Within that following day, I had to pretend that everything was okay. Act like everything was fine, but I knew the truth...and it was killing me. I couldn’t even bring up a smile, regardless of where I was, whether it was at the company or back at my apartment. I just didn’t have the strength to be joyful, and I hate it...Kai...I wish you could hold me right now.
“Oh, Melrose! Can I have your rice bowl?” Asked one of my staff members who was sitting next to me.
“Huh? Oh, yeah you can have it...”
I responded while scooting the plate towards her. It was already lunch hour and everyone was eating, though I didn’t have much of an appetite.
“Thank you, I’m starving! I didn’t eat breakfast this morning since I woke up late- hey, are you okay?”
She suddenly asked me once she realized I was looking at the far-off distance. I’m overthinking so much that I’m starting to zone out.
“Yeah, I’m... I’m fine...I just...hope Jin gets better soon-”
“Yeah me too, his cold came out of nowhere!”
His abrupt voice caught everyone’s attention that even I quickly turned myself around to see that it was Zack who spoke. Taking a seat next to me, my eyes immediately began to look around to see if Kai was with him. However, he was nowhere to be seen. Where is he?
“Oh! Zack, we weren’t expecting you to join us? Are you and Kai already done recording?” Asked one of the staff members.
“Yeah, we ended finishing up early since Jin called in sick. It sucks because he’s one of the main vocals to the new song we’re doing, and since he’s not here we can’t really do much without him. Manager Sang was very strict on me and Kai to stay away from Jin until he gets better. I get it that he doesn’t wanna risk us getting sick also, but I really wanna check up on him. It’s really rare when he catches a cold, hopefully, he’s taking care of himself...”
As Zack began to explain Jin’s well-being, I felt a tight knot in my throat and it was almost too unbearable to sit here any longer.
I already had a feeling that Jin wouldn’t come today, he’ll most likely be absent this whole week. It breaks my heart that Zack has no idea what’s really going on. I get it though...I understand that this is what’s best. The last thing that Sang wants is for all the members to worry and stress out right now. With their tour coming up soon, they have to train hard and focus on ExEx Idol. However, I can’t bear being here...I hate lying...Jin, what’s going through your mind right now?
Are you still breaking down? Are you still at the hospital? Is your mother’s health getting worse? Please tell me you’re staying strong, I promise...that I’ll come to see you after work is over. No one deserves to go through this, especially you... quickly standing up, I was about ready to leave. But Zack was quick in grabbing my arm to stop me!
“Huh? Zack? What are you-”
“Has Jin told you anything?”
He asked sounding very stern. Even the rest of the staff members caught notice of his changed persona!
Unable to speak, I was beginning to panic as the anxiety within me was making me nervous to even look at him!
I guess Zack thinks I’m hiding something since I’m Jin’s personal makeup artist. But I never knew Zack could be so cute one minute yet change his entire expression to someone so serious! It’s kinda scary, even more so since I’m older than him! But what the hell do I say?! It’s not like I can speak the truth if I wanted to-
“What did I say about touching the female staff members? Does that brain of yours not work?” Said a familiar voice, the feeling of his body heat soon came up from behind me!
“Oh, Kai! You came, we all thought you were skipping lunch today?” Said the girl staff member who was sitting next to me.
My heart instantly skipped a beat when Kai pulled Zack’s hand away from mine. Unable to make eye contact with him, I looked away feeling completely awkward and shy! I swear, all these members are gonna give me a heart attack one of these days! It’s like one minute I’m stressing over one of them, and the next thing I know I’m just feeling so flustered! I was honestly about ready to walk away, however, Kai was quick in placing his hand on my shoulder!
“Hey! How come you and Jin get me in trouble for touching her, yet when you guys do it-”
“It’s because your a little boy, and little boys shouldn’t touch an older married woman.” Kai quickly explained with a simple grin.
“Anyway, Rose...Mrs. Kim said she needed to talk to you about something.”
Kai spoke directly at me as he immediately grabbed my hand and started to lead me away from everyone.
