Our Secret Melody

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Lyric: Thirty-Six

Melrose: POV

You know, before I met Kai. I thought I would be okay not knowing what true love was, I didn’t think I needed to since I had my family. And that loving them would be enough for me, but now that I’m older. I can see how much more different it is to care for a person you truly cherish. At first, I hated him, or at least... that’s what I kept telling myself. That meeting him was just bad luck on my part, but every time we ran into each other it would shift something inside me to think differently of him...

I didn’t see him as some kind of Idol like the rest of the world did, to me...he was a person that looked so overwhelmed when I first met him. And within time, I’ve come to learn more about his character. I know that he loves doing what he does, the music that he creates and gives to the world. It brings him joy with the rest of his group, however, that happiness that he wishes to have... Seems almost impossible for him to reach now. A simple smile that is too difficult for him to carry. He’s broken...and it hurts seeing him this way, not being able to tell anyone you’re in pain. Too afraid to get close to others...

I would have never imagined that Kai would have these types of emotions, even now that I look at him from afar. He’s able to smile as if nothing is wrong, yet I’ve come to learn that the way he looks at others is always the same. A blank endless stare of nothingness, so lifeless that it wounds me...it’s been a whole week since I told Kai my feelings. It doesn’t seem that long ago, but I still remember it so very clearly in my mind. After I expressed how I felt, Kai didn’t say a word other than embracing me. I wasn’t sure how to take that response since I left shortly after. Was the hug his way of telling me that he can’t return my feelings?

Either way, I don’t expect him to love me in return...I’m content with how things are. I know that Lily will always be the most special person in his heart. And I don’t wish to break such a bond like that, I don’t...I don’t want to be selfish. No matter how much it hurts me, I won’t hurt what they both care for. And that’s each other, all I want...is for Kai to wholeheartedly-

“Smile!”

Caught up to my senses, I looked at the photographer who was taking pictures of the meet and greet fans that came to see ExEx Idol. It’s only been an hour since we’ve all got here, but it’s crazy to see how full the room is! The majority of the fans here were very young-looking, almost around my sister’s age. Most were girls and very few were boys that were waiting to meet their favorite Idol members. I’m glad that so many came, and if I remember correctly, I think that the tickets were sold out within a minute they were posted online. Ever since the last performance that ExEx Idol did on stage, it only made them stand out more. Especially with what Kai did when he debuted his song, it looks like his fan base skyrocketed only more...

“OH MY GOD! THERE’S ZACK!”

“JIN! OPPA! YOU’RE AMAZING!

“I LOVE YOU! KAI OPPA! PLEASE TAKE MY LETTER!”

The enormous crowd blew up in a scream, once they saw the members slowly coming out one by one along with their bodyguards. I haven’t spoken to Kai or even made any kind of effort to contact him after I left his dorm. However, Jin has been a lot more attentive to me. I guess he really doesn’t want me to get close to Kai, I understand the reasons why. He’s only trying to keep me safe, but I don’t think he needs to worry anymore... because I knew the moment I told Kai I loved him. I basically ended things before anything could begin...

Avoiding my gaze from the boys, I focused on my work along with the staff as I began to move boxes that were full of posters for the fans to buy. The table that was set in front of the stage, had different sections of where each member would sit at. Luckily for me, all I had to do was focus on Jin’s section, I glad that I could do something then just do make-up. Although, I have to say that I’m proud of the work I did on Jin’s face. I think I really brought out his eyes today with the pallet I used. Maybe I should use it a lot more from now on...

“Melrose, can you touch up Jin’s nose a bit. The lighting here is very bright...” Said Mrs. Kim who was beginning to head towards Kai’s direction.

“Yes of course!” I responded in a hurry as I hurried myself to where Jin was sitting.

