I don’t want to be here. I don’t belong here. They say I’m dangerous to myself and to others. They say that I’m psychotic and delusional. They say I’m crazy. Maybe I am. The voice in my head tells me to let her out. She begs, she yells, she threatens and she commands. But I don’t give in. I push her back and tell her to shut the hell up. The last time she tried to get out I accidently hurt an old woman and her granddaughter. I sat on my knees in the park, scratching and clawing the skin on my body. The skin itched and crawled, and I saw light silver fur coming out on me. I panicked. I screamed and clawed my skin more. My nails were now claws and left deep slashes across my body. The old lady came up to help me and I pushed her away. She fell and broke her hip and somehow, I accidently scratched the little girl on her chin and neck. When I saw her blood and smelt the metal in her blood I threw up. More people came up to us and they called both the police and the ambulance. The girl cried and every time I tried to come near, she screamed. A blood chilling scream that still haunts me. She was terrified of me. The police came and took me in. My head and body were almost covered with blood. My blood. But they didn’t find any wound on me. To say that they were confused is an understatement. The poor girl had to get the scratches stitched up and I was sent to psychiatric care. And here I am. In my room and listen to the noise in the corridor. One of the patients, or whatever you want to call us, attacked a nurse. The alarm cuts in my ears and I cover them with my hands. I hear them drag him away to the room with the beltbed. When I first came here I laid strapped to that bed for three hours. I don’t want to do that again. So I stay in my room. I only come out to eat my food and take my medicine. It’s quiet now, but I don’t move. I hear light footsteps outside my door and there is a faint knock.
“Rebecka? Are you okay?” She asks with a concerned voice.I don’t say anything. I just wait. I hear the beeps when she press the tag to the pad and writes her code. The doorknob twists and a small stream of light comes into my room. I tense up and press my knees harder to my chest.
“Rebecka? Sweetheart, are you okay?” She asks again and this time I shake my head no. She comes up to me and sit down on the floor next to me.
“I’m so sorry about this. Is there anything I can do for you?” She wraps her arm around me and I rest my head against her shoulder.
“Please. Get me out of here.” I plead in a whisper and I let my tears fall freely.
“I wish I could honey. I really wish I could.” She says and hugs me tighter.
“I need to go and see how Rebecka is doing.” I say and get up from my seat.
“Be careful, you know how anxious she gets when there’s been an alarm.” Jacob says.
“I know, that is why I’m going to check on her before I go home.”
“Poor girl, I know what she did was horrible, but it’s heartbreaking to see her here.” Lisa says and sadly shake her head.
“I hope they transfer her soon. She will never get better here. The other patients are too violent and angry, she just hides from them. It’s not good for her.” I say and leave the nurse station. My footsteps leaves a faint echo when I walk through the corridor. I stop outside her room and knock.
“Rebecka? Are you okay?” I ask. There is no answer so I open her door. I see her sit on the floor in the corner. Her arms hugs her knees to her chest and her forehead is pressed to her knees. I feel a pain in my chest when I look at the scared girl on the floor.
“Rebecka? Sweetheart, are you okay?” I ask again and walks up to her. She shakes her head no and I feel the tears build up in my eyes. I don’t know why I care so much for this girl. But from the moment I saw her I felt an instant connection to her. I sit down next to her.
“I’m so sorry about this. Is there anything I can do for you?” I wrap my arm around her and she leans her head against my shoulder.
“Please, get me out of here.” She pleads with a weak voice and a tear fall from my eyes. I can smell her tears flow down her cheeks and I wonder how much more she can take. How much longer can she be locked up in here?
“I wish I could honey. I really wish I could.” I say and hug her tighter. I hold her when she cries. My shift was over twenty minutes ago but I don’t care. I can’t leave her.
“I’m sorry. I know your shift is over.” She says with a broken voice.
“No worries. Are you okay?” I ask and I feel her nod against my shoulder.
“Thank you. Will you be here tomorrow?” She asks as she rise from the floor and goes to sit on her bed.
“Yes, I’ll be here tomorrow morning.” I say and smile at her. She returns it and I see a glimpse of the beautiful girl she could be. Normally she walks around with a scared expression on her face. But now, in her room, she seems almost relaxed.
“Goodnight Rebecka.” I walk out of her room and out of the asylum. When I’m in my car I break down and cry. I let it all out. The hopelessness I feel when I see her. When I can’t help her. I drive home and park my car in front of the garage. I dry my tears and takes a deep breath. I look up to my house and see my oldest son Jake with his best friend Adam. He has been gone for three years and apparently he is back. I take my bag and lock the car. The night air is fresh and brings scents of moss and pine trees from the woods. I open the door and smile at my family.
“Good evening boys. Hello Adam. It’s nice to see you again. Sorry, I will greet you properly soon I just need to pee really bad.” I say and hurry in to the bathroom.
“Mom, have you been crying?” Jonathan, my younger son asks when I come out from the bathroom.
“Yes, I talked to a patient of mine and I just feel bad for her. She doesn’t belong in there.” I say and sigh. I walk up to Adam and give him a big hug. Suddenly he lets out a low growl and he hugs me tighter.
“Adam, what are you doing?” Jake asks with a raised eyebrow.
“That smell. It’s not your smell. But it’s amazing.” He mumbles with his nose in my hair. I frown at him.
“Amazing how? I guess you’re not referring to my shampoo.” I joke but immediately stops when I see his dark eyes turn black.
“Mate-amazing.” He says with a big grin on his face. I freeze. The last person I was near, was Rebecka. The last person I hugged, was Rebecka. Is Rebecka Adam’s mate?