It’s been three days, three dreadful long days...after what Kai had told me about his mother. I lost all sense of reality, my mind is still trying to comprehend everything he said. Even as I laid in my bed, I had no motivation to leave. It’s already the middle of the afternoon, but I mentally don’t have the energy to get up right now. Am I depressed? Maybe being away from my family is finally getting to me, and after what Kai had shared. It shouldn’t be any surprise why I’m feeling this way...
Burying my head within my pillow, I wanted to wither away in sorrow. This pain that keeps jabbing at my heart was almost too unbearable, it hurts. I haven’t spoken to Kai since he brought me back to my apartment. Neither one of us has called or tried to reach out to one another, and I’m sure Kai is probably feeling the same way as me. Perhaps he’s feeling a lot worse, I mean...what do we say to each other? I’m feeling almost guilty, I mentioned to him that people who take their own lives are selfish...
I feel like I’ve disrespected his mother for saying something like that. Should I call him and apologies? No...that would make it awkward, would it? Unsure of what to do, I grabbed my phone that was underneath my pillow and opened up my contacts. Scrolling all the way down, I stopped at Kai’s number. All I could do was stare at it with hesitation, though I was caught off guard by someone else calling me! Quickly sitting up, I looked at the caller I.D and saw that it was my sister. Giving off a light smile, I went ahead and answered it.
“Hey, Sam... you’re calling a bit late, aren’t you? Isn’t it night over there?” I asked while standing up from the bed.
“You know I have a horrible habit of sleeping late, I was bored so I wanted to call in and see how you’re doing?” She responded in a relaxed sigh. Making my way towards the living room, I turned on the TV and tried to distract myself while sitting on the couch.
“You do realize that Dad might kill us for these expensive phone calls-”
“Eh, who cares. I miss talking to you, so let Dad be mad. He’s always grumpy anyway.” She quickly explained in a light chuckle.
“Yeah, I guess you have a point there...so how’s everything back home?”
I asked while skipping through some channels. Though I came to an immediate stop when I saw one of the ExEx Idols commercials for a clothing brand.
“It’s been okay...I guess. I’m just not excited about starting school. I know it’s only one year of school left, but I don’t know what to do after that... it’s kinda terrifying. Do you think I’m being a bit dramatic when I say that?”
“Of course not, I’ve felt the same when I graduated from college. I had no idea what to do after that, I knew I wanted to do makeup. But I wasn’t sure if I was making the right career choice for myself-”
“Are you joking?! You literally have the best job in the world right now. You’re a makeup artist that works in the same company as ExEx Idol-”
“Alright, I think you’re overreacting a bit now.”
I quickly said to her as the commercial I was watching ended, drifting my eyes towards the window I saw that the sun was still shining brightly outside.
“Well, of course, you would think that way, you don’t care for Idols. Hmm...maybe I should go to the makeup field as well-”
“Sam, you and I both know that you don’t care for makeup. You rarely wear it and you can’t even match your own skin tone-”
“Shut up! That’s why you go to school to learn...look, I just envy you! It’s not fair that you get to be close to my Kai! Any girl would kill to be in your shoes...which by the way, are there any girls that do Kai’s makeup?”
She asked sounding concerned. I’m sure she would be upset if I told her that there was, however, I can’t bring up that you have to be married to work here. I’ll just try and be very vague about it...
“Uhh, yeah... there are a few women that work here but a majority of them are a lot older and are married already. So don’t worry so much about that, besides...I don’t think Kai has the time to care for stuff like that- I mean including Zack and Jin also! They’re always busy, so their main focus is on their careers right now. Besides...I never spoke to any of them since I do the backup dancer’s makeup.” I quickly explained trying not to sound suspicious...
“I see...Mel, be honest with me. Have you really not spoken with Kai? I know you told me that you weren’t interested in getting close to him, but...there was this picture circling social media the same time you went to Korea to do the interview. I know this is gonna sound stupid when I asked this, but...that girl that wrapped Kai around in her scarf. That wasn’t you...right?”
