Our Secret Melody

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Lyric: Thirty-Two

MelRose POV:

The anxiety that lured within me was almost diabolical, just how many more times must I allow myself to be vulnerable around Kai? Even now, I’m letting him do as he pleases in driving us to God knows where. But it’s not like I could go back to my apartment in peace, I just hope the company gets more security soon. Never knew that a group of young girls could be so ruthless in wanting the female staff such as myself to leave ExEx Idol alone...

As I thought back on that, I stared aimlessly outside the window as Kai kept driving. We haven’t spoken a word since he drove us off again, noticing the awkwardness he turned on the radio and played some calming music. It felt nice to listen to something soothing, but it didn’t last very long once the song came to an end. Because shortly after, the news stations came up and brought up the tragic death of that young girl who committed suicide a few days back. From what I was hearing, it seems that her parents are preparing to sue the company...

“What do you think about someone doing that?” Kai suddenly asked me as he lowered the volume of the radio.

“Well, I think they have the right to sue after what happened-”

“I don’t mean that...what do you think of someone who takes...their own life?”

He asked in such a serious expression, his eye remained stern and I didn’t expect him to ask something so...dark. I’m not even sure how to respond to that?

“I...I think it’s wrong...I mean, I don’t know? I never had anyone in my life go through something like that, so I wouldn’t know...but when I think about someone I care for ending their life. It terrifies me, and it makes me feel like...I didn’t do enough. Like, I would have failed of saving them from their own pain. But at the same time...I find it selfish on their part, to leave your loved ones behind by ending your life. Not thinking about how it will affect their loved ones... I’m sorry, but I don’t think I will ever be able to understand or agree with someone killing themselves. It’s just, inhumane...and a really sensitive subject to discuss.”

I responded to how I felt as I looked over towards his direction. But to my surprise, he held a weak like smile. Yet his eyes held nothing but sorrow as he rested his back.

“Yeah...I can see why you would say something like that. But let me ask you this, have you ever tried putting yourself in the person who is hurting? The position that their in and how alone or scared they might be feeling? Of course, people will always say that you should talk to someone about your issues. But it’s not that easy...it’s a lot more difficult than you think it is. And let’s say that you do open up to someone, who’s to say that they won’t use your weakness against you to hurt you more? So sometimes people find it easier to just not say anything and just handle it on their own...”

He said in a tiresome sigh as I watched him park the car in front of a store. As he prepared to put his face mask on I thought deeply of what he said...

“Here, put this on.”

Kai voiced out as I felt him place a hat over my head. He then handed me a face mask before stepping out of the vehicle...

Adjusting the hat, I finally looked at our surroundings and saw that he had parked in front of a store. Confused as to why we were here, I quickly placed my face mask on before stepping out of the car. Though Kai had quickly grabbed my hand and hurried us inside the store! I made sure to keep my head down and avoided making eye contact with anyone that passed by us. But once we were finally inside, I overheard Kai talking to one of the workers. They soon hurried in locking the front doors before shutting the blinds of every window. Letting go of Kai’s hand I took off my mask and observed the store we had entered. It was small and very simple, there weren’t even any people inside besides the workers, I wonder why were here? Is this the place that Kai wanted to show me-

“Take your time in finding an outfit, and don’t worry about the cost.” He began to explain as he too took his mask off.

“What? What do you mean to pick an outfit? An are you sure it’s a good idea to take your mask off? What if one of the workers takes a picture of where you’re at-”

“Don’t worry about that, my grandmother was good friends with the owner of this store before she passed away. She used to always come here, and she would force me to come along with her. You know, at first, I thought it was because she wanted to spend some time with me, but as I grew older I realized it was mostly so I could carry her bags around.”

He explained in a playful grin as he took a seat by the changing rooms. Though he gestured his eyes towards the racks of clothes next to us.

“I’m sure you’re uncomfortable being in the same outfit from yesterday. This store should have everything you need, but don’t hesitate in asking for help. The people who work here are very kind...”

