My eyes just kept staring aimlessly at the phone I was holding in front of me as I had to comprehend what I just saw. After the text message I received from Rose about my song, I wanted to get more feedback so I thought that calling her would be a lot easier to talk to her about it. So I was surprised that she wanted to video chat, I was glad because I wanted to apologize for what happened earlier when she left. I feel like I kicked her out of my dorm. But that wasn’t the case, I just didn’t want her to see me in that pathetic state. But now, I don’t think that’s a problem anymore...
“I saw her breasts...”
I said to myself in disbelief as I felt how hot my face was becoming. Bring my phone back down, I looked out my window and saw that the sun was beginning to set. My heart was racing at the sight of Rose’s bare flesh that I had witnessed, I could already imagine her cursing out my name. Without even realizing it, I began to chuckle at the thought...With my mind becoming overcrowded, the ringing of my phone went off! Looking at the caller I.D, I instantly smiled. But I still couldn’t help but laugh, though I made sure to play it cool and stay calm once I answered the phone. The intensity of the call grew serious once I didn’t hear anyone talking on the other line. Maybe Rose isn’t sure what to say right now...
“Uh...Rose, are you-”
“Did you see anything?” She immediately asked in an intimidating tone.
But the trembling of her breathing could be heard and I’m sure her heart was beating just as fast as mine was. The last thing I want is for her to avoid me again, so I need to be able to smooth this out as casually as I can. So I held on to my phone tightly, I continued to look out into the horizon with a smile...
“Would you like me to lie and say no or tell the truth?”
I asked her, I then turned myself around and placed my back against the window as I leaned my head on the glass.
“I think lying would make me not want to kill you...” She responded shyly as I closed my eyes.
“In that case, I didn’t see anything,” I said to her with a playful smirk.
And right on queue, we both began to laugh in sync. The awkwardness that I feared quickly vanished. Opening my eyes, I looked at the clock hanging from my wall and saw that it was getting late already. Hard to believe that it’s been a full day, I’m just glad that I finished the song that I’ve been working on for the new album. I felt so tired, but hearing Rose’s voice makes me feel so much better.
“I can’t believe that happened...the first guy that took my kiss...is now the first guy that seen my breasts.” She said in a bittersweet sigh.
“What are you talking about? I didn’t see anything, remember?”
I responded as calmly as I could, but deep down my heart was full of excitement! Because hearing her say that made me very happy, I couldn’t stop smiling at the fact that I was becoming her first in a lot of things. Kissing her, complimenting her, and now, seeing her half-naked. It’s crazy but, it almost feels like we’re dating-
“You’re so bad at lying, just...don’t tell anyone that happened, okay. Or else I really will kill you.”
“Rose, we both already have a lot of things we can’t say to anyone. So what’s one more secret to keep together?”
I said to her as I approached my couch, laying myself down I got comfortable and continued to talk with Rose, I didn’t even keep track of how long we were speaking on the line...
Our conversations kept shifting to something new, she even explained why she was naked but I could tell she was completely embarrassed with herself, she even went on to tell me how her day went. I enjoyed listening to her, it was a comforting feeling. It almost feels like she’s right next to me as she speaks so closely to my ear. I almost don’t feel alone in my dorm, it was fun having her with me this morning...
“Rose, I’m sorry...”
“Huh? What are you apologizing for?”
She asked sounding confused. So as I tried to explain what happened this morning, she quickly had me stop talking and said that I didn’t need to explain anything on that matter. She was understanding as to why I wanted her to leave, but she made it very clear that she didn’t like manager Sang. So at least we both have that in common, but either way. I do owe manager Sang a lot, he’s helped me so much in the past...
“By the way, have you seen Jin’s interview he did today? I had so much fun working with him, I was standing next to the cameraman watching him from the side! Everyone was so amazed by him today. Even I was shocked by how he was answering his questions, I’m really proud of him-”
“I haven’t seen it, so I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I quickly voiced out with a bit of annoyance in my voice.
I know I don’t have the right to be jealous of Jin and Rose working together. After all, I was the one that didn’t want her coming to Korea. But why does it make me so upset when I hear Rose talking about him, even hearing her praising about him pissed me off a little. But I shouldn’t take out my frustration on Rose, it wouldn’t be fair on her. Suddenly the sounds of my elevator went off and I wasn’t sure who was coming up.
