Our Secret Melody

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Lyric: Forty

Kai’s POV:

No...don’t kiss her! Not in front of me! Please, Jin...don’t touch what I’ve come to hold dear to me! I don’t understand, why? Why did you both come here, Rose...were the words of what you told before, just empty lies? Did they mean nothing to you!? Because they meant everything to me!

I held in my breath as I stared hard at Jin leaning himself closer to Rose. It was so unbearable that it felt like needles sinking deep within my lungs, it hurts... seeing them so close to one another. Because I know, that Rose is more than just special to Jin. The way he looks at her smile as he holds her. Jin...

“You love her...don’t you?”

I voiced out in sadness as I dropped my tensed shoulders down. Though despite how hurt I was by this realization, I was brought a sense of relief when I noticed that he didn’t kiss her. All he did was place her face mask back on. Just how long have they been here? Did they both meet up at the festival? Are they going home after this- wait!

“What the hell am I doing?” I said to myself in a heavy sigh as I sat back down.

Grabbing onto the plush, I held it tightly as I brought my head back against the glass window behind me. I don’t have the right to interfere in their date, nor should I even be spying on them. Ruffling my hair in frustration, I looked out the window and saw that the ride was coming to an end for me. So I hurried in placing my face mask back on before exiting the ride. Texting Jung, I told him to wait for me right outside the park entryway. I’m certain that security Hyun had already driven Lily back to her home. So I would prefer it if I just had Jung wait for me to come, I no longer wish to be here. After today, I just feel like absolute shit-

“Hey! Let’s hurry and get a front-row seat before the fireworks start!”

I overheard a little boy shout to his parents as he dragged them along. I almost forgot that there would be fireworks tonight, I’ve been so clouded with my own thoughts that I failed to realize that it was already nighttime. Looking at the crowded walkway, I knew that it would be a struggle trying to get past everyone. This fucking sucks, I’m going to have to walk around and take the back alleyways. But just as I was about to take my leave, my gaze suddenly locked eyes on Rose who was having trouble catching up with Jin.

“Are you a fucking idiot?”

I said in annoyance as I hurried towards the swarm of people that were beginning to crowd around her. You would think Jin would be smarter than this! Does he not realize how short Rose’s legs are compared to his!? This is so stupid! I shouldn’t try and get involved like Jin said, he would take responsibility for her. But...

“Rose!”

I began to scream out her name in hopes that she would hear me, but the number of people gathering around me was beginning to drown out my voice! I’m not sure if I’ll be able to reach her from where I’m at, but I have to try! I was able to see Jin so clearly with his height, however, I was starting to lose Rose within the sea of people! Damit! Why does she have to be so short!?

Shoving random people aside, I reach out my hand and managed to grab the very edge of her sleeve before the lights went out! Instantly pulling her towards me, I dragged her out of that insane crowd as I felt her trying to tug her arm free. She even went so far as to threaten me as I refused to release her. I just wanted to make it to the alley that would keep me a safe distance from the public. But I was starting to get irritated by how Rose was acting! I know she doesn’t realize that it’s me, but I still can’t help but be upset at her! The last thing I should be doing is lashing my anger at her but...

“If I don’t what? Let you go back on your little date with Jin?”

I finally spoke up as I pulled my face masks down. Turning myself towards her direction finally, I saw the expression of her worried face change into absolute shock the moment she saw it was me.

“Kai, what the hell are you doing here?!” She asked in disbelief as I finally set her arm free.

“I came here with Lily...we were on a date. But she left a while ago.” I explained to her with honesty as I clutched on to the stuffed animal closer to me.

So, you both ended up coming here together...well it’s a shame that she had to leave before the fireworks-”

“Is that really what you think? You’re disappointed that she left. Would you have wanted all of us to double date together?” I said to her sternly as I brought one of my hands into a tight fist.

“Huh? What are you talking about-”

“Don’t play dumb with me! I saw you with Jin earlier, did you both decide to finally date and become a couple-”

“What!? No! Of course not, why would you-”

“Then why would you let him get close to you!? You didn’t even try to push him away when you were both in ferris wheel together!” I raised my voice louder at her the moment the fireworks began to go off more!

Her eyes widen in heartache as she stood there frozen, it’s like she was unable to speak as I watched the dim light sky brighten every few seconds. Yet her vibrant eyes that were beginning to water were starting to reflect the many fireworks that only made her emotions more visible for me to see. She stayed silent for a while before she spoke, but I was so heated that I didn’t even let her finish what she had to say!