Luckily he was waiting for the next fan to pass by a metal detector which gave me enough time to tend to Jin’s face and give it a touch-up. At first, I was honestly baffled when I saw the metal detectors, I thought it was ridiculous. But after having one of the staff members explained to me a story that happened a few years back with a different K-pop group. I was completely stunned at what he had told me, apparently, an anti-fan came in with a gun! Luckily no one got hurt and they were able to arrest the girl. It seemed that the girl hated one of the members because he stopped being a vegan. But holy shit, are people that extreme to do something so dangerous and wicked-

“Hey? Are you okay?” I suddenly heard Jin ask me while I was in the middle of doing his makeup!

“Huh? Oh! I’m fine...I just, this whole meet and greet are new to me. And I just get nervous getting close to you guys when your fans are staring at you-”

“You don’t have to worry, as long as you don’t take off your face mask. There’s nothing for you to be nervous about. If anyone is nervous...it’s me.”

He quickly explained in a heart warm smile. He then secretly grabbed my hand from under the table before gripping it ever so lightly...

“Yeah...you’re right-”

“OPPA! Why aren’t you paying attention to me-”

“I’m sorry, my staff member just had something important to tell me. Please forgive me, here, let me take a picture with you. You can have a free poster as well...”

With Jin immediately releasing my hand, he quickly tried to have the girl be focused on him. Though it didn’t seem to work at first with how sharp her dagger-like eyes were staring harshly at me. So I made sure to bow apologetically before taking my leave, the last thing I want is to have any of these girls hate me. I’ve already seen how nasty they could get online with their horrible mean comments. Getting behind the curtains, I continued my work with the rest of the staff. Though within the minutes of doing that, the rest of the staff stopped right in the middle of our work and so did I when we heard a sudden loud cry coming from the front stage!

Putting the box down, I made my way towards the front. The voice of a girl really disturbed me. Though I made sure to keep my distance along with the rest of the staff members when we saw security guards taking away a fan! At first, I was confused at what was going on, but my jaw dropped in absolute dismay when I heard the girl crying out her words towards Kai! Even Jin and Zack didn’t know what to do other than to just sit there in silence.

“NO! LET ME GO! YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND, KAI AND ME BELONG TO EACH OTHER! KAI! TELL THEM TO LET ME GO! I LOVE YOU! PLEASE! PLEASE MARRY ME!” She screamed at the top of her lungs as she threw a piece of paper on the floor.

My ears couldn’t believe what they were hearing as we watched the girl get carried away. Though once those doors closed, the cries began to die down, silence fell upon the room. It was like everyone had the same reaction, baffled and confused. Though a happy cheerful voice soon filled up our ears as he hand gestured hearts to his fans, breaking the silence...

“We’re sorry everyone, please don’t worry. Will be giving out flyers of our new album coming out soon! So please smile, I love you all!” Shouted Zack as he stood up from his seat and smiled brightly at everyone.

It wasn’t long before everyone went back to their usual self, relaxed, and calm. I swear, Zack always knows how to brighten up a room. He is so sweet and so full of life when he speaks. As I went to go backstage, I was suddenly stopped by one of the staff members who handed me a box of posters!

“I’m sorry Mrs. Lee, but can you take this last box to Kai. I have to make an urgent call to manager Sang and tell him what happened.” He explained in a hurry as he began to walk away with his phone in hand.

I didn’t even have a chance to say anything as I let out a heavy sigh before making my way towards Kai’s station. Here I thought I was doing good in avoiding him, and yet there’s always something that leads me back to him. Though it shouldn’t be all that bad, all I have to do is drop this off next to his chair. It’s crazy but, I didn’t think all the posters would get sold out, then again. I tend to forget what kind of group this is...

So as I walked my way towards Kai, I saw that he was smiling and having a fun conversation with one of his fans who was wanting his autograph. I’m surprised that he looks so calm after what happened, you would think he would be uncomfortable? Shaking the thought out of my head, I made sure not to disturb their chat as I carefully bend myself down and placed the box beanthe the table. Though in the middle of me doing that I was caught off guard by the abrupt maker falling on the ground in front of me!