He soon took out his phone and plugged in his earphones and started to hear music at very high volume. I’m sure that was his way of ignoring whatever I had to say, he knew that I would protest against him for buying me clothes. I guess there’s no point in arguing with him about it, letting out a sigh, I proceeded to walk further into the store as I started looking for new underwear. I don’t know why, but I always need to wear a new set of underwear every day. I just feel dirty wearing the same undergarments after a day had passed. So as I drifted through the clothing, I made sure to check the price. But to my surprise, the clothes here were very cheap and affordable for me to buy! I wonder if Kai brought me here so I wouldn’t feel that uncomfortable? He probably knows that I wouldn’t want to shop in such a high luxury store. I do come across simple in what I wear...

“Excuse me, was there anything you need help in finding?” I heard an older lady ask as she came up from behind me.

“Oh, no thank you. I think I have what I need.”

I said to her with a kind smile, averting my eyes I saw that Kai had his eyes closed as he laid his head back. I wonder if he’s sleeping or just resting his eyes?

“You know, it’s been a while since Mr. Joong came back to this store. After his grandmother passed, he stopped coming here completely. I was beginning to think that he forgot about this place, so I’m very glad that he’s here. Do me a favor, keep an eye on him for me. Make sure he’s doesn’t get into any trouble, I was told by a very old friend of mine to watch over him. But I don’t think Mr. Joong would want help from an old lady like myself.”

She explained in a burst of joking laughter as she began to walk away...

Watching her leave, I held the new set of clothes against my chest as I prepared to change into them. I was still skeptical about buying a new outfit, but I had no time to overthink it. So as I began to switch clothes in the changing room, I placed the new baby pink dress over me before looking at myself in the mirror. It was cute, but I wasn’t sure if it suited me? Wanting a second opinion, I peeked my head out of the curtains and called out Kai. But I don’t think he was able to hear me since he remained quiet with his eyes still shut.

But that gave me an idea! I’ll take this opportunity to pay for my clothes so he wouldn’t need to. So I quickly grabbed my old clothes and headed for the register, once they were ringing me up I prepared to pay but was immediately caught off guard by Kai handing the front desk his card!

“Huh?! Wait! I...I thought you were sleeping?”

I said to him as I watched the transaction being processed...

“Just because my eyes were closed doesn’t mean I’m taking a nap-”

“But I called out to you, and you weren’t responding. I wanted to know if this dress looked good...”

I said in a low mumble as the cash register placed my old clothes in a bag. Kai then placed his face mask back on as he started to walk away.

“There’s no point in asking me something like that...you look cute no matter what.” I heard him speak softly, though I wasn’t able to make out his words all that well.

“Huh? What you say-”

“Here you go, have a nice day.”

The worker said to me as they handed me my bag. Giving them a thankful bow, I rushed myself back to Kai who was waiting by the door. Placing my mask back on, he grabbed my hand again and held it firmly. I understand that he wants to hurry back in the car, but I wonder if he gets flustered like I do when we hold hands like this?

“I need to make sure I thank the owner of this store someday, having them private the building can make them lose money if they’re doing it for free, so I have to-”

“You should have thanked the owner when you were talking to her earlier inside, but it’s fine. I won’t let this store of hers go bankrupt, it’s the most I can do for my grandmother’s old friend.”

He explained to me as he opened the passenger side of the door for me to enter. I found it sweet that he’s willing to help out the lady I was talking to-

“Wait! The lady I was talking to was the owner!?” I voiced out to him in disbelief.

“Yup.”

He said with a teasing smirk as he closed the door in front of me. All this time I thought she just worked there, makes sense now that I think about it when she asked me to keep an eye on him...

Paying attention to Kai, I saw him making his way around the car only to notice that many people were walking past by that were already pointing fingers at him. Some even had their phones out and started recording him! I hope they don’t notice who he is...

“Alright, we should get going now.”

