Our Secret Melody

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Lyric: Twenty-Five

Kai’s POV:

“Alright, I think we’re all set for this weekend. I just need to call the stylist and make sure he has your outfits ready. Other than that, you three just need to do a photoshoot so we could print them out and have them displayed at the concert. This reminds me, I also need to make sure we make more copies for the posters because last time everything was sold out within the hour. So I’ll see you three early tomorrow, make sure you don’t stay up late.”

As manager Sang gave us the schedule for this week, I was honestly relieved that it was coming to an end. I’ve been lacking sleep and feeling restless. I’m sure Zack and Jin felt the same way, I could only imagine how exhausted will be once we get back on tour. So once our manager began to leave, we bowed our heads until he was gone completely. We were all in the music studio and the three of us were going over last-minute songs that we should sing at the concert.

“I think the last song we should sing together is this one. Then Jin and I could walk off stage and leave Kai by himself. That way he could do his solo to end the concert for the night. What do you think?”

“I think that’s a good idea, who would have thought that brain of yours would work,” Jin said to Zack in a pit of laughter as I watched Zack lightly push Jin’s shoulder jokingly.

“I don’t care what songs we have to sing, just as long we sing them right. I just wish we didn’t have to do a photoshoot tomorrow. From what it says on our schedule it will be at a rented out park that our manager had set up for us. Well at least there will be food stalls, I’m sure we’re gonna be taking pictures all day like usual-”

I was then suddenly interrupted by Zack’s phone going off. At first, I thought someone was calling him but it turned out it be a video message.

“Huh? Oh, it’s from my makeup artist. Looks like he went out with his staff members to go drink, check it out. Man! They’re so lucky they get to relax while we’re here still working, so annoying.” Zack said in a pout as he handed me his phone, with Jin looking over my shoulder I pressed play on the video.

“Zack! Looking forward to tomorrow! Let’s do our best! Let’s make this concert awesome and something we could remember!”

“You’re so stupid, the concert is the day after tomorrow. Here... give me the phone, you’re drunk. Sorry Zack, please ignore him. Will see you tomorrow at the photo session...”

“Zack! Wish you were here!”

Once the video ended, I wasn’t really focused on what the staff members were saying. But my eyes were more focused on a girl in the background, I couldn’t see her that clearly but she had her hair down and was wearing a black tank top. She was also sitting next to a guy who I couldn’t recognize. I haven’t seen Rose in almost a month so I wasn’t sure if that was her or not. But if it is, did she go drinking with them? At first, I wanted to deny the thought of her being there, but my mind kept playing back to when she did go out last time.

“Oh! looks like your father is calling you Zack,” Jin said as he grabbed the phone away from my hand and gave it over back to Zack.

I was so deep in thought about Rose that I didn’t even notice that someone was calling! I’m acting like a fool right now, why do I even care if she’s out. She can do whatever she wants, it’s not my responsibility...but who was that guy she was sitting next to? He didn’t look like he worked in the company. Has Rose been seeing someone for these last few weeks? Are they possibly already dating?!

“My Dad? Wonder what he wants? Hello, hey Dad what’s up...” Hearing Zack take his call, he walked out of the studio and left Jin and me alone in the room.

“You know, these last few weeks you’ve been keeping yourself a lot more busy than usual. There were even moments where Zack and I wouldn’t even see you. Kai, look I get it...you want to put a good show for our fans. But you haven’t been eating or sleeping as much, and it shows. Even MelRose has been asking how you’re doing, and I know if I tell her the truth of how much you’re overworking yourself. I’m certain she would worry about you-”

“I don’t care what Rose thinks-”

“Really? You seem pretty focused looking at the video that was sent to Zack. I’m not stupid, and even if that was MelRose or not. It shouldn’t concern you-”

“You’re one to talk! All you do on your phone is text Rose, isn’t she just supposed to be your makeup artist. So what the hell are you two even talking about, and don’t bullshit me by saying it’s just about fucking makeup!” I voiced out at him with anger as I got off my chair!

“So you have been thinking about her, I didn’t think you were paying that close attention to my phone. But regardless of that, it’s not any of your business what MelRose and I talk about. Get your priorities straight and stop being childish!”

He responded in a stern tone as he too got up from his seat. I then instantly grabbed him by the collar and shoved him against the wall! I can’t stand when Jin talks down on me! He treats me as if I’m some fucking kid and it pisses me off!