“I’m sorry, please excuse me, I seemed to have dropped my marker...” Kai kindly voiced out at his fan as he went ahead to bend himself down.

Immediately picking it up, I wanted as little interaction with him as possible. So I decided that I would just place it on the table, but as I was about to do that. I was brought to an instant halt when Kai grabbed my hand! The feeling of his hand didn’t feel warm or tender like Jin’s, it felt cold and shaky. He’s trembling as if he’s afraid...

Slowly bringing my eyes up, I looked at him. Yet his eyes never stared back at mine as all he could do was stare at the floor in fear. His hands continued to shake and his grip tightened! So I quickly went ahead and grabbed his other hand and gently laced my fingers with his. That alone seemed to have caught his attention as he shifted his gaze at me. The anxiety in his eyes was visible as well as the cold chill that his body was in made him look petrified, I need to calm him before he panics more...

“It’s okay, everything will be okay...”

I quietly whispered to him, his breathing soon relaxed a bit before I quickly removed my hands away from his...

My actions brought Kai back to his senses and we both in sync brought ourselves back up as I placed the marker back on the table. Quickly bowing, I left without saying another word. The heavy flow of my heart made my chest knot up again as I couldn’t believe what I witnessed. Kai looked like he was about to break down! But he seemed fine and unbothered a few minutes ago-

“Yeah, I understand. Okay. I’ll make sure I double security...bye.”

Overhearing the call from the staff member who had me take the box to Kai earlier, I saw that he looked troubled from the face when he got off the phone. Rubbing his eyes in a stressful motion he went ahead and picked up the piece of paper that was set on the table. I wonder what’s going on? I probably shouldn’t get involved but, if it has something to do with the Kai, then...

“Is everything okay?”

I asked the male staff member who was jolted a bit with my presence. I guess he didn’t expect anyone to be behind him...

“Oh, Mrs. Lee, it’s you... sorry, I’m just a bit jumpy after what happened. This was the first time I saw a fan just lose it and act that way...umm, manager Sang wants to wrap up then meet and greet a lot sooner. After I explained what happened, he’s worried about the members well being. And I also think it’s a good idea to leave earlier, I mean...look at this.” He explained to me in a worried expression before showing me the paper he held in his hands.

I was honestly confused at what I was staring at but in closer exception. My hands shook at the sight of what I was holding! It was a fucking marriage license! Did...did the girl from earlier really bring this to Kai!? There’s no way...how, why would she do this? Did she ask Kai to marry her- wait? Now I understand, the reasoning for how Kai was reacting. She must have said something after showing him the license, this is insane!

After the meet and greet came to a close, I hurried and packed my area of make-up equipment before helping the rest of the staff members. Though I was surprised when security Jung pulled me to the side and had me follow him behind the building. I was told to not take my face mask off until I entered the vehicle he was leading me to. I had no idea what was going on, but as long as my station is clean then I shouldn’t have to worry about being yelled at by Mrs. Kim.

“Umm, Security Jung...where are you taking me? I think I should go back and help the rest of the staff-”

“I’m sorry, but I was told to bring you out back.” He said to me as we both made it towards the parking lot.

“Huh? And who told you to-”

“It was me, I’m sorry. I just had something important to discuss with you.”

Following his voice, I saw the door of the vehicle open and saw that it was Jin who was waiting for me!

“Jin?! I thought you left already with the rest of the group. Why are you still here?”

I asked him in concern as I looked around before entering the car. With Security Jung closing the door, he proceeded in entering the driver’s side and began to drive us off.

“I was going to leave with the others...but after what happened today, I thought it would be important to talk to you. MelRose, I never want or wish anything bad on my fans. I love them, so very much. However, there are some fans...that aren’t well. It’s hard to describe it but, I don’t ever wish to hurt my fans when I say this, however, do you know what a sasaeng is?” He began to explain as he asked his question before looking out the window.