The feeling of my heart sank deep within my stomach, the knot in my throat made it difficult for me to speak as I felt a cold chill run down my spine! I was so confused about how she knew about what happened, she mentioned a picture. But this is the first time I’m hearing about it! Wait, if my sister knows about this picture...then I’m sure that means manager Sang knows about it also! If that’s the case, there’s no doubt in my mind that Kai along with the others knows about this as well!
“Of course not, that’s ridiculous! I was too busy to even have the time to roam around the streets in Korea...but I’m curious, do you think you could send me this picture that you saw.”
“Yeah, that was a silly question. There’s no way that would be you...no offense, sis. But you wouldn’t really be compatible with Kai, seeing you two together in my mind...it just doesn’t go well. I mean...you’re so quiet and come off as mellow and simple. Which is completely the opposite of Kai, he’s loud, outgoing and so full of life. If anything, I see you more with someone like Jin, his personality is always calm and mature. He reminds me a lot like you in a way...I’m sorry if I’m coming across as a bit rude with my words. But that’s just how I feel... anyways, I’ll send you the picture in a bit.”
After hearing what Sam had to say about me and Kai, It wound me a bit...but I have to remind myself. My sister is only saying this because she doesn’t fully know who Kai truly is. That he is the absolute opposite of being outgoing and full of life as she said. He’s completely cut off from the world, and when he speaks to me...he sounds so broken. I wish I could’ve been more understanding when I was being mean to him. Damn my stubbornness! Resting my head back on a pillow, I let out a heavy sigh as I rubbed the corner of my eyes feeling stressed...
“It’s okay...I don’t...I don’t think I could picture myself with Kai either. I think it would be too much for me to handle dating a celebrity. Which is why you should probably get over this crush you have of him and get a real boyfriend already-”
“Look who’s talking miss virgin, how about you have sex already and then maybe I’ll think about getting a man. And at the rate you’re going, you’ll probably lose your v-card by the time your 40. Besides, I already told you that it’s not just a crush I have on Kai. I truly believe he’s my soulmate, and one day...when we meet. I know he’ll feel what I’m feeling-”
“Okay, you know what...I think I’ma get off the phone now.”
I said to her in annoyance as I rolled my eyes. When my sister gets this infatuated talking about Kai, it kinda creeps me out for some reason. I wonder if other girls think this way...in fact, I’m sure they see Kai the way my sister sees him. Perfect without any flaws... though I wonder.
“Hey, Sam... completely random question...but before I hang up. Do you possibly, know about the parents of each member?” I asked her with curiosity as I opened my eyes to look at the ceiling above me.
“Huh? That’s kinda weird that your asking...but uhh. From what I read online, Zack’s parents are still together only having two kids, the youngest son being Zack and the oldest being Lily. Though there was this rumor about Lily and Kai supposedly dating in the past. But that was just a stupid tabloid, Kai is way too good for Lily in my opinion... anyways, umm...Jin’s parents, I think his Dad passed away due to some health problems and Jin’s mom is living with him at his apartments I think? As for Kai, his parents got a divorce. No one actually knows who Kai’s mother looks like, she just left Kai and his father. But from what I heard, she apparently left them for another man. And if that’s true, she’s a bitch of wife and a horrible mother for doing that-”
“Don’t believe everything you hear...”
I immediately voiced out in high defense as I stood up from the couch. Hearing the way Sam was talking about Kai’s mother really pissed me off to the point where I didn’t realize I lost my composer! The awkward silence could be felt on the phone line as I took notice that I might have sounded a bit too personal...
“Sorry...I, didn’t mean to snap like that. Uhh, I gotta go... listen, I’ll talk to you later okay, bye. Love you...”
Hanging up the phone, I lightly tapped the corner of my phone on my forehead for being reckless. I don’t wanna give my sister any reason to be suspicious of me. Was asking about their parents too much? As I continued to stand there, I picked up on what the news was saying on the TV. They were talking about new upcoming K-pop groups deputing. But their soul focus was mainly about ExEx Idol hosting a meet-up with their fans once they come back from their short break. Can’t believe how busy they are, it’s always one thing after another. So as I switched the TV off, I ran my fingers through my long black hair.