“You’re calling me childish? Yet you rely on me when it comes to leading this group. And to think you wanted to be the leader of ExEx Idol, I may have my flaws but at least I’m honest about them. That’s more than I can say about you-”

“You wanna talk about honesty. What a fucking joke, you haven’t been honest with yourself at all. Because you’re still running away from your past, you play the victim and run away. You even went so far as to almost end your life because of how much of a coward you are-”

I immediately released my grip on Jin’s shirt and punched him across the face! And in retaliation, he tackled me to the ground and we both began to exchange damage hits on one another! The frustration, the anger, the regret, the pain that was swallowing me into despair was being shown by the amount of time I kept punching Jin! And although he kept his face stern, he never fought me seriously as he tried to stop me!

“I’ll kill you!” I shouted at the top of my lungs as I felt Jin kick me away from his body!

“Even now, your acting like a child!”

He responded in a heavy grunt of annoyance as he stood himself back up on his feet. He then went ahead and wiped the small trace of blood coming from his lower lip as he held his serious glance at me.

Straightening out my disheveled shirt, I backed myself against the wall behind me as I brought my hands to a tight fist. The cracking of my knuckles could be heard as well as the heavy beating of my heart. I needed to calm my nerves but I didn’t want to take my pills in front of Jin. I always hated taking my medication in front of anyone, It just always made me feel weak!

“Tell me something...”

Jin asked as he to backed himself against the other side of the wall across from me.

“What...”

I muttered out in aggravation.

“Melrose... what is she to you?”

He suddenly asked of me. I’m sure my expression changed from anger to confusion since I wasn’t expecting Jin to ask something like that.

“Why...why do you even care to know,” I said to him in frustration as I leaned my head back.

“Because I don’t want you getting close to her, you should already know the reason why-”

“I haven’t seen her in a fucking month! I haven’t spoken to her in weeks! I don’t know how she’s doing, I haven’t been responding to her texts nor calls! For all, I know she probably hates me now and wants nothing to do with me! Don’t you think I fucking know why I shouldn’t get close to her! This is why I never wanted her to come to Korea! I should have just told manager Sang about her when I had the chance but-”

“Then what changed!? What...is MelRose to you now!?”

Jin asked once more with irritation in his voice. His eyes were cold-blooded as if he was ready to ruin the studio with his bare hands. He’s running out of patience just like I was, so if he wants the truth...then I’ll speak exactly how I feel. I’m just so tired of hiding my emotions because I’m afraid of putting others in pain...

“Rose...she’s...someone who I want to understand. Who I always wanna speak with, to know how her day has been. To see her laugh, to be comfortable around with...to make her feel happy and not have her regret meeting me. To be able to show her the music that I create...in these few short months that I’ve known her. They’ve felt more like years to me... because I’ve come to know that she’s the type of person that makes you feel important. That makes you feel safe, she’s so innocent and I just wanna be able to protect that smile of her’s...”

As I poured out my feelings, I clenched my hand onto my chest as I felt the pain in my heart increasing. The anxiety that I felt was wanting to devour me whole because I wasn’t sure what my heart was trying to tell me. All I wanted was for Rose to hold me in her arms, and tell me that everything will be okay. Because only then, would I feel like I’m able to breathe...

“So that’s how you feel...then even the more reason for you to stay away from her. Kai, I’m warning you right now. If anything happens to her because of you, not only will I despise you. But I’ll leave the group-”

“In these 7 long years of working in this group...you would drop everything for her? Have you gone insane?! Jin, I told you about my feelings. Now tell me yours...what is Rose to you?”

I asked him with intimidation in my stare, though I never felt shocked in my life after hearing what Jin just said. ExEx Idol has been something he worked so hard for, it’s been his dream. But now he’s willing to throw it all away for Rose. Just what the hell is going on with his head! Is he not afraid of the public eye or what his fans might say or do to him!? But the expression on his face is what caught me off guard, he was smiling as he averted his eyes away from me.

“I said that I would take responsibility, and I meant it. MelRose is a kind young girl, but it’s only a matter of time before she sees how toxic the entertainment business could be. You’re a perfect example of that...you only care about yourself, Kai. To me, Melrose...for now, she is just my makeup artist and a dear friend-”

“What the hell do you mean, for now?” I asked him in annoyance as I felt the pain in my wounds catching up to me.

“I don’t know what the future holds for Melrose and me...so whatever happens, I’ll accept things how they go. And if there ever comes a day where she needs me to be by her side, I won’t hesitate to be there for her-”

“JIN!”

Screaming out his name in hatred, I was about ready to approach him once again until we both suddenly heard a door being opened!

“Whoa, what’s with all the yelling in here? Huh? What the hell happened to your guy’s faces?! Wait, don’t tell me you guys fought again!? I was only gone for like 5 minutes, what the hell guys!”

Zack raised his voice in anger to both of us as he observed how bruised our faces were.