He said as he entered the vehicle, I’m sure he took notice of the many pedestrians already beginning to get closer to his car. I mean, I’m sure anyone would take notice of a luxury car, especially if someone as handsome as himself gets in it. I’m just thankful for the tinted windows. Kai then ended up driving us away, though the drive this time lasted a bit longer...

“Rose, what I’m about to say might come out as rude but I need you to be able to understand. I’m sure that Jin already told you about his mother’s health and to keep it a secret from the public. But I need you to keep your distance from her-”

“What!? Why would I do that? She seems like a sweet person and she was very kind to me-”

“Which is why you shouldn’t involve yourself, the closer you attach yourself to someone. The more painful it is when they leave, I’m not saying that you need to ignore her, but you shouldn’t pity her. That isn’t what she wants, what she wants is for Jin to be happy. But Zack and I could tell that Jin can’t be happy unless he succeeds in being the number one K group in Korea. He also dreams about giving his mother a better life, but things never go as we plan them to. So don’t give Jin any sympathy when it comes to-”

“That’s a horrible thing to say! Jin doesn’t have anyone else other than his mother-”

“What’s horrible is what you’re doing. The whole boyfriend and girlfriend thing between you and Jin...it’s obvious that you too played along for the sake of his mother. And I’m telling you right now to stop, you might think that your helping in having to lie to his mother. But you’re doing the complete opposite, doing more harm than good, can you live with yourself in that lie once she dies-”

“Then what am I suppose to do! Seeing her hooked to so many machines really broke me, and I just don’t want her hurting anymore or having her worry about her son. Jin...is scared of being alone, and I...I didn’t know what else to do.”

I cried out in frustration, I know that lying won’t do any good. But sometimes I feel...it’s the only thing that won’t hurt others.

“Jin won’t be alone, because he has us...will always be brothers. Listen...when I found out about Jin’s mother’s health. I was devasted, Zack and I offered to help as much as we can but Jin didn’t want it. He just wants to enjoy the remaining time he has left with her, and nothing more. Manager Sang has given Jin the okay to take a break from touring if something were to happen. I’m certain that he lives in fear of not knowing when his mother will take her last breath. So I understand what he’s going through, it’s a terrible feeling. So I’m very surprised that Jin was so open in telling you something so important, it’s obvious that he trust’s you. Rose...I’m sorry, but I need to know...why did you spend the night at his place?”

He asked in a dejected tone as I tried to calm the pacing of my heavy heart...

It took a while for me to respond as the sun that shines so bright above us began to slowly set, I was annoyed, angry, sad and so confused about how I should respond. It’s not fair that Kai could ask me so many questions and expects me to answer them all. But if I try to ask him something, he’s never straightforward with me. You know what, I’m not gonna do this again. If Kai wants to know, then it will be an eye for an eye...

“I’ll answer any question you ask me, but in return... you’ll have to answer any question I ask you,” I said with a pout as I turned to look at him.

His once serious expression immediately changed to be so surprised as he quickly looked my way before looking back at the road. He then smirked before gripping the steering wheel more tightly as he adjusted himself in the chair...

“Fine... answer my question first though.”

He asked with an annoyed sass as he stared straight ahead. I did my best in being very vague with my answers, but I was being honest. Though I’m going to have to avoid the whole Jin and I getting so emotional and sleeping together on the couch. I think that’s something that shouldn’t be brought up...

“I see...so it’s your fault for passing out. After I told you not to drink you just show how irresponsible you are-”

“I only drank because I was mad at you!”

I lashed out at him in high defense as I crossed my arms. Watching his eyes grow wide in shock he laughed a bit as if this was some kind of sick joke.

“Huh, so you’re blaming me?! What the hell did I do to make you upset?” He asked sounding baffled by my words.

“You...you were completely ignoring me and avoiding eye contact when Lily came after the concert. And...after you kiss me the way that you did, it really-”

Cutting my sentence short, I grabbed my seat belt tightly when I felt Kai slamming on the breaks!