“Oh, I see...well when you get the chance-”
“Hey Rose, I have to go. I’ll...uhh, I see you tomorrow, hopefully.”
I quickly said to her, I didn’t mean to cut her off. But I didn’t wanna risk getting caught if it was manager Sang.
“Oh okay, no problem. And yeah...see you tomorrow. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, sleep well.”
I responded to her sweet voice as I hanged up. Sitting myself up on the couch, I put my phone away as I watched the doors slide open. Though my intense expression left my face once I saw that it was Zack, he brought in a bag with him as he approached me.
“Haha, seeing you like this. Almost feels like you’re on house arrest! You know, sometimes your a bigger idiot than I am- ouch! That hurt!”
Quickly approaching him I punched him right in his arm, he yelled out in pain as I wanted him to shut up. Because I already knew he was going to bring up what happened last night, and I don’t wanna hear it from him right now. But knowing Zack, I’m sure he’s gonna say-
“I told you so, none of this would be happening to you if you had just listened to me. Look, manager Sang doesn’t know what happened. But the tabloids right now are making it seem as if you went out late at night to see a girl. I swear, it’s like anything we do always leads back to us having a secret relationship or something scandalous. It gets annoying, you didn’t have to go to the hospital that night, she was completely fine. The staff member that called me even said that she just had a sprained wrist and that it wasn’t serious. But you didn’t give me a chance to tell you that because you went fucking crazy and stormed off like a lunatic!”
Hearing Zack explain everything, I watched as he pulled out two beers from the bag he carried in earlier. Handing me one, we both in sync opened the cap and began to drink. Grabbing the remote, I tried to block off his words as I turned on the TV. But what Zack was telling me made no difference in what I would have still done. Even if all Rose had was a small injury, I think I still would have gone to see her...
“I didn’t get the chance to see Melrose today, I wanted to know how she’s doing since she was with Jin all day for his interview, oh! That reminds me, have you seen his interview yet?! I was surprised that our manager gave the okay to have it broadcast with what Jin was saying. He always reads off the scripts that we are given, so I was shocked when I heard him live! But now that I think about it, I think he probably did that to take the spotlight away from you. Because after it aired, you were no longer trending in the media. So maybe that’s why manager Sang was fine with it, here, give me the controller!”
He said to me as he tried to take the remote away from my hands. Though I wasn’t really interested in what Jin had said in his interview, eventually giving up I decided to let Zack take the controller as I finished the last of my beer. With Zack switching the channel, I got off the couch to grab a snack from the kitchen. But I stopped dead in my tracks when I heard Jin’s voice coming from the screen as he talked about being the right guy for the girl he wants to be with...
“You see! Usually, we would have to answer that we don’t have time for relationships! But Jin went all out in this interview, I have to say I’m kinda impressed. I just hope none of my fans choose Jin over me now. I don’t think my heart will be able to handle the heartbreak-”
“He’s not looking at the camera.”
I pointed out while ignoring Zack’s words, I watched carefully at how Jin spoke and the way his posture was. He seemed a bit nervous and I could tell that he wasn’t fully relaxed like he would be when he’s doing an interview. It’s like he’s shy, almost as if he was telling it to someone in the room. Because he’s not looking at the host nor the camera...
“Huh? Oh, your right. I didn’t even notice that. Usually, Jin is always looking at the camera when he talks. Hmm, weird...maybe there was another camera in the room he was staring at-”
The ringing of the elevator doors went off again, and Zack quickly turned off the TV and hid his beer behind the couch. Throwing my can in the trash, I’m sure we both thought it would be manager Sang. And deep down I kinda wish it was because I ended up seeing Jin’s face instead once the door slid open.
“Jin! We were just talking about you! I showed Kai the interview you did today, you were awesome! But I’ma have to ask you to pull back that coolness, you’re gonna end up making me look bad.”
Zack explained in relief once he saw that it was Jin...
“Your fans are too loyal to leave you for me, and I was just speaking from the heart of how I felt...” Jin answered back as he looked my way.
“I’m surprised you came, I would think you would be too tired. Which by the way, I noticed that during the interview. There was a part where you weren’t looking at the camera, were you looking at someone when you were speaking from your ‘heart’?” I asked him while giving him a serious glance.
I don’t wanna overthink things like I always do, but why do I get this gut feeling inside me that he was probably looking at Rose? She did say that she was off to the side where the cameraman was at. I can’t help but feel uncomfortable thinking about it. But looking at Jin’s expression was all I needed to see to know my answer as he gave a playful smirk!