Staying inside all day isn’t good for me, maybe I should go out for a walk. Because the more I stay here, the more I’ll end up overthinking about everything. So I decided to change out of my pajamas and change into something a little more appropriate for the outside. And although the sun was still up, that didn’t stop me from wearing a black hoodie. Placing it over my head, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw that I looked drained from the face. I should really eat something...
As I began to leave my apartment, I made sure to wear my face mask as I walked out of the building. I’m very grateful that there were no longer any girls holding their picket signs. I just hope that doesn’t happen again, making my way down the sidewalk. I thought it would be best to just walk to the cafe I went to last time. I need to try and enjoy myself while I’m taking a break, but no matter how much I tried to ignore my thoughts. It was just no use...
I then suddenly felt a vibrate sensation coming from my pocket, it was my phone! So as I went to answer it, I saw that it was a message from Sam. Opening the text, I saw that it was a picture of me and Kai when we were at the library! Clinking the link that was attached to it, I was sent to a website of what looked like some kind of fan page for ExEx Idol. So as I began to scroll through the comments, a lot of these messages that I was reading were saying such horrible things about me...
‘Who the fuck is that bitch?’
"Eww, she looks ugly!′
’Oppa! Don’t touch her, she’s probably a whore. Get away from her...′
I never knew that this was going on, then again I don’t use social media, so of course, I would be left in the dark. But I can’t believe how cruel people can be, they don’t even know me... reading these comments only made my mood suffer more as I stopped walking completely. Exiting the website, I rubbed the side of my temple. My body was growing stress and I could feel it...I feel so tired. It’s like no matter how much I sleep it was never enough. I’m just relieved that the cafe was just around the corner. I really need a drink...
But as I reached closer to the building, I noticed that something wasn’t right. There were no cars parked anywhere? That’s strange, the last time I came here, this place was very busy. Shrugging off the thought, I went ahead and approached the door and prepared to open the cafe door. Though I was baffled once it wasn’t opening! It’s the middle of the day, it shouldn’t be closed. This is so stupid! Annoyed, I placed my face against the glass and saw that there were hardly any workers inside. Though my eyes landed on someone sitting on one of the tables! His eyes locked gaze with mine as he took notice of me and he instantly let out a smirk.
It was Zack! What the hell is he doing out here in public! I’m honestly puzzled seeing him here, I didn’t even notice when his bodyguard had opened the door for me! Bowing my head, I quickly entered inside. Though Zack’s bodyguard was very strict about having me keep my face mask on. So I immediately nodded at his request as I made my way towards where Zack was sitting. He had a teacup in hand and smiled kindly at me as he offered me a drink...“Well this is a surprise, I didn’t expect to run into you.” He said in a light chuckle before finishing his drink.
“Yeah...same here. Though I’m surprised that you aren’t wearing a face mask. Umm, did you...close the cafe for today so you could come here?”
I asked him as I looked around the empty seat surrounding us...
“I don’t really like crowds, makes me too uncomfortable...this place, it’s my favorite cafe along with my sisters. We both sometimes come here together, but now it attracts too much attention if we both were to come here.”
He explained as he gestured to his bodyguard to get the car ready. And what he said made sense, he is claustrophobic so of course, he would want to avoid people...
“Hey, Are you okay?”
He suddenly asked me out of concern as he leaned himself closer towards the table. Backing myself further against my chair, I avoided eye contact as I finished my tea.
“I...I’m fine, I’ve just been exhausted I guess...” I muttered out my words as I placed my cup down.
“Well then, you should get some rest. I spoke to Kai the other day and he didn’t look so well either. I hope he’s eating right...hey, MelRose. Can I ask you something?” He asked as he stood up from his chair.
“Would you...be able to love someone, who almost killed you?”
His words were cold and his eyes were so serious that it was almost intimidating. Why is he even asking something like that? But what he said earlier about Kai made me really worried. But I was so caught off guard by what Zack had asked that I was at a loss for words...
“You know what, forget it. It was a foolish thing to ask-”
“Oh no! It’s not foolish at all, it’s just that...I was never asked anything like that before. And to be honest...I don’t know how to answer that. I’m sure any sane person would automatically say no, but...I feel like it depends on the situation. No matter the outcome, I don’t think you could stop yourself from loving someone...at least, that’s what I think.” I explained, though his expression seemed very surprised by my response.