“A sasaeng? It sounds familiar, but I don’t think I know what it means.” I said to him as I leaned my head back in a tired-like motion.

“I see...well answer this first. We’re you scared today?”

He asked next in a serious tone as he turned his head back to look at me. Though it took me a while to answer his questions since I was still processing what had happened.

“I guess, I was more surprised than scared,” I answered, as I looked directly at his eyes. He then gave me a comforting smile before placing his hand on top of mine.

“I wish I could say that this would be the last time you see something like that, but that would be a lie...MelRose, I myself was stalked for a few months in the past until I finally got a restraining order against one of my ‘fans’ that was following me everywhere. Even Zack had his phone and credit cards hacked before they were able to trace back to a so-called ‘fan’ of ours, but I think, Kai has had it worse than any one of us...”

My mind was still trying to comprehend what Jin was telling me, this was all too much to take in as I felt overwhelmed with anxiety almost. Just when I thought these ‘fans’ couldn’t get anymore scarier, I’m given more shocking news about them. Makes me almost happy that my sister isn’t as crazy as some of these fans are...

“I can’t believe that you’ve all gone through this!? I...I’m sorry, I’m just mind blown right now. I had no idea that these so call fans could be this obsessive and toxic-”

“Well, we call those types of people, sasaeng’s. MelRose, please calm yourself...”

Jin strictly said to me as he tightened his grip, I failed to even realize how much my hands were shaking! I guess I must be really upset...

“I’m sorry, but... explain to me what a sasaeng means here in Korea?” I asked him while trying to keep myself at ease.

“To put it simply...it’s an overly obsessed fan. Though it goes much deeper than that, as I mentioned before. The last thing I want to do is hurt my fan’s feelings. I’m not saying that every fan you come across is like this, but...there are a few. Some of them could even be dangerous, if not to others but themselves also...I think you could see why Kai was so against you working here since a majority of the female staff that quit this job is because they don’t want to deal with the bullying and harassment of what these fans of ours do to them. I almost feel guilty for hiring you now-”

“No, don’t ever feel that way. I won’t ever regret working here, despite the consequences that Kai was trying to keep me away from, you have no idea how happy I was when you asked me to be your makeup artist. Jin, I won’t quit no matter what! I don’t care what people say about me, I worked hard to get where I’m at and I’m not going to let these little anti-fan girls push me around. I understand Kai’s intentions when he didn’t want me to work here, but...”

“You have a dream that you wish to follow, I understand completely. I’m relieved, I honestly thought you would want to quit after I told you about the fans you will have to face.” Jin explained in a much more relaxed matter as he finally let go of my hand.

As he continued to smile at me, I tried my best to give off that happiness in return. But deep down, I was actually really scared. The environment that they live in isn’t healthy at all, having to go through the paranoia of not knowing what might happen. Hell, I feel like if I’m seen just standing next to any one of the guys...I’ll be on the fan’s shit list. But all I wanna do is be a makeup artist, and I have that now. But I still want to do better, I...oh my God! I’ve been so focused on Kai, that I’ve been beginning to lose the soul purpose as to why I’m really here...

“Melrose...”

I’m letting my feelings get in the way again, but I can’t help my emotions from clouding my thoughts! Maybe it was a mistake that I told Kai how I felt!? Then maybe we wouldn’t be avoiding each other but after today... I’m beginning to get worried about him again.

“MelRose?”

After the deep conversation we both had last week, I would think we would have gotten closer but I couldn’t be any more wrong. This is so annoying! Why is it always me?! Why do I have to be the one going crazy with my feelings-

“MelRose!?”

“Huh?! Oh, I’m sorry...I was just thinking and I-”

“It’s okay, I could tell that you have a lot on your mind...which is why...let’s go on date.”

He said to me nonchalantly the moment security Jung pulls up to my apartment. But wait! Did I hear Jin right? Did he really just ask me to...

“Go on a date?”

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