Our Secret Melody

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Lyric: Thirty-Seven

Kai’s POV:

I’m in a vicious cycle, a never-ending room that I can’t come out of. Within these last days, it’s been tiring. Mentally and physically, I’m drained. And I wish to rest, but that isn’t possible, not for me. I’ve shown just how weak I can be to her, to Rose. I was afraid, scared of being pushed away. To be judged and ridiculed for who I really am, but...

“She didn’t push me away...” I said to myself in a tiresome voice as I leaned against the window glass.

Her words still echo through my ears of that very morning, those words that I thought no one else would be able to say to me. To the person who I truly am, my whole life...I thought that Lily would be the only woman to accept me and my flaws. So to hear someone else say they love me, felt very surreal. I don’t know what to think, or how to react. So I decided to give myself some space between Rose and me. I’ve been trying to focus on my music and to create something different, but how can I when my mind is filled with...Rose.

“Hey, you okay?” I heard Zack call out to me while placing his hand on my shoulder.

“I’m fine, just tired...” I said to him while leaning my head back.

I wasn’t ready for this meet and greet, and it devasted me that I was feeling this way because I honestly love meeting my fans. However, today just doesn’t feel right. The whole care ride I kept thinking back and forth about these emotions that linger in my heart. I’m so confused, lost in my own mind of what I want...

Do I care for Rose? Of course, I do, more than anything. She’s kind, unique, joyful...even when I met her for the first time. She seemed like a tough girl, but now that I’ve come to know her more personally. I can see how fragile she truly is, yet she tries to pull off that strong persona of hers. It’s no wonder I find her precious- wait! What the hell am I doing, I can’t think about her right now...I have to focus on this meet and greet.

“Alright, we’re here. Security Jung will be escorting you three through the back of the building. Make sure your face masks are on...”

With the staff pulling up to the building, he began to explain to us where we would have to go, though I didn’t pay much attention to his words as I rushed myself in getting out of the vehicle. With Zack and Jin following behind me, I was keeping my distance from Jin as I walked ahead of them.

Though I’m pretty sure Zack caught notice of this, I haven’t spoken to Rose or Jin this past week as much and it’s been putting a strain on my health. I know that this is my fault, I don’t wish to ignore what’s been going on. But all I’m good at doing is blocking everything out and isolating myself from the world when I can’t handle it...

“Are you both seriously fighting again?! Come on! Aren’t I the youngest one here? You would think I would be the immature one, but no! It’s you two, listen I don’t know what happened between you guys but you to set it aside for today. We’re meeting our fans, so at least try and get along with each other for the time being.” Zack said to us as security Jung led us to an elevator.

“You’re right...I’m sorry for making things uncomfortable. Kai, how about we both stop this child-like nonsense and try to make today special for our fans.”

Jin said to me as he patted my back. Letting out a sigh, I pushed his hand away from me as I slightly nodded.

“You can be so stubborn- oh! Can you hear them out there?! I’m getting excited! Hopefully, the room isn’t too small...”

Zack voiced out in excitement as we heard the loud cheers of our fans calling our names.

“Let’s just get this over with...” I whispered to myself as I was the last one to leave the elevator once it opened.

Taking all the strength I had in me, I immediately forced a smile once I entered the crowded room. A wave of people could be seen screaming out my name as I walked right past them. Bowing in politeness, I walked up towards the stage and took my seat next to Zack as we got settled to meet everyone. But before we could meet our fans, they each all had to go through security and I was beginning to grow anxious. Not because I was nervous, but because I wasn’t sure if she was here. What do I do if I see her? I’m sure that she did come, I mean whenever we go out in public like this. We need our makeup artists nearby...this is so frustrating! How am I suppose to concentrate-


My mind quickly snapped back to reality when I heard someone talk to me in amazement! I almost forgot what was going on until I saw one of my fans jumping in excitement meeting me. Suppressing my inner thoughts wasn’t easy, but I had to do it for the sake of my fans and their happiness of coming here today...

Within the hours that passed, I could feel the phone in my pocket going off. Reaching to grab it, I looked at the caller I.D and saw that it was Lily who was calling! Now wasn’t a good time, so I immediately sent it to voicemail. I’ll make sure to text her later, she’s been constantly blowing up my phone in wanting to meet again. I’m sure she was upset when I left her house last time, but I didn’t feel comfortable being there when Jin left with Rose that night-

“Kai...” I overheard a girl call out my name suddenly.

