Everyone seemed to be happy but sometimes I felt it was my fault everyone was down or miserable. I don't have many nightmares now the medication helps with that. Me and jasper and getting better and closer everyday and he even convinced me to open up to him more which was helping but I just couldn't with my family and friends I wasn't ready yet.
I was in the waiting room of my therapist office. Jasper offered to come with but I declined I just find I'm healing better going on my own and I can talk freely. The receptionist called on me to go dr Addams office that she was ready for me.
"Hi Amelia, how are things"
"Yeah they're okay"
"So what has made you make a emergency appointment with me"
"Well my prom is coming up and I don't if it's a good idea to go I mean I don't want to set myself back but then I think if I see and show him he hasn't won but I just don't know and I came so far the last few month and I don't want to go back to just existing."
"Well I wouldn't say it wont or would set you because only you know this but that's totally up to you and if you allow it to set you and remember at the said prom that you will have jasper and your friends there with you. I don't want you to allow him to rule over your life anymore he has done so I say you should go and enjoy yourself."
"Okay thank you" I stood up and shake her hand and left her office. The got into my car and headed home. The parked my car in my driveway and walked inside. I walked into the kitchen and sat at the kitchen table while mom was making dinner."
"Need some help with dinner"
"Yeah sure honey, can you cut my he veggies up please" my mom loves me helping that way we can catch up with each other and it was our thing.
"Sure mom, thought you were working today" "yeah was only half a day since I started really early this morning."
"So hat are your plans for the rest of the day"
"Well I wanted to hang out with you mom since it's been forever since we have done that and jasper will be over later for dinner" only if your not busy though" I ask nervously.
"Of course I'm not busy honey and if I was busy nothing comes between spending time with my babies" I've missed having our days with you" I smiled going back to helping with dinner.
"Mom see after we are done here can we sit and talk there's a few thing I wanted to talk about" yeah sure honey, go sit and I will get us coffee since that's everything done."
I sat down on the couch and turned the tv on while my mom made coffee for us both.
Once mom made coffee she came and sat down never to me and pulled a blanket over us while I put Netflix on. We decide we wanted to watch the notebook even though we have watched it a million times but we both loved watching it.
"How are thing your with the medication and therapist " my mom asked nervously.
"Yeah okay, she's helping me loads and the medication is helping me function normal again and she's helping how to keep in control so I don't have any panic attacks."
"How do you do that, I'm just wondering in case I need to help you during one"
"I just need to take deep breathes and think about the good things in my life like you guys, my friends and jasper. Mom it's okay to ask me stuff you know, how will always tell you the truth."
"I know honey but I don't want to push you with questions if there's a chance you could shut down again" by this time she had pools of tears in her eye and in that moment realise how broken she was with everything that's happened.
"Mom, what's wrong" I asked concerned since I've only seen her cry a handful of times and most of them has been lately.
"Baby, I justtt... I Moran I don't want see that little sparkle disappear in your eye again, when that was gone I felt I lost you and I didn't know how to get you back. When and your dad got that call I felt like I failed you as a mother. We are supposed to protect our children and I couldn't protect you from what that horrible boy done to you. I felt so helpless I just wanted to have my little girl back." She cried.
I had tears running down my cheeks while I listened to my mom and broke my heart to hear what she was feeling. That's when I though of something and I hope my parents like it.
"Mom, I'm so sorry you what you went through but this I'm fighting everyday to feel normal again"
"Honey do not apologise none of this was your fault it was that horrible boys fault so please stop blaming yourself"
"I know mom I'm working on it"
We turned to start watch the notebook and I felt better after that talk with my mom. At some point I must have fell asleep because when I woke up jasper was sitting on the couch across from me.
"Hi babe" I smiled.
I grabbed my phone to see what time it was " how long have you been here"
"Just an hour or so" he smiled.
"And why didn't you wake me"
"Because you obviously needed the sleep and you look so cute and peaceful when you were sleeping"
"Well I need to shower because I feel all sweaty but I won't be long okay" I got up to go for a shower.
I got out of the shower and got dressed and shouted on jasper so he could come up. I sat on my bed with my laptop and book and begin working. After a while I stopped to spend sometime with jasper so we decided to watch a movie.
About 8pm Emma walks into my room with Jensen Lilly and matt. "Hey what yous guys doing here"
"Can't we come visit our friend since she don't go to school no more" Lilly said. Matt laughed while I rolled my eyes.
"You know yous can come and visit anytime silly" so how is school anyways I didn't think I'd say this but I miss it so much feel like a part of me is missing."
"Same old crap you know gossip, fight all that. But remember not long until we are all off to collegeeee!"
"I know I can't wait.. then we will all be together again I miss yous guys so much but I know I was so closed off with yous guys I was just so scared of him and I didn't know how to handle my anxiety"
"It's okay Amelia we know and understand and also we love you so it's cool"
"Thanks guys, yous are the best and that means more than yous will ever know and now I'm feeling more myself than I have the past few month so do say about having a girls night this Saturday or something if yous are busy"
"Hell yeah " they both screamed making the boys cover they're ears.
It was Saturday and we were having a girls night and know what that was going to a high school party. We were getting ready for the party and the girls told me some stuff about Christian since I was scared to see him again.
"Amelia, Christian will probably not be there's he's not been to one party since your accident and to be honest he's not the same, he's closed off at school. We only see him in classes and playing football. I think he only plays football to keep up appearances not that I'm depending him because I'm not okay". Emma told me.
" I understand your not defending him Emma. I think I need to meet up with him and after that I can finally move on with my life and I need to forgive him not for him but for me and now I'm determined to feel normal again.