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I was just staring off into space. Nothing more...” He replied with a satisfying smile as he walked right past me.
“Hey Jin, how’s Melrose’s hand? I’m not sure if you know this but, last night-”
“MelRose told me what happened, she’s doing just fine...”
Just as I was about to tell Zack to shut up! I was stunned by what Jin said, I didn’t want Zack to tell Jin about the car accident. But I didn’t think Rose had told Jin everything about what happened! Are they both that close already? Why? Why do I feel so left out for some reason? Rose didn’t tell me that she explained everything to Jin when we were talking on the phone. But then again, she’s isn’t obligated to do so. Damit! Why am I letting this bug me so much!?
“By the way, Kai. I appreciate you helping her. But you don’t have to go out of your way in doing that anymore, she’s my make-up artist. I’m the one that had her come to Korea to work here. So I’ll take responsibility, I’ve already told her to call me whenever an emergency like that happens or when she needs help-”
“Stop saying that she’s your responsibility, I don’t care if you asked her to call you if something happens. I’m still gonna help her when she needs it-”
“Aren’t you the one that said you didn’t want to get involved with her? Yet I feel like you’ve been doing the opposite of that, so why are you now-”
“Rose and I have already gotten involved with each other since America, so even if wanted to avoid her, I think that would be impossible!” I raised my voice at Jin who was starting to get on my nerves.
“What?! Wait, I’m lost. What do you mean back in America? What’s going on-”
“That’s well in the past, what I’m talking about is right now. MelRose doesn’t need any more stress getting involved with you.” Jin immediately said as we both ignored what Zack was asking.
I almost forgot that Zack had no clue about Melrose being the girl in my bed back in America. But now isn’t the time to explain any of that since I’m losing my patience with Jin. What Rose and I have gone through might not be a big deal for him, but it is for me! I may not know how Rose feels in that matter, but I don’t wanna distant myself from her-
“You should already know what happens when people get involved with someone like you. They get hurt-”
“Jin! What the hell! Don’t say that-”
“Stay out of it Zack! Kai, you were the one that told me that you were afraid of MelRose working here. Because you didn’t want her to face the horrible things that might affect her mentally and emotionally. Or do you just not care about that anymore?”
When Jin finished speaking, all I could do was stand there feeling like absolute shit. I’m sure even my face grew pale as the painful memories began to playback in my head.
“That’s enough Jin! You didn’t have to say something like that-”
“Zack, your sister...how is she doing?”
Jin immediately changed the subject towards Zack once he came to my side, he was a bit hesitant to speak about her as he looked over at me.
“Lily is doing fine. She uhh, she came back from France a few days ago. And she’s staying with our parents until she gets called back to work. She finished doing a movie a while back and she’s been improving on her acting a lot more...she even called me earlier today. She asked if she could come to see me...and everyone else. But I told her I had to think about it...”
When I heard Zack speak of Lily, I automatically turned myself around and placed my hands flat against the countertop as I tried not to tremble in guilt.
“I see, well I’m glad she’s doing okay. Kai, I know it’s not any of my business to say this. But how about you focus more on fixing your relationship with someone who needs it. And leave Rose alone...”
After listening to what Jin had to say, the sounds of his feet could be heard making his exit as the elevator doors could be heard opening for him. Silence fell upon the room, and Zack didn’t know what to say as he placed his hand on my shoulder. I instantly tensed up as I brought my hands into a tight fist!
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner...but, I didn’t want to stress you out about it. My sister told me to tell you...that you should call when you have the time. Her phone number is still the same.”
He said as he removed his hand away from me, making his way out of the room. He waited to say one last thing before leaving...
“Kai, don’t let what Jin said affect you. What happened years ago with my sister wasn’t your fault. So don’t blame yourself...” He replied in a sorrowful sigh as I watched him finally leave.
Gripping my chest, I felt the anxiety overcoming me again as I tried reaching for my pocket! Pulling out my meds, I swallowed two of my pills as I sat on the floor. Covering my eyes with my palm, the feeling of my tears could be felt pouring out of my eyes as I clenched my jaw tightly. This pain in my heart will always feel guilty no matter what anyone says. Jin is right, I shouldn’t get involved with Rose. I should leave things how they are, it would be best. I’ll stay away, so she can’t get hurt...