“Huh? Oh, I’m sorry...my phone was ringing so I had to silence it-”

“Who was calling you?” She quickly asked of me as her eyes followed the phone I had.

“My... Father, umm... would you like me to sign this poster you brought-”

“I uh, just have something important to tell you.” She spoke in a low pitch tone as she approached closer towards the table.

Paying attention to her actions, I saw the phone that she had was the same model as mine, even the same color. And in her other hand, I thought that she had brought a poster with her, but as I paid more attention to it. I saw that it looked like some kind of document. What could it be?

“Oh, okay...uhh, what would you like to tell me?” I asked her in confusion as I placed my phone back in my pocket.

“I love you...”

I heard her say to me as she presented the piece of paper she was holding. At first, I didn’t think anything of it since I hear a majority of my fans always saying those words to me. But the sight of what she was holding made me gasp in my throat! Is this girl serious right now!? I honestly couldn’t believe what I was witnessing...

“Why...why did you bring that? Who are you?” I asked of her, I was starting to feel uncomfortable the moment she tried to reach for my hand!

“My name is Yuna, I’m 19 and I’ve been following your music career ever since it started. I... I’ve been in love with you for so long. But I’ve always been afraid to meet you because I wouldn’t know what you’ll think of me...but...I’m here now to ask if you can please marry me. I...I promise to be a good wife and give you as many kids as you want-”

“Please stop...I...I don’t wanna hear any more of this. Yuna, I think it’s best if you leave right now.”

I said to her as calmly as I could as I backed myself away from her. She then took notice of my actions which only made her react more forceful as she slammed both her hands on the table and kept trying to lean herself closer to me. The look of distraught and anger could be heard so clearly by her voice!

“What! Why!? I...this isn’t.... you’re not supposed to tell me to leave. I...I thought that you would be happy if I told you about my feelings. So why are reacting this way?! No, I won’t accept it...you...you have to sign it! You-”

“That’s enough! Stay away from him!”

I heard security Jung yell in high demand as he began to pull the girl away. Soon another bodyguard came along and tried to help Jung pull her off the stage. It was nerve-wracking to watch how this girl struggle in their arms, the number of tears that she shed, and the way she gripped the marriage license for dear life were almost hard to witness.

“Get off me! I’m not leaving until Kai signs this! He needs me and I need him! Kai! Please say you love me! NO! LET ME GO! YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND, KAI AND ME BELONG TO EACH OTHER! KAI! TELL THEM TO LET ME GO! I LOVE YOU! PLEASE! PLEASE MARRY ME!”

She screamed at the top of her lungs as all I could do is sit there in silence, the panic in my heart escalated as I looked around the room and saw everyone looking at me once the girl was out of the room. I no longer wish to be here, I knew that something didn’t feel right. This is a mess, and I don’t feel like I could smile as easily now. This wasn’t the first time a fan had told me they loved me, but bringing a marriage license was beyond what I would have imagined...

Though I’m grateful for Zack being able to distract everyone and have them focus their attention on him. The cold sweat that ran down my spine made me light-headed as I wasn’t sure how to react now, do I just keep acting like everything is okay? This anxiety inside me is slowly breaking me and it’s almost difficult to breathe...

“I’m so happy to finally meet you, I such a huge fan, and I would love it if you can please signed my postcard...”

I could see her lips moving, but her words were empty to me. I wanted to pretend that everything was well, that I was okay. But I’m not...my mind just kept replaying the image of the young girl screaming in horror at me. Just by the way she was speaking to me, I could tell that she’s mentally unstable. My nerves seemed to have gotten the better of me that I accidentally ended up dropping my marker to the floor!

But as I went to pick it up, the tightness of my chest worsened when I saw the person grabbing it! It was Rose, I had a feeling she would be here...but I didn’t think I would meet her under these circumstances. Did she see what happened earlier? Why am I even asking something like that, of course, she did...I wasn’t sure what to say or do other than just look away. But when I saw that she was about to place the marker on the table, I subconsciously grabbed her hand!

But despite my actions, I didn’t have the courage to look at her. Not right now...yet the trembling of my hands seemed to have caught her attention that she ended up grabbing my other hand. The tenderness of her warm hand brought me at ease, so much so that I ended up looking at her finally. Her kind nurturing smile and sweet words made me want to hold her again. This woman, what does she see in someone like me? How can she love a person, who is so weak, Rose...