“Really? What does she need to speak to me about? Is it about the makeup sketches? If so, I already turned mine in-huh! What are you-”
At first, I was a little worried that maybe I was getting into trouble with Mrs. Kim. But that feeling instantly vanished the moment I saw Kai dragging me into an unknown room! He quickly locked the door behind us and released my hand. Confused about what was going on, I was about ready to ask Kai where he brought us. But it’s like he read my mind or something because once he switched the lights on I saw that we were in some sort of storage room?! This scenario kinda reminds me of back then, when Kai dragged me into one of these types of rooms. Hard to believe how much has changed, from then to now...
Following the sound of his delicate voice, I saw him standing against the door as he stared intently at me. It strange but...ever since I told Kai how I felt, I’ve grown so nervous being around him now. It’s ridiculous, I’m older than him yet I’m the one being a nervous wreck! This is all his fault...
“Kai...Mrs. Kim doesn’t need to talk to me, does she?” I asked him as I approached where he was at.
The smile on his face was all I needed to see to realize that he brought me in here for a different reason, and he immediately showed it when he wrapped his arm around my lower waist! Pulling me closer to his body, I was still too embarrassed to look at him this closely that I snuggled my face towards his chest! His gaze always sets my heart on fire and I feel so fragile with how tightly he embraces me.
“Why won’t you look at me?”
He asked in a light chuckle, leaning his head closer to me I was able to feel the warmth of his breath as it ran past my neckline!
It automatically sent goosebumps throughout my body, placing his fingers beanthe my chin. He lifted my head and forced me to finally look at him. The feeling of my chest tightened, even more, and Kai wasn’t making it any better once he pressed his lips against mine! I wasn’t expecting him to kiss me so suddenly, but I’ve been longing for his touch, his comfort, and his love...
Gripping his shirt, the muffles of our voices were all that could be heard as I felt Kai’s long hair gently grazing my jawline. He smelled so sweet and the taste of his tongue entwining with mine was making me crave more. I almost feel a little dirty doing this at work, but I can’t help what I want. It’s like my body is moving on its own, even Kai’s hands that were once around my waist were beginning to move further down...
I breathed out his name so heavily as I was having trouble focusing on what was going on. It was like, all I could think of right now is getting closer to him...
“You’re so cute right now...”
He muffled out his voice as he continued to kiss me more aggressively.
Accepting his motion, I moved my hand around his neck and pressed myself further into him. The beating of his heart could be felt escalating against my breasts as I was becoming overwhelmed by the sensual flavor of his lips. I can’t believe we’re really doing this! But it’s not like we were able to spend much time yesterday, especially after what happened...
My thoughts immediately began to get clouded of Jin as I felt somewhat guilty for doing this...Jin is going through something horrible at the moment and yet here I am ignoring his feelings. Am I a terrible person for doing this with Kai right now? Pulling my lips away, I instantly looked down in shame as I could no longer handle this pain! I want nothing more but to be happy with Kai...but how can I when my heart is full of worry. Even Kai caught notice of my actions that he called out my name in concern. Feeling his hands resting on my face, he placed his forehead against mine...
“What’s wrong? Rose...you look like your about to cry.” He said as he placed a gentle kiss on top of my head.
Just look at what I’m doing, I’m already making Kai worry. Should I tell him what’s really going on? But if I do... would Jin get mad at me? Is it even any of my business to interfere? Just what the hell is the right thing to do?! Damnit! I wish I could ask someone- wait. What am I thinking right now? The whole point of me loving Kai is because I want to be there for him...to make him smile, to have him rely on me. And I know that Kai would want me to rely on him as well...but most of all, I don’t ever wish to lie to him. Jin...forgive me, but I need Kai right now. I hope you’ll understand why I’m doing this...
“Kai...I’m sorry...but I have something important to tell you.” I said to him as I began to feel my eyes water.
