Our Secret Melody

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Lyrics: Twenty-Six

(Suicide warning)

MelRose POV:

The moment I heard Kai call out her name, I felt my throat knot up for some reason. I was unable to look at Kai directly, so I decided to just leave. But within seconds of me pulling out my card key, I didn’t have time to place it on the knob without Kai grabbing my hand! Annoyed by his actions, I shrugged him off as I hurried myself to open the door! All I wanted was to get away from him because I didn’t want to hear him talking to her. It will only make me feel uncomfortable, it’s so stupid that I’m acting this way. But I can’t help how I feel...

“Rose... please wait.”

He called out to me, but without turning around, I tightened my grip on the handle as I paused myself from taking a step further...

“Huh? Oh, I’m sorry Lily, I’m talking with someone right now. Please give me a second-”

“Just leave...”

I bluntly voiced out to him as I finally entered my apartment.

“Huh?! Wait!”

As he called out to me, I ignored his words and slammed the door behind me!

At first, I heard nothing but silence, until the sounds of his footsteps began to walk down the hall. They faded further away from me until I was completely left alone, the darkness in my apartment only added more to my isolation as I crouched myself down. Releasing a sigh, I pulled out my phone and turned it back on. Seeing that my battery was almost dying, I was overwhelmed by the excessive missed calls and texts I received from Kai! I guess he really was worried about me? But why did he want to know where I was at?

“Oh! Jin called?”

I said to myself as I saw Jin’s name pop up on my missed calls. He dialed my number only a few minutes ago, I should call him back...

So as I proceed to dial his number, I began to wait until he answered. But in the midst of doing that, my mind played back to the person who called Kia earlier. Was that the girl, Lily...that Kai loves? I remember him saying that name back in America, she must really be important to him...

“Hello, MelRose?”

Hearing Jin finally answers, I shook off what I was thinking as I went ahead and stood back up on my feet.

“Hey, Jin. I’m so sorry that I missed your call earlier. I had my phone off and-”

“It’s okay, you don’t need to apologize. I just called because I wanted to know if you’re okay.” He asked sounding concerned, which had me so confused?

“Why- I mean I fine, it just why do you sound so worried? Even Kai came to my apartment a few minutes ago to ask where I’ve been-”

“He what!? Is he still there? I’ll go get him-”

“Oh, no! He left already. I...I told him to leave, but why are you both so concerned about me?”

I asked while plugging my phone to charge. Putting Jin on speaker I began to strip out of my clothes and into my PJ’s.

While doing so, Jin began to explain about my staff members going to a bar. I guess they mistaken me for someone else and just assume that I went, I could understand why they would be worried. Since the last time I did go out, I got completely drunk and got into a car accident soon after. Still can’t believe that happened, but I learned my lesson in never going out to drink late at night. I don’t even like drinking, so an incident like that won’t happen again...

“I see, that’s why you guys were so concerned. Well don’t worry, I don’t plan on going out late to bars anytime soon.” I said to him in a pit of laughter as I laid myself down on my bed.

“I think that’s for the best, however, I’m fine with you drinking as long as someone could watch over you.”

He explained in a light chuckle as I cuddled myself into my favorite pillow.

“Hmm...I’m not sure if anyone could handle me when I’m drunk. I mean, I told you what happened to me last time, and I don’t wanna give anyone the burden of having to watch over me. So I choose not to drink-”

“I wouldn’t mind watching over you.” He said, but only this time he sounded a lot more serious.

“Huh? No, I couldn’t ask you to do that! That would be embarrassing and-”

“I told you that if you ever need me, I’ll be there for you. So don’t worry about it...”

He explained in a calming matter as I couldn’t help but smile so warmly at his kind words.

“Okay...I guess I’ll take you up on that offer then.”

I responded with a cheerful smirk, it’s a nice feeling knowing that there’s someone there for you.

“Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow then for the photoshoot. Sleep well, Melrose...”

The way he called out my name so sweetly caught me off guard that I almost forgot how late it was getting!

“Yeah, goodnight. Jin...”

As we both got off the phone, I realized how different I was feeling compared to a few minutes ago. It’s like whenever I’m around Kai, my heart always seems to ache and I feel this heavy wave of emotions that is difficult for me to explain. It’s like my chest is always beating so quickly, but whenever I’m speaking to Jin or even when I’m around him. I just feel so calm, and I’m always smiling. He’s been so kind to me and regardless of his busy schedule that he has, he always takes the time to check up on me. With my thoughts going back and forth between Jin and Kai, I slowly began to drift off to sleep...

*

The following morning, I managed to wake up early. Which gave me plenty of time to shower and eat a quick breakfast before heading out to the parking lot along with the rest of the staff members. We were all scheduled to meet together to take a van to our designated area where ExEx Idol will be doing their photoshoot. So once everyone was accounted for, we all entered the vehicle and made our way to the location. However, during the drive there. I couldn’t help but listen to the conversation that everyone was talking about...

“That’s horrible...”

“I know, I can’t believe that happened.. ”

“How old was she again? She was quite young wasn’t she?”