“So that’s how you see it, hmm...then let me ask you this before I leave. Are you able to forgive those who have hurt you?”
“I wish I could say no...but knowing me, I’ll probably be an idiot and be forgiving.”
I voiced out in a peal of painful laughter, I say a lot of things that I would do. But I never seem to follow through with them, because I know I’ll end up regretting it later...
“Your a better person than I am then...you can stay here as long as you need to, the workers will lock up afterward. But if you would like a ride back, I can-”
“Oh, no thank you. I appreciate the offer. But to avoid any scandals, I think it’s best if I just walk back.”
I explained to him as I stood up and bowed for his kindness. He may be younger than me, but he’s been so nice to me since he first met me. But I do wonder what he met by that comment of me being a better person than him?
“Okay then, just don’t stay out too late. Feel free to call me and Jin if you need anything. Just, don’t call Kai...right now, he’s not really in the right mindset. It was nice talking to you though...”
“Of course, thank you so much. I’ll see you next week then...” I said as I waved him goodbye.
And with that, I watched as Zack left the cafe and got in the car with his bodyguard. I then seated myself back down as I laid my head against the table. I guess I’m not the only one who’s feeling like shit, it seems that Kai isn’t doing so well either. Should I go see him? I mean...It’s only gonna be awkward if we see each other once our break is over...
Leaving the coffee shop, I saw that the sun was beginning to go down already. Just how long was I inside for? Waving down a cab, I was fortunate to get into a taxi before it got dark. Though I was stuck between what I wanted once I was inside the vehicle, what directions do I give the driver? Should I tell him where my mind wants to go or to what my heart needs? Contemplating what to do, I finally came up with a decision...
“Here we are, miss.”
I said to the cab driver, closing the door behind me, he drove off as I stood completely still. Trying to catch my breath, I placed my hand over my chest and closed my eyes to calm myself.
This is a terrible idea, I shouldn’t be here. It goes against the rules of my contract, but...I need to ease my heart. I feel like I’ve been avoiding Kai for all the wrong reasons. Yes, he pisses me off! And sometimes he says things before he thinks, but I feel like I’m the same way too sometimes. I just get so frustrated when I’m around him, but I think that’s because we both keep pulling and pushing each other in our emotions. I need to know why...I want to understand. Just how heavy is his heart?
But just as I turned myself around, I saw in the very distance someone coming out of the dorms. Worried that it could be manager Sang I quickly hid behind a nearby tree. Paying closer attention, I peeked over and saw that it was actually Jin! He looked badly worn out from the face, his clothes looked ragged even his hair looked a bit messy. Did something happen? Even judging by how he was walking, he seemed very angry. Should I go ask what’s wrong-
“You’re not leaving until we settle this!”
Following that intense voice, I saw another person marching his way towards Jin, it was Kai! Just what the hell is going on?! Why is Jin here? I thought he would be at his apartment-
“Fuck you, Kai! I’m done talking with you! You don’t fucking learn! Even after I told you so many times to stay away from her-”
“She isn’t your fucking property! She didn’t need to know-”
“Like you have any right to speak! I won’t ever forgive you for bringing up your mother to Melrose! She didn’t need to know any of that! Do you wish to frighten her?! Is that what you fucking want-”
“I don’t want her to hate me!”
Kai screamed out of the top of his lungs, I then watched as Jin yanked him from the collar with such force!
“Why the hell do you care if she hates you in the end...you said it yourself, that you didn’t want anything to do with her. So what changed? I know where I stand with Melrose, she’s become someone important to me, and if you think I’m gonna let her get hurt because of you...then I promise you here and now, I will leave ExEx Idol-”
“You would go that far for her...then I guess, so would I-”
“Tell me why!? Kai!”
The amount of rage that Jin was in was terrifying as I hid behind the tree, too afraid to see what those two will do to each other. It explains perfectly why Jin looked so mangled up, it’s obvious that he and Kai were fighting. The rapid growth in my heart escalated with what I was hearing them say, but after listening to both of them...I couldn’t help but tear up in agony. Especially after what I heard Kai say...
“Because Rose...has become someone precious to me.”