As the meet and greet came to an end, my group and I were led out back only with more bodyguards to lead us out. I shouldn’t be surprised, by now I’m sure one of the staff members had called our manager to tell him about the incident of what occurred. I just wish, Rose didn’t have to see something like that...

“Here...” I heard Zack say as he handed me a towel.

“Why are you giving me this-”

“I don’t know if you’re still in shock of what happened, but the sweat in your forehead is still visible.”

He explained to me once I followed him inside the car. Patting my forehead dry, I took notice of Jin who wasn’t entering the vehicle.

“Jin, what are you doing? Get in already-”

“Sorry, but you guys go on without me. I’ll have security Jung take me back to the dorms...I have something I need to do before I leave.” He said directly towards me before closing the door between us.

“What the hell is he gonna do?” I asked looking over at Zack. But before I could open the door, the car immediately began to drive off!

“I have no idea, but I’m pretty sure he’ll let us know later. Anyway...how are you feeling? It’s been a while since we had a crazy fan do something insane. I never saw such a thing, a fan bringing a marriage license to their Idol. It’s almost unthinkable, I just hope that’s the last time we will ever see of her.” He said in a stressful sigh as he leaned himself back in his chair.

“It’s like I could never take a break...” I voiced out in a depressing matter as I hanged my head down.

“Well, it comes with the job of being an Idol...which by the way, is someone calling you? I hear something vibrating.”

Zack pointed out as I finally paid attention to the sounds of something going off in my pocket. So as I rushed myself into answering it, I was caught off guard by her delicate voice!


“Lily!? Why are you...I was about to text you-”

“Sorry about calling earlier, I had no idea you were doing a meet and greet. But Zack had already texted me a few minutes ago about what you guys were doing.”

She said apologetically, I then simultaneously looked towards Zack and saw him avoiding eye contact with me as he placed his earphones in his ears. He obviously wants Lily and me to talk...

“No, it’s okay. It’s not your fault...umm, how are you doing?” I asked her as I leaned my head back while closing my eyes.

“I’m doing fine, I just feel like we didn’t get to spend much time together when everyone came over last time. So I was wondering...If you would be willing to go on a date with me whenever you’re free. My brother mentioned that he was having a day off on Sunday... though I’m not sure if the same applies to you, so...”

Reopening my eyes quickly, I almost didn’t take her words seriously as I looked out the window. A part of me was a bit happy, but the other half wasn’t as excited. If Lily would have asked me out on a date years ago, I probably would have lost my composure. But now...so much has changed.


“Yeah...I...I have Sunday off too. Umm, it’s kinda weird being asked out by a girl though-”

“Hey! I’ll have you know I’m not just any kind of girl. Now then...since I’m the adult one. That makes you my responsibility on Sunday, which means your paying for our date.” She giggled in a burst of joyful laughter.

“Uhh, I don’t think that’s how it works. But even if you weren’t the oldest one. I feel like I would still end up paying anyway...” I responded with a playful smirk, looking out the window I saw that we were finally approaching the company.

“Yeah, you’re probably right. Well then... I’ll talk to you later about it. I’m looking forward to the weekend now, goodbye Kai.” She said to me as we both ended our calls.

“Ooh! Someone had a date this Sunday-”

“Shutup! I swear, you and Jin both pry in other people’s affairs too much.” I said to Zack as I jokingly punched his arm by his teasing comment.

“Whatever... listen, my sister will be going back to Europe in a few weeks...so I want her to spend the rest of her time with the person she favors. That person being you, so just be careful when you both go out, try to stay away from heavy crowds-”

“Alright, alright... geez, sometimes you act like you’re her Dad. It’s kinda disturbing-”

“Shutup! I’m just looking out for my sister, she’s the happiest when she’s with you. So obviously I would want you two to spend time together before she leaves...” He explained as we both felt the car come to a stop.

As we both left the vehicle, I looked up at the sky and wondered if it was a good idea to go out this Sunday. But if Lily really is leaving Korea soon, I should take this opportunity to spend as much time as I can with her. Because who knows how long she’ll be gone for this time. But besides that, my mind still lingered back to Jin, just what is it that he had to do to stay behind? Wait, don’t tell me stayed so he could talk with Rose?!

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