I needed to get out of here, there’s just too much tension built up inside me and I can’t handle it anymore! So ignoring whatever Zack had to say, I shoved him aside as I left the studio. My head was making me go insane with every second that was passing by, so the moment I entered the elevator. I took out my pills and took 2 of them to calm my body down. However my pills could only do so much in keeping my body stable, it’s my mind that I needed help with. What Jin said just keeps replaying in my mind like a broken record. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to go back to my dorms, I couldn’t...

Pulling out my phone, I proceeded to dial Rose’s phone number. And although I was hesitant at first in calling her, I needed to hear her voice. But no matter how much I kept contacting her, it wouldn’t go through. Is her phone off? Did she really go to a bar? If so, who was that guy sitting next to her?

“Damnit!” I yelled out in frustration while punching the wall next to me!

Why am I meddling in her affairs?! I have to leave her alone, but...why do I feel so suffocated not knowing if she’s okay?! The way I feel for her, I sound like some kind of crazy person. Maybe my priorities are fucked up, and I’m focusing only on myself and what I want instead of what Rose might need. Maybe she doesn’t want to see me...or perhaps she doesn’t care about me at all. I won’t know until I see her...I need, I need to talk to her. That way I can understand...

Exiting the elevator, I headed to the back of the main building and called a cab. With my face mask on, I made sure the taxi driver wasn’t able to see me that clearly once I entered the vehicle. I don’t want anyone to know where I’m going right now at this late hour. The sun had already gone down, and I was growing anxious just thinking if Rose is home or not. So once I finally made it to my destination, I hurried towards the apartments! Though I didn’t want to risk running into any of the staff members, it would make things suspicious if they saw me here!

So I rushed myself in taking the stairs as quickly as I can until I made it to Rose’s floor. Making my way down the hall, I finally stopped in front of her door and was second-guessing on whether to knock or not. But I took a deep breath in and banged on her door, at first I thought maybe she wasn’t answering because she fell asleep. But that didn’t make sense since the light outside of her apartment wasn’t on. So I knew she was still out somewhere, there was no other way of contacting her so I decided to just wait outside by her door as I brought myself to the floor. I didn’t know how long time had passed but I found myself almost dosing off, that was until I heard someone calling out to me...

“Umm.. excuse me?”

Raising my head, I followed her voice and saw that it was Rose standing in front of me! She looked utterly shocked once she saw me, unable to hold back, I quickly stood up on my feet and grabbed her arm. Pulling her close to me I asked where she was at. I was expecting her to answer my question but was completely surprised by her response!

“Are you serious right now!? What the hell are you doing here?! I don’t hear from you in almost a month and you show you up unexpectedly in front of my door, asking where I’ve been tonight? You’re unbelievable!”

“I called you but you weren’t answering-”

“My phone was off and even if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t have answered you-”

“Look I know your upset at me for ignoring you-”

“Upset? I’m angry...do you have any idea how many times I texted you to see if you doing okay? Even when I would ask Jin or Zack about you, they would just give me the same answer. That you’re just busy...but seeing you now. I could tell just by your eyes, that you haven’t been sleeping. And what happened to your face!? Did...did manager Sang do this to you-”

Stopping her other hand from touching my cheek, I was unable to look at her. I just felt awful that I made her this worried about me. I really am a selfish asshole!

“Kai... please...just talk to me. Why were you ignoring me? Did I do something to make you upset? Do you hate me?”

She asked in a painful tone, the corner of her eyes was beginning to water and I couldn’t fathom her crying again because of me! So instinctively wrap my arms around her small body and pulled her close to me.

“Don’t you ever think like that... I would never hate you...”

I quickly said to her as I embraced her tightly, the beating of her heart was rapid just like mine...

It feels like it’s been an eternity since I last held her this way. Even Rose’s tears that she was trying so hard to hold back began to shed. Her wet tears could be felt against my shirt as she buried herself deep within my arms. Her little hands weren’t even able to wrap around my wide back as we both sank further into our emotions of sadness and pain. I hate this, not being able to speak how I truly feel for Rose because-

“Huh? Kai, is that your phone?”

She suddenly asked me as we both heard my phone vibrating in my pocket!

We both slowly pulled away from each other as I went to pull it out, at first I thought maybe it would be Zack wondering where I’m at but once I saw the caller ID. My hand almost gave out and I felt my stomach sink further in as if someone had punched me in the gut! This couldn’t be worse timing, but she is the only one that I would never ignore. I just wish, she didn’t have to call me here and now, so as I went to answer it. I looked over at Rose and felt my heart being pulled into different directions of heartache.

“Lily...”

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