“I could only imagine what her parents are going through...”

The sadness in all their voices made me uneasy, so much so that I asked the man sitting next to me what had happened? But once he started explaining to me about the news that had spread throughout Korea this morning, it made me sick to my stomach. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, and what made it worse was that she was around the same age as my sister!

“She...killed herself. Why...why would she do such a thing?!” I asked him as I felt my voice crack a bit.

“She was becoming pretty popular in the music industry, but unfortunately word spread out that she had plastic surgery. Soon the internet pulled out some old pictures of what she used to look like before. So the amount of criticism and backlash she received from everyone became too much for her to bear. Being cyberbullied every day can take a mental toll on someone...and I guess, she had enough of it. Because when her manager went to her dorm this morning, he found her hanging in her closet. Sadly she was already proclaimed dead before they rushed her to the hospital, which means that she most likely killed herself last night.”

Once he gave the full details, I almost felt my tears wanting to escape my eyes. The rest of the car ride grew silent, as If we were paying our respects to the girl’s family...

I had no idea, that someone’s mind could be swallowed so deep into despair that they would just end it like that. I wish she could have gotten the help she needed, then maybe she would still be alive. How can people be so cruel, to bully someone to the brink of death? It’s disgusting, and I truly despise those types of people. Hurting others for no reason, I hope and pray that her family will stay strong and can overcome this tragic loss. I don’t even wanna imagine the pain they’re going through...

Once we finally all arrived at the spot, I was honestly a bit relieved that I could start working. After hearing that kind of news, I needed to get my mind off of it. So I immediately started helping the staff members set up the makeup station in the tents. Seeing that Kai’s setup would be next to Jin’s station made me feel a little awkward since meeting him last night was just so complicated for us...

“Melrose, I’m here! Are you ready to do my makeup!?”

Hearing him suddenly call out to me made me instantly smiled as I knew who’s playful voice that was.

“Zack, just give it up already. I’m your permanent make-up artist until the day you die.” Said one of the male staff members who brought Zack into a playful chokehold.

“No! Stop it! You’re ruining my hair!” Zack cried out in a pout as he tried to pull away from him.

“It’s early in the morning and you’re already being this loud, Zack. I’ll give you a dollar if you stay quiet for a whole day-” Kai immediately stopped speaking once he entered the tent and saw me!

So I immediately looked away from him as I went back to setting Jin’s makeup on the vanity. I’m glad that Zack and some of the staff members are here so I wouldn’t have to be alone with him. I’m sure Kai caught on to my expression since all he did was sit on his chair, but I was able to feel his eyes staring at me as I worked. This is so annoying! Why can’t he just look away!? I swear he makes me feel so nervous and I can’t concentrate!

“Alright, so we’re gonna have Zack go first. Jin is running a little late due to personal matters with his family. So he’ll be coming later on today, Mrs. Lee I’m gonna ask you to hurry a bit in doing his makeup when he arrives. Kai, you will be going after Zack and then Jin will be last. After that I’m gonna have all three of you take a group shot...”

With manager Sang explaining the schedule he planned, the only thing that I could think about was Jin. I hope he’s doing okay with his family, I know it’s not any of my business to interfere. But I can’t help but worry about him...

Once the photoshoot began, everyone was setting props up, already editing pictures, and picking different spots throughout the park to have the members pose. The park here was very beautiful, and the fake cherry blossom trees that they brought from the company made the pictures look amazing. Watching Zack pose was very fun to watch, he looked like he was enjoying himself...

“Oh! Melrose, can you bring the backpack from the van over there! I left the sunscreen bottle inside the bag, and I forgot to put it on Zack’s skin.” Said one of the staff members who were setting up the lighting.

“I’ll bring it right away!”

I responded as I made my way towards the car, grabbing the backpack, I threw the strap over my shoulder and prepared to make my way back. Though I suddenly felt something pulling the backpack from behind me! Instantly turning around, I saw that it was Jin! He looked like a complete mess with how disheveled his hair looked, the dark circles around his eyes showed that he didn’t get much sleep. Even his clothes looked a mess! Just what happened to him?!

“Sorry, I’m late! I had some things to do this morning.”

He quickly explained with a smile, it was like he knew that I was observing how he looked and was trying to pull away from that attention.

“No, it’s okay. I’m just glad you’re finally here.” I responded with a kind-hearted smile as I reached out my hands to fix his sweater.

I won’t ask what happened, he already looks stress enough, so I’ll let him be. Asking him to wait in the tent for me, brought the backpack to the staff member before heading my way back to where Jin would be waiting for me Though that closer I was approaching the tent, I was able to make out Kai and Jin speaking to one another. I didn’t want to enter since they both sounded like they were having a very deep discussion...

“You look like shit...” I heard Kai said to Jin in a stressful tone.

“Thanks, I appreciate that-”

“You really are an idiot...why didn’t you tell me that your mother collapsed again?”

Hearing Kai say that I immediately covered my mouth with my hand at the shocking comment he made!

