordings and it seems you guys hit it off really well.’ Ryleigh eyes widen, does it reveal her eyeing him too much? She must be overthinking. ‘Whatever you’ve done, he seems happier.’ She simply grins not to give anything else away.

•·················•·················•

Her next day in the recording studio was only 2 hours completing her track.

‘Wow that was quick, thanks Ryleigh.’ Harry said, she thanks them again and made her way out with Kelsie.

‘Killer track girl! I’ve called the video team and they are happy for you to come early and record.’ Ryleigh approved and saw her phone beeped from Russell:

We can talk tonight, but I don’t want it filmed. Xxx

She asked Kelsie if there’s a way for this to happen and said she could use the private room in the house.

The set for her video Ryleigh had her make-up, hair and style team ready and this one as an easy video of her in a white background with the band playing, wearing black skinny jeans a white vest top and a leather jacket with her hair curled and red lipstick. The director made her comfortable and told her to sing like you are live and enjoy yourself. It took several goes, but she eventually grasped it and got into it eventually. She sat in the car attempting to stay awake from the heavy day it supplied, she couldn’t catch up with her mind believing this is real.

After being dropped off, she had done her exercise and took a nap from the long day.

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