“You saw-”

“I saw everything! The way you both were looking at each other! You were practically begging with your eyes to have him kiss you! Is this your sick way of playing with my feelings?! Do you just tell anyone that you love them and-”

The stinging of my cheek burned along with the engulfing sparks of heat that twinkled the late skies. It hurts, but the pain doesn’t even compare to what my heart is feeling right now. Dropping the stuffed animal to the floor, I was bombarded by Rose’s punches hitting my chest when she was done slapping me! All I could do was take her hits until she backed me up against a wall...

“How dare you! How fucking dare you say that to me! Why would you ever think that of me!? Then are my feelings lies?! Is that what you’re trying to say!? You have no right to get angry with me! When you yourself came out here today with Lily! So how the hell do you think I feel right now?! Do you think I’m happy!? Do you think I’m glad seeing the guy that I love, be with someone else-”

Shutting her voice, I placed both of my hands on each side of her face and brought her close to me before stealing a kiss from her. I was able to taste her tears that ran down her mouth for only a second before she shoved me away! Hanging my head down in despair, I didn’t know what else to do...my chest keeps beating as if it’s ready to give out any minute. All I want...is Rose to stay by my side. But why is so difficult...why can’t my love, be easy?

“Don’t kiss me...and don’t ever touch me-”

“Is that it then? Do you and I pretend that nothing happened...do I stay with Lily and act like everything is okay? Is that what you want?! If so, then say it!” I voiced out at her as she slowly backed away from me.

“I...I can’t do this, just... just leave me alone-”

“Then take this fucking necklace off of me!” I yelled at her while yanking the chain around my neck.

Approaching her aggressively, I showed her the heart locket that I’ve been wearing for months. Her tears only fell more as she tried to avoid making eye contact, I knew she was trying to act tough. But her cracked voice showed just how deeply broken she was becoming. And I knew that I couldn’t do this any longer either... I’ve been trying so hard, to hold back my words. To hold back how I felt because all I wanted was to protect her. But if I don’t tell her now what my heart needs...the fear of losing her to someone else, will truly kill me...

“I can’t take it off! You know that I can’t-”

“WHY?! WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE YOU?! Why...did I fall in love with you? Rose...” I finally cried out the sorrows of my heart as I rested my head against her small fragile shoulder.

I know I always say she’s tiny, but how can someone so small...make such a big impact on my life. In this amount of time I’ve known Rose, I ended up wanting to know more about her. To know what she’s like, to understand her better. I would have never guessed that I would end up feeling this way. Sometimes I wish...maybe it would have been better if we never met. But would I have been able to open up to anyone else if it weren’t for her?

“What...what did you just say?” I heard her stutter as her body began to shake soon afterward.

So I slowly raised my head back up and looked down at her, the way she kept her head titled back to look up at me was so precious. Wiping away the tears from her eyes, I leaned in close to her ear and waited for the last firework to go off before repeating the words that she and I have been longing to hear...

“I’ve fallen so deeply in love with you...”

I said as I wrapped both of my arms around her petite body frame. The shakiness of her hands was gripping onto my shirt tightly, and the way she held on to me made me not want to let her go.

“You’re horrible...” She cried out as she snuggled herself close to me.

“I know...” I responded while burying my face onto the very nape of her neck.

Right now, my heart is still beating uncontrollably. I needed a second to calm my nerves, but that seems impossible with how strong Rose’s heart was throbbing as well. It’s as if we’ve both been longing to embrace each other this way for so long, I never knew...that I would ever hold another person in my arms so dearly. Mother...you once told me to protect what was important to me, so I will...

“Huh? Oh...my phone!” Rose suddenly said as we both parted by the ringing going off.

As she went to answer it, I already knew that it was Jin by how frantic Rose became. Knowing her, I’m sure she forgot that she came here with someone else. But what she said earlier was true, I have no right to judge her being on a date with Jin. When I myself was with Lily... I have to put an end to things with her. Though I know Zack isn’t gonna let me off easy on this one...

“Yeah, okay...I’ll meet you there right now.”

Listening to Rose finish her call, it was obvious that she needed to head back. So I made my way to the plush that I had dropped earlier and picked it back up. Staring at the plushie, I’ve come to realize the actions of what I did! Have I...when did I become so bold with my feelings!? It’s so unlike me to act this way! Shoving my face into the plushie I was beginning to feel shy. Just what in the actual fuck is wrong with me!? I’m a grown-ass man yet I’m acting this way!

“Uhh, Kai?”