“Stop doing that!”

I yelled at him in annoyance as I smacked his arm shortly afterward!

“Sorry...it’s just that, I wasn’t expecting you to be so blunt.”

He responded looking red from the face as he avoided looking at me, even I’m a bit surprised by how straightforward I’m being. But I’m tired of ignoring the actions we do without any closure. I’ve about had it with these mind games we keep doing to each other!

“Yeah, well...I don’t appreciate being used and then ignored! If all you want is a girl to fool around with, then go find someone else! No, you know what...be with Lily! I’m sure you both will be very happy together-”

“I told you not to bring her up-”

“I don’t fucking care! I’ll bring her up all I want! How is it that it’s okay for you to butt into my life, but when I try and do it to you, it’s not okay!? You’re unfair and I can’t trust you because of that, you wanna know why I get along with Jin! It’s because he’s not afraid of talking to me, he trusts me and I trust him. You know what... forget it. I don’t wanna know anything about you...I won’t force you. So I’ll just stay away from you like I should have done from the start.” I raised my voice at him in pure rage as I unbuckled my seat belt.

“Wait! Rose-”

“Just leave alone!” I continued to yell at him as I got out of the car.

I wasn’t aware of where we were since I didn’t pay attention, I was so focused on the conversation we had earlier that I just zoned everything else out. So I didn’t care where I was at, I just wanted to get away. Because the last thing I want is to have an emotional breakdown in front of him! But the very instant I stepped out of the vehicle, I was stunned by the environment that was placed in front of me. I was no longer in the city from the looks of it, it’s strange but...this place looks like it was once a place that people would travel at. But the tall dry grass along with the rough roads and little to no people showed just how abandon this place was. But that didn’t stop me from walking away from the Kai...

“Rose! Please stop, there’s a reason why I’m keeping my distance-”

“I don’t wanna hear it anymore! All you do is make excuses, I’m tired of fighting with you and stressing myself out!”

I said to him as I heard his side of the door being closed, though I refuse to look back. I don’t want him to see how hurt I am, I don’t wanna be weak! But it’s so difficult whenever I’m around him! So I kept my angry pace as I walked along a narrow path until I came across some old concrete stairs that led me through a platform. Did this place use to be a train station? Looking to the side, I saw the old train track that hasn’t been used for years with how broken and rusted the rails now were. Just where the hell did Kai bring me at?

“Rose! That’s enough! It’s dangerous walking through here!”

He voiced out in worry as I heard his footsteps getting closer to me, ignoring what he had to say I just kept walking until I felt his hand grabbing my arm! So without hesitation, I yanked my arm free and quickly turned myself around to push him away, however in the process of turning I stumbled my footing and lost my balance! Preparing myself to fall onto the train tracks below I felt someone grab my arm and pull me into an embrace!

It was almost suffocating how strong Kai was holding onto me, the way his arms were shaking and his heavy breathing was that of someone who just experienced the fear of death. He held my waist so tightly and buried his face onto my neck, I could even hear his sniffles as if he was trying to hide his tears. Did I hurt him that much with my words? I didn’t think it would affect him that badly?

“Kai...are you okay?”

I asked feeling a bit concerned, I was starting to become worried about how his body was reacting.

“This place...”

I heard him muffle his words out in pain as he held onto me so strongly before letting go...

“Kai...where did you bring me? What is this place?” I asked sounding bewildered.

However, he avoided eye contact as he began to walk away from me, the tensity of how he was acting was making me nervous as I felt a light breeze come past us. The winds picked up my dress a bit along with Kai’s ruffled hair, we both stood there in silence as I watched Kai’s back until he was ready to face me. The heartbreak that I felt within me shattered into a million fragments when I saw him broke down in tears that drowned him in agony. Because what I heard him say, was something that I will never forget...

“This is the place...where I last saw my mother, take her own life.”

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