“Did manager Sang tell you?”

“Nope, you just confirmed it to me just now...”

“...”

The silence that I heard made me feel so terrible, it’s no wonder Jin looks so worn-out. He must have stayed up all night with his mother at the hospital probably- wait! When he called me last night, was this before or after it happened? Gosh, I feel so awful now. I feel like I took up his time...

“Listen, I won’t tell Zack about this because I know he’ll be pissed off at you for keeping this from us,” Kai explained in a stressful sigh as I tried to control my heavy breathing.

“MelRose, did you see me!? Did you see how cool and sexy I looked? I’m sure you’ll fall in love with me now with this handsome face of mine.”

Feeling Zack suddenly wrap his arm around my shoulder, he walked us inside the tent as he went on talking about himself. I tried my best in smiling the moment I saw Jin and Kai, they had both stopped speaking once they looked over at us, however, Kai had quickly got off his chair and hurried his way towards Zack and pulled his arm away from my shoulder!

“What did I say about getting close to the female staff like this. She’s married, how would you like it if some man had their arms around your wife-”

“Alright, alright, jeez. You sound like her Dad or something. Anyway, it’s your turn for your photo session. ” Zack said to him in annoyance as he pulled his arm back from Kai.

Quickly looking at Kai’s expression, he carefully reached out his hand towards me. I Instantly closed my eyes and stiffened my body. Though once I felt a light tug of my hair, I re-opened my eyes and saw that Kai had pulled a small leaf that was tangled within my hair. We both then glanced at one another before he decided to finally leave. Feeling my hair where he last touched it I felt a sense of gentleness when he did that...

“And he tells me not to touch married women, the nerve of him!” Zack worded out in exasperation as he sat himself down.

Jin and I both laughed at Zack’s comment as I approached my station. I then proceeded to do Jin’s makeup as quickly and professionally as I can. With all three of us talking about the concert coming up, I wanted to show how excited I was for them. But it was kinda hard to do that when I know that Jin is probably worried sick for his mother. How can he even smile so easily like this? Even if his mom is doing a lot better, I’m certain that he’s full of stress right now...

“Alright, all done,” I said while handing him a mirror. His expression grew surprised as he saw the final result.

“Wow, I don’t look like a zombie anymore. Thank you, Melrose...” He responded with a bittersweet smile.

“Alright well hurry up and change to your outfit, you know what...I have to pee. I’ll be right back.” Zack spoke in a heavy yawn as he stood up.

“Don’t say that when there’s a girl in the room!” Jin immediately lectured him as he got off his chair.

Watching them both walkout, I began to clean up my mess as I organized my makeup bag, but I accidentally ended up dropping some of my brushes to the floor. Some had even rolled beneath the vanity so I had to crouch myself under the desk to reach them. But while I was doing that, I heard two voices entering back inside the tent! At first, I thought it was probably staff, but my jaw tighten and my body grew tense once I heard it was Kai and Zack! It hadn’t been long since Zack left to use the restroom, but I guess Kai is already done with his photoshoot!

“So my sister finally called you, huh. I guess she got tired of waiting for you to contact her.”

“I was gonna call her...when I had time-”

I refused to let them know I was here since I never heard Zack sound so serious before! He’s always so loud and full of excitement, so I kept myself quiet while staying hidden under the vanity. It’s like, why do I end up in these types of situations?! It’s not like I wanna listen to what they’re saying, I feel like a total ease dropper!

“Oh please! You had all this month to reach out to her. Spare me the excuses, listen...when my father called me the other night, right after you left the studio. He told me that my sister snuck out of the house. Do you have any idea how dangerous it is for her to go out in public, let alone by herself-”

“Is she okay?!” Kai quickly asked in concern while raising his voice.

“If she called you, then I’m sure she’s fine. My sister is tough, even now. Listen, I talked to her this morning. And told her to never do that again, but knowing her and her stubbornness she’s not gonna listen to what her little brother has to say. So I’m hoping that you’ll talk to her at least, I know it’s been a long while since you last saw her. But I’m asking you, please. Meet my sister Lily at least once before she has to go back to France...”

I was at a loss for words and I’m sure Kai was too, but for different reasons. I wasn’t able to hear Kai’s response since they were interrupted by manager Sang entering the tent.

“There you two are! Come, it’s time for the group picture.”

He said to both of them, hearing them all leave the tent soon afterward. I dropped the makeup brushes I had in my hands and stayed sitting on the cold floor in shock...

Lily, is Zack’s sister? If so, it’s no wonder Kai loves her. They’ve probably known each other for years, I have no right to feel jealous. Wait, why am I feeling jealous? Is it because I don’t want Kai to meet her? Ugh! What the hell is wrong with me to be thinking like this! Covering my face with my hands, I tried to bury these painful emotions inside me.

“I won’t give in to how I feel...”

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
800-273-8255

If you or someone you know is dealing with a mental crisis, please don’t be afraid to talk to someone. Know that you aren’t alone, be strong, and live each passing day to love yourself more and more.

(It’s okay to not be okay.)

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