I was a little nervous to explain everything, but I was relieved with how patient he was. He never stopped holding me as I went into more detail about what happened yesterday. And the real reason why Jin wasn’t here, though once I was done speaking. Kai didn’t say a word as he stayed silent, I hope he’s not angry about me keeping this secret. Though I was stunned when I immediately felt a flick on my forehead!
“Ouch! What was that for!?” I pouted at him with annoyance.
“That’s for being an idiot, it’s no wonder you weren’t answering my calls last night. At first, I thought that maybe you fell asleep when you got back to your apartment, but now it makes sense. Rose, don’t ever do that to me... whenever something like this happens. Please tell me, I was beginning to worry that maybe you didn’t want me kissing you anymore-”
What?! Of course not! I love your kisses and- forget it! The whole point of why I’m acting this way is because of Jin’s mother and...I don’t know what to do-”
“There’s nothing that you can do...I’ve felt that feeling before. This isn’t the first time Jin’s mother has gone to the emergency room. Zack and I felt helpless not being able to do anything, I’m sure Jin caught notice of that...so he decided to just keep his mother’s health private from us. Of course, I don’t like that he doesn’t want us by his side when he’s going through something difficult. But what can I do? What can Zack and I do to make things easier on Jin? Should we stress over this and neglect our work? Act like everything is okay and just keep doing what we would usually do today? Rose, there is no wrong or right answer...all we could do is pray and hope that his mother will make a recovery. So please, try not it overthink thing’s...you have to be strong. We all do because I know that Jin isn’t able to...”
His words brought me a sense of comfort, and what he said was true. There isn’t much I can do other than wait...
“You need to try and smile...no matter how hard it gets. Don’t let despair overrun you...Rose, the last thing I want...is for you to get hurt with your own emotions. So never feel the need to hide anything from me...I love you-”
“I love you too! I just hate feeling this way, it hurts not being able to do anything for him...” I cried out as I buried myself into his warmth as he hugged me so firmly.
“I know...but that is why you should smile, because right now...Jin is unable to. So let’s both be there for him.” He whispered close to my ear as began to leave sweet light kisses around my face.
The way he comforts me was so caring and loving, that it only made me cry more as he kept wiping my tears away. His kisses grew more dominating as he snuggled himself at the nape of my neck. Running my fingers through his soft long hair, I was growing lost in his beautiful green eyes that stared so tenderly at me. Yet he quickly flicked my forehead once more! But this time I retaliated in return by gently smacking his chest in anger!
“Ow! Stop doing that! Why are you being so mean right now-”
“That’s for letting another guy get close to you-”
“He’s not some guy! It’s Jin, and-”
“I don’t care, I highly doubt you would want Lily to get close to me-”
“That’s different! You and Lily were dating in the past-”
“What? Who told you that?” He asked in confusion.
“Well...isn’t she your first love? I thought that maybe you both were dating each other-”
“Don’t assume things, listen...I’m only gonna say this once. The one and only girl that I’ve ever dated and still dating...the one woman who I’m in love with...is the girlfriend that’s standing right in front of me. And I expect my girlfriend to tell her boyfriend what’s going on whenever she’s troubled by anything.”
He explained while pointing at me and then back at himself. The light flushness of his cheeks was visible that I could tell that he was shy by his words...Even I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, the feeling of my face grew hot as I saw him avoiding making eye contact. It’s no wonder I fell in love with his man, he can be so cute when he’s like this. Instantly smiling, my tears that were once filled with sorrow were now replaced by happiness. Because it made everything feel more real between us...I never would have imagined that my first boyfriend would be someone like Kai nor would I have ever thought that I would be his first girlfriend.
Placing my hands against his cheeks, I had him solely focused on me as I pulled him close, only this time. I was the one that planted a kiss on him, the expression of his eyes grew wide. Though they immediately closed once he placed his hands against my cheeks as well. This feeling of belonging to one another was unexplainable, but I finally found someone who could be my strength...
“Then I’ll expect the same thing from my boyfriend...know that I will always be there for you,” I said to him with a smile after parting away from our kiss.