Quickly pulling my face away from the plush, I looked over at Rose who had called out to me. Only to see that her whole face had gone red as well! Is she possibly embarrassed like I am right now? Damnit, she looks so adorable right now. But I can’t keep holding her in public like this, I was even beginning to hear voices coming towards us. Since the firework show is over, I’m pretty sure people are starting to head back home. So I immediately placed my face mask back on before shyly raising the stuffed animal in front of Rose. She looked confused by my sudden actions that she couldn’t help peer closer at my face! And that was one thing I didn’t want her to do, I’m certain my face is bright as a tomato! I look absolutely ridiculous right now...

“This is for you...I...I won it.” I explained as shortly as I could as I practically shoved it into her arms.

At first, I was expecting her to dislike the gift since I did get it when I was with Lily, but to my surprise, she looked at the plus so sweetly before cuddling herself into the softness of its fabric. Taking one step forward, I was about ready to hug her again. But I forced myself to stop the moment I saw people beginning to walk past us. Rose soon scooted herself close to me as she looked down seeming flustered. I couldn’t help but smile at how innocent she was, even though I can’t hold her body. At least...let me be able, to hold her hand.

So as I carefully entwined my fingers with hers, she firmed her grip with mine as we both headed back to the main walkway of the festival. And although we’ve kept silent the whole time, I think she and I exchanged so much with the beating of our hearts. I thought that I had the rest of the night planned already, that I would go back home feeling enraged with myself. But that’s isn’t the case, because right now...I’m happy. To be holding her hand, to have her be this close to me, to have her love...

“Thank you.” She voiced out nervously once we were exiting the alley.

“You’re welcome, I wasn’t sure if you would like the stuff the animal-”

“Of course I love it...but I wasn’t necessarily thanking you for the plush. I...I’m mostly thanking you for telling me how you felt-”

“I should be the one thanking you...I’ve been suppressing my emotions for so long that it was beginning to take a mental toll on me. But in midst of breaking down...I was brought back...by your heart. Rose, I hope... you’re okay with someone like me.” I said to her feeling vulnerable as she suddenly let go of my hand.

She then looked at me and smiled, but before I could say anything else. I felt a light soft kiss being placed on my cheek. The sensation of what it felt before when she slapped me was now replaced in sweet bliss. I then watched as she placed her face masks on before staring at me so lovingly, her actions weren’t fair. But I can’t get upset with a kiss like that...

“All I want...is to have happiness with you. I don’t care about anything else. Kai...” She explained with passion in her voice before letting go of my hand.

I almost didn’t recognize how empty the park was. But I knew that I had kept Jung waiting long enough, I should hurry and meet up with him before he raises suspicion. Looking over at Rose one last time, I watched her eyes glow with joy. Despite how red her ears still were, I waved her goodbye before she did the same thing.

“I guess, I’ll see you tomorrow then.” She voiced out shyly before turning herself around to walk to wherever the hell Jin was at.

“See you tomorrow...” I responded as I waved goodbye.

I wish the night didn’t have to end this way, but I’m just glad that they switched the lamp lights back on. Though I made sure to stay where I was until I saw Rose finally meeting up with Jin. It’s quite clear that he feels horrible for what happened. He even went so far as to bow apologetically to her before grabbing onto her hand as they began to walk away. I could tell Rose was hesitant, but she’s always been kind to everyone. And isn’t someone who will deject others...

The ringing of my phone suddenly went off, so without even looking at the caller ID. I went ahead and answered it as I started to make my way out of the park. And to no surprise, it was bodyguard Jung who was on the other line...

“Mr. Joong, I’ve been calling you non-stop. Where are you, I’ve rented a car for the rest of the night to take you home, but I don’t see you-”

“Relax, I’m already heading over there.” I quickly responded with a calming smile...

Though my voice seemed to have drawn attention to a group of girls that had walked past me. I could feel their eyes glued to me as I hurried to take my leave. I swear, I can’t go out anywhere without getting noticed or recognized! I just hope Rose and Jin get back home safely. I need to make sure I call Rose after this-

“Oh, there you are! Please hurry and get in.” I suddenly heard Jung’s voice calling out to me.

Adjusting my hat more, I saw him rushing towards me as he led me to the car that was parked on the side of the road. He honestly couldn’t come in a better timing, seeing that the girls from earlier were beginning to follow me. So once I entered the vehicle, I took off my hat and masked as I finally felt like I could relax more freely. With a big smile on my face, I began to hum a melody of some lyrics I’ve been working on for this last week...

“You seem in a very good mood, did something happen after Mrs. Lily left? I was expecting you to act a little differently.” Jung explained as he entered the car. Shortly afterward he drove us off as I looked out the window and couldn’t stop smiling the whole car ride home.

“Something...did happen actually... something that made my heart finally smile,” I answered vaguely before closing my eyes.

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